The Vine: January 5, 2006
Great Baseball Goddess Sars,Tell me, O Wise One, why is it that during the regular season, some games do not go the whole nine innings? I tried Googling this AND asking Jeeves, but I wasn’t able to get an answer in plain English. Any light you can shed on this mystery would be appreciated.
With many thanks,
Andy Pettitte and Roy Oswalt are the Sexiest Men Alive
Dear Pettitte’s Got A Big Old Butt,
In any game, regular or post-season, the home team bats last — at the bottom of each inning. If the home team is ahead as of the ninth inning, the visiting team takes their last ups in the top of the ninth, but if the visiting team doesn’t tie the game or go ahead, there’s no need for the home team to bat in the bottom of the ninth; they’ve already won. So they don’t bat, and you see a little “x” in the box score for the bottom of the ninth instead of a number.
(Another quirk of this set-up is the way announcers narrate the break in the middle of the first. If Ken Singleton is giving the score going out to commercial, he never says, “Orioles one, Yankees nothing.” He says, “Orioles one, Yankees coming up.” Once I noticed it, I started listening for it on other broadcasts, and they pretty much all do it that way: “[Visitors] [score], [home team] coming up.” Or sometimes “middle of the first, no score,” or, in this case, “Orioles draw first blood — bottom of the first after this.” But they won’t give a number score, maybe because it’s strictly speaking not “the score” if one team hasn’t batted yet. I wonder if they’re told to do it that way specifically in broadcaster school or something, or if it’s just a habit they’ve all gotten into. Anyone else notice this?)
The other circumstances under which a full nine isn’t played: a game that’s gotten rained out in the fifth inning or later. More than half the game has been played at that point, so it counts as a legal game, and if it’s halfway through the seventh and it’s pissing down rain with no sign of letting up, the umpire may call it a complete game. Field managers are usually not trying to hear that, so you don’t see it much; umps will customarily call a game before the fifth so the teams can replay it.
Hey Sars. I usually don’t write to advice columns (I know you’ve heard that before) but I have a very unique problem and it’s not friend-/boyfriend-related.My 16-year-old son was recently hospitalized with schizo-affective disorder. He tried to commit suicide last week and they are looking at long-term care when his urgent care stay is up.
The problem is that I am bi-polar II diagnosed myself and feel as if I am losing it. However, I feel I can’t because I have to be there for my son, who is worried about me losing it anyway.
I took vacation for I just don’t feel like working or even doing much of anything and feel as if I am falling into a depressive funk. Even my house is a mess, I can’t even get around to cleaning it or even doing laundry.
So, what do I do? Do I try to get help for myself, even though that might make my son worse (he already feels guilty) or try to muddle through and maybe land in the hospital myself (which I can’t afford at all. It’s not insurance — it’s rent, lights, car, et cetera).
I know this is long and I’m sorry about that.
Depressed in Texas
Dear TX,
You think this is long? Please allow me to refer you, just for starters, to a certain letter about chain mail.
…Yeah. You’re fine.
I think you should try to get help for yourself, because the situation with your son is not a short-term thing where, once you get over the hump, then you can get back to your own issues. His illness is a long haul, and for you to be there for him, you have to be there for yourself — take care of yourself, get your head where it needs to be, put together some reserves of strength and peace if you can. Don’t feel guilty about it; it’s what you need to do, for both of you, and your son will get to a place eventually where he gets that.
Reassure him that you’re getting the help you need — that it’s an investment in a happy future for you both — and feel good about it, because if you wear yourself down and wind up in long-term care yourself, you’re no good to your son and you can’t work, so a little prevention now is the better option, even if it seems inconvenient.
Hey Sars!I just know I’ve seen a list of some helpful resources for writers/editors on The Vine before, so before I started this email, I surfed around Tomato Nation, looking for it. My search was mostly fruitless. I did find your link to Garner in the FAQ, but I’m still wondering, as a wannabe editor myself, what are the remaining tools of the trade that I should try to snag? In other words, what other usage resources can you recommend besides Garner?
Thanks for your help! (Next time I’ll write in about girl problems and cat urine, I promise!)
R
Dear R,
Please, don’t feel obligated to do that. Heh.
