N Cereal AA Round of 64, Flight 3: Fiberfest
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1 Quaker Oat(meal) Squares vs. 16 Cream of Wheat. I really like Cream of Wheat, famous original CoW with nothing on it — no brown sugar, no fruit, nada.When I had my wisdom teeth out, it’s all I could eat for a week, and you’d think the experience would have made me hate the stuff, but no.Maybe it’s a texture thing.Regardless, up against the more stolid Square, it’s probably (wheat) toast.
8 Oatmeal vs. 9 Puffed Rice. Puffed Rice has so little taste that the one time I ate it, I thought I’d come down with a cold.Just because we have the technology to blow a grain of rice up like a balloon doesn’t mean we’re obligated to use it — or to fail so thoroughly to season it.Oatmeal for the win.
5 Yogurt Burst Cheerios vs. 12 Weetabix. It’s probably unfair of us to put Yogurt Burst Cheerios in the Fiberfest draw, as it’s so delicious in all its varieties that its colon-scraping properties fail to register.(Fortunately.)It’s definitely unfair of us to throw it up against Weetabix, which looks like tiny bricks of cobweb.The Yogurt Burst Cheerio is awesome, and shall prevail.
4 Crispix vs. 13 Chex. Weird face-off — it’s kind of hard to distinguish between the two.Crispix’s advantage: it contains two grains in one, with rice on one side and corn on the other.A former summer-campmate’s disgusted observation that Crispix is about as susceptible to milk softening as a screen door, and less tasty, is duly recorded, as is the fact that nobody named a fantastic party-snack mix after it.With that said, on cereal merits alone, I’ll give the edge to Crispix, because 1) it is super-crunchy, which I like, and 2) of all the Chex (“Checes”?), the only one that doesn’t taste like toes is the corn variety.
6 Honey Nut Cheerios vs. 11 Muesli(x). We had a box of muesli on our cereal shelf as a kid — the hardcore no-brand Bavarian-prison kind.I bet you a dollar that it’s still there, and that there’s still the same amount of “cereal” in it as 25 years ago, because Mr. S and I peered into the box, once, saw all this forest-floor nonsense like bark and twigs and dung-beetle carapaces and whatnot, and put it back on the shelf and never had anything to do with it again.Fine, provide your offspring with some fiber, but…some fiber.Not all of it.What am I, a termite?I’m sure Mueslix is not nearly as challenging, but hell if I’m going to try it and find out.Honey Nut Cheerios in a landslide.
3 Cracklin’ Oat Bran vs. 14 Grape Nuts. Oh my God, easiest call in the tourney.COB is excellent.It’s good in a bowl, or eaten straight from the box.The cats think it’s kibble, and when they’re given a piece to remind them that, sometimes, they’re stupid?They eat it anyway.Cross-species deliciousness, people!When the Cracklin’ Oat Bin got refilled in my college dining hall, a huge line formed immediately, and the entire bin got eaten, also immediately.It has the word “crack” in the name for a reason, is my point.Grape Nuts: I don’t get it.It’s hacky to observe that they are neither grape nor nut, but it’s also true, and they have the consistency and flavor of buckshot.Need badly to take a crap?There’s gotta be a better way, friend.Cracklin’ Oat Win, no question.
7 Cinnamon Life vs. 10 Puffed Wheat. Cinnamon Life is what passed for sugared cereal in my house growing up.I got a box recently, and it’s held up pretty well — and while I prefer plain Life to Cinnamon, I prefer just about anything to Puffed Wheat, including Styrofoam.In the words of my esteemed associate (sort of), cinnamon l’chaim!
2 Quaker Os vs. 15 All-Bran. The Quaker O is not the most exciting cereal in the world.In fact, I fell asleep twice while writing that sentence.All-Bran, however, is bran.All of it: bran.Just eat your own hair, it’s cheaper and you can skip the milk.Os for the W.
by Sarah D. Bunting
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Tags: Bixhenge food N Cereal AA
Cream of Wheat is one of the few foods you are likely to ALWAYS find in my home. I love it. I usually just eat it with a little bit of honey and splash of milk mixed in, but last year I experimented with adding some canned pumpkin pie mix to it (and also to oatmeal) and it is AWESOME.
Whassup, all my Grape Nuts peeps? I know they’re going to get spanked but I love them them. I’m telling you: hot Grape Nuts with milk and a touch of maple syrup on a winter morning = bliss. I actually enjoy Cracklin’ Oat Bran too, because they hold up well in milk (I believe I mentioned yesterday that I cannot stand mushy food), but I vastly prefer Grape Nuts.
All my other preferences are ahead. Yogurt Burst Cheerios are seriously awesome. I can go through a box of them in two days. I like all forms of Chex, with a preference for Wheat Chex. And I love oatmeal (although I rarely eat it plain – I add raisins or brown sugar or cinnamon or some combination).
I love Muesli (not the gross American kind my parents used to buy, but European) but nothing compares with the goodness that is Honey Nut Cheerios. Not bland and healthy, not super-sweet, just simple and tasty. I burn out on my other favorites, but never HNC. They’re the perfect cereal.
I wish I didn’t have to choose between grape nuts and COB. Grape Nuts I eat but the crack factor of COB means it can not be in my house unless I want to devour the whole box in one sitting. I never had it until college and we had lines forming for it as well. I am glad someone posted about the fat content because the one unexpected outcome of this bracket is that I want to go out and buy different cereals.
@Kathryn – that is hilarious and had me laughing out loud.
HEE! I want “Cold Branny Ass” on a t-shirt. And I would smack my grandmother with a crutch for some COB. Or for any reason, really; she’s quite shrill.
I *love* Cracklin’ Oat Bran. It can easily survive being immersed in a giant bowl of cereal, and it’s great for snacking. Personally, I prefer them ever-so-slightly stale. I never eat COB when the box has just been opened. COB just gets better with age.
Haha, I voted for Grape Nuts and Puffed Wheat. I think my parents were even stricter than yours!
“Cold branny ass” is definitely one for the TN books. Nicely done, Kathryn.
Cracklin’ Oat Bran & Purina One kibble used to be the exact same shape. (The dog food has since changed shape, I think. I have cats now so I’m not sure.)
COB was a favorite straight-out-of-the-box snack at my house until we slipped a few Purinas in there as a joke on the ex. Heh. Good times.
I was surprised to have a hard time with “Yogurt Burst Cheerios vs. Weetabix”. I grew up on Weetabix, so: fond memories. But those memories also including the thick layer of sugar on top to make them palatable. Yogurt Blast Chherios are delciious all by themselves, so I gave it to YBC.
When you compare the Chex (other than the corn variety) to “…toes”, one wonders what is your basis for comparison?
I take that back. Some things are best left unwondered. Yeesh.
I can’t believe The Crack had to go up against Grape Nuts. They’re both SO GOOD. I had to be a contrarian and vote for my old standby Grape Nuts though, even though I know it won’t win
They taste like toe-jam smells. I don’t go around eating feet. Work with me here.
Oh, also (only tangentially related)… I was in a corny musical in junior high that featured a song called “Eat, Eat, Eat that Cream of Wheat” and we danced around brandishing boxes of the stuff. I already loved it, but the crazy song we had to sing brings me great joy!
@Margaret in CO: I know! I was horrified to discover (around 12 or so) that the company behind COB and Purina were, in fact, the same company! I think they called themselves “CheckeboardSquare” or some dodgy thing like that. But it had a truncated version of the SAME LOGO! I was undeceived.
Still loved the Cracklin’, perilously close to Puppy Chow though it was.