“‘Overrated!’ ‘Brilliant!’ ‘Overrated!’ ‘Brilliant!'”
I’ve never broken up with a guy based on his literary tastes (or lack of same), but then, I don’t let it get to relationship status in the first place if the guy doesn’t read, or loves Patricia Cornwell (although thinking she’s a guilty pleasure is permissible, I guess, but he would have to feel really guilty about it).
But my reading taste isn’t the highest-brow, either, what with all the true crime…or the widest-ranging, what with all the baseball. And I don’t judge anyone for reading Harry Potter, but while I wouldn’t dump a guy who liked HP, I would dump a guy who evangelized about it.
Any lit deal-breakers for you guys? Ever spotted a spine on a likely lad’s shelf and realized, “I can’t be here”? Or do you let it go if everything else is working?
Tags: books publishing
My hubby barely used to read (or if he did it was Star Wars books or Pratchett). But books were treated with suspicion while he was growing up. He found it quite a revelation when he got together with me and visited my parents’ house, where there are books *everywhere*. Now he’s as enthusiastic about books as me, encourages me to buy them and read (he thinks it’s hilarious how fast I read – I don’t think I read fast, but then I compare myself to my dad who reads superfast) and reads wider than he used to.
I wish that we didn’t have numerous shelves taken up with Star Wars books and graphic novels (oh yeah and the 13 comic boxes – although that is still a result, he had 30 when I met him). And I kinda wish he would widen out what he reads some more, because it’s still quite narrow (Chuck Palahnuik, Pratchett and horror). But the most important thing? He’ll read ANYTHING I write, and offer useful, constructive feedback. That would be the real dealbreaker – the feedback is a bonus, but even though it’s worlds away from what he would choose to read, he’ll still read my stuff.
I think it’s more of an overview situation– anything that includes at least a healthy amount of fiction in more than one genre. Hey, my chronic inability to throw a book away and a strong sense of nostalgia means that I still have several of my old Sweet Valley High books kicking around (that doesn’t mean I think they’re any good) and all of the early Patricia Cornwell (I was like 13 when I started and got into the habit… I eventually broke it) and heaven knows I don’t think it would be fair to judge me on the basis of those alone. Please look to the right where you will see well written, grown up books. No, not at the Harry Potter. Your other right.
That said, I was once forced to restrain myself from running away shrieking when a discussion of “can’t live without them” favorite books brought out Catcher in the Rye/ The Fountainhead/ Something I don’t remember by John Updike. I could have lived with any of those individually or even together if not on a must read list, but together it’s a trifecta of horror.
This thread is reminding me of the ‘Books a Man Has Given Me That Made Me Swear Never to Go Out with Him Ever Again’ thread over at 50Books.com, and by extension the guy whose name I have long forgotten who was trying to convince me to go out with him and gave me a book (in theory I would have thought that was difficult to screw up because: aww!) which was by Anais Nin. Oh honey, no. Just no.
One of the best relationships I was in was with a fellow who wasn’t a reader. But he loved books! How strange is that? He’d always be finding used books for me and saying “this book looks fascinating – the cover graphic is great, so 1920’s [and it was]. Read it and let me know what it’s about”. And sure enough, he’d have found some gem. I was introduced to so many different authors because of him – would have loved to have taken him to the UK to browse all those used book stores (drool drool drool).
Alas, he was also into many women at once, so out he went.
Bookshelf dealbreaker: “Dianetics.” But otherwise, respect my bookshelves and I’ll respect yours. AS LONG AS YOU HAVE SOME.
More problematic for me is movie taste, since movies are (or should be) a shared experience. Someone whose favorite director is Michael Bay might be tolerable as long as he didn’t say something like, “I refuse to watch any movies that are in black and white” (I’ve met people like this). You don’t have to love Preston Sturges, but if I have to sit through “Armageddon,” dammit, then he has to sit through “Sullivan’s Travels.”