The first tool, in my opinion, is to have read a lot; I’ve said it before, but you really can’t underestimate the importance, and convenience, of having a solid instinctual eye/ear for how the language is supposed to hang together.
As far as physical resources go, I have two tiers: what’s on my desk that I refer to all the time, and what’s scattered around the home office. Your mileage may vary with these, of course; every editor has different tools in his or her belt, and if you prefer the MLA to the Chicago Manual, or you have a book I haven’t mentioned with proofreader’s marks, go with it.
On my desk: The Barnhart Concise Dictionary of Etymology; Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary; the Garner; The New College Latin & English Dictionary; How We Talk: American Regional English Today; The Big Book of Beastly Mispronunciations; The Elements of Style.
Other resources: The New York Times Crossword Puzzle Dictionary; Use The Right Word; Merriam-Webster’s 9th and 10th Collegiates; Charles Funke’s word-origins book; a previous edition of Garner; The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy; the Chicago Manual; The Prentice Hall Guide to English Literature; several early-twentieth-century dictionaries and vintage encyclopedia volumes; On Writing Well.
Okay, Sars, knock some sense into me.Met a guy a few weeks ago and it got very intense very
quickly. We’re both in our late thirties and have been
around the block, and been around the block plenty,
each of us, so this really shouldn’t be as difficult
as it’s become. But that’s why I need your help. I
like your dead-on, down-to-earth advice; it’s very
similar to how I think and I can usually keep my own
counsel pretty well, but but now I am lost and need
someone who can see clearly to tell me whatever it is
I’d usually be telling myself.
So, the man, the story… The first week was all —
you’re great, you’re wonderful, where have you been
all my life…but at the same time glad we didn’t
meet until now; it’s like we’ve arrived at this place
and time that our wildly divergent paths in life have
suddenly crossed when we both know who we are and what
we want, and we have a lot of the same basic values
and want a lot of the same things out of life and out
of a relationship. We both were astounded at the
connection we had so quickly, how much we had in
common, the hours-long conversations; we fell in
together in a way we didn’t expect to happen at our
age, it was like that twentysomething rush but without the
angst or anxiety or naivete. We felt really solid
about what was going on even though we were also
enjoying the rush. Yes, I’m saying “we” a lot; we talk
well together and easily and a lot and everything I
say “we” about are things discussed straight out
(interwoven in the midst of stories and joking and
general good conversation), these are no guesses or
inferences.
After this wild ride of a week of hours of phone
calls, we spent the weekend together and that was cool
too. Although deep down we are very similar, in
lifestyles and background we are about as different as
two people can be and we both knew we’d just have to
wait and see if our lives could mesh like we thought
they might or if the divide would just be too great.
The weekend was more “normal,” in a good way, just
hanging out and having fun, not so much with the
“deep” conversations but it was good to find out we
got along on that day-to-day basis too and we both had
a great time. By the end of the weekend I felt like
it could work and looked forward to continuing things
with him, that the rest only time would tell. We
didn’t talk about that right then, but have since, and
it turns out he’d been in that same place too.
And then, yes of course, the problem. Sunday night,
shortly before he was going to leave to go home, his
ex calls his cell phone. And calls and calls. He
didn’t answer but was going to call her back after he
left. I already knew about her and we talked a little
more then; he sort of resented the intrusion but also
said something must be a really big deal or must be
wrong for her to call like that. They hadn’t spoken
since they broke up. He was obviously thrown off by
it but I also got the feeling that things were maybe
not as over as he’d said. Yeah, I believe they were
broken up a few months like he’d said, but they’d been
together a two years and it suddenly seemed like there
was some unfinished business after all, even though it
wasn’t clear what.
It wasn’t like he wanted to just
run back to her but he seemed more flustered by this
than I would have expected. I even said something
like, “Obviously there’s something here you need to
resolve, whatever it is,” and he agreed. When he left
we were actually on good terms, he had to take care of
this and I was going to be out of town for the next
week anyway. I had no idea what it would mean to
“us,” but it didn’t matter. (Yeah, I was still in my
usual pragmatic and rational place at that time.)
Whether he ended up back with her or over it,
something was unfinished that had to be finished and
there was nothing I could do about that. He and I
talked briefly later that night just to sort of check
in but then I was leaving the next day so we just left
it that I’d call him when I got back.
