Dear Sars,

Another Braves fan here, wanting to chime in on what you said to
“Frustrated in Atlanta.”First of all, Mazzone always rocks like
that.

As for why we shriveled up and died in the division series yet again:
first of all, I’d like to point FiA to Braves Journal, the best Braves-related blog I
know of.Mac Thomason, who writes Braves Journal, diagnosed the
problem as two crucial players (Jaret Wright on the mound, and JD Drew
at the plate) having slumps at the worst possible time.Which can
happen, but for some reason the Braves are historically wonderful —
for the other team, that is — at timing their slumps: witness 2003,
when Andruw Jones suddenly forgot how to hit.As best I can tell Cox
is pretty good at balancing a team’s strengths and weaknesses over the
course of a season but used up all his last-minute karma in 1991 and
’92.

And it makes perfect sense to leave your starters in for a while if
your bullpen is toxic.John Smoltz (in addition to being a homophobic
twit) was not as reliable this season as people generally seem to want
to pretend he was, Gryboski and Alfonseca were inconsistent, and
Reitsma…Reitsma is about as popular in the ATL right now as
Steve Bartman was this time last year in Chicago.Faced with those
choices, another inning of Russ Ortiz can look positively pleasant.
I’d love to see them go out and get a strong reliever during the
offseason, but given Time Bankrupt’s commitment to keeping the payroll
low next year — doubtful at best.

But you can’t point to those guys to answer the larger question of why
October is kryptonite for the Braves, since we were still losing
NLCSes left and right during the Maddux/Glavine era.(Glavine was one
of my first crushes ever…sigh.)I think the first few years
everyone was too stunned to see the Braves winning anything to expect
them to win playoffs, and after the ’96 loss to the Yankees and the
’97 defeat by the Marlins, some of the air went out of the team.This
year was supposed to be different since we weren’t supposed to win
even the NL East in the first place…but I suspect that in the
end the Astros might have been hungrier, sharper, and more talented.

It’s getting pretty tiring, though.And I doubt that next year, with
Chipper and Andruw’s aging and a bunch of free agents set to split,
even Cox will be able to wring 96 wins out of the Braves.

Mournfully,
Off to Go Root for the Thrashers…Oh. Right.

Dear Don’t Feel Bad, Now It’s Garner’s Head They Want,

I think what people tend to lose sight of when their team is not doing as well as they want it to, or more to the point think it should, is…the other team.You made exactly that point about the ‘Stros this year and so did yesterday’s letter from K.

I was listening to ESPN Radio on the way into Manhattan earlier, and Dan Patrick and Rob Dibble were reading from today’s Shaughnessy column in the Globe, in which Shaughnessy waxes as hysterically as usual about how the Sox are fucking with the Nation with these losses: “…what they have done to their loyal fans borders on criminal. The region has given its heart to the local baseball team, only to have it stomped on yet again.”Typical Sox-press tooth-gnashing, really.(Although…confidential to Brian McGrory: Smugly dissing Yankee fans doesn’t mean your team won those two games.Try claiming an actual victory before holding up a moral one.Jackass.)

ANYWAY.Rob Dibble pointed out, rightly, that doing a bunch of rending of garments about how the Sox are screwing up doesn’t give any credit to the Yankees — to Lieber for pitching a clutch game, to Godzilla for hitting a ton in the postseason.Yeah, Damon and Bellhorn need to start getting on base more, but as Dibble said, it’s not like the Sox tried to lose.It’s that they got beat.

Braves, same deal.They put a good team out there; Houston’s was better.Cox tried his best; he got outmanaged.NLCS, same deal again.Everyone’s crabbing about Garner’s pitching calls the last two days, but…hi.Meet Pujols.Pujols might have beaten Koufax in that at-bat; he’s Pujols.Not every hard-hit ball is because of a shitty pitch.Not every loss means you beat yourselves.

So, yeah.The Astros won, but not necessarily because the Braves biffed somehow.Thanks to Rob Dibble for helping me make that point (but, while I’m up?Step off Mussina, please.It’s my understanding that he traditionally gets crap run support, for whatever reason; if a reader wants to crunch those numbers and tell me if I’m wrong, I’m happy to know either way, but the guy pulled, like, seven NDs last year because the day players weren’t putting numbers on the board for him.That’s not his fault, because he doesn’t bat, so give him a break.Thanks.)

You ain’t heard nothin’ until you’ve listened to Tim “Mrs. Derek
Jeter” McCarver fawning over his boy at shortstop, and again, I like
Jeter a lot, but McCarver on Jeter? It’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed
for McCarver and I’m embarrassed to be a Yankee fan, because it’s just
so beyond — like the other night when he was talking about Jeter’s
EYES? I was like, “Is this a porno? Shut UP, Tim!”

