N Candy AA II: Round of 64, Flight 3
by Keckler
Updated bracket is here. Confused? Click here. Polls for Flight 3 close 11:59 PM ET on Monday.
1 Skittles vs. 16 Bit O’ Honey. Really? How is a “bit o'” anything even acceptable as a candy? When I eat candy, I don’t want a “bit o'” it — I want massive, huge, very large amounts. Also: I hate honey and I love Skittles (current creeptastic commercials notwithstanding), so this is a no-brainer for me. As it should be for you. Vote Skittles and dump the stupid non-candy on it’s bee-hind. (YES I WENT THERE!)
1 Skittles vs. 16 Bit o' Honey
- Skittles (82%, 766 Votes)
- Bit o' Honey (18%, 173 Votes)
Total Voters: 939
Loading ...8 spice/gum drops vs. 9 Sour Patch Kids. I treat these candies almost exactly the same way. I suck all the sugar off until they are slippery little pieces of gelatin in my mouth and only then do I chew. I was completely obsessed with Sour Patch Kids for awhile and I still love them even if their sourness makes my teeth squeak when I eat too many in one sitting. [“Even thinking about them floods my mouth with fire-extinguishing saliva. I love them, but: SO SOUR.” — Bunting] However, I think I love spice/gum drops more. Of course, at the risk of some serious childhood TMI, my love might come from a…well, I’m not going to say Pavlovian because that would be seriously scary and seriously incorrect. Let’s just say, I have a specific potty-training memory whereby my reward was gum drops, and I actually remember thinking, “That’s ALL I have to do? NICE!” So: yeah. Sorry. That had to come out. (So to speak.) SORRY! I’m done. (Hew.)
8 spice/gum drops vs. 9 Sour Patch Kids
- Sour Patch Kids (60%, 554 Votes)
- spice/gum drops (40%, 366 Votes)
Total Voters: 920
Loading ...5 circus peanuts vs. 12 Jujubes. Granted, circus peanuts might be the most hew-ful candies ever invented — both for their weird banana-ry flavor and for their suggestive shape and name — but I just can’t stop eating them. I’m actually disgusted AS I eat them. Yet as soon as I’m done with one, I have to have another to see if it’s really that gross and then I’m caught in the same downward spiral that compels me to watch bad rom-coms on Netflix Instant. (Not good-bad, either, BAD-bad. I’m talking When in Rome bad.) It might be their weird “not quite soft, not quite hard, not quite cake” texture, which seems like it might be an unholy mélange à trois of fondant, marshmallow, and nougat, that compels me to eat one circus peanut after another. Or I just might be a freak. I’m willing to accept both, because I do think circus peanuts are the Hew Grant of Candywood. In more ways than one.
…and I don’t have much to say about Jujubes. They’re hard little pellets of candy pain. They’re like mini-Dots but without the satisfaction of enough of a mouthful of “fruit” flavor. (I adore Dots for all their cavity yanking.) Also, what’s with the spelling, people? What was so wrong with calling them “Jujubees”? As it’s spelled, it looks like “Jupubes.” [“Jujubee from RuPaul’s Drag Race is awesome, proving your point.” — Bunting] Circus peanuts will triumph, but it’s anyone’s guess how long they’ll stick it out. (Hew.)
5 circus peanuts vs. 12 Jujubes
- Jujubes (67%, 556 Votes)
- circus peanuts (33%, 271 Votes)
Total Voters: 827
Loading ...4 Life Savers vs. 13 Mentos. One of my most cherished memories is finding the classic Life Savers storybook in my wooden shoe on Christmas morning. SO MANY ROLLS! SO MANY FLAVORS! If I recall, we got two rolls of regular rainbow Life Savers, two rolls of peppermint, two of wintergreen, and one each of butterscotch and wild cherry. They would last for DAYS! I do love all flavors of Life Savers (the rainbow ones sometimes had a surprise pineapple in the form of a very pale yellow one, which was awesome), but cherry might have been my very favorite. I know they started getting into tropical fruit combos and stuff, but my heart is with the classics. Sigh. Why don’t I buy Life Savers anymore? Cute Canadian commercials aside, Mentos — the candy that seems to give you massive amounts of pluck — can’t compete. I had them once or twice, and they were fine, but nothing I would ever seek out. (Not like how I’m going to Safeway right now and getting me some Life Savers.) Life Savers, for sure, but it may be closer than we seeded.
