The Vine: February 7, 2007
Dear Sars,
As much as I hate to admit we have the same style, my mother and I both own the wrinkle-resistant tops from Eddie Bauer.
They’re a little pricey, I admit, but since they’re damn near indestructible they’re a good buy. Plus, they have them in short-, 3/4-, and long-sleeved styles, and they come in stripes and solids.
It’s not the greatest variety, but I find them a good base for business-casual attire.
Hope that helps,
3/4 sleeves are a gift from the gods
Dear Gift,
Thanks for the recommendation; the Eddie Bauer shirts were far and away the most suggested on this one. Other ideas appear below, and if I got it more than once, it’s asterisked.
Ann Taylor
Bill Blass
Brooks Brothers’ women’s no-iron shirts *
Express — Essential Shirt *
George
JC Penney — Cabin Creek Oxford or Worthington Easy Care *
Liz Claiborne — Non-Iron *
LL Bean Wrinkle-Resistant Pinpoint Oxford *
Nordstrom — FoxCroft *
NY & Co.
Old Navy’s Stretch line
Talbots
Van Heusen
Downy wrinkle-releaser with Febreze *
hang shirts immediately after they come out of the dryer *
travel clothes
buy the men’s version and have it tailored *
Dear Sars —
I have a question about roommates, although with a twist. Here’s the situation: My roommate’s father is abusive. Recently DFCS came to their home and, with one thing and another, Roommate’s 15-year-old sister is coming to live in our apartment. Roommate is in the process of gaining custody, so it’s going to be a permanent thing. (They don’t have any other family she could be with and no close friends that could take her.)
Thing is, we’re college students and we’re both working. Money is tight, but okay for now. We’re not going to be home excessive amounts of time, so Sister will be basically at school or alone at the apartment. Also, on a completely selfish note, I don’t really want to have to worry about a 15-year-old when I get home from classes. If it was for a limited time, like just for three months or something, it would be different, but this would be permanent. I don’t feel qualified to deal with a teenager, especially an abused one. Yeah, it’s Roommate’s sister and not technically my responsibility, but because of Roommate’s and my friendship and the fact that we’re all living together, Sister and I would have to interact.
I’m really torn as to the right thing to do. My parents say I should kick them out at the end of the month (which would require breaking our lease), but I feel like that’s kind of heartless. (Also, what would it do to Sister psychologically? Especially after her parents abused and abandoned her?) Should I give them until the end of the year? Should I move out? Should I just bite the bullet and stay? I want to be a good friend and supportive, but I’m working two jobs and going to school full-time and I just don’t think I can handle it.
Thank you so much,
How far does southern hospitality really extend?
Dear Not Quite That Far, Probably,
You need to level with Roommate about the issues here. Sit her down and lay it out for her, something like, “It’s huge that you’re doing this for your sister, I respect that you’re taking on this responsibility, I sympathize with the position you’re in and I’m not trying to give you static, because I’m a hundred percent behind you as a friend, but as your roommate, I have some concerns — this isn’t what I signed up for, and we need to work out the following issues,” whatever those issues are. Should she pay proportionately more rent? Do you want certain things in writing as to the legalities of having Sister live there, and what you can expect re: discipline, her having friends over, so on and so forth?
The fact is, you didn’t sign on for this, and you’re within your rights to point that out; nor are you obligated to tolerate the situation if it’s really stressing you out. That may mean telling Roommate that, at the end of the lease, she needs to move out; that may mean telling her that, if Sister becomes a pain in the ass, they will need to go. I think your best bet is to decide for yourself to give Sister a chance and see how it goes, and then to decide with Roommate on the boundaries of the situation — you need to agree on house rules and have them in writing and make sure everything isn’t just “understood,” it’s explicit. And the first thing on that list is that, while you feel compassion towards her, Sister is not your job, and if she becomes your job, you and Roommate will have a problem.
