Hey Sars,

Far be it from me to suggest anything that favors Dubya, but your response
regarding the Electoral College skipped over the one thing that I feel comes
most closely to justifying its existence.Were we to rely on the popular
vote only, virtually all of the candidates’ time and money would be focused
on areas with high population density.I suppose the flip side of this is
that now candidates tend not to bother so much with states they feel they
can’t win, but it’s at least worth arguing that the electoral system gives
candidates some motivation to connect with people in suburban/rural areas
and also reinforces the concept of each state as being its own entity among
the 50.I wouldn’t be heartbroken to see the system go, but I don’t think
it is quite so antiquated.A smart fix would be allowing voters to have an
“instant run-off” where they list a second (or even third) choice should
there be no clear majority, thus eliminating the “spoiler” factor of
third-party candidates. (For example, Gore would have likely won Florida had
the second choice of Nader voters been considered, as I doubt many of those
would have gone with Bush.)

Also, I just wanted to touch on your recent letters about blood donation.I
used to think this would become my “thing” until I learned that gay men who
have ever had sex were blacklisted completely due to HIV fears, thus making
me ineligible to donate.I suppose I can see the reasoning behind this 15
years ago, but today I think it is unfair, especially considering the
question they ask donors doesn’t even say “unprotected sex” and all the
blood is tested before it is used anyway.Do you have any thoughts on that
or have you heard about any attempts to change that rule?

Of course, this wouldn’t be complete without saying thanks for rocking so
damn hard, Sars.

Electorally yours,
Take My Blood, Please

Dear Take,

I see your point about the electoral college, but candidates have to focus their energies somewhere; under the current system, they both more or less have lived in Ohio for the last month.I don’t think there’s any way to set the system up where candidates pay equal attention to all parts of the country, but then, I don’t think that’s necessary anyway; regardless of where presidential hopefuls focus their attention, it always comes off as forced.I doubt that many Ohio voters really believe either Bush or Kerry is going to give nearly the damn about them on November 3 that they’re giving lip service to giving now, in other words.

That isn’t the point.The point is that one vote should count as such, not as a means to the end of five or 15 or 31 mega-votes that don’t end up reflecting the will of the electorate.

As for blood donation…you’d have to cite me your sources on that, because I don’t know either way whether they still do “blood profiling” of that sort.I was told not to bother coming in for a year after I had my nose pierced, which…here’s what I’ve never understood about that questionnaire: if they’re testing all the blood anyway, what’s the point of applying rigorous standards to the self-reporting phase of the donation?You know?Like, why count on me to tell the truth about my last visit to England, if you’re supposed to screen all the donations anyway?In any case, I would like to see some documentation on that, because if blood centers are upset about a shortage but then are excluding an entire segment of the population based on stale data, they need to be called on that pronto — and they need to admit, with clear signage at donation centers, that certain donors are going to be selected out of the sample.

If you have any articles for me to read on that, please send them.

Hi Sars —

Long-time reader, first-time caller. Love your site.

I don’t know if this is something you can help me with or not, but I thought that your lovely readers might have some ideas if you don’t. I am teaching English at a school in Denmark. I need to set up a poetry unit for my eighth-grade class, and I am having trouble coming up with good poems for them to read. They read English at a fifth/sixth-grade level, and are pretty smart kids in general. The problem I am having is that I didn’t really get into poetry until college, so all of the poets I am familiar with are a little too old/boring for them. I love T.S. Eliot, but no way would I try to make eighth graders read it. I think they will like Langston Hughes, and his poems are at the right level. Other than him, I’ve got nothing. Can you help?

Thanks,
Big In Denmark

Dear Dane,

Man, I wish I had all day to sit on the floor with my Nortons and pull out a semester’s worth of goodies for you…but sadly, I don’t, so I’m just going to ad lib here.

The trick, I think, is to pick poems that tell good stories, and not worry too much about whether the diction is too advanced for them; you can help them with that part, but if the poem isn’t telling a good story, they won’t care about it.So…no Keats.

