Ernie and I became best friends because we could both derive hours of undiminished amusement from bathroom humor. We became friends in a rather roundabout fashion; we met through our mutual friend The Lip at …

Gary Larson once drew a panel for his cartoon The Far Side in which a kid huddled underneath his bedclothes with a snorkel-esque apparatus attached to his face; the apparatus had a tube that snaked …

This morning, my alarm went off, and when I tried to get out of bed, I found that a microbe or allergen of some kind had once again invited several million of its closest friends …

In light of previous rants in this space in which I railed against various no-brow media subjects, not to mention my tendency in conversation to use the words “Joey Buttafuoco” synonymously with the word “contemptible,” …

I went out of town on vacation last week, and in my travels – all of them at least one time zone removed from the greater New York metro area – I saw a fair …

I do not like going to the doctor. Obviously, nobody likes going to the doctor, except little kids, because the waiting room of any upstanding pediatrician has cool stuff like unfamiliar chewed-on toys and other …

When I go home to visit my parents for the weekend, my trajectory when I first arrive at the house always follows the same path: from the back door to the front hall, where I …

A few days ago, a local TV newscast ran a story on the reaction of Italian Americans to Spike Lee’s latest “joint,” Summer Of Sam. According to the news piece, the film features as its …

It hadn’t happened for a long time – for such a long time, in fact, that I had begun to forget the horror, the pain, the feelings of shame. As the bad memories receded, my …

Every once in a while, when my friends and I have a refreshing hops-based beverage in hand, the topic of conversation turns to what we would do if we won the lottery. It probably goes …