N Candy AA: Round of 64, Flight 1
Welcome to the N Candy AA! Please enjoy 1) the snazzy graphic by Glark, and 2) the new voting set-up — as you can see, the polls are tucked in under each write-up.
We’ll probably roll out a flight per day this week, but I’ll be traveling and may not be able to stick to a strict schedule.
I know the polls look a little hinky in spots, don’t observe consistent punctuation, et cetera. I will try to address these problems as we proceed, but today is my birthday, and I have to finish packing. And…start packing. Try to roll with the jank for now and I’ll work on fixes.
Today’s write-ups by Sarah D. Bunting. Confused? Click here.
1 Butterfinger vs. 16 Duplo. …”Butterfinger.” (Hee.) (Ew.) (And now seems like a good time to introduce the shortcut combo of “hee” and “ew” that Keckler and I like to use: “hew.”) Butterfinger is, by most objective measures, reasonably disgusting. The innards look like shale, that orangey color does not exist in nature, and of the average bite of Butterfinger, only about 34 percent makes it down the hatch — the rest gets stuck in your teeth, and I mean stuck. Duplo is much more upscale; it’s got hazelnut, and none of it is Day-Glo. But it’s not a movie snack, it doesn’t come in handy BB form, and presented with a range of candies at the deli counter, Duplo is seldom the impulse buy. Butterfinger, easily. (…Hew.)
8 Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews vs. 9 Clark Bar. I really like Clark Bars; they’re chewy, but not too much so, and have a great chocolate-to-filling ratio. I can’t pick it to win here, though, for three reasons. First, it’s true that a lot of candy bars could have played the role of doody in that famous scene in Caddyshack, but I think a Clark Bar is the likeliest culprit. I mean, look at it. (Sorry, dude.) Second, it’s one of those candies you only seem to see at Halloween; I always got a handful of them in my candy sack (hew), I always enjoyed them, but I always forgot about them for 360-odd days until the next Halloween. Third, Goldenberg’s is one of my favorite candies. You’ll see me get behind a lot of old-lady-style sugar as the brackets unfold, but this one’s probably my favorite except for kosher fruit slices. I singlehandedly cleared every vending machine on campus of those magnificently stale bastards during my sophomore year in college, and I regret nothing. Okay, washing them down with Crystal Pepsi was a mistake, but that isn’t GPC’s fault. What’s actually going to win? Not sure, but I’ll call a narrow victory for the chews. (Hew.)
5 Cadbury Crème Eggs vs. 12 Ferrero Rocher. This is a tough call. Sometimes, what makes a candy beloved — or beloathed — isn’t taste, it’s texture, and the filling of a CCE grosses a lot of people out. I don’t mind it, although I dislike eating Eggs because you basically have to put the whole thing in your mouth at once, or end up with, well, Egg on your face. That said, the texture of a Ferrero Rocher isn’t much better if that’s the kind of thing that oogs you. Cadbury Crème Eggs have the edge here, benefiting from association with a holiday; a classic ad campaign (remember the clucking bunny? so cute); and the loyal love of those who don’t have texture issues. I prefer FRs for taste and ease of eating, but I think CCEs win handily here.
4 Hershey’s Almond vs. 13 Fast Break. Now and then, I get a craving for a Hershey’s Almond. A regular Hershey bar, never, but something about the combination of cheapish, bitterish chocolate and the almonds just hits the spot. Reese’s Fast Break — which apparently is called a Hershey Sidekick in Canada? Our northern neighbors can let us know — is good enough, i.e. if it’s free and just sitting around the office kitchen, I’ll eat it. But it’s more about Reese’s trying to move their brand into the nougat-filling arena than about filling an empty niche in the candy market; it’s fine, but we’ve seen it done before, and better. Some people really get their snob on about Hershey’s, but it’ll still win this round.
6 Baby Ruth vs. 11 Cadbury Fruit & Nut. Baby Ruth has a lot in common with Clark — I never ate it except at Halloween time, and it looks like poo. But it’s a good candy bar, and it should win this match-up. I will say this in defense of Fruit & Nut, however: I didn’t realize it had raisins in it until I’d eaten half a bar. That is an impressive piece of chocolate; usually I’m like the princess and the pea when it comes to raisins. Of course, now that I know it has raisins, I can’t un-know it, but for fifteen minutes, it had me.
