N Cereal AA Round of 64, Flight 3: Fiberfest
Ready to vote? Click here. Confused? Click here.
1 Quaker Oat(meal) Squares vs. 16 Cream of Wheat. I really like Cream of Wheat, famous original CoW with nothing on it — no brown sugar, no fruit, nada.When I had my wisdom teeth out, it’s all I could eat for a week, and you’d think the experience would have made me hate the stuff, but no.Maybe it’s a texture thing.Regardless, up against the more stolid Square, it’s probably (wheat) toast.
8 Oatmeal vs. 9 Puffed Rice. Puffed Rice has so little taste that the one time I ate it, I thought I’d come down with a cold.Just because we have the technology to blow a grain of rice up like a balloon doesn’t mean we’re obligated to use it — or to fail so thoroughly to season it.Oatmeal for the win.
5 Yogurt Burst Cheerios vs. 12 Weetabix. It’s probably unfair of us to put Yogurt Burst Cheerios in the Fiberfest draw, as it’s so delicious in all its varieties that its colon-scraping properties fail to register.(Fortunately.)It’s definitely unfair of us to throw it up against Weetabix, which looks like tiny bricks of cobweb.The Yogurt Burst Cheerio is awesome, and shall prevail.
4 Crispix vs. 13 Chex. Weird face-off — it’s kind of hard to distinguish between the two.Crispix’s advantage: it contains two grains in one, with rice on one side and corn on the other.A former summer-campmate’s disgusted observation that Crispix is about as susceptible to milk softening as a screen door, and less tasty, is duly recorded, as is the fact that nobody named a fantastic party-snack mix after it.With that said, on cereal merits alone, I’ll give the edge to Crispix, because 1) it is super-crunchy, which I like, and 2) of all the Chex (“Checes”?), the only one that doesn’t taste like toes is the corn variety.
6 Honey Nut Cheerios vs. 11 Muesli(x). We had a box of muesli on our cereal shelf as a kid — the hardcore no-brand Bavarian-prison kind.I bet you a dollar that it’s still there, and that there’s still the same amount of “cereal” in it as 25 years ago, because Mr. S and I peered into the box, once, saw all this forest-floor nonsense like bark and twigs and dung-beetle carapaces and whatnot, and put it back on the shelf and never had anything to do with it again.Fine, provide your offspring with some fiber, but…some fiber.Not all of it.What am I, a termite?I’m sure Mueslix is not nearly as challenging, but hell if I’m going to try it and find out.Honey Nut Cheerios in a landslide.
3 Cracklin’ Oat Bran vs. 14 Grape Nuts. Oh my God, easiest call in the tourney.COB is excellent.It’s good in a bowl, or eaten straight from the box.The cats think it’s kibble, and when they’re given a piece to remind them that, sometimes, they’re stupid?They eat it anyway.Cross-species deliciousness, people!When the Cracklin’ Oat Bin got refilled in my college dining hall, a huge line formed immediately, and the entire bin got eaten, also immediately.It has the word “crack” in the name for a reason, is my point.Grape Nuts: I don’t get it.It’s hacky to observe that they are neither grape nor nut, but it’s also true, and they have the consistency and flavor of buckshot.Need badly to take a crap?There’s gotta be a better way, friend.Cracklin’ Oat Win, no question.
7 Cinnamon Life vs. 10 Puffed Wheat. Cinnamon Life is what passed for sugared cereal in my house growing up.I got a box recently, and it’s held up pretty well — and while I prefer plain Life to Cinnamon, I prefer just about anything to Puffed Wheat, including Styrofoam.In the words of my esteemed associate (sort of), cinnamon l’chaim!
2 Quaker Os vs. 15 All-Bran. The Quaker O is not the most exciting cereal in the world.In fact, I fell asleep twice while writing that sentence.All-Bran, however, is bran.All of it: bran.Just eat your own hair, it’s cheaper and you can skip the milk.Os for the W.
by Sarah D. Bunting
Ready to vote? Click here. Confused? Click here.
Tags: Bixhenge food N Cereal AA
I first had Weetabix in Ireland, so it has happy memories associated with it; it’s a tough cereal to really love unconditionally, though. And against the awesomeness that is Yogurt Burst Cheerios? Sorry, ‘bix, Irish brogue or not, the Cheerios have it.
