N Candy AA II: Round of 64, Flight 3
by Keckler
Updated bracket is here. Confused? Click here. Polls for Flight 3 close 11:59 PM ET on Monday.
1 Skittles vs. 16 Bit O’ Honey. Really? How is a “bit o'” anything even acceptable as a candy? When I eat candy, I don’t want a “bit o'” it — I want massive, huge, very large amounts. Also: I hate honey and I love Skittles (current creeptastic commercials notwithstanding), so this is a no-brainer for me. As it should be for you. Vote Skittles and dump the stupid non-candy on it’s bee-hind. (YES I WENT THERE!)
1 Skittles vs. 16 Bit o' Honey
- Skittles (82%, 766 Votes)
- Bit o' Honey (18%, 173 Votes)
Total Voters: 939
Loading ...8 spice/gum drops vs. 9 Sour Patch Kids. I treat these candies almost exactly the same way. I suck all the sugar off until they are slippery little pieces of gelatin in my mouth and only then do I chew. I was completely obsessed with Sour Patch Kids for awhile and I still love them even if their sourness makes my teeth squeak when I eat too many in one sitting. [“Even thinking about them floods my mouth with fire-extinguishing saliva. I love them, but: SO SOUR.” — Bunting] However, I think I love spice/gum drops more. Of course, at the risk of some serious childhood TMI, my love might come from a…well, I’m not going to say Pavlovian because that would be seriously scary and seriously incorrect. Let’s just say, I have a specific potty-training memory whereby my reward was gum drops, and I actually remember thinking, “That’s ALL I have to do? NICE!” So: yeah. Sorry. That had to come out. (So to speak.) SORRY! I’m done. (Hew.)
8 spice/gum drops vs. 9 Sour Patch Kids
- Sour Patch Kids (60%, 554 Votes)
- spice/gum drops (40%, 366 Votes)
Total Voters: 920
Loading ...5 circus peanuts vs. 12 Jujubes. Granted, circus peanuts might be the most hew-ful candies ever invented — both for their weird banana-ry flavor and for their suggestive shape and name — but I just can’t stop eating them. I’m actually disgusted AS I eat them. Yet as soon as I’m done with one, I have to have another to see if it’s really that gross and then I’m caught in the same downward spiral that compels me to watch bad rom-coms on Netflix Instant. (Not good-bad, either, BAD-bad. I’m talking When in Rome bad.) It might be their weird “not quite soft, not quite hard, not quite cake” texture, which seems like it might be an unholy mélange à trois of fondant, marshmallow, and nougat, that compels me to eat one circus peanut after another. Or I just might be a freak. I’m willing to accept both, because I do think circus peanuts are the Hew Grant of Candywood. In more ways than one.
…and I don’t have much to say about Jujubes. They’re hard little pellets of candy pain. They’re like mini-Dots but without the satisfaction of enough of a mouthful of “fruit” flavor. (I adore Dots for all their cavity yanking.) Also, what’s with the spelling, people? What was so wrong with calling them “Jujubees”? As it’s spelled, it looks like “Jupubes.” [“Jujubee from RuPaul’s Drag Race is awesome, proving your point.” — Bunting] Circus peanuts will triumph, but it’s anyone’s guess how long they’ll stick it out. (Hew.)
5 circus peanuts vs. 12 Jujubes
- Jujubes (67%, 556 Votes)
- circus peanuts (33%, 271 Votes)
Total Voters: 827
Loading ...4 Life Savers vs. 13 Mentos. One of my most cherished memories is finding the classic Life Savers storybook in my wooden shoe on Christmas morning. SO MANY ROLLS! SO MANY FLAVORS! If I recall, we got two rolls of regular rainbow Life Savers, two rolls of peppermint, two of wintergreen, and one each of butterscotch and wild cherry. They would last for DAYS! I do love all flavors of Life Savers (the rainbow ones sometimes had a surprise pineapple in the form of a very pale yellow one, which was awesome), but cherry might have been my very favorite. I know they started getting into tropical fruit combos and stuff, but my heart is with the classics. Sigh. Why don’t I buy Life Savers anymore? Cute Canadian commercials aside, Mentos — the candy that seems to give you massive amounts of pluck — can’t compete. I had them once or twice, and they were fine, but nothing I would ever seek out. (Not like how I’m going to Safeway right now and getting me some Life Savers.) Life Savers, for sure, but it may be closer than we seeded.
