Hello,

Okay, you got me. I am officially interested in baseball. I still don’t know how half of the stats work, but I fail to care. I even watched the Astros/Braves game the other night and I couldn’t name one player on either team for a billion dollars until I sat down.I consider this a direct result of your writing on the subject. Any playoffs words of wisdom for the new recruits in your audience?

I hope Hobey’s teeth and your ninja moles are better, also, BTW.

Thanks,
L

Dear L,

Everyone’s teeth and stitches are healing nicely — thanks!

You’ll get the hang of the stats eventually; you might not care about all of them, but as you get to know the game, you’ll understand their context better and they’ll mean more to you.The postseason is sort of an awkward time to get into baseball, as I said yesterday, because you’re not seeing typical play; your local team may not be represented; the stakes are a lot higher.But no time like the present, right?

So.As of right now, you’ve got four teams left in the hunt: Yankees and RedSox in the ALCS, and Astros and Cards in the NLCS.I would stick with the NLCS if I were you right now, because 1) there’s less hype surrounding that series, 2) the broadcast announcing is better for that series (Tim McCarver is beyond dreadful this year), and 3) Albert Pujols.I know I made fun of his name, but you’re seeing a Hall of Fame career being built.Also, 4): National League baseball is closer to the “pure” game as it was played until 1973.”Learning on” NL ball is like learning to drive on a manual shift; everything’s gravy once you understand how a double switch works.

After any given game is over, go to ESPN.com or Yahoo! Sports and read the game summary.Match it up with what you saw.Local newspapers are hit-or-miss as far as how good they are at doing this, so sticking to wire service reports is better.

Don’t worry too much about the lingo at first; FOX will keep you almost too updated on who’s batting and their stats and whatnot.Just watch the game and get used to the rhythm of it.You’ll know plenty in no time.

Hey Sars,

How did I know when I read the Vine blurb on Damn Hell Ass Kings that the letter was about the Braves?

The Braves had a thin bullpen this year with Reitsma and Cruz. They seem to be okay with pitching maybe one inning, but I knew when they called Reitsma in Monday night, it was all over. The Braves had three of the best starting pitchers down the stretch, but Hampton was a little battered going into October, and Thompson and Wright both had to leave their games with injuries. Giving the game to the bullpen by the fifth inning was just asking for a loss, but I can’t really think of anything they could have done to produce better results.

Because the Astros were the better team. They had the starting pitching, they had the offense and they had the defense. Winning the division does not automatically mean an appearance in the World Series. I mean, obviously it doesn’t with the Braves, but I wish people would stop acting like the Braves are postseason failures. I know you don’t think that, but I hear it so often, it’s lost its logic. The NL East was supposed to be competitive this year, but the Phillies and Marlins collapsed pretty early and the Braves turned it on at the right time and kept it going. All they did was have a better record than four other teams, how does one come to the conclusion that if the Braves lose in the first round of the playoffs, they choked? I’m just glad I’ve had thirteen years of October baseball.

It might make the sad Braves fan feel better if they read this article. Apparently, Atlanta fans have found a little curse of their own. Whee! We’re cursed!

By the way, I saw a few pictures of you at TARCon and your arms looked great. I’ve been toning a lot lately, so I’m always looking at people’s arms. Are you doing any workout for your shoulders and if so, could you share any tips?

K

Dear K,

Arms — I’m not doing a workout of any kind at the moment (afraid to pull my stitches…grr, it’s like I’m ninety years old).But I live by myself, waaaaay out in Brooklyn, which means that if there’s 21-pound bags of kitty litter to be hoisted or cases of Diet Coke to be lugged, I’M PACKIN’ IT (tm Colin).That, and if I’m in the city for the day, I’m hauling a messenger bag full of books…I think it’s just hucking everyday heavy shit around.Thanks, though!

Braves — I think this comment is key: “Winning the division does not automatically mean an appearance in the World Series.”I think this is the issue, especially in a division that, as you point out, was supposed to be strong but wasn’t.Atlanta had a good record, but not overpowering, and thumping the Mets and Expos in the season serieses against those teams doesn’t spell postseason dominance.

Yankees fans see the flip side of this argument all the time.”You guys just BUY CHAMPIONSHIPS!”Oh, really?Because we haven’t taken a ring since 2000.Yes, the team is in the postseason just about every year, but…same principle.Owning the Devil Rays doesn’t mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

The A’s, the Twins, Seattle — there’s always a lot of talk about teams that get to the postseason but can’t get past the first round, but you have to keep two things in mind.One, winning the division is great, but it depends on the division and it depends on the tools you used to get there, which leads to my second point — a five-game series is a bigger crapshoot, obviously, than a 162-game schedule.Jeff Weaver didn’t hurt us during the division race in ’03 because we had dozens of games in which he didn’t appear and time to make it up when he did (and of course he didn’t suck every time; a lot of the time he was just fine).In a seven-game series, you don’t have time for those odds to even out.And they didn’t.And then the Dodgers got stuck with his ass and look what happened to them.