And Cracklin’ Oat Bran? Is just genius, as I think I mentioned before. And? It has coconut! I LOVE coconut! Yum. I just wish it weren’t quite so spendy.
I have a fondness for Grape Nuts, mostly because it allows me to tell this story:
I have a relative who is both lactose intolerant and diabetic, so finding something to put on his cereal is something of a challenge. Before he developed his diabetes, it used to be OJ and whatever bland cereal of his choice. Post-diabetes, he finally settled on Grape Nuts with Caffeine-Free Diet Mountain Dew. It’s gotta be one of the strangest breakfast combos I’ve ever seen. Also? It’s strangely good.
I recently had a massive brainfart at the grocery store and thought puffed rice was crisped rice, which it is most assuredly not. The air in my mouth was preferable in flavor. I threw it to the birds, and even they seemed unenthused!
I had a puffed rice baking disaster earlier this week (plan: a healthy version of those puffed wheat squares, but with puffed rice. result: 5 cups of cereal in the trash), so nothing puffed is getting my vote. Bah.
I think there needs to be a special award for Cheerios having eleventy bajillion varieties in the competition.
I must voice a bit of support for Grape Nuts! I will not eat them cold lest I want my fillings to fall out but you must try them hot, with milk, butter & just a touch of honey.
They get a bit soft but still have that funky texture…mmmm…
Hot Grape-Nuts are excellent – bit more flavor and texture than oatmeal. I usually just do water and nuke it for 20 seconds, cause I’m lazy. Add honey, and voila!
*remembers she’s now gluten-intolerant*
*goes and weeps in a corner*
All I think about when I hear or see Weetabix is Giles and Spike bickering like an old married couple about why they are out of Weetabix and who was going to pick some more up.
Yay for Crispix! Had it for breakfast this morning. I only eat Chex in their party mix incarnation, i.e., when they’ve been baked with an excessive amount of butter and garlic salt. (In my family, we make the party mix aggressively unhealthy by cutting out the Wheat Chex and DOUBLING the non-cereal ingredients.)
Pretty much all of these other cereals have never graced my shelves. See you all when the Sugar Shock voting rolls around.
Has anyone else noticed that Cracklin Oat Bran tastes like those coconut-caramel Girl Scout cookies?
Grape Nuts, hands down. My favorite cereal and the only one I’ll eat with milk. I hate milk. But it’s pretty damn hard to eat Grape Nuts without it, so I make the sacrifice. That’s how much I love Grape Nuts.
And I swear, that’s the last time I’ll mention it. :)
I tried Muesli once. Threw it out and never messed with it again. I also can’t stand Cream of Wheat. It feels like I’m trying to eat gravel, and tastes about the same.
I once made the mistake of thinking Chex cereal was the same as the party mix, and bought a big box of corn Chex to snack on. Didn’t really work out like I thought, heh. Threw it out too, eventually. Honey Nut Cheerios, on the other hand, makes a pretty good late-night snack.
Oh dear, we just HAD to have Grape Nuts against Cracklin’ Oat Bran, didn’t we? I actually LIKE Grape Nuts (although you do have to let ’em soak up the milk for a bit or risk an emergency trip to the dentist), but against COB? No contest. I remember decades ago before they changed the recipe that I could practically eat a whole box in one sitting. Even after the recipe change they still knock the socks off of all the rest. Just wish they weren’t so pricey. They cost more than just about any other cereal, and the box holds about as much as a small envelope.
I also have fond college memories of Cracklin’ Oat Bran. But I think that I overdosed on it back then, because I can’t stand it now. I love Grape Nuts mixed in yoghurt, and Grape Nut bread is awesome, so I’m torn between nostalgia and current preference.
With all the hype, I may have to try a box of Yogurt Burst Cheerios. It hadn’t appealed to me before, but if so many people recommend it…
I think it is important to note that while All-Bran is not that tasty as a cereal, All-Bran muffins are insanely good. Mmmm…..
Grape Nuts instead of granola in yogurt. Aw yeah.
Cracklin’ Oat Bran. I used to love it, and then I looked at the nutritional information. I’m not a calorie freak, it’s just that if I’m going to have that much fat in the morning, there’s going to bacon involved.
