“‘Overrated!’ ‘Brilliant!’ ‘Overrated!’ ‘Brilliant!'”
I’ve never broken up with a guy based on his literary tastes (or lack of same), but then, I don’t let it get to relationship status in the first place if the guy doesn’t read, or loves Patricia Cornwell (although thinking she’s a guilty pleasure is permissible, I guess, but he would have to feel really guilty about it).
But my reading taste isn’t the highest-brow, either, what with all the true crime…or the widest-ranging, what with all the baseball. And I don’t judge anyone for reading Harry Potter, but while I wouldn’t dump a guy who liked HP, I would dump a guy who evangelized about it.
Any lit deal-breakers for you guys? Ever spotted a spine on a likely lad’s shelf and realized, “I can’t be here”? Or do you let it go if everything else is working?
Tags: books publishing
I’m thankful that my husband also doesn’t look askance at my habit of rereading certain books seasonally (e.g., “Possession” every spring, something Southern Gothic in the autumn, Wharton and Fitzgerald in the summer, Poe in the winter). I mean, I read stuff other than that, but at some point every spring, I need to bust out “Possession”. And he doesn’t have a problem with that, probably because his fixation with Hannibal and the elephants, Roman and Celtic history/mythology, etc., goes largely unremarked in our house.
I suppose I’ve never met someone scarily into Ayn Rand. I read the article and heard the writer on TOTN yesterday, and Ayn Rand seems to be some kind of acknowledged symbol of psychosis; up until yesterday, I thought liking her work was a phase that most everyone went through!
I remember many discussions of Ayn Rand, back when I had deals to break, and I was the one buying up copies and passing them out, imploring guys to read them. I was over that by 21 or 22, though.
My husband doesn’t read too much, but he will. And he read more, tons more, back when we were dating and didn’t have kids. I guess I did, too!
I’m with everyone else who has said that no single book would turn me off of dating someone, but I’d be completely underwhelmed if said person owned no books. I think even a freakish obsession with a particular genre is preferable to no books whatsoever. Maybe if he only reads sci-fi that suggests he’s not intellectually curious, but to me, no books means not intellectual at all, and that’s definitely worse. Of course, someone who really did only read one genre or had never read a “classic” novel outside of school would likely wind up not being very compatible with me as it is. There’s something to be said about someone who doesn’t just like a good story, but who loves the whole reading experience. Luckily, I’ve snagged myself a man who is perfectly happy to listen to me prattle on about a book’s merits (or lack thereof), and is actually turned on when I say things like, “Feel how nice the pages are in this edition!” and “I want to read this book, but I wish the typeface were nicer…” A dude who can geek out over the actual physicality of a book is pretty damn cool in my, well, book.
Anyway, before my boyfriend and I moved in together, I had a big box of trashy historical romances that I had hidden in my closet, but they got turfed so that he would never know of their existence (well, I really couldn’t bear to actually trash them, so I merely left them in the lobby of my complex). Given my own sordid reading history, I really can’t hold much against a guy, as long as he has the good sense to recognize when something is rubbish and feels guilty about enjoying it. I don’t know that I would have dated me if I had proudly displayed on my bookshelf some of the books in that box…
I ended up married to someone who shares an almost identical taste in books with me (seriously, from the nonfic all the way to the beach reading), and I won’t lie that it was a huge bonus and major relationship-builder to be able to freely trade and talk about books. Now he’s too busy for extracurricular reading most of the time, but at least we share that base, and I can save up must-reads for him for when he’s out of grad school.
However, I’m in the company of those who say they wouldn’t dump someone for having different taste, as long as they didn’t proselytize about it, put down my taste, not read at all, or have a completely uninformed view of the merits of what they were actually reading (I love whoever said above “You can eat candy, but you can’t be thinking it’s steak”). Reading is a major part of who I am, and I just don’t think I could connect that deeply to someone who didn’t at least appreciate it in their own way.
Ann Coulter and her ilk…that’s a whole other issue. Methinks the problems there would go waaaaay beyond the literary realm.
My husband isn’t much of a reader and obviously it’s not a deal breaker with us because we’ve been married for 23 years. We do have a somewhat symbiotic relationship, though — he is a wood worker, and keeps building me bookshelves and I keep filling them! He also wants to build a house with a library like the one in the Disney Beauty & the Beast movie.