Then I was out of town for a week and went through a
different mindset and emotion every day. By the end I
basically convinced myself they were back together
(maybe more to not be let down than anything). But I
also appreciated all the good things that had happened
in our week together. It felt really good to have
opened up like that with someone, in a way that I
hadn’t had an opportunity to do in years, and he also
got me back in touch with a deep passionate and
refreshing part of myself I knew had gotten a little
too jaded and buried over the years but couldn’t seem
to dig out myself. I had a lot of good things to go
forward with, no matter what happened. I even thought
of things like maybe down the road we could go for a
beer after work now and then; I do enjoy just talking
to him.
By the time I got home, though, I didn’t know if I
really should call him or just leave it alone. The
next day I’d decided to call and he said he was glad I
did because he’d thought of calling me but he wasn’t
sure either. We talked easily and more like we had
been talking than I had expected. Turns out he’s seen
and talked to the ex a couple of times, but they’re
not back together and nothing “romantic” has happened.
He talked more about he and I than I had expected and
said he’d found himself still thinking up plans for us
even while trying to resolve things with her first. A
lot of our conversation was also just talking like we
do about whatever.
But he hasn’t resolved anything. She never did tell
him what was so “urgent” Sunday night. He had also
realized that as close as she lives to him, she
probably noticed he wasn’t around all weekend and
that’s what the Sunday phone calls were probably
about, but she never would say. So here’s where
everything sucks and I’m hopelessly muddled. Nothing
is resolved, she’s already blown him off a couple of
times she said she’d call, he’s tried talking to her
to hash things out and she won’t, but now he says he’s
giving her one week to hear from her and then that’s
it and it’s over. But what the fuck is that? If he
does hear from her, he might go back with her? Why is
he putting up with this bullshit?
In the meantime,
one of the major things he and I bonded over is that
we can’t stand bullshit made-up drama and crisis in
relationships. So what’s all this drama and crisis?
Why isn’t he just ending it if he’s ready to end it if
he doesn’t hear from her and isn’t sure he’ll get back
with her even if he does? I did ask him about all
these things and he has no good answers. I think he
doesn’t know himself but then even that bugs me. He’s
a thoughtful, self-aware man and suddenly I’ve
stumbled into this swamp of emotional indecision in
him that I don’t know what to do with. He’s said more
than once that he just wishes she’d never called. And
things with us could have just gone along like they
were going. But why can’t he just finalize things
were her then? And why is it taking so long?
And now I’m losing it, too. That first conversation
was good but he called again later and we ended up
having one of those awful conversations that’s beyond
where you are in the relationship, where things are
asked that shouldn’t be asked and things are brought
up that shouldn’t be yet. We’re just not there yet,
even if she was out of the picture, but her bullshit
has pushed us into this weird place that we shouldn’t
be. That, I’m definitely going to back off of, but I
still hate that I lost it like that and he did too and
we started our own friggin’ drama that just shouldn’t
have happened and wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for her.
But then I think he and I are solid enough already
that we can get over that and get back to where we
were and just go from there. We’re both basically
pretty down-to-earth and easy-going. If we could just
heave-ho the instigation he and I would probably
rather just go get a beer and play a game of pool than
agonize any longer.
So, what now? I feel a bit of a patsy waiting around
this weird “one week.” But if there’s a chance we
could go back to where we were, I think I want to take
it. We had a good prospect and had a lot of fun and I
know how many guys there are around that I get along
with that well and it is not many. I also know we
might not have worked out anyway but I’d rather find
that out myself than giving in to the drama and
letting that come between us. But then I feel like
she’s fucking things up for us and he’s letting her,
that’s what really galls me. I still can’t get over
him realizing the Sunday calls were probably about her
noticing he was away all weekend. If one of my exes
messed with me like that I would be livid and done
with them completely. As a matter of fact, none of my
exes would mess with me like that because they would
have known I’d be livid, and also I don’t even know
anyone who’d think up doing something like that in the
first place. And that’s something that worries me for
the future. But then I kind of feel like we found
some things out about each other that just shouldn’t
have come up yet and can be left alone for now. Of
course he also has all of these other great qualities
blah blah blah that in the long run could totally
overshadow even the most negative things I’ve learned
about him this week.