One of my favorite authors is Margaret Atwood, and the last time I went to spend a few days at my smarty pants boyfriend’s house I brought Surfacing, which is one of her more obscure ones I’d been putting off for a while, and it took me more than a week to get through, because frankly, not so good. When I finally finished it, the bf asked how it was, and I told him it wasn’t so great. To which he replied, “Yeah, Margaret Atwood never really did much for me,” unaware of my love for her many other works. And I get that she’s more of a chick writer, but that remark still stung a little. We’re not really such a great match book-wise, but we’re pretty on par when it comes to music and movies at least.
I’ve had some dalliances with genres I’m not proud of (does the phrase “vampire romance” strike terror into your heart?), so I’d be hard pressed to judge anyone just for having a book on his shelf. (Although I tend to borrow my embarrassing books from the library so I can return them.) Now, if he pulled down Ann Coulter’s latest and tried to convince me of her brilliance, I’d run.
Also, I once dated a guy who did not read fiction, at all. No memoirs, biographies, or essay collections either. His “free time” reading books were textbooks on economics. That should have been a signal that he took himself way too seriously. He eventually broke up with me so he could spend more time with said textbooks. (I wish I were kidding — that was actually his stated reason, that he was behind on his self-imposed, non-required reading. He also conducted the breakup over IM, doubtless so he could save himself the 30-second walk to my dorm room and spend those precious 30 seconds reading another page.)
Actually, given all the mentions of bathroom reading, for me a deal breaker is going to be exactly that. You take MY books in the bathroom, and we will have issues. It’s neurotic, perhaps – but it reminds me of that episode of ‘Seinfeld’ wherein George gets dinged at the bookstore for bathroom reading. You can read your own volumes or whatever in there, if you like – but mine remain toilet virgins, dig?
I have actually had to rediscover reading for myself in the past couple of months; having been working on a pair of historical novels for the past three years, I realized recently it has been about that long since I read anything (offline) for *recreational* purposes. I tore through “Dogs of Babel” in less than twelve hours, and that was all – *ahem* – she wrote. I’m reading again, and it’s like being an addict now. (Best part – it hasn’t slowed my progress with the writing.) So life is a rich and wonderful thing … and reading kicks ass.
I’d feel embarrassed or bad about going so long without “really” reading, except that – I didn’t; I was just reading other things, which means reading in a different way; and the 400-plus pages I have *produced* in the meantime absolutely don’t require apologies or embarrassment.
Man. We do have Christian books–more marriage stuff than anything else, although I recently read Dan Merchant’s “Lord, Save Us From Your Followers”, which was thought-provoking. I didn’t expect to see that whole genre in so many people’s “hate” lists, and I’m not particularly bothered by books in the bathroom; in fact, my dream house would have built-in bookshelves in pretty much EVERY room, because right now books are running us out of the house. Live and let live, I guess.
Man, am I the lone person who can appreciate some Ayn Rand here? I know she’s not perfect, but her ideas are not totally without merit either, and some of her writing is drop dead stunning. (Some of it is drop dead bad too). Y’all are making me feel like the creepy richboy waiter in Dirty Dancing that tries to loan Baby the Fountainhead but wants it back because “he has notes in the margin.”
Someone up above listed “Codependent No More” as one of their deal-breakers. I have to disagree. I’ll take someone with that book over an unrepentant codependent any day. To each his/her own.
I once met someone with a vast collection of true crime books. Could have been a sociologist, could have been a sociopath. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.
I dated a guy with no books…and no art on the walls, not even a poster. The house was nicely furnished, but bare walls. I actually got creepy goosebumps as though I were in the presence of a serial killer or something. That was the beginning of the end of that relationship. *shiver*
I’m much more of a reader than the guy I live with now, but he reads. He does tend to interrupt me when I’m reading, but doesn’t get insulted when I shut the door for some peace & quiet, and he’ll put up with my little book reports, tears, laughter, quotes, whatever effect my reading has on me. He’s very impressed with my bookshelves, thinks I must be a genius. We’ll work it out!
