“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.
From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.
Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.
Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.
The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!
Reader Lori S. tipped me to International Respect For Chickens Day, which I very dis-respectfully missed (it was yesterday). United Poultry Concerns does have a store, if you would like to purchase a chicken-themed shirt or leggings, but alas, none of their tees have slogans like “Nice Cock” or “That’s Fowl.” That isn’t very respectful either, I suppose.
I’ve (re-)discovered a few things over the course of the recent Days Of Rage. Some of them are great!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a lonely girl in possession of a library card must be in want of a twin. The child who spends a lot of time in books also spends …
Dear Sars,
Welcome back! Dear cracking dry hands season, not so much. I’m here to ask you/the readers about a product I could swear I saw mentioned on the Vine ages ago, but I can’t find …
I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that the “leggings” aren’t Foghorn Leghorn-like. I would SOOOOOO have coveted those. But leggings of B&W photos of chickens? Not so much.
And no “hen farts” apparel, either. Just a fluffy li’l she-chicken, with a demure little “foof” cloud behind her, wearing a “What?” expression.
‘Cause I wanna wear that to church.
You want respect for chickens? We at the University of Delaware have as our team the “Fighting Blue Hens”! How much more respectful could we get??
Just in time for the “Mike the Headless Chicken Festival” in Fruita CO!!!
http://tinyurl.com/yukypf
(I love that tinyurl put the word “yuky” in there! Hahaha!)
@Rinaldo: DUUUUDE. That fairly smacks of “A Boy Named Sue” syndrome.
So, if the UD guys athletic teams play as the “Fighting Blue Hens,” are the gals the “Lady Blue Hens”? I’ve wondered something similar about the about the USC Gamecocks…
So if the Blue Hens mated with the Gamecocks, we’d have … Blue Cocks?
(Oh, like NO ONE else’s mind went there. C’mon.)
W00t! I’m from Newark, DE too. The Blue Hen herself is named YouDee, which is so lame it fills me with rage. The university likes to say it’s the only college with a female mascot, but since YouDee is completely androgynous (except for the huge muscles- not helping their case) I think they just want to have their cake and eat it too.
Does a hen fart make a “foof” or a “poot” noise? This may be important.
I once had an idea for a “hens = funny” t-shirt with a cute cartoon hen, and I was totally going to send it in to Sars all “look, it’s cute! be my friend!” but I can only remember how to draw about once every five years or so.
So, um, HEY VEEEEEEEEEEEENUS!!!!!
Venus if you will /
Please find an Elizabeth for me to kill /
For putting this damn song back in my head /
Oh, I wish that I were deeeeeead /
Ooo eee ooo ooo