Off the top of my head here:

– “When Lilacs Last By The Dooryard Bloom’d,” Walt Whitman (it’s long, but it’s a good jumping-off point for discussions about effective imagery, and pretty accessible)
– “Richard Cory,” Edwin Arlington Robinson (they make U.S. eighth-graders read this; I have yet to figure out why, but it’s got a good twist)
– recent translations of Czeslaw Milosz’s work in The New Yorker (I have “Guardian Angel” pinned to my bulletin board; his work is very straightforward and striking, and the translators do a wonderful job with it — I can’t seem to find it on their website, but I’m betting an email from a teacher to their webmaster would get results)
– various Robert Frost (a bit remote at times emotionally but easy to dig into on a language level)

You might also encourage them to pick popular songs and do close readings of those, so they can relate the poetry unit a little more easily to something that feels relevant to their lives.

Hey Sars,

Similar to the suggestion of the Steven Tyler hater in Australia, there’s something called the Portland Giving Circle here in Maine.Four times per year someone hosts a big potluck, to which all of the attendees bring at least $15 to contribute.Right now, almost 300 people are invited!At the party, three nonprofits present their missions and functions to the guests, who then choose which group will receive their donation.Then, all the guests put their names in a pot and three names are picked, and those people choose the nonprofits for the next party.It’s a huge success and always raises tons of money.

Their website is http://portlandgivingcircle.net/ and the resources page has links to organizations that can help others start a giving circle.

I’m not a coordinator or anything, but I’ve been very impressed by how these parties can help people get involved.

And finally, a baseball question — you commented briefly on A-Rod’s ball-swiping play, but I am wondering what you thought of his “acting” afterward.Was he sincerely clueless that he had done something wrong, or was it all fake?

Sincerely,
Derek Lowe is my New Boyfriend

Dear Mrs. Lowe,

Thanks for the tip.

I don’t think he was clueless, sincerely or otherwise.I do think the swat was more a reflex than a considered action — not that the instinctive nature of it would excuse it or anything.I just don’t think he had a plan, and when it was all over, he thought he’d better stick to his argument.

Because the first thing they teach you as an umpire is not to reverse your calls.The first thing.You can’t reverse your calls, even if you know you biffed something, because it creates doubt in the minds of players and spectators, so they drill this into your head starting the first day: Stick to the call.Pay attention, do your best, and try not to screw up, but if you do, everyone will have to live with it.

Two calls got reversed in that game, but if you’ve got six or eight umps on the field, the one who made the ruling wasn’t in position to see the play, and it’s the postseason, hell yes reverse it.A-Rod is out on that play, every other ump saw it but the guy who signalled it — I have zero problem with that.But A-Rod, and every other player out there, knows that umpires are told not to reverse calls, and when there’s an argument over a decision, they will lean on that — and I suspect that that’s part of what happened on that play, that A-Rod was like, “You can’t go back on the call, it’s just not done, blah blah.”Again, I’m not saying he was right to do that; on the contrary, I think his insistence cost the Yankees momentum in that situation.But the next time a call is disputed or overruled, watch the manager whose team just got ruled against.He’s out of that dugout like a shot, and if you read his lips, he’s saying, “You already ruled, you can’t go back on that.”

It’s just how it’s been done for decades.I believe a certain modified version of instant replay has been phased in, at least for the postseason, so as to avoid The Great Denkinger Incident II: Electric Blind-A-Loo, and maybe they should consider instituting it during the season too.

I’ll tell you what else they should consider instituting, while I’ve got you here: CALLING THE GODDAMN HIGH STRIKE.These guys get paid millions.They can swing at something above the belt.Call it already.I thought the officiating generally speaking was decent in the postseason, but the home-plate umpiring was spotty, and — dudes.If a pitcher’s lost it, he’s lost it, but don’t squeeze the zone to make the manager hook him faster.I mean, during the regular season, that’s fine, but if you want to be a pitching coach, go be a pitching coach.Until then, call the zone according to the rulebook.

Dearest Sars,

Long-time reader, first-time writer.And I don’t know if you’ll be able to do anything about this — I’m unsure if this is just a personal thing I have to get over and that it’s different for everyone — but I figure you’ve gone through it (most everyone has) and you are surely faced with many of the same tasks I am, and therefore know how to overcome the issue.

The issue is that I am The Worst Procrastinator in the World.I’m an English major and a journalist and have to write a ton of papers and articles, and no matter how many times I tell myself I’m going to sit down and do it, I always end up waiting until the last minute.I’ll watch TV, or play on the computer, or talk to friends, always saying that I’ll start up at the next top or bottom of the hour.And yet, here I am, reading Tomato Nation when I have 5-7 pages due at noon, and I have, oh, roughly zero of them completed.I could have easily written a page in the time it took to write this email.