I can’t think of any single book that would be a deal-breaker, although anything by Dan Savage would come bloody close (he makes Coulter look reasonable.) A bookshelf filled with political books all from the same point of view (left or right) would be a warning sign, though, and if they were all Marxist, that’s be a sign that it was time to find the door. I can’t take anyone or any group (e.g. Rage Against the Machine) who thinks that Marxism still has anything to say about how to organize a society or economy.
On the other hand, a copy of “Das Kapital” next to “The Wealth of Nations” is just fine, and while I wouldn’t want a woman I’m interested in to have interests identical to mine, a couple of authors in common would be a bonus.
“I once met someone with a vast collection of true crime books. Could have been a sociologist, could have been a sociopath. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”
AND YOU BROKE MY HEART, AMY. BROKE IT!
When my now-husband and I met in college, he wasn’t a reader (beyond text books). This was nearly a deal breaker – I average close to 150 books a year, work in a library, genre whore, blah blah – but I gave him a chance anyway. Come to find out, there was a damned good reason he didn’t read: his mother and sister.
His mom is an English teacher who reads chic lit mysteries for fun, and his (older) sister loooooves anything Jane Austin, etc. Who forces an athletic 13 year old boy to read “Pride and Prejudice” in his leisure time, and then is surprised when he declares that he hates reading? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE.
I handed him his first Sci-Fi novel, and now we’re making weekly trips to the library.
…I have never made great claims about the literary worth of what I like to read but I am saddened by the lack of love for Terry Pratchett.
I am even more saddened by my recent inability to enjoy books. I don’t know if my attention span has shrunk or what, even authors I enjoy I keep finding myself reading from the back forward more than the normal way. I can re-read my old favorites no problem, but new stuff just isn’t doing it. :(
Hmmm I hope I’m not weakening my defense of Mr. Pratchett too much with my admission…
@ferretrick-Don’t worry, my boyfriend is rereading the Fountainhead, and he enjoys it. He doesn’t go around extolling the wonders of objectivism, so I don’t really mind.
I think my dealbreaker won’t be no reading, and a guy who loves the Da Vinci Code would probably not last long. It’s just an indicator of really, really different tastes. My boyfriend is a scientist, and mainly reads textbooks. When he’s not reading textbooks, he’s working his way through the “classics.” One of the key things I like about him is that I can recommend a book and he’ll read it, even if it’s not something he’d usually like. I can appreciate his fondness for Hemingway even though Hemingway’s dialog makes me want to bang my head against the wall.
Sometimes taste does tell you a lot about a person. An ex thought I was jealous when I said his new girlfriend was crazy and I said, no, chick’s crazy. No one over the age of 15 who is sane lists the entire Disney catalog for their favorite movies. A few months later she threatened him with scissors, because, crazy.
@ferretrick:
I can’t speak for the anyone else but I personally have nothing against Ayn Rand in moderation. (I happen to have a soft spot for Anthem myself, because I read it in high school.) However I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that her monumental presence in this discussion has something to do with the fact that there is a certain subset of guys who take The Fountainhead way, WAAAAY too seriously. The ones who if you criticize the problems in the book in any way look at you like they’re seriously considering having you committed, or that you are obviously barely literate, a moron, or both.
Somebody please tell me I’m not the only one who attracts that guy. Because for a couple of years there I started to feel like I had some sort of neon sign over my head that only the Objectivist nutter butters could see.
I never broke up with a guy because of what he read, but I have broken off flirtatious conversations with guys in Borders because of what the guy picked up. Life is too short to spend with a guy reading Bill O’Rielly or listening to Kylie Minogue.
