“We just have to get to June.”
“June.”
“Juuuuune.”
“Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuune.”
“How long has May been going on for, now?”
“Two years? Three years?”
“Longer. I think Chevy Chase still had a talk show when May started.”
“I think you’re right.”
“It’s bad.”
“Well, it’s …

I’ve never understood picky eaters. I’ll eat anything — and I mean anything. I’ve always eaten anything and everything, even as a little kid; I knew from reading the comics pages that kids as a …

“Man-made leather” is not leather. It has very little to do with man, or any real “making” as we understand the word. It is not pleather; it is not vinyl; it is not plastic, or …

Sarah: So you just left?
Regina: Yeah.
Sarah: Just grabbed your bag and —
Regina: Hell yeah!
Sarah: No explanation. Nothing.
Regina: Dude. He ordered a girl drink. It’s not like I could stay there.
Sarah: What kind of girl drink?
Regina: …

You could say, “Oh, come on, now,” to the rain as you and Gustave walk to Penn Station. Then you could comment that your hair already looks like a terrifying cross between Willow’s on Buffy …

An entire cottage industry of humor — or, more accurately, “humor” — has sprung up around the following apocryphal sequence of events: woman emerges from dressing room, bathroom, or other outfitting alcove; woman strikes pose …

Dear IRS,
I just have a couple of questions here, because it’s a lot of money, and I’d just like to clear up a few things before I lop off my right breast and sell it …

Last Friday night, midway through the fifth hour of a six-hour drinkfest with Jonesey, I did something stupid. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I ordered a Budweiser. And another. Aaaaand another. I don’t know why I …

“Ow.”
“I know.”
“You got coffee, though.”
“Yeah. Oh! Did you want one? I mean, was I supposed to get you one?”
“No. I mean — well, it wouldn’t do much good at this point anyway. So what’s with …

A month or two ago, I lugged the Hobe to the vet for his annual check-up. While we waited — well, I waited; the Hobe alternated between pointedly ignoring me and staring daggers at the …