I…kind of love Grape Nuts. This puts me in the minority, I’m sure, but I eat them mixed with strawberry yogurt and they are TASTY.
Without Grape Nuts there could be no Grape Nut pudding. A warm bowl of Grape Nut pudding with a scoop of coffee ice cream is the best dessert ever. For the sake of the pudding, please vote for the Nuts.
I love Wheat Chex. Even as a kid, it was my 3rd-favorite cereal after Cheerios and Noney Nut Cheerios. Wheat Chex does not taste like toes, and it’s especially good topped with dried cranberries.
We never had Grape Nuts when I was a kid, but one time I stayed over at a friend’s house and they had some. The Grape Nuts ads always intrigued me, so I decided to try a big ol’ bowl and man, what a disappointment. I tried to sneak some of it to the family dog, who flatly refused to consume any at all.
A warm bowl of Grape Nut pudding with a scoop of coffee ice cream is the best dessert ever.
…Yeah, because of the coffee ice cream.
(Hee. Sorry, Grape-Nutters — I wish I liked them, I just really extra don’t. And really extra can’t chew them.)
As a card-carrying, official Middle-Aged Person, this is my category.
Puffed Rice tastes like not much, but oatmeal tastes like hot gluey ass, so gotta go with the rice. I love Grape-Nuts, but now I eat the version I get at my hippy food co-op, Ezekiel 4:9 Cereal. Still, my vote goes to the GN.
I discovered Wheatabix when I was a tourist in Kenya over 20 years ago. Love it. I was thrilled when I finally found it in the US.
I’ve never had Quaker Os, but it got my vote because All-Bran tastes like something you’d feed to a horse.
Why would you put in your mouth a cereal that you cannot chew? They’re only called “Grape-Nuts” because “Asphalt Toasties” didn’t test well.
Mmmm, Weetabix…split and spread with butter and Vegemite. Or whipped manuka honey.
Hot cereal? Yuck, the textures are just wrong. Malt-O-Meal was a staple in our house and gotta say, anything that turns to glue when cooled? Not something I want to eat.
GrapeNuts is the only cereal from which I can tolerate the otherwise-dreaded “milk mush,” and still only to a certain degree. Love the crunch, but it’s hell on dental work. And this:
A warm bowl of Grape Nut pudding with a scoop of coffee ice cream is the best dessert ever.
sounds amazing, extra so thanks to the coffee ice cream. Must Google for recipe!
Well, for those of us who can’t eat mushy things (I blame too much baby food as a toddler) Grape Nuts is cereal heaven. Even after soaking in milk, still crispy – NOT mushy!
Heh: beetle carapaces. Word.
If Grape Nuts doesn’t win, a bunch of crotchety old grandpas is going to be emailing Sars. And they will be PISSED.
The minute I saw Weetabix in the bracket I wondered how long it would take for the Buffy reference. Actually, for a while I wasn’t even sure Weetabix was a real thing, and not something Spike made up.
I’m voting for Chex on the basis of Chex snack mix, but yeah, as cereal, bah.
This has got to be the easiest bracket to call across the board. Some of these matchups are just cruel.
Finally! The Yogurt Burst Cheerios FTW of everything! They are like the perfect combination of sugary cereal and fiber. For real. The vanilla ones are SO excellent. The yogurt bursted-ed ones just melt in your mouth… like a perfectly flavored dougnut or something. For real. Try them. Now!
I don’t like the strawberry ones though.
The funniest thing about the Spike/Giles Weetabix reference, to me, is that Spike has apparently crumbling it up in blood to “give [the blood] a little texture” (Giles: “Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again, you’ll just have to pick it up yourself.”) Hee.
I haven’t had Cracklin’ Oat Bran in ages, but I agree with everyone who said they could devour a whole box in one sitting. Now I’m afraid to try them in case the new recipe doesn’t live up to my standards.
I have been skeptical of these Yogurt Burst Cheerios, but I may have to give them a try now.
I have a pathological aversion to oatmeal and anything with an oatmeal-like texture, hence my vote for puffed rice (which I also don’t like, but at least it doesn’t make me gag.)
Honey Nut Cheerios for the win! I’d eat those at every meal if it were nutritionally viable.
Hmmm…so far, it looks like:
*Any cereal with sugar(*) will beat any cereal without sugar.
*Any Cheerios varietal will beat whatever it’s paired with.