I once broke up with someone who lectured me about Mark Twain. We didn’t disagree about Twain. She simply thought that I needed to hear her thoughts about him and did-you-know-that-wasn’t-his-real-name-I-am-so-smart-I-know-everything? Thanks. Gotta go. So while I think of it as being a quarrel about books, it wasn’t.
My least favorite phrase (especially if we’re just getting to know one another) is, “you’ve never read *book name*?”
I won’t read my husband’s favorite author (John Crowley) because I am afraid if I don’t like it that it will color my feelings for him. Not really, but sort of.
Ayn Rand fans, objectivism fans, fans of “rational self-interest” are simply narcissistic, misogynistic egoists. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. *snort*
I just want to emphasize that what you see on someone’s book shelves may not be who they are. My boyfriend, who is a scientist, has a Dan Brown book – not the DaVinci Code – that his sister loaned him. (His sister also LOVES George Bush but has never loaned him anything by Ann Coulter – yet).
He read the book and hated it but it’s still on the shelves because he never throws anything away. This is not the only example of the kind of reading material that might be a clue to someone with whom I probably couldn’t have an intelligent conversation.
He has actually given me permission to go through some of those kinds of books, most of which were left behind by house-sitters, visitors, renters, or loaned., and take them down to the used book store or recycle them, and someday I will, I will. Really, I will.
But in the meantime, there they are.
My parents were very concerned when I took up with The Boy, who is a game geek and movie buff but not a reader (reading and breathing are pretty well tied for me!). He also does not hike, bike, or camp, all of which are pretty important to me, so they worried. BUT. As several people have commented, it’s not whether the boy reads/does the same things you do, it’s whether he gets that it’s important to you. And mine does.
I think he is slightly awed by my book consumption, actually, and he still doesn’t quite understand that I don’t need the TV on or music “in the background” (because when I am reading, NOTHING else gets through, up to and including fire alarms…), but he gets that it’s important to me and that’s what counts. He does not get jealous or pissy that I am “ignoring” him, nor does he have an inferiority complex about my reading more books than he does. He is just happy that I have something I enjoy as much as he does his games – and in turn, I make interested comments about said games even though I cannot wrap my brain around them at all :)
I come from a family of readers and I struggle to leave a bookshop empty handed. I used to visit my sister for a weekend and we would spend an afternoon perfectly happy sitting at each end of the sofa with a book each. My brother-in-law couldn’t understand it.
I read a mix of stuff but will go on spree’s of genre reading. Currently I’m kicking it with popular science biological and physics. It’s been broken up with a weekend of Mills and Boon. Before the science was social commentary, and before that historicals. Before that was fiction. I also read rubbish in-store. I’ve read all the Princess Diary books, but by reading a chapter here and there.
My boyfriend reads but he’s not ‘a reader’ himself. He’ll pick up my books, especially the non-fiction and dip in and out which means we can talk about them which is great, and I’ve read most of his books and enjoyed them. Though he is begging me not to buy too many as we have run out of shelf-space already and have books stacked on top of them.
I’m with the candy vs. steak crowd in general but my favourite opinion of The Da Vinci Code.
“It’s a deep book for shallow people”
Erin, I will back you up with the Jane Austen love. I have all of her works. And love them. My husband thinks its is crazy and cool all at once because I have a crazy great vocab from my years of reading novels such as the works of Jane Austen or the Bronte sisters.
Purging books, I don’t understand. I have a hard time letting go of books. Even the embarassing books I read in high school that I really wish no one would find out I read. After we bought our house, my husband and I went to my parent’s house to get my stuff I had left there when I went away to college. It was mostly a bed and books. My husband was a little shocked that I had accumulated that many books, all on an allowance. Of course we have nowhere near enough room to put all of my books. They are crammed in closets in our spare bedrooms.
I now have to avoid bookstores because I can’t afford to buy all the books that I really want to buy. It is sad. But I have a backlog of books I bought in college and never had time to read. So I guess it will work out in the end. There are even books in the backlog that my husband wants to read.
And to actually be on topic, my college boyfriend didn’t like to read. I didn’t understand it. And he didn’t like it when I read. The only books he would attempt to read were Stephen King and compter books. Not cool. No wonder it didn’t last. I’m still not jumping on the Stephen King bandwagon and I actually broke down and read one book, the Green Mile. I liked it, but not enough to start a trend.
Have really enjoyed this thread!
