Welcome back to Out With The Crowd, and our first foray into the National League. Joining us is TN reader and Colorado fan Leigh Bingham; we discussed Jimenez v. Tulo, pantsless mascots, porous defense, and many other fine feathered topics on May 1.

Sarah D. Bunting: So: Who’s your favorite acquisition for the 2012 season?

Leigh Bingham: Michael Cuddyer. No question. He’s like kittens and rainbows and sandwiches wrapped up in the finest Corinthian leather. He hits (doubles!), he hustles, and have you seen those dimples? I really want to give some love to Jamie Moyer, too, because how excellent is that whole thing? I’d be rejoicing about Moyer being the best pitcher on the roster right now, if that didn’t say really terrible things about the state of Rockies pitching.

I was kind of hoping we could get Moyer, because: love, and now I wish it even more thanks to Pelfrey throwing a shoe. Who’s your least favorite new Rocky? (“Rockie”?)

Sadly, it’s “Rockie.” Sigh.

Oh, man. Between that and having to render the plural as “the A’s,” this is making me nuts on a usage level.

Oh, so you were forced to do that? I was wondering.

Otherwise it looks like “As.” I tried to say “Athletics” as much as I could, but…

…Yeah, I see the problem. Anyhoodle — the answer is…it’s so early in the season, and I hate to rush to judgment. (I’m lying; I totally love to do that.) It is tough though, because nobody has crushed me yet. I’ll play it safe and say Tyler Chatwood, but I am well aware I’m copping out with that answer. I am hopeful I won’t feel compelled to bring up Marco Scutaro in this context any time soon.

Remind me what Tyler Chatwood does (or fails to do, heh) for you guys?

He’s a pitcher. It’s a terrible answer, but really, so far, there isn’t a lot of hate.

That’s good! …Anyone you were happy to see go? Who was the best departure for you guys?

I have to say Jimenez. At the time it was sad and weird and felt like the end of the 2007 dream. But seeing over spring training how we really didn’t know what was going down with him and his attitude made me realize how little I miss him.

I think you guys may have dodged a bullet there, actually. I mean, he probably looks worse than he is, but the transition to AL hitters for some of these guys can get pretty fugly.

I agree. There’s stink there all around. The Tulo dust-up was just…ugly.

I think I literally face-palmed during that “highlight” on MLB Network. What are you doing, guy?

Not very bright, if you ask me.

Or mature. Anyway…anyone you were sad to see go?

Oh, you probably can guess the answer to this one. Losing Ryan Spilborghs was difficult, for so very many reasons. Most of these reasons pertain to his choice of walk-up song and how wonderful it feels to say his name aloud.

I thought of you. And of the many minutes of joy I have derived from bellowing “SPILBORGHS!!”

It’s joy. Pure joy. Gone forever.

You are welcome to borrow Tim Byrdak for this purpose. It’s not quite the same, but you can get some pretty good torque on it. Unfortunately he’s not so good at throwing a baseball.

Oh, wow, okay. Is that pronounced like it looks?

Yep. “BIRD ACK!!”

That wins, I think.

Emphasis on the “ack,” I’m afraid.

Love.

Speaking of afraid, what’s your biggest worry for the Rox in ’12?

I think I’m very surprised to realize my answer is defense. It’s not something I’ve worried about before, and I didn’t think I’d worry about it now, but the error numbers are alarming. I’m also worried about pitching, of course. Clichéd, but true. Though last night’s relief gave me some — er — relief. De La Rosa’s return can’t come soon enough.

Oh, that guy’s still alive? Nice. (I kid. I kept forgetting there was a Johan Santana.)

Ha!

Where do you think Colorado finishes this year in the standings? How many wins?

I think we will finish over .500, but not by much. I feel like what we’ve seen so far is pretty representative of how it’s going to go.

Who’s going to win the division?

That’s an excellent question. I definitely don’t think the Dodgers can sustain this post-McCourt freak adrenaline or whatever it is they have going on. I won’t count the Giants out, but I think it’s going to be the D-Backs (#GoDbacks!). I’m not happy about it, though.