Therefore, I call Honey Nut Cheerios for the win.
(*) well, HFCS, but it’s sweet and that’s the point
I actually like All-Bran. I’ll snack on it dry, especially on long car trips. Has almost a vanilla-y nutty flavor. Muffins made with it are insanely good as well.
Maybe I’m just really strange.
I hardly think of oatmeal as a cereal. It’s a foodthing. I mean, sure, you have it for breakfast, and okay, you can put milk over it (but I never do – just a drop of brown sugar), but it seems odd to have it in the contest. It’s got my vote, though. You must love a foodthing that makes cookies happy and is useful in exfoliation as well.
Wow, y’all. I’ve never tried this Cracklin’ Oat Bran, but based on the writeup and the comments, I’m putting it on the shopping list. Spendy or not, anything that tastes like Girl Scouts Samoas sounds damn good to me. (And these days, with Girl Scout cookies costing what they do, the cereal is probably a bargain.)
However, with that said…I love me some Grape Nuts. I’m not some elderly grandpa (although I may qualify as crotchety), but throw the Nuts in some yogurt and I’m a happy camper. Alternatively, cover the Nuts with milk (you must pour on the milk until it just covers the cereal because Grape Nuts absorb a lot of milk) and about a tablespoon of sugar, and yum! YES, you have to let it sit for like 5 minutes before you attempt to eat it, but it’s got a warm, toasty, nutty flavor that I really enjoy.
As for the yogurt covered Cheerios, the strawberry ones are truly the bomb. Little pink donuts in my cereal bowl! It’s like eating Strawberry Quik in cereal form.
I used to LIVE for when mom would bring home Quaker Oat Squares. I love, love, love them. They are, tragically, spendier than I like in a breakfast cereal, but the taste and crunch are magical.
Seriously, I bought myself a box last week, and it was like a party.
. . . Did I just say that about a cereal? Sheesh, I need help.
I’ve only ever witnessed the actual EATING of All-Bran once. My parents inexplicably had a box of it in their pantry, and I walked in to find their weirdo Burmese-mix cat sticking butt-first out of the box, chowing down.
I just kind of let him keep at it, because…All-Bran.
I lovelovelove Quaker Oat Squares, yet my colon? Does not. ::weeps::
The thing that drives me bonkers about All-Bran is that not only does it taste like cold branny ass, but it has high fructose corn syrup in it! WHYYYYYYYY would you put HFCS in something that aggressively, dully healthful?!
Oh and also I voted for Crispix just because of the name, because I’m a Latin nerd. Crispix is the singular. That giant Crispix on the front of the box? That’s all that’s in there. One crispix; a bowl of crispices.
Grape nut enthusiasts: ever tried grape nut ice cream? Several places in Boston served it but I was always too weirded out to try.
I gotta go with Sars on the Grape Nuts. Can’t chew ’em, don’t like the taste — it’s pretty much like snacking on gravel to me. And my fiance LOVES them and eats them in yogurt and as breakfast cereal and in cottage cheese (I know, what?). And then the damn things get dried on our dishes and they’re impossible to dislodge unless soaked in scalding hot water for 20 minutes. HATE.
I like Crispix, but I had to vote for Chex solely on the basis of Corn Chex. Rice Chex and Wheat Chex I can give or take, but Corn Chex are delicious.
@ Kathryn- hee! I am seriously tickled! I’m turning purple here!
“ever tried grape nut ice cream?”
It’s basically grape nut pudding in ice cream form. Which means it’s basically a vanilla ice cream with softened grape nuts mixed in — sweet, with that slightly nutty taste. (Grape nut pudding is basically a sweetened egg custard with grape nuts baked into it.)
And according to Wikipedia, Grape Nuts helped us win World War II. Vote Grape Nuts if you love America!
I am so glad that other people eat warm Grape Nuts! I went on a kick when I was in elementary school and had it for breakfast every day for a while. And yay for the Spike/Weetabix references!
I may have to cave and actually try Cracklin Oat Bran.
Another Grape Nuts defender! Agreeing with Snarkmeister: the rules of Grape Nuts (or their Kashi counterpart, which I also like) are 1. add some brown sugar, 2. cover with milk, 3. eat slowly so as to let milk soak in. Grape Nut ice cream is also tasty. (Round Top brand, which you see at ice cream stands throughout Maine, makes it… not sure if anyone else does.)