“If you’d told me in 2000 I’d end up married to a guy who reads maybe 3 books a year, I would have probably made the sign against the evil eye. ”
Me, too. I never thought I could be with a guy who didn’t read as much as I do. My boyfriend reads about one book to my 10, but what makes it OK is WHAT he reads – classics and books recommended by me (heh). If the three books he read this year were, say, “All the Pretty Horses”, “The Shipping News”, and “Farewell to Arms”, I can deal a lot better than if he were breathlessly awaiting the next Tom Clancy.
I’ve been on both sides of this particular conundrum and I have to say, if you’re both readers you’ve definitely got more to talk about and I think it brings you closer in a lot of ways. Having said that, current boyf reads nothing but hardcore textbooks, so we just talk about music instead.
It seems to me that there are dozens of venn diagrams in a relationship: taste in music, books, and movies, as well as what foods you like, how you spend your free time, your political beliefs, and so much more. The important thing is finding someone where most of those have a big enough overlap that you can understand each other and enjoy each other’s company. For that reason, someone with wide-ranging taste (even if I don’t mesh with all of it) is so much more appealing than someone with a narrow little slice of obsession/pickiness. I have a similar distrust for people who are incredibly picky eaters as I do for people who “don’t watch TV” or “don’t read fiction.” Both of them signal an inflexibility and lack of curiosity about the world that are just major red flags.
@Michelle
“I had a previous significant relationship with a non-reader which left me feeling oddly isolated from him. It felt like there was so much I couldn’t share with him, or at least that it’d be futile to try.” I dated a guy for about 3 years where I had this same feeling. It wasn’t *bad*, more like it made me feel sad that there was so much we couldn’t share.
My husband and I share a lot of books these days, although I tend to pass more things on to him than he does to me, owing to him making more time to read lately, and reading faster than I do. I long for the days of uninterrupted 5-6 hours of reading, pre-kid, pre-job, pre-adult-life.
Dealbreakers? Any collection of conservative nutbags, religious self-help (as an atheist, it would mean that something very different is steering your life than mine), lack of fiction or lack of fiction that does not suck, as has already been hashed out above.
I think I would draw the line at Anne Coulter & Scientology stuff too, as mentioned by others above. Also if he was too into sci-fi or Anne Rice. And if he didn’t read at all, we’d probably be better as friends.
True story – at a former job, there was a guy who was smokin’ hot – really truly double-take beautiful. One day he visited the library (I am a librarian) to fix one of the computers (he worked in IT) and he looked around and casually said, “I need a good book to read. I just finished a great book and I need another one.”
I nearly passed out with joy. Gorgeous, and a reader! Nothing ever happened between us, but he did recommend some good books to me and even gave me a book once. That happens to librarians all the time of course, but it made me ridiculously happy. It still warms my heart a little to think of it. Yes I know that’s geeky and I don’t care.
Somehow this issue has never come up for me.
My husband is awesome because he spends his commute reading stuff I wouldn’t, like pop math and physics books, and then tells me about them. How cool is that? The only reading habit he has that I don’t like is that he insists on finishing everything he starts, even if he hates it (like that Edwin Drood book), but when he hates a book he won’t stop bitching about it. In those periods, every day when he comes home it’s “ARGH #*!&@& DICKENS” and I’m like, seriously, drop it and pick up something fun, dude.
My husband is also awesome because most of the time, if I read something and fall in love with it, I can tell him, READ THIS and he will also love it, and then we can talk about it. It doesn’t always work the other way: he made me read House of Leaves, which I thought was an obnoxiously bloated postmodern package for a good, creepy story. But I don’t think there’s anything he digs that makes me want to hide the bookshelves in the closet when company comes over. I mean, I’m the one with Ari Fleischer’s bio (= gag gift) and some floofy women’s studies book about the wild woman archetype (= well meaning birthday present ages ago); and I’m also the one who can’t bear to get rid of books, no matter the content.
I have to say that this thread is awesome & has forced more coffee through my nose than any other so far. Way to go, y’all.