My name is Becki, and I am a book hoarder …
Hubby reads but he is a dabbler. But the key factor is we both enjoy books in our own way – mine just happens to be voraciously.
The deal breaker for me would have been if he didn’t enjoy bookstores. Visiting the local bookstore is key for us WHEREVER we go. Our last anniversary? #26? Dinner at Yardhouse and 2 hours at the brand new super Borders. A night made in heaven.
I saw a guy on the bus the other day who was reading a novel based on a video game. I actually did a double-take, but I don’t think he noticed, so ENGROSSED was he. In his novel! Based on a video game!
But I will say that at the other end of the spectrum, I roll my eyes (in my mind, anyway) whenever I see a guy over the age of 19 reading “Catcher in the Rye” in public. Especially if it’s a well-worn copy and they stick it in their back pocket when they’re done. I know that guy, and that guy is going to irritate the bejesus out of me.
Have really enjoyed this thread!
My name is Becki, and I am a book hoarder …
Hubby reads but he is a dabbler. But the key factor is we both enjoy books in our own way – mine just happens to be voraciously.
The deal breaker for me would have been if he didn’t enjoy bookstores. Visiting the local bookstore is key for us WHEREVER we go. Our last anniversary? #26? Dinner at Yardhouse and 2 hours at the brand new super Borders. A night made in heaven.
I tend to see it the other way…if I see Anne Lamott, or Anna Quindlen, on the shelf, chances are good this is someone I will want to get to know better. And yes, bookshelves stuffed with books=home I want to be in.
**Also, anyone who mocks me for loving A Long Fatal Love Chase gets the death glare.**
Well, I’m safe. It’s right on my shelf next to A Modern Mephistopheles.
Barbara – why cant you be living near me? LOVE your taste in books . ..LOL
Where do you keep Pauline’s Passion and Punishment?
“But I will say that at the other end of the spectrum, I roll my eyes (in my mind, anyway) whenever I see a guy over the age of 19 reading “Catcher in the Rye” in public.”
While I think it’s fine to make inferences about someone based on books they have around their home (especially those displayed on a shelf), I don’t necessarily think the same holds simply if someone is seen reading (or in the company of) a particular book. Perhaps they’re reading the book for a class, or for a book club, or for some other reason that has nothing to do with who they are as a reader in general, or as a person. Maybe I’m just touchy about this particular example because my boyfriend recently read The Catcher in The Rye at the ripe old age of 24. It was his first time reading the novel, and he even read it in public at an airport. True, he didn’t have a beat up copy of it, nor did he stick it anywhere on his person… but the copy he was reading was a hardcover. Does that make it better or worse? ;)
I guess my point is merely that a single book is hardly a good reflection of anyone, unless it has the esteemed status of being his or her favorite book. I’m sure people have seen me reading books in public that I loathed, but of course, if you come into my home, you won’t find them there, as I didn’t keep them after finishing them. Generally I put a book on the shelf rather than send it to the used bookstore if I genuinely enjoyed it and believe that there’s the possibility I’ll read it again (or will want to lend it to someone).
Bottom line, it excites me if I see someone reading a book I like, but I generally don’t think less of someone for reading a book I didn’t care for. For all I know, they’re hating it just as much as I did! Anyway, this is why I don’t think someone owning a single book would ever turn me off of him… Perhaps if he ONLY owned John Grisham, Michael Crichton, and Dean Koontz novels, then I’d be concerned… but I’m not gonna begrudge a dude a copy of Sphere even if I thought it blew balls.
On the flip side of that, certain books can buy you a larger proxemic bubble on planes or subways. Anything regarding the Jonestown massacre pretty much guarantees the seats next to me will be free.
(Note: Do not attempt with JFK-conspiracy books. You will always ALWAYS wind up next to that guy who has read “Whitewash” six times and wants to discuss.)
When I met my husband he didn’t read. At all. Once I found out he didn’t read because of a learning disability combined with parents who didn’t give a shit, I had a mission. I helped him develop hes reading skills, while my Mom prowled the bookstores looking for things that would pique his interest.
Almost 30 years later, he reads the paper every morning, and actually picks up a book for pleasure occasionally. He prefers non-fiction, because he feels that the effort he puts into the act of reading should have educational benefits, but he has never made me feel that reading a novel is a waste of time. And he builds me bookshelves! Which rocks.
