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Home » Baseball

Crazy Nines

Submitted by on August 19, 2008 – 10:32 PM9 Comments

You may care to enjoy a little baseball-related project I’ve got going: Crazy Nines, in which I put together fantasy teams based on the most arbitrary imaginable attributes.   The first team, Seven O’Clock Noir, is all guys named (or nicknamed) something to do with black and/or white.

My note on the team’s manager:

Herzog is a little too folksy and into The Cult Of Stengel for my particular tastes (something about the “Ol’ Perfesser” nickname irritates me beyond all reason — see also: cutesy misspellings in the names of kids’ stores; “Kuntry Krafts”), but he repeatedly demanded trades of popular players and repeatedly saw those decisions justified.

Coming up shortly: the Color Guard team; the team of dudes whose names sound like Ikea products (I know I should get over it with the Scandinavianist jokes, but: Varitek doesn’t sound like a table lamp to you?) (…because he’s hitting like one) (oh yes I did, ladies and germs…yes I did); the All-Starrrrrgh! Most Frustrating Strikeout Kings, in which I attempt to correlate Dave Kingman’s career with my father’s alcohol consumption; and much more!

Come for the funny pictures of Don Sutton’s man-perm; stay for the tasteless commentary on Rich Garces.

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9 Comments »

  • mtvcdm says:

    You may do well to pick up ‘The All-Time All-Star Baseball Book’, which does 328 of these things. Copyright is 1992. All-time teams (as of 1992, so Ichiro Suzuki and Jay Buhner are off the Mariners list in favor of Jay Paciorek and Phil Bradley). Teams for greatest career, season, day, game, inning. Name teams (Rob Deer makes the ‘animals’ team). And some of the more esoteric lists:

    *Players who identified with one team their whole careers, then put on another uniform for their last season.
    *Players traded because their team’s front office was a bunch of slimy weasels. (Branch Rickey is responsible for five of the nine.)
    *1950’s Royals that ended up as Yankees.
    *A lineup of players who tore it up in 1945, none of which were on a major league roster two years later when all the WW2 veterans were home.
    *Playrs hyped up by the media that then turned out to suck.
    *Guys who stuck around one season too long.
    *Toughest records to break, one of which has been broken (Gehrig). The pitcher for this team, Jack Taylor, pitched for 1,727 consecutive innings without being taken out for a relief pitcher.
    *Players who played the most games at their positions without changing positions, teams, or cities.

  • Anne-Cara says:

    I can already see that Crazy Nines is going to be one of the best things ever.

  • SteveL. says:

    My buddies and I used to refer to Sutton as “Harpo.”

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Color Wars up now: http://crazynines.blogspot.com/2008/08/ colors-of-world-spice-up-your-life-not.html

  • Alan Swann says:

    No room on the Colors squad for Royals second baseman Frank White? Maybe he doesn’t beat out Schoendienst for the starting spot, but c’mon: five All-Star teams, EIGHT Golden Glove awards… if there’s room for Lu Blue on the bench, you can find a spot for Frank, right?

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    He’s on the Black And White squad. Because: White.

  • Alan Swann says:

    Yep, just saw that. “Never minnnnnnnnnd.”

    The bench still seems thin, though: how about Von “Purple” Hayes? (Or do Bermanisms not count? I would understand that.)

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    I’m avoiding those for the moment.

    Please do feel free to leave comments on that blog if you have questions/remarks. I do see/approve them regularly.

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