One more (last) angle is that I have been in this
situation before (though not in many many years),
where I’m starting with someone and then the ex either
wants him back or just plain wants to mess with him.
I would probably not be so understanding here if I
hadn’t seen some other perfectly fine guys suddenly
completely lose their head when it came to an ex. I
don’t understand it and I don’t like it, but I’ve
backed off before a few times that I later wondered if
I should have stuck around a bit. Just in general
there have also been a few other situations where I
know I’ve sometimes been a little too quick to throw
in the towel and walk away, so that’s something I’ve
watched out for in myself for years now.
So, in one way I want to give him space to do what he
has to do. On the other hand why should I just back
off and let her have him or let her mess things up for
us? Is there even anything I can do about this? Is
this just ruined? I know a certain amount is just out
of my hands. But should I disappear for a week? Try
to keep a hand in? Or get out now while the getting’s
good? And also just plain — what the hell is going on
here?
Ten years ago I would have walked right away from
something like this and I don’t know if my willingness
to wait around now is a maturity and patience that
have grown or that it’s been ten years since I’ve had
to deal with anything like this and I’m out of
practice knowing when you should just cut and run.
All my late twenties and thirtysomething relationships have
been pretty easy and drama-free, just weren’t cut out
for the long haul.
And that’s the short version (feel free to edit down
further, of course). Okay, can you unravel this mess
and sock a little wisdom and enlightenment to me?
Thanks!
Old Enough to Know Better, But I Still Don’t Know
What’s Best
Dear This Letter Is So Long, We’re Both Old, Period,
This is the “short” version? I assume the “long” version is a bound volume, because…Jesus.
I don’t really care how long your letter is, except that, seriously, it does not tell me anything. Seventeen long paragraphs later, and I still can’t discern whether this dude actually said he’s going to get back together with his ex or not; I don’t know what the “one week” is for; I can’t tell what you discussed vis-a-vis where the relationship is; I don’t understand why you didn’t just call him while you were away, if you felt so bonded to him; I…don’t get it. I don’t understand what you’re asking me. I can’t tell you what the hell is going on because I don’t know for sure.
But from what I can tell? You’ve barely spent any substantive time with the guy, and already the drama is coming down like a midsummer rain, from him — and from you. You are turning what is, I suspect, a fairly simple case of a guy wanting to have his cake and eat it too into a plot out of Tolstoy, and I understand that you felt very close to this guy and that you had hopes for a relationship, but you immediately ramped it up into this super-significant story for the ages, and…it just isn’t. He’s letting his ex toy with him; you’re letting him turn around and toy with you. This isn’t the ex’s fault; it’s his. He should have told her to say what she needed to say, or not, but he’s seeing someone else, so get on with it. He didn’t. End of story. Dump him and move on.
He can have all the “great qualities” in the world, but he’s not choosing you. This isn’t a story of love thwarted. This is a story of a man who doesn’t know what he wants acting like a pussy. Saying it to you like that probably sounds mean, but the longer you continue to romanticize the situation with “he got me in touch with myself” this and “arrived at this place” that, the longer you stick around while he dithers about his ex and makes you feel like crap because he doesn’t give you his full attention. That isn’t a great quality. That’s bullshit. Tell him so — pithily. No more big discussions or state-of-the-relationship capital-T talks. These words: “This is bullshit.” Done. Leave. Date someone else.
Oh great Sars,I’ve been wondering, as I’ve been considering cutting out red meat, are pigs
red meat or white? It doesn’t seem like a difficult question, but I get
conflicting answers in both the omnivorous and the vegan communities, along
with everything in between.
It’s a mammal, so I’d think that would qualify it as red, but…
Do you or the readers have any clue?
I think I’m red meat
Dear Meat,
Pork is white meat. The Pork Council, or whoever, had a whole ad campaign about it a few years ago where they showed these yummy shots of roast pork loin and then put a “Pork: The Other White Meat” tagline over it.
Now, where venison and mutton fall, I don’t know, but I know anything that came from a pig is white meat.
Tags: boys (and girls) grammar kids rando the fam