Though I’ll read pretty much anything printed – and desperation or shortage of material has made me read some stuff I would never otherwise claim – I completely agree that there are some red flag books/authors that may cause some mental raised eyebrows should I see them on a man’s bookshelf, e.g. Da Vinci Code – eek; Catcher in the Rye – not again!; Fletch – dude, this belongs at the cottage, take it back; Nabokov – oh, really?; Terry Pratchett/Robert Jordan/Anne McCaffrey – oh, please God, no.
However, I have no real right to be disparaging since my bookshelf has its own questionable members amongst its vast & varied contents. As a result, what I really value is lack of criticism: if he doesn’t laugh or turn up his nose at my complete Nora Roberts collection (everyone has his/her vices, I am no different), I won’t snicker at his NHL stats annuals, as long as there’s something else nearby I can steal while he’s analyzing his bloody pool.
On the other hand, if I find Dianetics anywhere other than the bathroom or the kindling pile, I’ll take it as a given that the relationship won’t go beyond booty call. Just the way it is.
I think I blogged about this once, that deal-breakers for me would NOT be “the Secret”, say, or even “DaVinci Code”, since so many people get that crap as gifts and need to keep it out on display so as not to appear ungrateful. “The Cellestine Prophecy” is pushing it, though.
And I usually appreciate “American Psycho” if it’s stacked among the regular books. If I find it hidden… RUN.
It really is not about bookshelf content; open-mindedness count most. After over two years, we are still having a difficult time merging out book and DVD collections because there is not room for them all in one house. What makes it worse is recognizing the vast amount of duplications in both collections. We are talking two people who read ANYTHING and watch the same. “Casablanca” next to “BASEketball;” Louis L’Amour next to Malamud. After being labelled ‘the reader’ in past failed relationships, it was kinda cool on our anniversary to go to a B and B that had no TV and take a couple books…reading in lounge chairs on a private bacony can be sexy as hell.
I’m a huge library user, and tend not to buy books, so I don’t judge people by their shelves, because I know how misleading they can be. But for me a deal-breaker would be someone who will only read one kind of book (only westerns, only contemporary lit, only military histories…). There are so many books! Branch out a little! Of course, I feel this way about making friends, too.
And of course, the non-reader. Mostly I object to this because reading is convenient and portable. What would a non-reader do if we got stuck in an airport for 5 hours? Would I have to entertain them the whole time??
The guys who informed me that they knew all about architecture because they has read The Fountainhead? Gone. The guys who told me I was a snob or read too much (or listened to too much music or went to too many kinds of concerts)? Gone. I try not to judge them based on reading/music/movies, but if you judge me without firsthand knowledge? Buh-bye.
There is one major problem when two readers come together: too many books! My husband and I are both book hoarders. Half Price Books is to us like a crack den is to an addict. We prefer different genres (me, mostly various types of fiction and food writing; him, mostly history, technical manuals, and popular science), but we both collect books obsessively.
I at least occasionally resell some of the rando books that I picked up for no good reason and don’t actually like, but once hubbie buys a book, it’s there to stay. We have five IKEA bookshelves, and IT’S NOT ENOUGH. I’m really glad we don’t live in New York, because nothing else would fit in the apartment after we moved in the books and my kitchen paraphernalia.
@ErinJ: Your husband and I should go on platonic reading dates because I do the same thing, and Skyrockets doesn’t get it. “You don’t like it — just stop reading it!” But I can’t; it’s like it would have beaten me or something. (I did not have this problem with assigned reading in college. Heh. Fuck you too, Stendhal.)
@bstewart: Good point; it’s important to account for possible gifts. Like the time a “friend” gave me He’s Just Not That Into You for Christmas, which actually was kind of a sign to the rest of us that she was losing the plot on a more global basis, but I did have to keep it on the little shelf under the coffee table for a few months until she moved away.