But am I so far the ONLY Muesli defender? I’m not all that surprised, since most American muesli sucks. But traveling around the world converted me. The rules for droolworthy Muesli are 1. a bowl of fresh fruit, 2. awesome plain yogurt (preferably thick, European style, and definitely not fat-free), 3. quality Muesli (the best I’ve found stateside is Bob’s Red Mill, which comes in a plastic bag and is sold with things like oatmeal and cornmeal), and 4. a drizzle of honey or maple syrup. But seriously, good muesli is SO good.
Can I say for the record that I think Cracklin’ Oat Bran actually IS a cookie? It’s like if they put mini-Oreos in a cereal box and said “go ahead, eat it for breakfast.”
Heh, I could argue for loving Grape Nuts, but I think my love is similar to the way I love, I don’t know, running. Or straight bourbon. Yes, I get joy out of them, but I understand some of that joy comes from conquering them and keeping a straight face.
Also? I LOVE Cream of Wheat, because as kids my mother would fix it for us with a big pat of butter, several scoops of sugar, and–wait for it–half and half. We weren’t allowed to have pre-sugared cereals, but we could have half and half for breakfast. LOVE.
OK the writeup and the comments on this one have me wiping tears out of my eyes I have laughed so hard.
@LaSalleUGirl “(Giles: “Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again, you’ll just have to pick it up yourself.”) Hee.”
That’s going in my mental list of lines I hope to one day say. So funny!!!
RE: cereal
Since COB has COCONUT in it (YUCK) I cannot vote for it. And I agree with @bristlesage, that much fat = bacon not cereal.
@Linda – AHAHAHAHA asphalt toasties. I just snorted out loud.
When I threw my support behind the Post Selects Cranberry/Blueberry cereals, I forgot about Cracklin’ Oat Bran. My email to Erica of the puffed rice baking disaster (above) went something like this:
Cracklin’ Oat Bran is the best fucking cereal in the history of the world. Except you can’t get it in Canada.
But I have to amend that to say I probably last had ’em about 10 years ago. If the recipe has changed, my opinion may have changed. Erica and I are heading to Syracuse next week…some scientific research will be in order. “Do you have anything to declare?” “Yes sir, 16 boxes of cereal you can’t get in Canada.” “…”
@Kathryn: I’m with ya on the Grape-Nut-Love-However-CRACKLIN-OAT-BRAN thing. I love me some Grape Nuts too, but I wonder how much of that is the piles of sugar I dump on top? And also: WHY did they change the recipe of COB? It’s almost like it was TOO good before, and the makers were like “Well we should dumb it down a bit, otherwise people will eat this and nothing else, and that’s not healthy.” No? Just me? Okay then…
I adore Grape Nuts. And Cream of Wheat. And Weetabix, oatmeal – yes, even enjoyed Mueslix. And ohhhh – Cracklin’ Oat Bran – how I adore thee. I might have to flip a coin to decide between Grape Nuts & the COB. I love them both that much.
Folks, this is what can happen when you don’t have sugared cereals in the house. You raise a fiber-lovin’ freak.
Cinnamon Life has got to be my favorite though. Like Sars, that passed for sugar cereal growing up.
Glad to see all the Grape Nut love here, but alas, it’s getting it’s butt kicked in the polls. I never even heard of Cracklin’ Oat Bran, but I’m with Snarkmeister…if it’s similar to Samoas I have to try it. If I can find it.
I *knew* I heard Weetabix somewhere, despite never seeing it before. I kept thinking, “that sounds vaguely British, why?”. Now I remember the whole Giles/Spike convo about it. Awesome.
I’m also a fan of Grape Nuts with milk and sugar, or with yogurt. But I can eat COB with milk, yogurt, turpentine, whatever. They’re just that good. COB FTW!
Of course they’re way pricey and fatty, but aren’t all the good things in life?
Corn Chex is my absolute favorite cereal and has been since I was first able to eat solid foods. Love it. Close second is Rice Chex. Love the Corn Chex / Rice Chex mix bowl, too. Next is probably Honey Nut Cheerios, with the Wheat Chex sliding in there somewhere around five or six. (Never reminded me of toes, but then I don’t eat very many toes.)