I kid.(Sort of.)And Weaver didn’t lose the Series for the Yankees so much as they just kind of ran out of gas after that insane ALCS, but the point is, in a short series where you have to fire on all cylinders the whole time, the kinds of gaps in the roster that you could kind of whistle past during the regular season?Are going to rise up and haunt during the postseason, because it’s a much more concentrated situation.But people tend to translate that into “can’t deal with postseason pressure,” in a mental sense, or imply that the manager can’t lead in clutch situations, and while that may be true, often it’s that the team comes up against a better team that exploits its weaknesses effectively over a short series.

I have to say, I’m really surprised that that isn’t happening in the Yanks/Sox series so far.Our pitching staff is like the robbery squad in Sneakers.Anyway, moving on…

Hi Sars,

Thought I’d send along some advice to the burgeoning Red Sox fan (poor, poor person) who wrote in yesterday. Of the local columnists, Gordon Edes of the Boston Globe is probably the most impartial and informative. The rest are diehard cynics who do nothing but attempt to find new and creative ways to insult the team three times a week. Sean McAdam, who writes for the Providence Journal and ESPN.com, is also very good. And I dearly love Bill Simmons, although he seems to have gone a little bit off the deep end after last year’s playoff nightmare. But then again, I’m pretty sure all Sox fans went off the deep end last year.

The Red Sox Fan Handbook has great summaries of the big moments in Red Sox history, more than 300 short bios of past and present Sox players and their most famous/infamous moments.

www.bostondirtdogs.com is completely inflammatory and obnoxious (needless to say, I love it), but it’s also a great way to quickly follow the team’s fortunes and get some good inside scoop.

While I’m writing about baseball, let me ask you this: what do you think of MLB selling “Hey Red Sox, who’s your daddy?” t-shirts with the Yankees logo on the front? Okay, hee, that’s kind of funny, and not nearly as vile as some of the shirts I see at Fenway, but doesn’t it seem unseemly for MLB to be officially selling obnoxious apparel? Everyone’s up in arms about it in Boston, and I’d be interested to hear a New Yorker’s opinion.

Thanks,
Lighting candles for Pedro as I write

Dear Should Have Saved Your Matches For D. Lowe, Hon,

(To be fair, this letter came in yesterday, and Pedro pitched what should have been a good enough game to let the Red Hose come back…which they kept trying to do, but not quite converting.More on this in a bit.)

Thanks for the resources.Bill Simmons is awesome, and I haven’t read his column today but my sources say that Sports Gal dropped a “Poo Holes” reference.Bill, my address is in the TN FAQ; I’ll await my check.Heh.

I’m sure Pedro regrets ever making that comment, particularly since the Stadium faithful replaced “let’s go Yankees” with “who’s your daddy” in their chants last night.I think it’s pretty funny, frankly, when paired with a shot of a girl in a tube top and sparkly NYY face paint bawling “WHO’S YOUR DAAAA-DEEEE” at the top of her lungs.Certainly Francona was having none of the questions about it at the post-game press conference.As for the t-shirts…I’d like to think MLB would have capitalized on any other player’s pithy saying for the same ends, but on the other hand, the New York-Boston rivalry is becoming this center-ring event that’s throwing the rest of the major leagues into the shadows all the time, and in that respect it’s kind of inappropriate.I mean, if Vlad Guerrero had made a similar comment, I don’t think we’d see it on a shirt…more’s the pity, since Guerrero’s stat line is everyone’s daddy.

I don’t see the harm in the shirts per se.Pedro can repent at leisure for the remark; I don’t think he cares.But I do think that MLB and its broadcast associates need to be a bit more careful in how they portray the Yanks/Sox thing.It’s a great rivalry, it’s a storied rivalry, it’s a lot of fun for the fans…of those teams.Everyone else gets sort of ignored as a result, though, and I don’t think that’s so good for the game.

Sars —

While I disagree with you about the need to be rid of the DH (although I’m less inclined to argue to point now that Edgar retired), I am with you in your hatred for Bud Selig.

He has to go, and I’m wondering if there is anyone you can think of that would make for a great Commissioner of Baseball.My vote would go for Bob Costas, after reading his book Fair Ball.He’s certainly a huge fan of the game, and after his years as a broadcaster has seen the best and worst all of sport has to offer.

But would his tenure in the press disqualify him in the eyes of some?Is Costas on your radar for Commish?

Signed,
Watching from the sidelines in Seattle

Dear Seattle,

I like that idea a lot.Costas is smart, he’s articulate, he clearly adores the game, and he’s got standing within it.I can see how his status as a journalist might sully him for some people, but he’s not an owner and that’s already a damn sight better than what we’ve got now.