I also would ask that you not judge me by what’s on my shelves. I don’t think I’ve EVER thrown a book away, even books I hated. And I went through a pretty heavy fantasy phase in my early 20s, and all those books still live at my house.
It’s only been in the last five years or so that I’ve been able to not finish a book that I’ve started if I don’t like it. I don’t know why I could never give up on a book before, if it was optimisim or stubborness, but I finally decided that life is just too short to read crap I’m not enjoying. Cell, for example. Are you listening SK?
I am an avid reader, and read a wide range of material. Sometimes escapist romance trash, that doesn’t require me to think, sometimes best sellers and sometimes non-fiction. I will admit, that my attempts at reading about quantum physics, a concept I find fascinating, have left me bewildered, and I tend to drop the book and wander off muttering.
I come from a family of teachers, and reading was always important. It didn’t even matter what, as long as you were reading. I found as a teenager, I didn’t particularly want to challenge myself in my reading choices, and spent far too much time reading the dreaded Harlequin Romances, but my mom and I have talked about this, and even those silly books would require me to pick up a dictionary occasionally and look up a word. Those words have stayed with me, and I think made me a better conversationalist and given me a better understanding of the world. I also have a vivid imagination, which I think comes from bringing books to life in my mind from a young age.
All this simply goes to say that reading can simply be the act of opening up your mind, and that it doesn’t necessarily matter what you read, as long as you are willing to pick up the book. I once lived with a guy who was dyslexic. When we were growing up, dyslexia wasn’t tested for and if you had trouble reading, you were just labeled slow or dumb. He could have carried that chip on his shoulder and held reading in disdain for the rest of his life, but he didn’t. He loved to read, even if some people might look down on his sci-fi or horror. I had a great deal of respect for that aspect of his personality, and he eventually went on to teach acting at a private school for the arts.
I guess the easy joke is “never judge a book by its cover”.
All that being said, Ann Coulter would send me screaming from the room, bolting the door behind me, and hammering boards over it to seal the hate-monger inside.
Sars, I need to perfect my bubble-creating book selection process. I’ve had so many issues with creepy old dudes (like, “hello… Dad?” old) striking up conversations with me based on the fact that I was reading, GASP!, at lunch. My favorite went like this:
C.O.D.: Hey, is that the New Yorker?
Me: Uh, yes.
C.O.D.: Wow. Do you read the fiction, too?
Me: …yes.
C.O.D.: Good for you! [patronizingly]
Wow, I’m young, blonde, female, AND can decode a pretentious magazine? Who would have ever guessed?! *shakes fist*
My only literary deal-breaker is Ayn Rand as a favorite. If objectivism resonates with the guy too much, run! I know that sounds arbitrary. It’s a ridiculous rule. But I’ve had the worst experiences with Ayn Rand guys.
@ ErinJ/Sars:
I am almost incapable of not finishing a book as well. I end up reading things from the break room at work during lunch, though, and that sorely tests me. Patricia Cornwell? I have managed several of them. Dean Koontz? Yes, but yelling “shut up already with the stupid metaphysics!” in my head. Iris Johansen? No more than 50 pages before I start smacking myself in the forehead and give up. The worst was Laurell K. Hamilton. Holy crap, I want that time back. And yet… I continue to pick them up when I finish books of my own choosing (and starting one several minutes after finishing “The Grapes of Wrath”? Not a terribly good idea).
“(Note: Do not attempt with JFK-conspiracy books. You will always ALWAYS wind up next to that guy who has read “Whitewash” six times and wants to discuss.)”
I’d advise against The God Delusion on flights from Calgary to Houston, too. I’ll go toe-to-toe with the most ardent critics of Richard Dawson, but not when there’s a possibility of accidentally spilling my bourbon in their face.
Kerouac always makes me think twice. Always. And I’ve heard it all before, I’m so close minded and totally not giving one of the greatest American writers a chance, and I must be totally uneducated to not appreciate Kerouac. Sorry, I just can’t get into it. It’s not so much the writing itself, but I have never had a good experience with a man who loves Kerouac. When it’s Kerouac sitting next to Siddhartha, I’m out the door. There’s something about “That Guy†that always irks me.
Aaaggghhh, forgot about Koontz. That is one author I literally cannot bring myself to read, and I mean that in a physical, can’t-bend-my-arm-to-bring-the-book-toward-me way. I’m in no position to be snobbish, having just bought Rumer Godden’s “Miss Happiness and Miss Flower” (a book for eight-year-olds) because I remembered how much I LURVED the dollhouse/bonsai descriptions as a kid. But Koontz = hives.