As mentioned above, a guy’s reading, or lack thereof, has a lot to do with the way they were raised. As a small child I was read to, and once I learned to read my mom bought books for me to read so that I would want to read as I got older. I have a wide array of tastes in genres. I read mostly fiction, but occasionally delve into non-fiction. My husband’s parents never read to him, nor encouraged him to read as a child. As a result he never saw the point of reading novels and only read when he had to for school reports. Once he reached high school he became interested in physics and started picking up text books everywhere he could to read. Now he reads many different types of books, just not novels. He never did get that interest. We read differnt types of books, but can still see where we each get enjoyment from reading. I don’t think I will ever convince him to pick up a good novel.
embees, I might be living with your husband. My guy’s got three generations of English profs in his family and being a computer geek instead of a literary geek was his rebellion. His friends all read fantasy/sci-fi stuff, and I gotta say, when he told me he didn’t really like that stuff, I went, “Whew.” I SHOULD think that reading bad stuff is better than reading nothing, but I just kinda don’t. He gives me ample time to read while he’s glued to his computer screen, and it works for us.
I suppose I’m lucky to not have to deal with the judgment of another reader anyway. The guy in the Times would be turning up his nose at all my John Irvings and Jasper Ffordes. And asking me why I’ve owned “In Search of Lost Time” for eleven years but not read it yet.
I am currently dating a guy who has a bookshelf ENTIRELY devoted to fantasy novels. Normally, this would be a bit of a deal breaker, but he’s so humbly self-aware that his library is limited and has such a genuine passion for his books that I can’t bring myself to judge him. Also, he listens actively when I talk about other books, even if he hasn’t read them. So count me among those who say the reading is more important than the content.
That said, Ayn Rand stole hours of my life and I am still bitter about it and if dating someone means talking about Ayn Rand then count me out.
I have to chime in with the people who never thought they’d date a non-reader, but fell in love anyway. Boyfriend doesn’t read much, but would never ask me to stop reading and turn out the light when he wants to sleep. And it’s true – the bookshelves are all mine!
I don’t judge a person for reading anything…I myself read everything from mind-candy chick lit intended for young teens to Plato to chemistry textbooks…but anyone who says his FAVORITE book is The Catcher In the Rye is OUT. Gah. In my opinion, it’s just a weak, watered-down version of Of Human Bondage, which also wasn’t very good.
Also, if one more person insists I have to read The Secret because it will change my life, I will scream. I did actually skim it in the bookstore one day…what inanity.
Okay I’ll be the one to say it. If there is no scifi/fantasy on his shelves, it ain’t going to work out. If there are no gaming books (Dungeon Master’s Guide, Monster Manual, etc.), it is probably not going to work out. I am a nerd and I seek the same. As such, I’ve never really had the whole literary taste break up problem.
My freshman roommate though… I had to assure her that literacy was in fact not too high a standard to have.
Well. I’m just going to stay quiet over here in the corner with Terry Pratchett and Jane Austen.
Like many people, I get turned off by the attitude towards what they read than the actual material. Dianetics on the shelf? Iffy. But if he says, “Eh, I was curious,” well that’s cool.
I’ll grudgingly accept a guy who considers On the Road a great book but I can’t stick around if he’s appalled that I find Kerouac is mostly full of shit. These are often the same guys who love The Doors and that definitely sends me running for the door.
I wouldn’t kick a guy to the curb if he didn’t read but I might have trouble actually relating to him.
For me the dealbreakers would be full on fantasy/sci fi because he’d have shoulder length or longer hair and I’m so over that. But really, if he has varied interests in tv, movies, books, food, so there’s a sign of intellectual curiosity and openness to new experiences/different viewpoints that works for me.
I worry sometimes that if a guy sees me reading some of my bottom of the book basket genre romance he won’t ever look again to see the next time I’m reading the biography of Madame deStaehl or all the Civil War history I keep picking up.