I think he’d be an excellent choice.I think Frank Robinson might be an interesting choice too; don’t ask me why I think that.He was the first African-American manager in each league, for one, and has been around the game forever, but that might make him too “inside” for some people.Or why not Bill James?I mean, I guess he’s not particularly qualified to do it, but then, who is?It’s really not a job that you can work up to, exactly; there’s no other job like it.

The commissioner has to be a person who doesn’t owe anything to any of the factions within the game.He’s not too tight with agents, he didn’t come out of the players’ union, he’s NOT AN OWNER.He’s interested in the health of the game first and foremost, and he’s willing to make tough decisions in the service of that.I don’t know if it’s a job Costas wants — it basically killed Bart Giamatti — but in terms of his allegiances, I think he’s ideal.He would work for me, begging Peter Ueberroth on bended knee to come back and do it would work for me — hell, put Buck O’Neil in there, he’s a million years old but he’s probably not going to put up with any shit.I’d hear arguments on any of those but at this point “not Selig” is about all I need to see from a candidate.Shit, I’ll do it.

Your response to “Frustrated” made me think of a question I wanted very badly to be able to ask you this past Sunday…when I was at the Juice Box watching the Astros choke (we soooo should have won that series at home, but have no one to blame but ourselves), and again Monday night when we spanked the Braves hard and apparently unleashed the Seventh Sign.

This whole business with Chipper “I am the biggest putz on the planet” Jones being the “captain” of the team.During the series he went out to the mound, waving Estrada in at least two times that I saw, and had a “conference” with Estrada and whomever was pitching.I’ve never seen this before.Is this normal?Is Chipper that special?Is he the Braves’ Crash Davis, solving all their problems and figuring out what to buy Jimmy and Millie as a wedding present?Does he lay hands upon them and make it all better?Because after that idiotic attempt at a barehanded catch, the crap batting average throughout the series, and the fact that his final out (THE final out) was nothing but embarrassing, I can’t figure out why the announcers STILL thought he was the second coming even when we were up by NINE.I’m assuming I’m missing something; can you tell me what it is?

Speaking of frustrated…

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Hell if I know.I don’t think a grown man should go by “Chipper,” but to tell you the truth that’s about all I can speak to in the situation.

But I think you’ve got two questions I can address, in part — 1) what’s with the “captain” crap and 2) what’s with announcer bias.

And as it happens, in my world, the answers to both those questions are the same: Derek Jeter.

DJ is the captain of the Yankees.I don’t see why grown men need a captain, as this isn’t high school, but the other Yankees are on record as saying that he’s a good leader on the field and in the clubhouse, that he’s a gamer and good example sportsmanship-wise, et cetera.I don’t see why he therefore needs to be captain, but if it works for the team, okay.On the other hand, Jeter is not out there calling plays.He comes in to the mound when the rest of the infield does, and he signals players when he’s supposed to, but he’s not taking a Pete Rose player-manager role out there, because they have Torre for that, and Sojo and the other coaches.If he were stepping on Frank White’s shit at first base, I’d be like, “Not your job, and shut it,” but the Yankees do see a lot of flux and if this gives them some stability as a group, fine.

Not that Jeter should be the model here, but if Chipper (…whatever!) is stepping on his manager’s toes, that’s not great leadership in the situation, from anyone, and the GM should step in and tone that down.

Announcer bias…eesh.You ain’t heard nothin’ until you’ve listened to Tim “Mrs. Derek Jeter” McCarver fawning over his boy at shortstop, and again, I like Jeter a lot, but McCarver on Jeter?It’s embarrassing.I’m embarrassed for McCarver and I’m embarrassed to be a Yankee fan, because it’s just so beyond — like the other night when he was talking about Jeter’s EYES?I was like, “Is this a porno?Shut UP, Tim!”

But…broadcasters do this.They pick players to focus on and talk up, and that’s what they do, and sometimes it’s homerism, but sometimes it’s just that they like to have bits prepared, and a bit on how Derek Jeter is God’s gift to man and beast is usually going to hold up because Jeter doesn’t make a lot of mistakes or act like a horse’s ass; he’s not going to make the guys in the booth look stupid for liking him a lot because, overrated or not, he’s a consistent player who doesn’t do drugs and lip off and tends to deliver the goods on the field.Someone like Clemens, they’d do the same thing, but because Clemens is really not a nice guy, they’d ramble on about his stupid workout routine that’s supposedly so hard that Andy Pettitte puked after ten minutes — not because it’s that impressive.It is, it isn’t, that’s not the point.The point is that it’s something they can use to fill airtime while Beltran is dicking around with his batting gloves on 2 and 2.

So, yes, if Chipper Jones is fucking up, they should talk about that, but a lot of the time, the boosterish stuff they say about certain players isn’t so much about the players as it is about the color guy needing to avoid dead air, so they go back to the same leadership/linchpin/blah blah what are you his lawyer blah tropes about the same three or four guys over and over again.And if you think the Chipper crap is bad, God help you if our teams meet in the Classic, because you’re going to want to kick Jeter and McCarver in the nads in about ten minutes.

[10/14/04]

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