I am sorry.
Here’s a reversal. I had borrowed a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You and had it above my toilet in the bathroom. A one-night-stand I was kinda into (maybe enough for a two or three night stand) disappeared and I blame it on the appearance of that book in my bathroom. He wasn’t boyfriend material or anything, but he was fun!
For what it’s worth, I *married* I guy who at one point had that “Men are from Mars” tripe on his shelf. He claimed to have never read it, but I still think it was a major leap of faith for me.
Re: purging
I have to send my love out to bookmooch.com. Get rid of books you don’t want any more and get points for books you /do/ want. Very simple, transparent system (one point, one book)–love it more than anything, and for the first time in years, I have a TBR list!
I’m fine with non-readers; a lot of people in my family have learning disabilities and have to stimulate their intellectual curiosity in other ways (documentaries, History Channel, Discovery Channel, walking around museums).
I’m also fine with people who don’t read fiction; my husband adores him some foreign policy analysis and historical accounts of the Civil War. But he spends his time scouring the Internet for the most innovative and creative bands he can find, introduces them to me, so I have something to put on the CD player in the bathroom while I get cozy with my Neil Gaiman and bubble bath.
But so help me God, if I EVER find out which family member thought it was funny to anonymously recommend Ann Coulter’s book to me, I will clock them with it.
This is a fascinating comments thread.
I’m going to speak up with some love for Pratchett/sci-fi/fantasy! It wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me if a guy didn’t like that type of stuff, but it would be a deal-breaker if he looked down on me for liking it. Also if he kept trying to get me to read stuff he liked. I almost never pass on books I like, even books I absolutely love (e.g. Pratchett), because books are so personal to me and I know how personal and specific and private my own taste is. I have weird taste — I’m definitely a Reader, but I’m also very particular. I read (and re-read, and re-read — I would often rather re-read something I love than read something new) sci-fi and fantasy, but only a very specific subset. Likewise, there are just a very few romance/mystery authors I read, and a handful of YA authors. And then I read a subset of the “classics.” Within those genres I’ll try just about anything once to see if I like it, but I know — I KNOW — that I really don’t like, for example, contemporary fiction. At all. I might read it if there’s nothing else around, I might even admit it’s genius. But it’s not what I’m going to read when I’m reading for my own enjoyment. And someone who doesn’t accept that, and who keeps trying to foist his idea of a “good” book on me — that’s a deal-breaker, no matter how much I agree that his books are “good.”
I think the real deal-breaker for me would be if a guy didn’t feel passionate about some imaginative “art” form (music, movies, books) that I could respect (and therein lies the question of course — would I respect shelves and shelves of nothing but Star Wars books if there was nothing else, if that was the most meaningful part of his imaginative life? I honestly don’t know…), even if I didn’t share his tastes.
Now I am thinking about this way too much.
Man, all the comments about “too much sci-fi/fantasy” make me sad, since my own bookshelf is about 90% sci-fi and fantasy. But, really, there are so many sub-genres within those genres, that it’s more varied than it seems at first. 1940’s space operas, modern British satirical fantasy, cyberpunk, magical realism . . . I could go on, but the point is that many science fiction and fantasy books are just as well written and varied as more mainstream books. In my school literature classes, I frequently found the same themes, depth, and quality in the books I had to read for class and the sci-fi and fantasy I read for pleasure. I’m currently reading a science fiction book that’s also a spy novel spoof and a biting social satire about international struggles with a lot of relevance to what’s going on with foreign policy today, even though it was published over 20 years ago. I’d hate to think I’d be judged as somehow unworthy of dating because it’s on my shelf.
“Man, am I the lone person who can appreciate some Ayn Rand here? ”
The Venn diagram between “People enthralled by the idea of Superman/Genius who defies the craven masses who would attempt to destroy his perfect vision,” and “Douchebags” is quite nearly a perfect circle.
You—and, possibly, Alan Greenspan—might not fall into the overlap yourself, but it’s a dead cert that anybody who is deeply stirred by Rand does not see themselves as part of the craven masses…
I would not be very interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who loved or identified with the protagonist in The Catcher in the Rye.