4 Life Savers vs. 13 Mentos
- Life Savers (76%, 720 Votes)
- Mentos (24%, 223 Votes)
Total Voters: 943
Loading ...6 Gummi/Haribo fruits, animals, etc. vs. 11 Spree. I used to love Gummi Bears. But then I read that Ramona book when Mr. Quimby loses his job yet still brings home a bag of Gummi Bears for his daughters, who are terrified about what will happen to the family, and now they just taste of tears to me. Sad, unemployed, drawing-his-foot, working-in-frozen-food man tears. I don’t have strong feelings about the rest of the Haribo menagerie, but I know a few of you do, so have at it. Spree, on the other hand, take me back to summers at the St. Louis Park Pool, where I ate tube after silver tube of them. And then never did again. So, my memories of Spree are chlorine smells and stained hands (they did bleed), which isn’t all bad, but it’s never made me seek them out as an adult, either. Gummi and Co. will last for another few rounds, but not much longer.
6 Gummi/Haribo-verse vs. 11 Spree
- Gummi/Haribo (72%, 658 Votes)
- Spree (28%, 254 Votes)
Total Voters: 912
Loading ...3 Reese’s Pieces vs. 14 caramel creams/bull’s eyes. I rocked Dr. Mathra’s world when I broke the news to him that his cherished Pieces don’t contain chocolate. I’m fairly meh on RPs myself. I went through an E.T. phase (didn’t everyone?) when I gobbled piles of them just so I could make the noise E.T. made when he ate them. There was something very appealing about the clicky-crunchiness that, for some weird reason, M&Ms couldn’t satisfy. I’ve never had a caramel cream or a bull’s eye and I don’t plan on it. They sound and look weird and gross. [“They really do. And…are. And…love!” — Bunting] Reese’s Pieces won’t be phoning home any time soon.
3 Reese's Pieces vs. 14 caramel creams/bull's-eyes
- Reese's Pieces (77%, 705 Votes)
- caramel creams/bull's-eyes (23%, 216 Votes)
Total Voters: 921
Loading ...7 Blow Pops vs. 10 Jolly Ranchers. I don’t care who wins this. All I care about is that both Jolly Ranchers and Blow Pops come in a despised watermelon flavor, and I was always very mad if I got stuck with it. [“Weird — that was the most jealously collected flavor at my school. (I couldn’t have cared less.)” — Bunting] Technically, Blow Pops are more fun. They have a stick — which is usually more fun than no-stick — and they have gum. No matter how crappy the gum or lousy the resulting bubbles, kids always think they’re getting more candy bang for their buck when they get a 2-in-1. Jolly Ranchers are fine. I love their sour apple and I love their cherry, but they’re sort of boring by comparison. Blow Pops will take this easily.
7 Blow Pops vs. 10 Jolly Ranchers
- Jolly Ranchers (55%, 509 Votes)
- Blow Pops (45%, 411 Votes)
Total Voters: 920
Loading ...2 Red Vines vs. 15 sesame candy. As much as I want Red Vines to be Dead Vines because they are merely a waxier, more shallow-flavored version of my beloved Twizzlers (yes, I know them’s fightin’ words), I can’t argue they be knocked out in favor of the weird-ass sesame candy. When I got sesame candy in my hauloween, I mentally equated the houses giving it with the same annoying houses who doled out toothbrushes, fruit, or other candy “alternatives.” For some reason, there was a whiff of downer about sesame candy. Like it was “healthy” candy or something. There’s something very bird-feed about it, too. Maybe I’m really off base with my analysis, but I’ve never been motivated to go back and try it, so Red Vines lives to see another round. (But then it must die.)
2 Red Vines vs. 15 sesame candy
- Red Vines (70%, 600 Votes)
- sesame candy (30%, 254 Votes)
Total Voters: 854
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Tags: Aimee Mann food Keckler N Candy AA RuPaul
Count me as another Twizzlers over Red Vines gal! I grew up in the midwest and south but now live on the west coast. People here LOVE the Red Vines! I mean, compared to other candy Twizzlers aren’t great, but they are still 1000% better than Red Vines. One of the few true regional differences left these days I guess.
@Nanc in Ashland: I thought nothing could beat having a fireman for a Dad. Now I am totally jealous of your entire childhood!