What about the beeg weener — who do you think wins the whole thing this season?

I am terrible at predictions (despite winning both my NFL and March Madness pools this year). But I can say I would totally be down with a Nationals/Rangers series. Rangers win that, if it comes to pass.

Any pleasant (or unpleasant) surprises so far this season?

Back to the trusty Moyer for this one. I worry this is a train with a very short track, but he keeps delighting me. And it’s not like he’s great, he’s just so good at his thing. And I have to mention that the “Jamie Moyer is sooooooo ooooold” jokes wear thin, but at least there is variety in them (cough Tebowing cough).

Yeah, “thanks” for shipping that bucket of nonsense back East.

So sorry. No, I’m not.

Heh. If you could tell your manager one thing, what would it be?

Quit it with the contact play, already. It doesn’t seem to be working out the way you want it to. Sheesh.

Quick sidebar just for you: Keith Law really thinks Tracy is an idiot, to the point where he gets really exercised about it. Do you share this opinion?

Well, I will have to read the Law (heh) on that, but I guess I don’t. I’m not a manager hater as a rule, but there is a lot a like about Tracy. He’s built a team that I enjoy watching.

He mostly bitches about it on the “Baseball Today” podcast, actually. I always enjoy a good Law splutterfest but I’m not entirely sure I know what the objections are.

I’ll listen sometime. See what I’m missing.

Anything else bugging you? Individual Rockies? Other teams? Headlines? Here’s mine: Delmon Young. Not that the guy shouldn’t kick rocks, but where are the suspensions for the DUI guys?

I will add two things to the general idea that it’s ridiculous these players don’t know how to call a fucking cab after hitting the strip club or wherever, and when they get caught they don’t have professional accountability… 1. The Marlins Mermaids.

SRSLY.

I KNOW. 2. those bikini babes in the hot tubs. Do they come with the price of a ticket or something? I don’t get it, but it’s gross.

Is that also Marlins? I think there’s one at Arlington as well. Which some jag fell in during the playoffs?

I know there’s a hot tub in Arizona, but it doesn’t come with half-nekkid ladies. The Miami one does, apparently.

Gack. Reminds me of the Devil dancers. It’s a HOCKEY TEAM, people! What’s with the miniskirts.

One big, fat sigh. I don’t know what I’ll do if the Rockies ever get cheerleaders. I really don’t.

The Tulettes?

Hah! Our mascot is Dinger the Dinosaur, so maybe the Dingbats?

“Dinger the Dinosaur”? Really?

Yes. He is purple, and wears no pants. But he does wear a jersey.

Wow. I can’t decide if that’s cynical and bizarre, or cute. (Not the no-pants part.)

I go back and forth.

Mr. Met does have a full uniform, THANK GOD.

Indeed. Think of the children.

My understanding is that there is a Mrs. Met and a Lady Met? So there are some shenanigans maybe happening. Or should I say “Shea-nanigans.” (He may have married Lady Met and now she’s Mrs. Met. It’s unclear.)

That’s a promotional opportunity if I’ve ever heard one.

Catfight Night?

The impending arrival of Little Met. (Oh, yours is super-better.)

Aw, yours is cute! “Name That Metling!”

Exactly! Hmmm…can we make money off of this?

I can’t believe this has never been explored by Met management. Although it does open up a can of worms involving mascot sex that may be best left tightly sealed.

Is this where we insert a joke about the quality of Met management?

There’s definitely a “Bobby Bonilla’s contract” crack in here somewhere.

Tags:   Baseball Today   Bobby Bonilla   Colorado Rockies   Delmon Young   Dinger the Dinosaur   Frank McCourt   Jamie Moyer   Jim Tracy   Johan Santana   Jorge De La Rosa   Keith Law   Kookoo Crazypantses   Lady Met   Marco Scutaro   Michael Cuddyer   Mike Pelfrey   Mr. Met   Mrs. Met   our friend English   Out With The Crowd   Ryan Spilborghs   Shea-nanigans   shut up Wilpons   Tim Byrdak   Tim Tebow   Troy Tulowitzki   Tyler Chatwood   Ubaldo Jimenez