Fellow Jenn, I loves me some Annie Lamott as well! When she read here I hauled all my crappy paperbacks in to be signed. She was really nice too. Same for Diane Ackerman and Alain De Botton. Those books aren’t going anywhere, they will be buried with me.
On a more general note, does anyone else hate it when you’re on a streak (reading Jane Austen, Discworld, what have you) and you run out of gas in the middle of a book? I’ve been reading away on the Brontes and suddenly have to struggle with Shirley (and it’s really good!)
“On the flip side of that, certain books can buy you a larger proxemic bubble on planes or subways. Anything regarding the Jonestown massacre pretty much guarantees the seats next to me will be free.”
Helter Skelter is pretty good for that exact same reason . . .
“It seems to me that there are dozens of venn diagrams in a relationship: taste in music, books, and movies, as well as what foods you like, how you spend your free time, your political beliefs, and so much more. The important thing is finding someone where most of those have a big enough overlap that you can understand each other and enjoy each other’s company. For that reason, someone with wide-ranging taste (even if I don’t mesh with all of it) is so much more appealing than someone with a narrow little slice of obsession/pickiness. I have a similar distrust for people who are incredibly picky eaters as I do for people who “don’t watch TV” or “don’t read fiction.” Both of them signal an inflexibility and lack of curiosity about the world that are just major red flags.”
I have to speak up in regards to this… I’m one of those people who doesn’t watch TV. And mind, it’s not a disinterest in TV as a subject matter, either; I have a very eclectic schedule because I’m a waitress and a freelance editor, and so even when I attempt to watch shows regularly I end up missing them as often as not. I own all of “House, M.D.” on DVD, I’ve seen all of “Dead Like Me” and “Futurama” …and even if I didn’t, I still think it’s rather unfair to tar those who don’t watch TV with the brush of inflexibility and lack of curiosity. It’s one thing if a person gets all snobby at you about YOUR decision to watch TV when they don’t; it’s another if it just doesn’t interest them & they get their information and entertainment elsewhere (like reading avidly) both on- and off-line), and don’t mind if you watch TV.
@Luna
Yes! I read a lot of Tolkien and L’Engle and Bradbury as a kid, but when I hit my teens I only read “literature” and mainstream fiction, so it wasn’t until college that I discovered that there were now some truly great fantasy novels that didn’t follow the old “unicorns and swordfights” mold, and some excellent new sci-fi as well. One of our four bookshelves is devoted to sf/f, and nearly everything on there is something I’d recommend to any reader (Gaiman, Le Guin, Gibson, etc.) For all the sudden popularity of fantasy, sci-fi, and comic book-based movies, I feel like it’s hurt the perception of those genres just because some of the movies are so goofy, and it makes it harder to explain the amazing possibilities of sf/f. Look at Michael Chabon writing totally genre novels and being incredibly defensive about it at every turn, which gets old.
Ahem. We have tons of books, and every month I try to purge like crazy (he’s a part-time book reviewer). I used to hoard, which was more about having possessions and wanting to show them off, I’m afraid, than actually needing the books themselves. I’d definitely look askance at someone who only read James Patterson, Nora Roberts, or other terrible modern bestsellers because that’s just lazy, like only watching American Idol and Oprah and listening to soft jazz.
(I will concede, re: sf/f, that if they’re all Star Wars tie-in novels we may have a problem, Houston.)
I’m really enjoying this thread!
After re-reading my own post, I feel compelled to explain that I would never look down on someone reading textbooks for fun — I’m a grad student (aka “professional nerd”) and I’ve been known to get completely engrossed in encyclopedias and textbooks myself. The aforementioned ex did not *enjoy* reading his textbooks but felt it was “necessary to achieve his future goals” and actively disdained anyone who “wasted mental energy” on reading purely for enjoyment. (Sadly you meet many of this species in grad school.)
Identifying too strongly with the protagonist in “Catcher in the Rye” would be a warning sign for me too. My HS English teacher commented that for most people, there is a very specific time in their lives when they understand exactly what Holden is going through and think it’s the most brilliant, insightful book ever. If you read “Catcher” after that critical window, Holden is unbelievably annoying. Now that I’m in my mid-twenties I feel the men in my life should be past that window.
My own boyfriend rolls his eyes at the mention of “Catcher.” We both like to keep a book on the nightstand and sometimes visit the library together to stock up. I’ve been pestering him to read David Sedaris, and he’d love for me to give Dickens another chance. I know a lot of couples where one’s a reader and one’s not and they’re perfectly happy, but I have to admit, having a live-in source of book recommendations is kind of awesome.
