Stomach: Psst. Hey. Hey, you guys. Psst. You guys, wake up.
Liver: [Mrfflle.]
Stomach: Hey, wake up, you guys!
Liver: Shhhh.
Stomach: You guys?
Lower Intestine: Shhhh!
Stomach: You guuuyyyys…I’m huuuuungry.
Kidneys: SHHHH! God!
Stomach: Well, it’s eleven-thirty, and —
Liver: Dude, shut up. …

A.I. doesn’t work. It can; it could. For reasons I can’t quite put my finger on, I very much wanted it to. But in the end, it just doesn’t. Why not?
Let’s look at the accusations …

Hey Sars:
First of all, the usual kudos for your very fine writing — I think I’ve laughed at or enjoyed everything I’ve ever read that you write — and that includes your editorial comments over …

Dearest Sars,
A friend recently decided to quit her job to be a freelance writer. I heard she was struggling a bit, so I offered her some work for my company. I wasn’t that desperate for …

Two months ago, my boyfriend of two and a half years, with whom I had been living for a year, broke up with me, claiming we had become incompatible sexually, which he felt would never …

Sars:
More suggestions for Very Confused Girl: If J’s mother won’t go to counseling (professional or spiritual), I recommend that she look into support groups for parents who have lost children. One group J’s mother (or …

Dearest, all knowing Sars,
Okay, time for a really awkward question: a cousin of mine died about a week ago. I wasn’t greatly affected, because the last time I had seen him was 1985. But he …

Dear Sars,
I feel pretty strange writing this, as this is not the sort of thing that I would usually do, but you’re a stranger and that makes it a little easier for me to unburden, …

Hey Sars —
I’ve been reading the Vine for some-odd months now and it seems to me that you give pretty level-headed advice on just about anything — and I’m a strong believer in that sometimes, …

Sars,
Regarding “Can’t Believe I Thought It Would Be Kind Of Romantic”:
I can’t believe you didn’t call this chick on her major self-esteem issues. She just broke up with a long-term boyfriend and then grabbed the …