Dear Bill Simmons’s Dad,

Do Boston fans really think they’re that bad off? I mean, even aside
from the easy examples like the Cubs and the White Sox (who have gone
even longer since they won a World Series, although part of that was
their own decision), look at a city like San Diego. The baseball team
has gotten to the Championship a couple of times and gotten crushed
both times. Football? Ditto. Basketball? Let’s just say that right now
is the good part of the Clippers’ history.

Meanwhile, the Red Sox are in the postseason all the time, the
Patriots have a winning streak they won’t shut up about, the Celtics
have had two separate streaks of being truly great, and now that the
NHL has imploded, I guess that’s it. Good thing, because I don’t know
anything about hockey.

Anyway, my point is this: Boston fans seem to do a lot of complaining,
considering that they’re the spectators of some of the most successful
sports teams outside New York. So are they serious with all this
bemoaning-their-fate stuff? Because let me tell you, as a fan of San
Diego and Seattle teams, I’m not really seeing the problem. Sure, you
lose to the Yankees all the time. So does everyone else, you know?

Sort of empathetically,
Small-Market Fan

Dear There’s A Baseball Team In San Diego?,

I will not deny you the fact that no Red Sox fan has the right to argue
about payroll disparity, theirs being the second highest in the
league (despite it being $60 million less than the Yankees).As a big market
team, Boston does not need to depend as much on their scouting and
development as a small market team does.A definite advantage.

And yes,
you are correct that all in all, Boston is a very successful sports town.
The Patriots are the perfect example of how a sports team should be run.
Team first, ego second.The Celtics have hit a dry patch recently, but
they’re still not that far removed from the Bird/McHale/Parish/DJ/Cornbread
Maxwell era (okay, Maxwell wasn’t a great player, but you have to oblige me
the opportunity to reference the man.The myth.”Cornbread.”Heh).The
Bruins are usually competitive every year (despite bad management), and had a
very good team coming back this season until the lockout occurred.Add to
that the very vibrant colleges and, yes, you have a wonderful sports town.

But far above all, the Red Sox own Boston.The only evidence that you need
of that is to go back and watch the Super Bowl victory celebrations in
Government Center, where the loudest cheers of the day were “Yankees Suck”
chants.This city lives, dies, breathes and bleeds the Red Sox colors.
It’s not that Red Sox fans feel that they deserve a World Series victory.
It’s the circumstances that occurred on the way to a possible World Series
victory that brings it so much attention.

No other city’s team can spout of
such tremendous letdowns: Pesky holding the ball in 1946, the miracle kids
of 1967 losing a heartbreaker in Game 7.Losing to the Reds in 1975 after
Carlton Fisk’s dramatic home run in Game 6.Dare I even mention Bucky Dent,
Calvin Schiraldi or Aaron “Fucking” Boone (notice I didn’t mention a certain
first baseman’s name, who the majority of Red Sox fans do NOT blame for Game
6 against the Mets).Or shall I already mention this year’s team, whom most
experts were picking to win it all, only to watch their savior turn gimp in
Game 1.

So no, we’re not the only team who loses to the Yankees.But no other
team’s fans get their hopes and hearts lifted, then crushed, as much as the
Red Sox fans do.Cubs fans don’t get that feeling.Aside from Steve
Bartman (awww, poor Steve), what other major letdowns have they had?Yeah,
nothing jumped into my head either.That’s why the Cubs are considered more
loveable than the Red Sox.Because they usually stink!You tend to feel
sorry for them (sorry, Cubs fans, but that’s the overall general feeling).
But not with the Red Sox.Each year, we get suckered in to believing that
this is the year.And each year…well.

BSD

Hey Sars,

I was reading today’s and yesterday’s Vines and felt like I had to
write…I just can’t tell you how much it warms my (way too close to
broken) heart when a Yankees fan points out how awful Tim McCarver’s been
at announcing this series.I mean, for a Boston fan…it’s fairly obvious.

Some examples:

1) Who IS “Brandon” Arroyo exactly, and WHY would he be pitching AGAINST
Pedro Martinez?
2) No, Kevin Millar did NOT say, “We’re all idiots,” David Ortiz did. I
could see how anyone could mix them up though. They’re like twins!

And those are just the MOST appalling examples. During Game Two, and
honestly, I can’t even remember the play, so awestruck was I by the
brilliance McCarver displayed, he came out with this gem, “Well, either he
meant to do that, or it was a big mistake.” What does that even MEAN?