Oh, witty, witty Sars.

Let me say, I’ve been reading you for years, and here in Boston you
are a much more enjoyable read than today’s doom and gloom newspapers.
When I saw your Vine was an all-baseball edition, well, that
wasn’t good. Thanks for picking up on the idiocy of McCarver (hey Tim,
“Brandon” Arroyo plays for the SOX, as does Johnny Damon). I thought
all Yankees fans loved McCarver, and agreed with everything he said!!
Well, at least I don’t have to listen to him talk about “Garshapera”
this year. [sniff]

Also, last year he was on Jeter’s stuff for his “elegant gait.”
Jessica Alba is getting jealous.

Girl Who No Longer Loves Tom Gordon

PS The Tim McCarver Drinking game? Every time he says something that
makes you want to yell, “Shut UP Tim McCarver,” do a shot.

Dear Beats Loving Paul “One-Arm” Quantrill,

I’ll take the PS first.People?Pace yourselves.It happens every ten seconds these days.Make it a shot of beer.Non-alcoholic beer.

“All Yankees fans” don’t do anything.This drives me crazy, this sort of assertion, that we all think we have the right to championships, that we all think we’re better than other teams and their fans, that we all love all our broadcasters.Not true, not true, not true.And I used to like McCarver; on the eighties Mets games, he was the best of the lot.Granted, the rest of the lot was Kiner and Fran “Have I Mentioned I’m Friends With Reggie?” Healy, but still.Now McCarver’s embarrassing.

I can tell you what almost all Yankee fans do get really sick of, and that’s having to stand there with a pained grin while Yankee-haters are ripping every strip in sight off the team, Steinbrenner, blah blah blah, and it’s like we’re not allowed to fight back.We just have to sit there and take it because we root for the Yankees and that’s the price we pay, but if I rip into Boston fans for some of the smug good-vs.-evil crap they’re spouting in our direction (…McGrory!), it’s like I set the flag on fire.

I’m a fan of the game.I was raised in a Mets household, and I only switched allegiances because I got outvoted in the college TV room.Some Yanks fans are buttholes, but some of us umped Little League and read all the Baseball Abstracts and actually care about non-Yankee baseball, too — deeply.So please don’t generalize about all of us.

You weren’t doing that, really, but it bugs me so I said something.

Dear Sars,

What do you think of the theory that you can’t make it in the postseason without power pitching? This was some announcer’s theory spouted out during a Braves game (no, it wasn’t McCarver; the only Astros/Braves game Fox did had Steve Lyons, and…well, he pulled down his pants in a big league game so…maybe I shouldn’t take anything Psycho says to heart).

Anyway, power pitching: the guy’s argument was that due to greater scrutiny during the postseason, the umps tighten up the strike zone. So, Maddux and Glavine don’t get those calls off the plate like they do in the regular season. (Hey! Maddux and Glavine didn’t get ANY calls in the postseason this year; poor non-Braves). So, when the location guys don’t get their off-the-plate stuff called strikes, they have to pitch more toward the heart of the plate, and when you don’t have Clemens/Johnson/Schilling stuff that hurts.

It’s a good theory, but I just don’t know. I’m biased, but I still believe that Eric Gregg gave the Marlins the ’97 NLCS by giving Livan Hernandez the strike zone of a small storage shed.

As for Chipper? Yeah, that’s a bad name, but Larry Wayne? Not a whole lot better. Then again, Chipper named his son Shea, which would be an okay name if Chipper didn’t then tell us the kid was named after Shea Stadium (too bad Chipper doesn’t have great numbers in Arizona; then the kid could be B.O.B.). Maybe the Joneses aren’t great namers.

And he hit like crap this post season because Zambrano nailed him on the hand the Saturday before the regular season ended. Chipper’s the type to play hurt and not tell anyone about it. This can be seen as gritty leadership or hurting the team. I don’t know what J.D.’s excuse is.

Early bets on who Marcus Giles will crash into next year? I hope Termel Sledge, because I like the name and will enjoy the ridiculous “Sledge Hammer” headlines.

Hope your moles are doing better. I had to forward the link to my husband; he has the mole stitches put in Tuesday. Hope Hobey’s better, too.

Al

Dear Al,

In order here…1. Power pitching.It’s one of those things Lyons says that sounds good at first, but when you take it apart, it’s like, huh?Lyons also announced that the Yankees were better off not hitting a home run in a given situation because it would kill the rally.Sierra promptly punched the ticket round-trip and the Yankees won, so I guess the lesson here is “shut up, Steve Lyons,” but also, umps squeezing the zone cuts both ways.I guess it hurts you more if you have a staff of plate-nibblers, but a lot of off-speed stuff gets hit on the ground; that’s why these guys throw it.So if the hitters are swinging at it…you know, let ’em swing.Let ’em work for the hit.Yeah, they can take you long on a circle change, but they have to do it; it’s not a foregone conclusion the minute you throw it.