I used to not put down a book I’ve started. But I’ve learned. Recently I sent [i]April 1865[/i] back to the friend who lent it after I tried twice to get into it and just failed. Too much detail for one month? Or more likely too much insistence by the author that this one month was the fulcrum of all U.S. history.
I live in 667 square feet. [i]The Forsyte Saga[/i] may have had paragraphs that were veritable jewel boxes, but once it’s read it goes on to be read by others–usually donated to the Salvation Army for resale. I keep cookbooks (because you reuse those often) in a small bookcase. In the large bookcase are series I’m in the middle of (in case I want to go back and remember what came before when getting ready for the next book) and a few choice favorites. Oh, and things my friends wrote (because I always buy my friends’ books, it’s only polite, and they always sign them for me), things I’m acknowleged or mentioned in (a few), things I worked on (U.S. history texts).
My brothers don’t read and they were raised with the same being read to culture I was. My sister doesn’t read because she reads so slowly (and I wonder how in the world she made it though med school reading so slowly).
My husband has a degree in philosophy, I have a degree in psychology, and we both minored in religious studies. We both have broad tastes in books, but depending on what your looking at on our bookshelves, you could possibly be convinced we’re in some sort of cult.
We have various historical fiction, good sci-fi, really bad sci-fi, food books (not to be confused with cookbooks, we have lots of those, too), art books, and books that you generally find in Young Adult Fiction, all on the same shelves as commentary on the Koran, assorted books about the Tao, massive study bibles, classical mythology texts, and random books for elective classes – I was actually assigned manga and Palanhiuk for a class.
I think “good” (as far as reading preferences go) can be debated, but a dealbreaker for me would be fanatical devotion to any genre.
“No reading” is not a dealbreaker for me. My father isn’t a reader, but that doesn’t mean anything to me. He has his own cultural pursuits — his side of the family proudly bears four generations of musicians (including me). My mom is an absolutely voracious reader and she currently has several of my books because she’s out of things to read; on the flip side, she’s tone deaf. But my dad leaves her to her reading, she leaves him to his music, and it’s all good.
Having a problem with the fact that I read? That’s a dealbreaker. Same with having a problem with my taste in music, taste in movies, taste in sports/sports teams, the fact that I like sports/music/movies at all — whatever. Disagreeing is one thing, but I will not tolerate snottiness. If you can’t deal with it, out you go.
Besides, where the hell would I find space to be that picky? I read almost nothing but nonfiction these days, and my collection includes books on baseball, quantum physics, economics, political science, history, true crime, law, music, and probably some stuff I’m forgetting. I haven’t read a novel for fun in years (Michael Crichton wrote State of Fear and I think he scarred me for life with that one — I feel like I owe it to him to finish it since I made it through Prey, which sucked, but this one suuuucks), but I do still regularly reread the novels I own. Douglas Adams. Lots of Douglas Adams. Also, I have the entire Redwall collection and everything Michael Crichton’s ever written, except for Next, because I’m afraid to buy it after the aforementioned State of Fear experience. And other stuff. And yes, I read Tom Clancy. So basically, I have no room to talk.
I’ll add my voice to those who won’t judge based on a shelf– I’ll read just about anything (Da Vinci Code, Left Behind, Shopaholic…. I’m kind of compulsive and curious.)
I think it’s fair, however, to judge people based on what they list as their favorites.
Dealbreakers for me are in a couple categories:
Da Vinci Code (Steak v. Candy)
The Nanny Diaries
These books make me think the reader doesn’t have a strong sense of satire, and that’s really a turn off.
Fight Club
1984
1984 should actually also be in the next category as well, but the blatant misogyny in these books and the way otherwise non creepy guys rally around them is very bothersome to me.
Catcher in the Rye
Siddhartha
The Alchemist
Things Fall Apart
On the Road
It’s fine if these books are your favorite when you’re 15, but if you’re older than that, you should have a new favorite book. It’s like the person knows enough to feign depth but isn’t aware enough to know how shallow these immature choices make them sound.