4 Life Savers vs. 13 Mentos
- Life Savers (76%, 720 Votes)
- Mentos (24%, 223 Votes)
Total Voters: 943
Loading ...6 Gummi/Haribo fruits, animals, etc. vs. 11 Spree. I used to love Gummi Bears. But then I read that Ramona book when Mr. Quimby loses his job yet still brings home a bag of Gummi Bears for his daughters, who are terrified about what will happen to the family, and now they just taste of tears to me. Sad, unemployed, drawing-his-foot, working-in-frozen-food man tears. I don’t have strong feelings about the rest of the Haribo menagerie, but I know a few of you do, so have at it. Spree, on the other hand, take me back to summers at the St. Louis Park Pool, where I ate tube after silver tube of them. And then never did again. So, my memories of Spree are chlorine smells and stained hands (they did bleed), which isn’t all bad, but it’s never made me seek them out as an adult, either. Gummi and Co. will last for another few rounds, but not much longer.
6 Gummi/Haribo-verse vs. 11 Spree
- Gummi/Haribo (72%, 658 Votes)
- Spree (28%, 254 Votes)
Total Voters: 912
Loading ...3 Reese’s Pieces vs. 14 caramel creams/bull’s eyes. I rocked Dr. Mathra’s world when I broke the news to him that his cherished Pieces don’t contain chocolate. I’m fairly meh on RPs myself. I went through an E.T. phase (didn’t everyone?) when I gobbled piles of them just so I could make the noise E.T. made when he ate them. There was something very appealing about the clicky-crunchiness that, for some weird reason, M&Ms couldn’t satisfy. I’ve never had a caramel cream or a bull’s eye and I don’t plan on it. They sound and look weird and gross. [“They really do. And…are. And…love!” — Bunting] Reese’s Pieces won’t be phoning home any time soon.
3 Reese's Pieces vs. 14 caramel creams/bull's-eyes
- Reese's Pieces (77%, 705 Votes)
- caramel creams/bull's-eyes (23%, 216 Votes)
Total Voters: 921
Loading ...7 Blow Pops vs. 10 Jolly Ranchers. I don’t care who wins this. All I care about is that both Jolly Ranchers and Blow Pops come in a despised watermelon flavor, and I was always very mad if I got stuck with it. [“Weird — that was the most jealously collected flavor at my school. (I couldn’t have cared less.)” — Bunting] Technically, Blow Pops are more fun. They have a stick — which is usually more fun than no-stick — and they have gum. No matter how crappy the gum or lousy the resulting bubbles, kids always think they’re getting more candy bang for their buck when they get a 2-in-1. Jolly Ranchers are fine. I love their sour apple and I love their cherry, but they’re sort of boring by comparison. Blow Pops will take this easily.
7 Blow Pops vs. 10 Jolly Ranchers
- Jolly Ranchers (55%, 509 Votes)
- Blow Pops (45%, 411 Votes)
Total Voters: 920
Loading ...2 Red Vines vs. 15 sesame candy. As much as I want Red Vines to be Dead Vines because they are merely a waxier, more shallow-flavored version of my beloved Twizzlers (yes, I know them’s fightin’ words), I can’t argue they be knocked out in favor of the weird-ass sesame candy. When I got sesame candy in my hauloween, I mentally equated the houses giving it with the same annoying houses who doled out toothbrushes, fruit, or other candy “alternatives.” For some reason, there was a whiff of downer about sesame candy. Like it was “healthy” candy or something. There’s something very bird-feed about it, too. Maybe I’m really off base with my analysis, but I’ve never been motivated to go back and try it, so Red Vines lives to see another round. (But then it must die.)
2 Red Vines vs. 15 sesame candy
- Red Vines (70%, 600 Votes)
- sesame candy (30%, 254 Votes)
Total Voters: 854
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Tags: Aimee Mann food Keckler N Candy AA RuPaul
…I have compassion for Red Vines people, as a black licorice person myself, and I wish I liked them because it would be some rad co-branding for this here blog.