Anyway, some Yankees fans of my acquaintance regard McCarver, and more
generally Fox Sports, with indulgent amusement due to their clear Yankees
allegiance. So, it’s always reassuring to hear someone in NY point out
flaws in the broadcasting. I can see how it would be embarrassing to listen
tohim fawning over Jeter. I mean, there’s no disputing how solid a player
Jeter is. None. I would never even bother to argue. But somehow, coming
from Tim McCarver, it sounds more like blind adoration than like genuine
admiration for the guy’s [considerable] talent.I guess my point is that
it’s nice to know that Yankees fans are irked by him too, because that
reassures me that it’s not JUST my own bitterness that makes me hate
listening to the guy (though, admittedly, that’s part of it).

Also, I liked your Vine bit about how the gaps in a roster that don’t make
much difference during the regular season tend to glare more in a short
postseason series. I think the gap in Boston’s roster has consistently
been its managers. That’s why, sometimes, Red Sox teams who have been
really pretty great over the season (annual late July slump
notwithstanding) often get to the postseason and crumble. I mean,
obviously Joe Torre’s human too, and he makes questionable decisions (thank
God for small favors), but overall, the Yankees’ management is smarter, and
it shows.

People cry and moan about the expensive lineup the Yankees carry,
but honestly, it’s not THAT much more expensive than the Sox lineup. And
frankly, I don’t think it’s really much deeper, either. Both teams include
a lot of clutch players. But it takes a smart manager to turn a clutch
player into a clutch player who consistently shines in the postseason.
Derek Jeter? Looks the same on a day in Mid-May as he does on a day in
Mid-October. I think that’s largely due to his having played in mid-October
so many times. The more you do it, the less intimidating it’s going to be.
And ultimately, it’s good managing that gets you to mid-October on a
consistent basis. Hmm. Maybe the Sox front office should take a field trip
to Foxborough to watch a Patriots game…and learn to appreciate brilliant
coaching.

LW

Dear LW,

I don’t think the Sox managing is that bad.Francona’s made his share of inexplicable decisions, sure, but so has Torre (read: Stottlemyre), even the ones that worked out okay (read: “now ‘pitching’ for the Yankees, Felix Heredia”).Yeah, the Yanks got by with it.Doesn’t mean it was a good decision.

Francona’s lineup wasn’t getting it done — or at least not in a timely fashion — the first two games.It’s unfortunate, but he can’t make them hit in the clutch; he’s doing fine.

I do agree that the Yankees benefit from so many appearances in the postseason; they have a core of players who are used to the scrutiny and the pressure, and Torre’s experience is key also.You do see some skippers tunnel-visioning in Game Twos, or overmanaging, because of the high stakes; Torre isn’t going to do that.

But I also think that, in postseason appearances against Boston, the Yankees benefit from the Sox history of eternal disappointment.I don’t believe in the curse, I don’t understand why the Nation doesn’t get that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy — I don’t think the players themselves believe in it either, but I do think it affects them, that operatic atmosphere of redemption repeatedly denied, and I think the only way for the team to get past it is for the Boston fans and the Boston press to stop acting like they’re hex victims.Sometimes you just get beat.Give your opponents some credit and own it.

This is a great team you’ve got this year.I said in the spring that I thought they’d win the division easily; I called this series for the Sox in six.There’s no good reason those things don’t happen, except maybe that everyone involved with the team gets so focused on the Stations of the Cross crap that it paralyzes the team somehow.

Sars:

My team isn’t in the postseason (go Royals…yeah, save the comments), so I’m looking for other ways to pass the time.Any favorite baseball movies to recommend?

Also…am I the only one who doesn’t like Bull Durham and that cheezy speech by Costner about wet kisses and the curveball?

Bored in KC

Dear Bored,

Ouch.But Bill James is a Royals fan.Chin up!

Second part first.No, you’re not.The movie is okay; the speech is annoying.I mean, the guy takes a stand against Astroturf?Get in line, Crash.One cool thing about that movie is that there’s a guy named Garland Bunting in it (no relation).

Baseball movies I like: The Natural, Major League (I know, I know), Long Gone (young William Petersen!), and Field of Dreams.On the documentary tip, the Ken Burns series and When It Was A Game.