Also, anyone who mocks me for loving A Long Fatal Love Chase gets the death glare. They can read it, and then disagree with me if they want, but I do not respect the ignorant mocking.
I too am a book hoarder–I cannot go into a bookstore without buying something. Rent due? Pah. Holes in every pair of socks I own? Peh. I must own this right now, I MUST!
We are totally out of room in our apartment for another bookcase and so I routinely have to go through and purge the books for resale. This is really difficult–I hate realizing how much of my identity is bound up in books I never got through, haven’t read in years, were given as gifts, whatever. My last purge saw me sell a lot of the old plays I’d studied in college, and it was wrenching. Even though they were covered in dust from not having been touched in years, I hated letting go of the time when I was young and stupid and thought I could make it in the star-dusted world of theater. Sniff.
My husband and I have very different tastes in literature but it’s helped me solidify leverage with him. If he acts up I can say “I bought you World War Z for CHRISTMAS. I bought you the Marvel Zombie Special Comic for VALENTINE’S DAY. I am the BEST WIFE EVER, and don’t you forget it”
Hoolia, anyone who mocks Lousia is DEAD TO ME.
SaraK: I did once break up with someone who is a picky eater. I tweak my favorite recipes for no man!
Hoolia: Word on The Catcher In The Rye thing.
I’ve never understood people who peek in other people’s medicine cabinets. I peek at their bookshelves!
Can’t think of anything that would send me running just because it was there. But serious Objectivists and people who think The DaVinci Code or Left Behind were well written? eeew.
“Ann Coulter”
–Oh my god. That’s it. THAT’s my deal breaker. Ann Fucking Coulter. Even Bill O’Reilly, I could put up with as long as there are other books on the shelf to indicate that the guy is reading O’Reilly for a good laugh. But Ann Coulter would doom the relationship.
“Well, I’ve never broken up with someone over reading taste, but I was once seduced by a guy who’d turned a weird closet/hallway bonus space in his apartment into a library. Homemade shelves from floor to ceiling, cozy chair by the window, little table to set your cappuccino on… I was in love with the reading room. (It was filled mainly with non-fiction stuff that was way over my head… he was a physicist.) But then we broke up for unrelated reasons.”
— Woah. That may be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. Is this guy still single? If so, doe she live hear the Pacific Northwest?
” can’t think of any single book that would be a deal-breaker, although anything by Dan Savage”
— Do you mean Dan Savage or Michael Savage? DAN Savage, unless there’s more than one, is a cool, hilarious gay sex advice columnist from Seattle. He has books but they’re certainly not comparable to Ann Coulter. MICHAEL Savage is a conservative radio show host and he’s a douchebag.
To all the people who say their own bookshelves contain questionable books — am I the only one who intentionally puts the books I want to admit to on the shelf in my living room and buries the questionable ones on the shelf in my bedroom? I have far more good books than embarrassing ones, but I definitely put way too much thought into what people will think when they see my bookshelf.
I also put a great deal of thought into what I read on airplanes, because I want to appear intelligent and interesting to the people who see my book.
As several posters have said, I think the most important thing is for the non-reader to be able to understand the reader’s love of reading, even if he/she doesn’t share it. I personally would much rather spend my free time sacked out on the couch with a book than on a treadmill, but my ex always preferred to spend his free time DOING stuff – a home improvement project, a bike ride, a few hours lifting weights. That was fine with me, but I always felt like he regarded me as a lazy couch potato because I preferred to spend my evenings curled up with a book and a Law and Order rerun on in the background. The fact that he didn’t really read didn’t bother me in and of itself, but I was always bothered by the sense that he thought I was lazy, that reading isn’t actually an activity, that I might as well have spent the evening watching a Rock of Love marathon.
I wouldn’t have broken up with him over it (many other factors doomed us), but it’s nice to be able to spend six straight hours on the couch without feeling guilty about it.