I know Roommate doesn’t have much of a choice here, in terms of where Sister can live, but she does need to give you a choice, and she’s not doing that. Force the issue.
Okay Sars, here’s my sob story. Hope you can point me in the right
direction.
A few of my friends and I went over to Janie’s house to watch TV last week. I got to know Janie over the summer because a
mutual good friend was subleasing from her roommate and we worked at
the same part-time summer job. I was at her house quite a bit, but
are still more of acquaintances than good friends.
Anyway, Janie’s roommate just got a dog. I am pretty much the
farthest from a dog lover as it is, and there was certainly no love
lost between this particular beastie and me. It was one of the most
badly behaved dogs I’ve ever seen. It jumped around and barked
loudly, generally made a nuisance of itself, and actually crapped in
the middle of the kitchen floor while we were there. Roommate seemed
completely oblivious to her dog’s bad behavior and actually left to go
to her boyfriend’s house, leaving us to deal with it.
When I got up to leave, I realized that evil puppy had devoured one of
my beloved (and expensive) athletic sandals. Apparently this is not
the first time Puppy has torn up something around the house either. I
was a little wary when I came in because Puppy kept licking my feet
and seemed really interested in my shoes, but Janie told me not to
worry, and that he wouldn’t bother them.
Janie was really concerned and called Roommate who, as far as I know,
did not offer to cover the damage. Janie said that Roommate has never
really paid for anything that her dog has destroyed and that it’s
about time she paid the price.
Today I ran into Janie and she basically offered to cover the damage.
I think she feels responsible for what happened, and while it was a
nice gesture, I don’t think I could actually let her pay. I was her
guest and she did tell me not to worry about but the dog bothering my
shoes, but it was neither her dog, nor her job to make sure it behaved.
I want to say that Roommate should pay, but I don’t know that I can
really walk up to somebody I’ve only met once and make a demand like
that. It’s not her fault that the dog ruined my sandal, but it’s also
not a tiny puppy and I feel like it should be better behaved, and that
she should take responsibility for her pet. However, I don’t know if
this is fair or if it’s just my attempt to retaliate because I’m angry
about the situation and don’t want to shell out the cash for the
repairs.
These sandals retail for about $100, but I can get them both
repaired for about $45, including shipping. The pattern I had is no
longer available, so I would have to get both sandals redone. (We’ll
exclude the fact that the pattern I had was sentimental because a
friend and I got them to match…)
So, should I contact Roommate and ask her to pay, accept Janie’s offer
(though I’m not really comfortable doing that), or suck it up and pay
for them myself? Also, if Roommate does attempt to make reparations,
should I ask her to pay half the repair cost because her dog only ate
one sandal, or the entire cost because I have to get both shoes redone
as a result?
Thank you much!
Maybe This Is A Sign To Me That Chacos Are Not Very
Fashionable
Dear Sign,
Okay, so…you want the shoe repairs paid for, but you don’t really want any awkwardness to proceed from that. Understandable, but…not realistic. Either you can ask Roommate, in a polite and non-confrontational manner, to reimburse you for the cost of the repairs (don’t split hairs in an attempt to suck up; just ask for the whole $45); you can take Janie’s money and let her make Roommate pay her back; or you can eat the cost yourself. Those are the choices. Decide which is more important to you — getting your property respected and fixed; or wanting these people to like you.
I would ask the Roommate for the money — again, nicely, but: this is someone’s fault. It’s not yours. It’s not the dog’s, since he’s not responsible for his own training. It’s arguably Janie’s, I guess (she did assure you that he wouldn’t molest the shoes, but she must have known it was a possibility); really, it’s Roommate’s, and if she doesn’t want to pay for shit like this going forward, she needs to train and mind her hound.
And if you don’t want to pay for this shit, you need to say exactly that to Roommate, and present her with a bill. If you’re not comfortable with that, well, the bill stops on your desk instead.
Tags: Ask The Readers etiquette friendships retail roommates