Alas: blerf.
Red Vines!!! I grew up in the West, and no one out here in NY knows about them. Twizzlers? Nasty, greasy, eccch. Red Vines rule. Take that, Keckler.
Gummi bears vs. Spree? Why don’t you just make me choose between my children? Those are pretty much the only non-chocol–
Wait. Reese’s Pieces?! This contest is over.
These are some rough match-ups, I agree. Butter-rum Life Savers vs. Mentos, which are fresh and full of life?! WHO RANKED THESE, GODDAMMIT?
…Oh. Right.
I once had a co-worker rave about Goetze’s bull’s-eye caramels, so I went ahead and tried one since they looked pretty tasty. I liked it for about two seconds, and then it seemed that the combination of the caramel and the creme center made a weird starchy, floury texture in my mouth and I just never had an interest in eating them again. Meanwhile, I love stuffing one cheek with Reese’s Pieces like a squirrel, giving them a casual suck every few seconds, and then after a minute devour the whole softened, sweet peanut-buttery blob. Reese’s for the win, no question.
I’m pretty surprised so far at the fight spice drops are putting up against Sour Patch Kids. I LOVE me some Sour Patch Kids, especially the red raspberry ones, and spice drops to me are one of those “old lady’s parlor” sweets – I never trusted them because I was never sure what flavor some of them were. I could guess what the red, green, and white ones were, but orange and purple struck fear in my heart and I never tried them.
I don’t love sesame candy but I voted for it because Red Vines are an abomination! I don’t even know how they can continue to exist in a world that contains Twizzlers!
I cannot believe there are people in the world who can eat more than one circus peanut without instantly horking all over the place. I can down my fair share of gross candy (hello, waxy-ass caramel creams that taste like carsickness), but circus peanuts are my kryptonite. But thank you for finally pinning down their flavor (BANANA! Why is it so hard to identify?!).
Oh, bull’s eyes. What is in the middle? Creme? Crisco? Sugar? Anytime I’ve tried them they’ve always been stale and just plain gross. Maybe I’ve been unlucky, or maybe that is what they are supposed to be like. It just feel like something that doesn’t belong in your mouth.
I’ve gone through a Reese’s Pieces revival myself since they are the cheapest candy in the machine at work.
Bertha – I agree! Twizzlers rule, Red Vines drool. I’ve never even had a sesame candy, but that got my vote anyway.
I also voted for jujubes (another candy I’ve never tried) simply because I abhor its competition. Circus Peanuts are the nastiest things ever created. I threw them up as a kid. Not after eating a whole bag mind you (like the cause of any normal-candy puke), but after eating ONE. My mom would be happy to verify this story – she was not amused.
Vote sesame! Down with Red Vines!
Aw, why you gotta put my caramel creams against Reese’s Pieces? I’m deathly allergic to nuts so I can’t vote for Reese’s Pieces anyway. But as I mentioned in another comment, caramel creams were one of my grandpop’s favorite candies and I spent a lot of time with him growing up so they became one of mine as well, and there’s no way they’re going to win against goddamn Reese’s fucking Pieces. Why must you dishonor my late grandpop’s memory? :)
Circus Peanuts vs. jujubes? Blech vs. blech. Ditto Red Vines vs. sesame candy.
Mentos vs. Life Savers is interesting. I LOVE fruit-flavored Mentos – if they are next to the cash register, I will buy them. But they’re the only flavor of Mentos I like. I like all kinds of Life Savers though, so you’d think I’d vote for them, but I like fruity Mentos more than all kinds of Life Savers. And I don’t like Haribo-brand gummy bears but I adore gummy bears/worms in general (I can eat an entire bag of Rite Aid-brand gummies in one sitting; I may have done that last week, in fact), and I love Haribo fruit salad, so Haribo gets the vote.
I have no idea what either red vines or sesame candy are. I hate twizzlers, but I don’t want to vote for sesame candy without having some sort of reference point for what it is. So I must sit out the 2 v. 15 pairing.
I love caramel creme bull’s eyes. I’m sure it has a lot to do with kidhood memories of gram’s house. I like how the ‘weirdly flour-y’ creme cools the caramel. They won’t last, but they’re getting my Flight 3 vote anyway.