3 Goobers vs. 14 After Eights. I like After Eights — it’s a Thin Mint, without the cookie part — but there’s no way they defeat the chocolate-covered peanut, despite the unfortunate branding. (“Goobers” is the “Moons Over My Hammy” of candy; it’s not gross-sounding like Nut Goodies — hew — but ordering a box of Goobers at the concession counter is not fun. “I’d like a medium Diet Coke, and a box of…argh. [point point] You know. Those.”
7 Almond Joy vs. 10 5th Avenue. Looking at it now, I don’t know why we ranked AJ so high. I like them fine, but if I’m in the mood for a coconut candy, usually I do not feel like a nut, and choose Mounds (hew) instead. On the other hand, 5th Avenue is pretty good, but doesn’t Butterfinger cover that waterfront pretty well? I imagine it depends on how many people despise coconut, and anecdotal evidence suggests that it’s a lot. No idea how this one goes.
2 fudge vs. 15 Chunky. Let’s get the “homemade fudge” jokes out of our systems…okay, seriously. We didn’t know what to do about fudge; we couldn’t list every variety, my favorite kind isn’t chocolate, will jokes about fudge with nuts (hew) end up taking over the entire write-up, and so on and so forth. We ended up cramming all fudge types into one entry, rationalizing that the best-known kind is chocolate, and I think it wins here, both because maple-fudge lovers (hew) like myself will vote for it and because Chunky is kind of bad. It has a raisin flavor, which fuck that, but even the flavors not designed to make me hate them…the bar is physically too hard to eat. It’s a bulky shape, and the chocolate tends to be dry. Also, something about the name irritates me. I don’t know what else they could have called it, but the word “chunk” does not have happy connotations. “Bricky”? “Slabalicious”? Just…not “Chunky.” Fudge wins, and should.
It’s a dead heat between Creme Eggs and Rocher. All other polls closed; please check the bracket for updated standings.
Tags: food N Candy AA
“It’s slabalicious!” is my slogan of the day.
My personal picks (I already voted, but I’m feeling long winded tonight, so I thought I’d post my reason.
Butterfinger vs. Duplo
I’ve never heard of Duplo, so I have to go with Butterfinger. Plus, I was born in 1977, so that was primetime for people who were raised on The Simpsons… and you gotta love Bart.
Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews vs. Clark Bar
Again, I’ve never heard of Goldenberg’s so I went with Clark Bar. I’ve never HAD a Clark Bar, but I have heard of them.
Cadbury Crème Eggs vs. Ferrero Rocher
I HATE the snot filled Cadbury crap… and the choclate part isn’t any good either. BUT, I had to vote for it here, because Ferrero Rocher is JUST THAT BAD.
Hershey’s Almond vs. Fast Break
I actually DO crave regular Hershey’s chocoalte sometimes. And I like a Hershey’s w/ Almonds, that’s been kept in the fridge, every now and then. I don’t like Fast Break. So, Hershey’s wins.
Baby Ruth vs. 11 Cadbury Fruit & Nut
I’ve never heard of Cadbury Fruit & Nut, and I have to wonder WHY anyone would want fruit in their candy bar. I love Baby Ruth, and can eat them at any time. So, Baby Ruth for the win on this one.
Goobers vs. After Eights
Goobers are SO superior to those Planters Double Dipped Peanuts we get at the movie theaters around here, that I just couldn’t let them down this round. They had to take my vote.
Almond Joy vs. 5th Avenue
Coconut is the debbil! 5th Avenue at least isn’t that gross.
fudge vs. 15 Chunky
Fudge… and I prefer peanutbutter fudge, personally.
So, those are my picks. But, I still have to say Reese Cups FTW of the whole thing!!!!!!!
Isn’t Duplo also baby lego? Yum? I’m going to assume that’s European. Europe has the worst candy names. Let’s shun them.
MMmmm, shale.
Re: “those magnificently stale bastards”: the first few times I had Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews, they must have been from those same vending machines. Once, I thought they were stale. Twice, I thought it was a fluke. But by the third sampling and they still tasted like the cardboard they were packaged on, I realized that’s how they intentionally taste. Like forgotten vending machine. Bleah.
As far as I’m concerned, Almond Joy wasn’t ranked high ENOUGH. If I ruled the world, it would win the whole shebang.
Coconut shavings are the devil’s pubes. They have no business in a treat of any kind.
Goldenberg’s will lose handily because it is a strictly regional, Northeastern candy. Not known outside the Northeast, not distributed outside the Northeast. Discovered them when I moved to NYC, missed them when I moved west again. Now, sadly gone, and I hear the Just Born version is not. the. same.
