Hey Sars,

This is mostly an academic question about etiquette. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage, but it’s still quite a ways off in the future (and yes, as such, I shouldn’t be worrying about it all that much). But I’m helping my best friend plan her wedding next summer, and it’s gotten me thinking about my future wedding.

My question is this: I hate being the center of attention. But I love the people in my life and can’t wait to have them all together to celebrate this great day with us. The thing is, I want only family at the actual ceremony, but I want a huge, rocking reception, inviting all the friends my boyfriend and I have made in our travels (and we’ve both moved around a lot; this is quite a lot of people). Is it possible to invite guests to just the reception, without being rude? If so, do I need to explain this to guests when I send the invitations? Or do I need to just grow up and deal with the fact that 500 people will be staring at my ass for 20 minutes on my wedding day?

My boyfriend is okay with just family at the ceremony, as long as we can invite all our friends to the reception. In your wise opinion, it is possible to do just that, or will we offend the very people we want to include?

Thanks so much, Sars!

What’s a wedding all about anyway?

Dear Wed,

The trick is to call the reception something else, something that’s not joined to the ceremony quite so closely in people’s minds — “wedding celebration,” “wedding gift baskets,” “wedding breakfast,” whatever — and just don’t mention the ceremony on the invitations. “Please join us for a party to celebrate the marriage of X and Y,” time, place, driving directions, done. The people who need to know about the ceremony will know about it; the people who don’t can attend or not.

Many many people set up their weddings this way — a quiet, tiny thing at City Hall or in a park, followed by a larger party for extended family and friends. I don’t think it’s something most people get offended by (I just went to a wedding like this and I didn’t find it off-putting), but again, you just need to word the invitations in such a way that it’s not like, “Ceremony at 2 PM, to which only family is invited, and then the rest of you riff-raff at 3:30 for drinks and cake.” Just don’t mention the ceremony and do your own thing.

Hey Sars,

I’m hoping you can clear up my confusion about pitching stats. For a
starter, what determines the difference between a win or a loss and a “no
decision”? What exactly is a “no decision”?

For the relief pitchers, what qualifies them for a save? I mean, obviously,
they can’t give up the lead, but since usually several guys come out of the
bullpen in any given game, what determines who gets the save? Is it always
the closer, or does it have something to do with who has the most innings?
Also, if a reliever comes in while his team is behind and they come back to
win, does he get the win, or does that go to the starter?

Thanks!

Baffled in the Bullpen

Dear Baff,

From Wikipedia:

In baseball, a pitcher is credited with a win (or “W”) when, in a game won by his team, he is the team’s pitcher at the time that his team takes a lead that it does not relinquish for the remainder of the game.

An exception to this is that a pitcher who starts a game cannot be credited with a win if he does not pitch at least five innings. If his team takes a lead it does not relinquish while that pitcher is in the game, the win is awarded to the relieving pitcher who, in the judgment of the scorer, pitched the most effectively. The winning pitcher cannot, however, be a pitcher who is credited with a save in the same game.

A loss (denoted by “L”) is charged to the pitcher who, in a game lost by his team, is charged with allowing the run that gives the opposing team a lead they do not relinquish for the remainder of the game. The pitcher who gives up a hit to score the “go-ahead run” does not necessarily receive the loss, it goes to the pitcher who allowed the run-scoring player to reach base. The pitchers that receive the win and the loss are known, collectively, as the pitchers of record.

From that same entry: “A pitcher who starts a game but leaves without earning either a win or a loss (that is, before his either team gains or surrenders the ultimate lead) is said to have received a no decision, regardless of his individual performance.”

Wikipedia also has an entry on saves here; scroll down for the entry on baseball.

The save stat in particular is kind of a jury-rigged way to measure relative success, which is why relief pitchers often have W-L records that don’t really tell you anything. You want to look at their saves, yes, but more closely at their ERAs and their K/BB ratios; those are more indicative.

Hey Sars,

I remember in one of your articles about your travels to Toronto, that you really liked some of the flavours of chips available here that you can’t get in the States, especially Ketchup, if I recall correctly. I’m wondering which chip flavour seems most quintessentially “Canadian” to you — All Dressed (“everything” flavour), Ketchup, or Fries & Gravy? (Or is there one I’m missing?) I want to send some “Canadian” chips to my secret pal in Massachusetts as part of a “Tastes of Canada”-themed package, and I’m not sure which ones you can get Stateside and which ones you can’t.

For that matter, if you don’t mind my asking, am I right in thinking that Coffee Crisp chocolate bars are not available in the States either? I’ve tried Google but my search powers are failing me…the terms I tried just aren’t getting me the answers to these questions. I hope you don’t mind helping.

Junk Food Queen

Dear Your Majesty,

I would say that “All Clad” (I never saw them called “All Dressed,” always “All Clad”) is the most quintessentially Canadian. I’m starting to see ketchup chips here a little more often, so that one’s not as exotic as it used to be.

I’ve also seen Coffee Crisp a fair bit around here, but with the number of fancy/specialty delis in New York, my experience may not be the average, so you could send Coffee Crisps, and/or whatever the honeycomb-y one is…Crunchie. I had a boyfriend who loved those things and the only place we ever saw them was at the sniffy lunch place in my old neighborhood that sold all the giant Cadbury gift tins.

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