Mentos are great! They’re perfect when you want to chew something, but don’t want the commitment of gum. (Especially if it’s a breath-freshening flavor. Gum will need to be put somewhere later, usually when it’s not convenient, or when your mind – and mouth – are on other things. If you get my drift. And I know you do.)
My dad loved circus peanuts, for some reason. I would eat them as a kid, but when I tried them as an adult I nearly barfed. Disgusting.
I love skittles. I used to cram in as many as I could and just suck the juice until it was one giant mass of candy in my mouth (hew). I’d also sort them by flavors and take one of each and eat them at the same time, thus mixing the flavors equally.
Seriously, BlowPops vs. Jolly Ranchers? Green apple Jolly Ranchers may just be the most sublime tasting sugar on earth, but yet how can I vote against the 2-for-1 cunning of the Blow Pop? Chewing the gum with some of the crunchy candy goodness still in it! Aargh. That’s all I have to say about that.
I REALLY hope that Jolly Ranchers beat Blow-Pops. The gum is disgusting, and chunks of the lollipop inevitably get stuck in the gum, which . . . crunchy gum? Ugh.
While Mentos are ok, I have to vote Life Savers because you can make sparks in your mouth with the wintergreen flavor. Sparking candy, how can you not love it? I need to go buy some.
The Lifesavers books were staples of my middle school’s Secret Santa gift exchange. I loved getting them.
Skittles are also a handy tool for temporary vandalism. A half-chewed Skittle tucked into a hated teacher’s windshield wiper is quite satisfying, but not destructive in any real way.
Or so I have heard. And obviously I deeply disapproved, and never even considered Skittling the Volvo of that pill who gave me a C-plus on my Puritan-church diorama.
Take a big bag of Reese’s Pieces and a big bag of dark-chocolate M&Ms. Dump both into a bowl (or a ziploc) and mix. Yay!
Jolly Ranchers also come in a weird, flat, 6-inch ruler shape. I think this is only the cinnamon flavor, though. I distinctly remember elementary school “dances” where they had a DJ and a table full of candy and we’d get these JR things and suck them into points and then try to stab each other. Because… sharp. Probably not the best candy to put in your prison care package, is what I’m saying.
I’m sad that chewy SweeTarts aren’t involved in this, because those things are awesome.
After 13 years of wrangling a chocolate allergy, I was delighted to learn the truth about Reese’s Pieces.
Until, that is, I saw “resinous glaze” on the ingredients list. Stupid beetles.
@Rachel: If it’s a SweeTart, it’s involved. Vote accordingly. (And we totally did that with the Flat Ranchers in college, which did come in fruit flavors.)
Sweet! (hee) I figured, but… they’re so different from regular ‘Tarts, I wasn’t sure.
I just opened my junk food stash drawer here at work. Ahem. Smarties, Sweetarts, Dum-Dums, Starlight mints, Zotz, those strawberry things wrapped in the paper that looks like a strawberry, LifeSavers (fruit-flavored), and Bob’s Sweet Stripes, which look like inflated Starlight mints but have the consistency of after-dinner mints (and so are basically delight in candy form). (That most of this candy has been in there for the better part of a year is a false testament to my self-control.)
I’m with Tal: I had to think long and hard about the Jolly Rancher/Blow Pop matchup. Both were used as currency in my middle school. In the end, I had to go with the JR, just ’cause they’re easier to fit in your mouth and suck voraciously. (Hew!)
those strawberry things wrapped in the paper that looks like a strawberry
[heart]
attica, your phrase “the commitment of gum” is the best thing I’ve read all day.
And a perfect band name, no?
I’m surprised no-ones voting for Mentos based on the Mentos + Diet Coke thing. I never eat them, but I think they’re way more fun than Life Savers, sparking and all.
Sigh, poor sesame candy, I knew you were doomed. Also, I voted against Circus Peanuts, because they are gross. I think Circus Peanuts need to be one of those deal-breaker questions you get on dating sites.
Am I the only person who hates Skittles? They burn the back of my throat and make me hack-cough. I don’t even know what Bit’o’Honey is, but it wins if it doesn’t feel like fire.