… and we’re back to “hew.”
I’m really shocked by how many of these I’ve never heard of…or incorrectly assume were gummies (Goobers) based on only having heard of them in books/on tv. Maybe it’s the Canada thing? We don’t get your crazy American candy up here? I dunno.
I *do* know that this is making me hungry and I could eat about 63 Ferrero Rochers (Ferreros Rocher?) right now.
“Let’s shun them.” Hahaha!
Yeah, i feel like an Academy member who hasn’t actually seen all the Best Picture candidates — and is voting anyway! A fair number of the bracket inhabitants I’ve never heard of or seen but never eaten.
And yes, while I do, in fact, enjoy Butterfinger, I don’t think any candy is going to lose to a toddler-sized Lego block. :-)
Also, I’m from Pittsburgh so of COURSE i voted Clark bar. But you know what i really wish was in the brackets? ZAGNUT aka, “peanut butter logs”
OH MAN YUMMEH! Guess that may also be a regional thing!
Yes, Duplo is a baby Lego. Or a chunky lego if you prefer. (hew)
And step on one of those bastards in the middle of the night and you will never love anything associated with the name again. Even a candy you’ve never heard of before today.
I’m from the Northeast and I’ve never heard of Goldenberg’s.
I’m really particular when it comes to Cadbury Creme Eggs – I’ll only eat the ones with chocolate creme. I don’t think I’ve had one since college, though. Now I really want one. Good thing it’s the right time of year for them!
After Eights are in my personal top two for the chocolate side of the tourney, so I’m glad to see that they’re currently winning. (Other topper for me is Skor.) I also (Canadian here) haven’t heard of a bunch of these. Perhaps we have different names for them. Ie, we have chocolate-covered peanuts, but they’re called not called Goobers.
Also, I really detest Cadbury Fruit & Nut. I like fruit; I like nuts; I like chocolate. I have no interest in the three of them mating. (Nuts and chocolate, fine, of course.)
I personally feel that packing for a trip 20 minutes before I’m supposed to leave exhilarating.
And since I tend to run about the house swearing under my breath, it’s fun for the whole family!
Ooh, the Cadbury Creme Egg! This is my all-time favorite candy, and it broke my heart when they switched the formula a couple years ago and added wheat – I’m a celiac and can’t eat anything with wheat. I actually wrote to the Cadbury company and complained about the switch, and I like to think I had a hand in them changing back to the gluten-free recipe.
I am, however, slightly embarrassed to admit that I have eaten approximately two dozen Eggs since they appeared in my grocery store last month.
Wait, Creme Eggs are GF again? I was just looking at some, and they said they were made with wheat starch!
Cadbury Eggs – FTW. How much do I love thee oval shaped chocolate with creme filling. Each spring, I hunt those eggs a month before Easter because any later and they will be all GONE. Then I hide them and force myself to eat one at a time to make them last longer.
Whenever I hear the clucking Cadbury Bunny, I know it is time to buy my egg. Love them
Jebus. Cadbury Creme Eggs versus Ferrero Rocher. That’s like asking me to choose between my two children. If I had two children. And they were covered in chocolate.
Although, I think the seasonal nature of the Creme egg gives it the edge, as I get all crazy-pants obsessed about them when they’re available. See also: hot cross buns and fruit mince tarts
I grew up on Duplos.
i brought this up with my bowling team tonight; the pick is reese’s for the win. BUT, for tonight’s bracket, i have to say that i LOVE the cadbury creme eggs center. i used to eat as much of the chocolate around it as i could, while it still maintained some sort of shape, and then eat all the middle at once. sick? maybe. but, mmmmm….
also, i LOVE cadbury fruit and nut! LOVE! so, i guess i’m just against the grain.
The Cadbury Creme Eggs are the classic candy you thought was great as a kid and realized as an adult is actually disgusting goop. The filling could double for joint compound and yeah, you can’t eat it without wearing what looks like a snot ribbon on your chin.
Ferrero Rocher, on the other hand, are divine awesomeness in a chocolate shell.
“cramming all fudge types into one entry” had me laughing hysterically. Because apparently I’m 12.
This flight has a bunch of things I either haaaaaate or have never heard of, generally in the same matchup. Thank dog for Cadbury Creme Eggs for actually giving me something to vote for.
Word Glark. Word.
