No big serious problem here, but as a fellow cat-mom, I thought you
might be able to answer a question for me. We’ve had four female cats for
nearly ten years, and have just recently adopted a male kitten. “Freak
Boy” has an odd habit of “nursing” on himself, either on an actual
nipple or on the side of his body. I’ve never seen any other cat do
this, and I don’t know if this is a boy-cat thing (having only ever had
females), or what. Even the vet seemed surprised that he does this, and
didn’t have an explanation.

My husband came up with a pretty good
theory, and I’m wondering what you think. He thinks maybe Freak Boy saw
his mother relieve her engorged nipples by nursing on herself, and so he
thinks that’s what cats do. I’ve never heard of mother cats doing this
(although, if they eat the afterbirth, why should I be surprised?), but
it sounds like a pretty good theory. Any idea if this might be true?
He’s not doing himself any harm; it’s just loud and kind of goofy, so I
don’t really care as long as it makes him happy.

Thanks,
Freak Boy’s Mom

Michelle

I have really enjoyed reading all your advice — you always shed so much clarity on situations. I have a much shorter question to ask this time around than my last one.

I’ve been seeing a psychologist who has been really helpful to me in dealing with some old issues. In the course of our sessions together, I’ve grown to like him a lot as a person. He’s about my age and has such a great personality. I know you shouldn’t date your therapist, at least not while you’re getting therapy. But we’ve pretty much worked through my stuff and we’re nearing the end of our therapist-patient relationship. The thing is, I really like him and am wondering just how totally inappropriate it would be to ask him if he’d like to see me in some more friendly or dating context after out last meeting is over.

Please tell me — is this just a big no-no? Or could I go about this in some way that would be okay?

I’d really appreciate any insight into this. Thank you!

Voulez-vous Couchez Avec Moi?

I bet you get letters like this a lot. So, long story short, one of my friends has been away at college for a really long time — she never comes home! When she did come home this summer (for two weeks, and she brought her boyfriend), she and her boy (who I’d never met before) only hung out with me for twenty minutes and then left, citing that they were “tired.” This wouldn’t have bothered me very much normally, I can understand wanting to be alone with a S.O. However, one of our other friends, T., was coming over, and the minute he showed up she left, without even bothering to say hello to him. Keep in mind that I’m the only one she’s stayed in contact with. To top it off, our other best friend (her ex), E., went to go see her the same week, and she basically blew him off as well.

Now T. and E. don’t want anything to do with her. She told me that she had apologized to T., but he says that he hasn’t heard from her since it happened, and he’s still mad! We were all really good friends and she just blew us off! T. and E. have implied that they want me to intervene, because this is what I always end up doing, so I mentioned it to my friend and she said that she did apologize to him, and now I don’t know what to do. I know people change when they go away to college, but she’s become a completely different person — she was an artist, now she’s a stuck-up pretentious philosophy major just like her boyfriend. What am I supposed to do?

Sick of Intervening

I have a problem. I have this “best” friend. By “best friend” I mean she takes
advantage of me constantly because she has given me this label. Let’s call
her “Grace,” for she can be equally as grating as the TV character at times.

So Grace lives in NYC, in an extravagant apartment with her mother (who lives
in Taiwan half of the time). I do Grace a lot of favors. I stamp and mail
letters for her, I type papers, research, call people (she’s one of those
annoying people who dial a number on their cell phone, then hands you the
phone and insists you talk to them even though you a. don’t know who it is
or what to say and b. don’t want to). She blames her lack of time to do
menial tasks on her jobs at school (we both go to the same college), which
granted are tiresome but please, she can easily quit one of the jobs, it’s
not like the girl is poor. Another thing, she constantly borrows money but
she is the one with all the cash.

Also, she is an only child, and I don’t
like to stereotype but she is a self-professed egoist. Every time I talk
about my problems she sees them as quaint and suburban. Condescending, even.
Of course I love her, but it’s just frustrating to think I have all of these
issues concerning her and she thinks everything is hunky-dory. One time I
was especially peeved, she wrote it off as anger towards Jeff Weaver (damn
you and your Mr. T chain!).

On to my actual problem: she wants to live together. I did too. LAST YEAR.
She keeps putting it off, and now I don’t want to. Honestly, living at home
suits me until I graduate. And after that I want to live with my best friend
from high school (who Grace despises because she hates sharing me). I know Grace
will be extremely mad at me, probably not talk to me for awhile or until I
grovel. I have tried to squeeze my way out of it by saying my father
wouldn’t pay as much as I thought or some bullshit excuse. She has started
to talk about it more often. The truth is I don’t want to be running around
Manhattan with her dry cleaning and bills in hand. How do I handle her?

Living at home