And although I like Blo-Pops, I had to throw the nostalgia vote to Jolly Ranchers. In high school, my best friend and I passed notes ALL THE TIME. In case of random interception, though, we gave code names to all the guys we liked based on their names (e.g. last name Arnold – Terminator 2 was out at that time – he became T2.) Jolly Ranchers (initials J. R.) was my grade-nine crush.
I *adore* circus peanuts. Love them. Can eat entire bags — well, until the pure sugar content vaporizes in my blood stream and makes me twitch like I’m having a fit, but… LOVE the peanuts. :)
No, no, no, Twizzlers are the plastic abomination, ugh!!! They’re awful. I adore Red Vines. It was a sad, sad day in Boston when I could not find them anywhere. They better beat the damn Twizzlers, ugh!
Way back in the 70s (I’m old!) my mom worked for the Baker Beechnut plant in San Jose, CA when they were making Lifesavers. I have to tell you, there is nothing like getting to hang out at the plant and eating warm Lifesavers fresh off the conveyer belt. We had to stand behind the red safety line and the line inspector would flip a few on a little tray and hand them over for us to taste. Kid heaven! Plus the packages of damaged (think no holes or odd shaped) or mis-wrapped (extra-long rolls!)that failed inspection (yes, there were Lifesavers inspectors and taste-testers. Every day a different employee got to take home the box of misfit Lifesavers. Took about 3 months to get through the rotation.
I still have fond memories of tropical fruit Lifesavers and candy cane Lifesavers warm off the assembly line.
I can’t believe Keckler put her lot in with Blowpops and not JR’s. I can not abide blow pops for all reasons other people have mentioned, I can’t abide gum and their gum was the worst and plus the crunchy gum thing. Blech!
Jolly Ranchers were on the whole sugary bliss. Sure, the watermelon (ick) flavor was evil, but for my money their lemon and sour apple were my crack. And I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one fashioning a shiv out of candy in high school. I don’t know if I feel better about myself or disgusted about the state of the world that this is something that was universally done to Jolly Ranchers…..
Related to the Mentos vs life savers topic (the commitment of gum. excellent), is MacIntosh Toffee a Canadian thing? Because I’ve had an ongoing debate/discussion with my friends on the subject of the chewy tipping point. Let me clarify. Is there a point at which the difficulty in actually consuming a candy negates its flavor? MacIntosh toffee is both delicious and flat out impossible to eat. Mentos is the reverse. A fairly forgettable flavor but really convenient.
This has actually been a topic we’ve debated for years which is clearly proof that we are dorks.
“Those strawberry things wrapped in the paper that looks like a strawberry” are the only strawberry-flavored candy I’ll eat.
@Hellcat13 – I don’t hate Skittles, but they do weird things to my taste buds, so I haven’t had them, in a long time.
@Lynne – “the chewy tipping point” – love it! That’s my problem with Milk Duds.
Re: red vines – when I was a kid, my local Albertson’s had these rando bags of red and black licorice surplus pieces for, like, 2 bucks. It was essentially a giant pile of odd bits and bobs from the end of licorice production runs. Sometimes you could spot a particular brand by shape or consistency, sometimes not. It was hands-down my favorite thing to buy to take to the pool – set 3lbs of red and black awesomeness on the hot cement under your pool chair for 30 minutes or so and you’ve got something totally delicious. Man, I wish I could still buy one of those bags.
I know it goes against the “non-chocolate” theme of this bracket, but Chocolate Covered Gummi Bears are surprisingly awesome. All the bears inside are cherry, which is my favorite flavor. I can only ever find them at those candy stores in malls where you purchase by the pound out of bins, but I always make sure to grab some.
@Lynne
I feel that peanut brittle might reach the chewy tipping point. Oh so delicious, but so hard to eat. Now & Laters, on the other hand, taste like Pledge and chew like plastic, so I’m not sure if the chew negates the flavor or vice versa. Ech.
Do you get the same Red Vines that we get out in the west? They’re delicious! Twizzlers are the waxy flavorless strips of plastic!