@Hanna: My BFF and I once carefully evaluated a bag of saltwater taffy together, commenting on every flavor. She finally popped a light green one in her mouth, chewed thoughtfully, and said, “Mmmmm… Pine-Sol!”
She wasn’t kidding. It tasted just like Pine-sol smells, and even today one of us will taste an odd-flavored food and just call it Pine-Sol. That was twenty years ago… good times!
…for the record, you can all just send me your watermelon Jolly Ranchers now. I’ll take good care of them, I promise!
Twizzlers all the way! I did live in Ohio until I was 11, and I don’t remember anyone eating Red Vines, but now live in CA. Red vines seem to be more popular here.
Wow, this was mostly a lesser-of-two-evils round.
Skittles > Bit o’Honey because honey is a vile waste of the universe’s sugar molecules. This truism applies to cereal, cake, doughnut coatings, etc., and its only practical use is sterile wound dressing. Would you eat Polysporin?
Sour Patch > Gumdrops because gumdrops are revolting pieces of flavourless high-density plastic, and contrary to the evidence provided by my candy consumption, I do actually respect my teeth.
Jujubes > circus peanuts because circus peanuts are the candy of the third circle of hell.
Spree > gummi because compressed sugar+food acid always, always wins. Especially with a tart & lively candy coating.
Life Savers > Mentos because a) Life Saver storybook!, and b) their wild cherry flavour was The Best Cherry Candy (until Jolly Ranchers & Cherry Blasters came along and destroyed that, but still).
Reese’s Pieces > caramel whatevers because, even though I loves me my caramels, RPs are peanut butter, and that is awesome in a thumbnail-sized piece.
Jolly Ranchers > Blow Pops because a) cherry, b) pink lemonade (RIP), c) yellow lemon (RIP), and d) weapons potential without risking legal problems.
Sesame candy > Red Vines because something had to win that bracket, and red licorice is Satan’s shoelaces. He wears really ugly shoes, too.
Blow Pops/Jolly Ranchers was a hard choice. Not just in general, but grape Blow Pops against cinnamon jolly Ranchers? That’s tough. Blow Pops won out simply because I have two sittin by the computer that I stole from my niece after a homecoming parade. She’s two and I’m teaching her early that Blow Pops are always for Aunt Krista.
I’m sad Mentos are losing so severely, but happy Gummies are winning. Another great thing about my niece is that my mom stocks gummies for her and I can go steal some. Though the Dora gummies are that creamy sort of gummy which isn’t as good.
@Rebecca: Rite Aid still carries Red Vines in the Boston area, though I haven’t seen the jumbo size recently. Am I the only one that thinks that the jumbo twists taste different from the original? I prefer the jumbo, so of course it’s the kind I can’t find.
Ah, spice drops! When on a road trip I search them out at every funny little gas station shop. They cannot be Brach’s spice drops as the orange ones taste like orange. They MUST taste like clove to be a real spice drop. This was a tough vote as I really like sour patch kids too.
Jujubes are a wicked movie candy from my youth centuries ago when movies were shown in movie palaces and cost 50 cents. We always fell for jujubes even though they tore out our cavities or any loose tooth. Talk about masochism!
I had to put in a vote for Bit o’ Honey, because I love them with an unholy passion, but I see that they’re getting drubbed, much like my beloved caramel creams. And I grew up with Mentos as my go-to candy, so I had to root for them, even though I like Life Savers a bunch.
Skittles are going to take home the trophy.
Very disappointed to see Jolly Ranchers currently ahead of BlowPops. People, a Jolly Rancher is just a BlowPop with NO stick, NO gum, and NO searching for the Indian shooting a star on the wrapper. Useless.
I thought the Indian shooting a star was on Tootsie Pop wrappers?
@Cayenne — love your statement: “…red licorice is Satan’s shoelaces.”
I totally feel that way about Red Vines. (I do love me some Twizzlers, though. Both are sold in the supermarket here in western Maryland.)
I never noticed the Lysol note in lime Skittles until these candy discussions started. And now I can’t UNnotice it. Sigh.
There are actually people out there who PREFER Twizzlers to Red Vines? Eating Twizzlers is akin to chewing a raspberry(ish) whitewall.
Seriously, though – not only do I adore Red Vines, but I’m also one of the weirdos who loves sesame candy. So that was a dammed hard pick for me.