Hi Sars:

In reference to Mike’s question, and in case a gazillion lawyers haven’t already written to tell you this, the copyright laws are not available to protect ideas.So if Mike thinks up a way of adapting a piece of literature and goes around town and talks to several theater producers about it, he has exactly zero copyright protection.(Trademark or service mark protection isn’t applicable to his situation — it protects only words/symbols/names used “in commerce” (i.e., on labels or in advertising) to identify the goods or services of a particular business and distinguish them from from those of another.)

An author can claim copyright protection only of “original works of authoriship fixed in a tangible medium of expression.”In English, this means that copyright protection is available to an idea that is (1) set down in writing or other permanent form (audio, video, painting, music, architecture, etc.) and that is (2) original.Addressing the first requirement is easy — Mike would be well advised to write down a treatment of his idea for an adaption before going any further.Addressing the second requirement is more difficult, because there is no easy definition of how much originality a work must manifest in order to earn copyright protection.

Also, even if Mike’s treatment would have copyright protection, because it is based on a work in the public domain, that protection might be “thin.” In other words, the copyright might be infringed only by a production that exactly replicates the treatment. For example, if Mike is thinking about adapting the Book of Revelations using a cast of talking monkeys, and a producer likes that but decides to go with more easily-trained talking parrots, Mike probably can’t claim dominion over the entire talking-animal-scripture genre.

It may be that Mike’s idea is so revolutionary that it easily satisfies the originality criterion, and so unique that it would be difficult to use in a non-infringing manner.As you suggested, he should consult an attorney:Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts (www.vlany.org) is an excellent organization that provides free advice on arts-related legal questions.

Signed,
Tomato Nation Lovin’ Lawyer

Dear TNLL,

Thanks for the info.

I’d like to take this opportunity to caution anyone looking to protect written/artistic work: get a lawyer.It’s worth it.What you read in a So You Want To Write For Fun And Profit-type book is well-meaning, but often insufficient.Get professional counsel.

Dear Sars,

In relation to the letter from the Girl with the Craptacular Emotional IQ, I
wanted to agree with your advice to her to let her ex-boyfriend know pronto
about her new boy. I was in a similar situation when, about a year ago, I
dated a good friend and got my heart broken when he decided that we were on
separate paths, blah blah.

For months I held out hope that he wanted me
back, hope fed by his crappy behaviour (drunken kissing/hugging, ambiguous
looks and comments), so I allowed myself to deny what was fairly evident,
when he started seeing someone else, and instead would be thinking, “But he
put his hand on my leg last night! What does that mean?” He wouldn’t say,
and I wouldn’t ask, as I literally could not face hearing it, but it would
have been so much better if he had just sat me down and told me the truth,
both to give me closure, and also as a mark of respect for our friendship,
and it would have meant a lot if he’d reassured me of my importance to him.

He didn’t have the balls to do it, and as a result, I “found out” about his
new relationship when I turned up at a party he was going to to find them
there together, despite him knowing I was going, and despite me having asked
him if he was taking anyone. It was one of the most hurtful things that has
ever happened to me: I don’t think I’ve really forgiven him for being so
gutless and for lying; I don’t think he’s forgiven me for making him feel
guilty about his relationship and “forcing” him (as he saw it) to hide it.

In short, we both handled things badly, but it sounds like this girl
genuinely wants to do the right thing. If I know anything at all, her ex
probably already knows there’s someone else (when you obsess over someone,
you can always tell) and is scared of being told, but he needs it. If she
really wants to be friends with him, she should break the news kindly, and
not feel bad about it, as his reaction isn’t her responsibility, but also
reassure him of her friendship and mean it. Stay in touch and show him you
care, be kind: no flirting but no coldness either.

Yours,
Ambiguity is a Killer

Dear Amb,

It’s hard to know what the right thing is, sometimes, in situations like this, but you have to look at the situation for what it is, not what you want it to be or what it was or what it might be.In Craptacular’s case, she needs to behave as though they’ve broken up — because they have.And her ex needs to act the same way.

Let me put it another way.If you find yourself in a situation where you’re like “I think he/she still cares for me” or “this gesture could mean such-and-so but I’m not sure” or anything like that?Get out of it.People who care for you can sack up and say so/act like it, overtly; otherwise it’s just a mindfuck and it’s not something you need.Take some time; let it sink in that it’s over.It’s much better in the long run.

[10/19/04]

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