I see his point, I guess, but I just don’t think it’s that big a factor.It didn’t hurt Lieber and I don’t think his fastball would beat Mo Vaughn to the plate if you gave it a head start.Provided everyone’s getting the same zone, of course, and I’ve heard tell that Gregg would vary his on players he didn’t like, so…

2. Chipper.”Shea” isn’t a bad name when you consider the park names he had to choose from.”Coors Field Jones” is not exactly…actually, I kind of like that one.Reminds me of Kenesaw Mountain Landis.But Skydome Jones sounds like a blaxploitation…hmm, that one’s kind of cool too.Now that I think about it, he picked a really boring park name.Shut up, Chipper.As for playing hurt, well, okay, but in the postseason, if you’re hurt enough that you can’t contribute, maybe you should sit.It’s great that he gutted it out, but it isn’t June.(See also: Schilling, Curt.)You need to get it done out there or make way for someone who can, and if there wasn’t anyone else, well, that’s baseball.

3. Prince Fielder.

4. Stitches came out today.

I noticed you were talking about baseball broadcasters. So, yeah. Can we talk about Michael Kay for a moment? McCarver is a jackass, no question about it. But my poor (yeah, I married right into it) husband is a Sox fan, from Schenectady, yet! We have to watch the damn Sox/Yankee games in Syracuse on the YES network. Now I don’t have a problem with Jim Kaat, Ken Singleton or Joe Girardi. Joe Girardi is actually rather awesome. But Kay needs to get his head out of Joe Torre’s ass. Joe won’t even turn his back on the guy anymore. And Paul O’Neill has to promise never to return to the broadcast booth. The sound of his voice alone makes me nostalgic for his playing days, and I hated him when he played.

I’m all ranted out for now, thanks. You’re a pal.

Who’s My Daddy?

Dear That Would Be Mr. Bernie Williams,

Kay is…very annoying.He’s not the worst we’ve got to choose from — be glad you live outside the radio range of John “‘Sense’?What About It?” Sterling, who is maddening.Either he’s blathering about something that has nothing to do with life on earth, much less baseball, or he’s honing one of his signature calls so as to inspire millions of metro-area dogs to begin barking on cue.”The-e-e-e-e-e-e-e Yankees win!”You should have that throat looked at, Johnny.Steiner’s tolerable, but man do I miss Gary Thorn.(“Thorne”?)He went off to do hockey play-by-play and ABANDONED US.

I like Kaat and Singleton a lot; they bring a lot to the calls from their playing days without getting boring about it (ditto Bobby Murcer, who is kind of dumb but in an endearing way).Kay is…ack.He’s just glib and fannish, and the “SEE ya!” is weak.I admire that he worked his way into the job from just being a fan; that’s kind of cool.But he doesn’t understand how to let a silence breathe, which…I know they have to fill air, but not every solitary second of it.

Oh, my.You could not be more right about McCarver with Jeter.I really think he should just mail the love notes and leave the rest of us out of it.It actually pains me to know that someone as irritating as McCarver was a pretty good ballplayer.Somehow seems unfair.

What is with all the Yankee writers/broadcasters attacking the Red Sox because of their hair and beards?Michael Kay was harping on how it showed a lack of discipline a couple weeks ago, and today Bob Klapisch in the Record wrote about it.Personally, I think it’s more ridiculous that the Yankees require grown men to shave and cut their hair, but I’ve got a goatee and chops, so what the hell do I know?

CC

Dear CC,

Now, CC, I think you could show a bit more respect for a man who caught Bob Gibson.Has he mentioned that he caught Bob Gibson?Because he did.Catch Bob Gibson, that is.

I don’t really get the anti-hair faction either.I mean, I think it’s kind of a dumb bonding thing for the Sox to do, but Manny’s proto-Oscar-Gamble ‘do is fairly rad, and Damon looks like a Fraggle but he’s definitely using a good conditioner because his hair looks better than mine.

With that said, I’m glad the Yanks have that rule, and I’ll tell you why: I think 99.5 percent of goatees look like shit.They just look kind of trashy, and if the guy has it shaved into that weird square that gives him a double chin…I just think it’s a cheesy look, and I was thrilled that Giambi had to shave his, because he looked a lot better.Exhibit B: Billy Koch.Son, get that Brazilian-wax beardsicle off your chin.Now.It’s fug.

[10/15/04]

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