A few years ago, Tim Burton came out with a book called The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy, a book of extremely depressing little poems about children with oyster shells for heads and fins instead …

I need a haircut again. As always, I’ve put off getting the haircut for several weeks longer than I should have, and my split ends have transformed my head into a fuzzy bell. The cycle …

Last Saturday, I returned home from a much-needed trip to Florida, staggered into my apartment, kicked my suitcase to one side, gave the cat a quick pat, and peeled off every stitch of clothing before …

The Academy Awards remind me of New Year’s Eve. For weeks, nobody can talk about anything else, and the hype keeps snowballing bigger and bigger until even non-entertainment-related publications like Scientific American and Car & …

Over the weekend, I stopped in at my parents’ house – I’d gone on a road trip, and I needed to return my trusty car Shadow to the carport where she lives most of the …

“Women in particular expressed their distaste [for Hillary Rodham Clinton] in strong but inchoate terms. . . . two prominent Democratic officials told me, independently, that they had noticed much the same pattern in talking …

In my socks, I stand five feet ten inches. Well, really only five feet nine-and-three-quarters inches, but my driver’s license says five-ten, and I’ve learned not to argue with the New Jersey DMV, especially since …

I have a question to pose to the readership, and if anyone out there can answer this question, I’d really appreciate it. I’d like to know what I have to suck to get five minutes …

Thank god the holidays have ended. I like the holidays, but I’d had enough. I’d had enough shopping, I’d had enough eggnog, I’d had enough Y2Krisis “news,” I’d had enough “Deck The Halls” and “Auld …

I finally got my act together and sent out my last grad-school application over the weekend. After grappling with these things for several weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that admissions offices design their applications …