I’m surprised Goobers are faring so poorly.
…Goobers, Goobers, Goobers. Okay, maybe it’s not that surprising.
I am so, so jealous. I LOVE Duplos and I can only buy them at special European candy stores where they cost $15 a box. (And when I was an exchange student in Germany, I could buy the same box for like, 2DM-yes, I was an exchange student THAT long ago.)
I think you’re hardly alone in the raisin hating. I don’t care what you cover them in or hide them in. They’re still raisins. If coconut shavings are the devil’s pubes, raisins are the devil’s rat’s turds. Or mummified cockroaches.
Ferrero Rocher for the win! I don’t mind Cadbury Creme Eggs, but I adore Ferrero Rocher.
I don’t know many of them, but I want to taste some of them now.
All of this is very entertaining. Cadbury filling: bleeeeeeuuuuugh. Visual of “devil’s pubes”: unscrubbable from mind.
I’m in Albany NY and also never heard of Goldenberg’s. Is it possible that it was only distributed in the New York City area?
Remember the ice cream bracket? Apparently we have a lot of pretty fanatical mint lovers.
Zagnut RULES! (Another Pittsburgher here). Although they are even tougher to find during non-Halloween times than Clark bars.
Also, Sars, a lot of people do indeed hate coconut – but those of us who love it are a pretty rabid lot as well.
You’re right about the CCE, so … why do I buy eight the first time I see them in the grocery store every March? And eat them? All in the first day I get them home? I actually eat them while thinking, “Wow, these are really gross!”
Reese’s Fast Break are an abomination. There is no better candy than Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – then you reach for an orange and brown wrapper and get …
Came back to check on the scoring and discovered you can vote more than once. (Not that I would.) Hmmm.
So is it only in Canada that we have Cadbury Creme MINI eggs? Which handily solve the drooling egg problem AND increase the chocolate-to-goo ratio in one addictive, overpriced little bag?
I like them, if possible, even better than the regular kind.
And even though I’ve never even heard of a Goober (and now find it’s a chocolate covered peanut – hew!) I had to vote for it over an After Eight, because mint chocolate will never again cross my lips since the Christmas of the Norwalk Virus; the last thing I ate before sleeping for three days on the bathroom floor was a chocolate mint at the office.
Glark, will you please make a t-shirt that says that? I will buy it.
I’m surprised so many people have trouble eating Cadbury Creme Eggs non-messily. Really? I’ve never had a problem avoiding egg insides on my face or hands—well, not since I was a kid, but that was half the fun back then. And I love the creme, but that’s a matter of taste.
Surprisingly, I did vote for the Fruit & Nut bar. I’ve always thoughts raisins and chocolate were the devil’s combination, but that bar makes it work. Clearly the exception that PROVES the anti-raisin rule. Fuck Chunky.
After Eights look all right, but I can only cram down a ton of mints if they’re of the Girl Scout cookie variety, and being able to pig out on a certain candy is important to me.
I agree! I like the idea of the CCE, but I always get this weird burning-hurty feeling in the back of my throat after eating one. Then the headache comes. I have no idea what causes this, but it’s something I’ve noticed with all Cadbury chocolate.
Ferrero Rocher, OTOH, bring it! They even come in a dark-chocolate version which is pretty much the best thing ever.
“Coconut shavings are the devil’s pubes.” I AM going to use that in a conversation today.
No, we have them in PA, too.
@Tisha_ – Chocolate-covered snot was my exact description of Cadbury Creme Eggs, too. I will be clearing my cache and voting again and again and again so those nasty things don’t make it past round 1.
As a Canadian, I haven’t tried a lot of these either. But I’m doing my research and googling like crazy. Interesting that Fast Break is Sidekick in Canada. Why the name changes on so many chocolate bars?
OH YEAH – south central PA here with some Zagnut love!
They’re a Philadelphia thing. And, no, the Just Born version is not.the.same, but you still can get the original version in Reading Terminal Market.
Louisiana here giving love to the Zagnut too! I hardly ever see one which means I buy ’em when I see ’em.
Having checked out the brackets, I’m pretty confident that Reese’s peanut butter cups will win.
I think Ferreros Rocher should be the official name. Hilarious!
I think everyone must have an eating plan for these. I eat as much of the chocolate as necessary to get access to the center and then I eat all of the center and then I go back to the chocolate. And Yay for the CF&Nut love! I also love chocolate covered raisins though so I am a general fruit and chocolate fan.