I’ve been hurt by the fact that I usually pull off the A and get a lot of praise for my work.But while it’s nice to have a talent, and I’m glad I know I can get away with it, I’m not that good, and if I want to do some excellent work in my occupation or graduate school, I’m going to have to break this pattern.I know a lot of writers often put things off and are known for last-minute genius (at least that’s the sexy stereotype), but I want to sleeeeeeeeeeep, and I need some tips, because I’m…

Sick of the All-Nighters

Dear Sick,

If you think I’m going to talk you out of reading TN, think again.Heh.

Here’s an oldie but goodie that might help.The best way to prevent yourself from procrastinating is to break the big tasks down into sets of smaller tasks, which then seem less unmanageable and therefore less tempting to avoid by playing Minesweeper.

You know you procrastinate; identifying that tendency is important, but beating yourself up for it is counterproductive (and wastes even more time), so when you find yourself doing it, acknowledge it, give yourself five more minutes to dick around, and then go back to your to-do list.Crossing things off is a good feeling and it feeds on itself.Start keeping a to-do list and try your best to stick to it.

Hallo Sars,

About a month ago, out of the blue, I started dating this guy we’ll
call Dave.We’d been friends for a time, as we’re in the same
educational program, but things blossomed, if you will.Anyway, he
makes me incredibly happy, and between us, all is more or less well.

The problem is, his ex-girlfriend, who is also one of his closest
friends. She and I had been friends, although not close, until Dave
and I started dating.Now she hates me, and is angry at Dave any time
that he and I spend time together.He acknowledges that she’s acting
childish (slamming doors; not speaking to me; being friends with Dave
one moment and cooking him dinner, then snapping at him and calling
him unfriendly epithets the next).But it upsets him a great deal.
She claims she doesn’t want to get back together with Dave — she
dumped him six months ago, and he tried to get back together with her
several times — but her behavior suggests that even if she won’t have
him, no one should.It is, obviously, worst when we’re all together
through necessity — he doesn’t seem to know who he should be with at
any given moment.I’m less confrontational (and, frankly, less
bitchy) so at the moment he’s choosing her to make less waves.
Written out this way, it really sounds as though he’s being a jerk,
and maybe to a point, he is, but they did have a long, serious
relationship, and I can understand him not wanting to cut ties with
her.(And, of course, he can’t, because of the situation we’re all in
anyway.)

I know my options are limited, and I’m not asking what should I do
with Dave.(I can leave him or stay with him, and at this moment I’m
choosing to stay — unless you see an option I’m missing?)My questions
are these: Can I suggest to him — without seeming as though I’m
giving him an ultimatum!– that he question the merits and/or type of
friendship he has with the ex?And, how can I minimize the effects of
how much the ex upsetting Dave is upsetting me?And do you have any
advice on how to deal with the ex when I need to, professionally?(If
you had advice on how to make the ex get over herself, I’d take that,
too, but of course I know there’s nothing I can do in that vein.
Besides, she’ll get over this eventually, right?I guess the question
there is whether her anger or my sanity will last longer.)

Thank you in advance,
Stuck Between a Boyfriend and His Ex

Dear Stuck,

Yeah, she’ll get over it eventually, but that would probably happen a lot faster if she and Dave weren’t in each other’s faces all the time still.I think it’s obvious to everyone but Dave and his ex that maybe they need to take a break from each other and let some time pass, so if you haven’t suggested that to Dave, you might consider it — just mention that, you know, maybe taking a few months to reset the system would keep the situation from getting any weirder and more tangled up.

I don’t think you can “question the merits,” really, of his friendship with her without putting him on the defensive, but on the other hand, I don’t think you should hesitate to give him an ultimatum.Not an “it’s her or me” type of ultimatum, but more of a “I don’t want to deal with her shit, and won’t, so…stop making me” type of ultimatum.He’s bringing shit from a past relationship into his current one, and as the incumbent, you have every right to decline to get involved, and to insist that he minimize the ex-related bullshit.

Yes, they had a long, serious relationship.Had.His unwillingness to cut the cord, at least for a while, is not going to work.You can’t make him choose, but you can make it clear that for him to still get all het up about his bratty ex is…kind of inappropriate, given that he’s in another relationship now and should be giving that his full attention.

[10/28/04]

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