In my clan, the big “Family Mix” bag of Red Vines is a tradition for long road trips. Red and black! All different shapes! Varying levels of softness! There’s something for everyone. And then there’s Dad, who persists in eating Twizzlers because he apparently has no taste buds anyway.
Voted Jolly Ranchers because of the memories of eating them for the first time ever … on a ranch! I was at Girl Scout National Center West for a summer, working as a horse wrangler, and that candy was in our rations. I’d never seen them before and that weird way they can get stuck to the roof of your mouth fascinated me. Hated the watermelon flavor, but the rest were yum! So whenever i have one now, I am instantly transported back to Wyoming summers and the smell of sage, horse, leather…
I would love to see geographic breakdown of Red Vines v. Twizzlers devotees. I’m pretty sure there’s a line dividing East from West. I am a West coaster, and I LOVE Red Vines. I find Twizzlers, on the other hand, to be disgusting strips of plastic. I remember being so excited to try them when I was a kid (marketing blitz, methinks), and then, oh, the crushing disappointment. Blech.
@Lynne – definitely a chewy tipping point with MacIntosh Toffee. SO GOOD, but I would never consider it these days. I’d be terrified I’d rip out a filling.
You can actually get small wrapped pieces of it now, but the flavour isn’t what I remember from the big red wodge in the tartan box. (Did you thwack it against a table to break it up? Or did you try to gnaw it off bit by bit?)
@Georgia–I’m so glad you used Pledge as a flavor. I always described Pez candy as “Pledge-flavored,” which inevitably led to someone asking, “You’ve…eaten Pledge?”
@Hellcat13
I was a table twacker with MacIntosh for sure. Releasing some rage on an innocent bar of toffee was pretty satisfying. It worked better if you refrigerated it first which of course made the stuff even more difficult to eat.
Oh my goodness, Sesame candies. My parents used to give these out at Halloween, and as a kid, I was so embarrassed. But I do (and did then, too) love them. Too bad they’re not long for this tournament.
I’m West Coast and indeed am on team Red Vines. If you bite off the ends you have a delicious straw! Twizzlers taste weird and have an unpleasant mouth feel.
This round was fun because I had heard of/eaten most of the candies. The last round I barely voted because I hadn’t tasted most of the entries.
Those blobby caramel things with the chalky white centers are called Bullseyes? I used to break them open, remove the vile white center, and eat the caramel (as a poor substitute for real caramels).
And ah, Lifesavers. I still get the Lifesavers story book for Christmas from my mom, although the amount and variety has decreased greatly. Many years ago when I was in college I saw a series of one-acts, and the one that still sticks in my mind is a monologue about Lifesavers — the guy, at a convenience store late at night looking for a candy, begins a discourse on Lifesavers, their flavors, packaging, categories, and so on. So funny! I periodically google it to see if I can find it again, but no luck so far.
Toni, have you tried Muddy Bears? They’re chocolate-covered gummi bears, sold everywhere. I tried them once and think they’re disgusting, but my boyfriend’s kids love them, and if you’re a fan of the chocolate/gummi combo and can’t get to a full-on candy store, you might want to try them.
I think Circus Peanuts are vile and would possibly vote against them even if they were running against liver, so I had to vote for Jujubes, which I’m normally meh about. And now thanks to this contest, Jujubes will now always always be referred to as “Jupubes.” Hee! And Hew!
I am very surprised to read that everyone thinks the watermelon flavor Jolly Rancher is nasty. It’s just about the only JR flavor I like. Green apple will do if there are no watermelons left.
I grew up in NY, currently live in Utah, and cannot STAND red vines! Twizzlers are much better. My husband, on the other hand, is a Utah native and prefers red vines. To me Red vines are way to waxy and thin, where the twizzlers are soft and are much thicker.
I’m also a west coaster and am Team Red Vine, but I don’t have the vileness for Twizzlers that everyone here does. I grew up in New Mexico, where they were prevalent and they were, as memory serves, perfectly adequate. I can remember using them as straws in my buddy’s dorm room once and I didn’t think they were plastic nightmares. I just like Red Vines a tidge better.
I too would like to know what the geographical preference is. can’t say for sure that Twizzlers were more prevalent in New Mexico but damned if I’m not curious now….