@Jen S: That happened to me with McCulloch’s “Mornings On Horseback” (a biography of Teddy Roosevelt). I was thrumming along full-speed, and…oh, look, a deer.
@Luna: Can’t speak for everybody, but I don’t so much hate sci-fi as a genre as I deplore the boobalicious gun-totin’ leather porn it usually seems to be these days. Obviously, with a few notable exceptions (“Stranger In A Strange Land”, anyone?) classic sci-fi isn’t so much about scootching the bootch. And if somebody IS into alien tentacle scrumpiness, well, okay then. I just don’t want to have to look at it.
I’ve also been mildly appalled at the number of guys I’ve encountered on a particular dating site who have no answer to the “last book I read” question (“I don’t really read books”), or say “DaVinci Code.” Ugh, go far away from me.
I can think of very few individual books that would be deal breakers (“Dianetics” would top the list, as would anything by Ann Coulter), but if you don’t read at all? Goodbye.
I tend to not work out with people who are too literary, because I don’t the judging, condescending, “What are you reading…. oh. You know, you should read Ulysses. That particular book is a huge dealbreaker, because I have yet to meet someone who actually enjoyed it, but I’ve met a ton of people who struggled through it and think this makes them deserving of a medal. Look, I chose taxes as my career. You chose literature. That’s awesome, but don’t expect me to do what you do for a living in my free time. Or, start doing taxes in your free time, and then maybe we’ll talk about me attempting Ulysses, but I’ve pretty much hated the hell out of Joyce since they made me read his valentine to himself with the moocow in high school, so it’s gonna take some doing.
I absolutely agree with Kimy on the Kerouac. It’s not a dealbreaker on the shelf, but as a favorite or ‘here’s a book that defines me’ (along with Bukowski), I get a little leery. They’re authors that are best read at an early age…at least to me!
I used to vaguely assume everyoneread. I grew older, and then just vaguely assumed I’d wind up with someone who read. And for many many years, I was with someone who read as omniverously as I did, which was fun, if kind of expensive in the long run.
And now I’m meeting other people, and I’ve discovered the divisions in “people who read”: some of the omnivores read all the time because they have the time, and some of the people who “don’t read” are actually just not reading for entertainment, because they’re working. A lot. And they do read, but their books are mostly textbooks that pertain to their field. And they might read more for entertainment if they had three minutes to themselves, ever.
So I think there’s room in my life for more than one type of person. I’m more interested in first finding out WHY someone doesn’t read, before I think “this won’t work for me.”
Ah, Ann Coulter – totally my guilty pleasure at the bookstore! It’s just so…so…it’s everything and nothing at once.
But I wouldn’t buy it. I just rifle through, and giggle.
Ali: “his valentine to himself with the moocow” made me snort coffee out of my nose. Masterfully good phrase.
A guy who barely reads probably would be a deal breaker, along with someone who thinks Dan Brown is a good writer. (hack!)
I did refuse to go out with someone again because he pretty much ate just fast food and refused any vegetables. Just because they were veggies. I cannot date a 50 year old who eats like a not very bright 12 year old.
Aw, what’s with all the Ayn Rand hate? The Fountainhead is HILARIOUS.
Then again, I also go to B-movie festivals for fun. You really can’t take some things seriously, or it just doesn’t work.
Issues of taste in literature don’t bother me much. I agree with those who are suspicious of someone who only likes one thing — I had a phase during my early teen years when I read Stephen King and nothing but Stephen King, but I was a kid and he hadn’t published his most groan-worthy stuff. If I were still stuck on King and nothing else, that would be weird.
Oh, and it’s not fair to mention Ann Coulter here, I think, because that’s more of an ideological issue than a bad-taste issue.
I will venture one warning: watch out for the guy who has a ton of books about World War II, but no other history books. This guy will tell you he’s a “history buff,” but real history buffs have more than one interest. This guy is into WWII for one reason and one reason only, which you’ll discover when he starts making pronouncements like “Despite all those bad things Hitler did, he sure was a genius.” And if you see anything by David Irving in his collection, run like hell. He’s not a neo-Nazi, probably; he just finds them a little too intriguing.
I’m an on/off reader, always looking for the next book to strike my fancy. I’ve got favorite authors, who cannot write fast enough for me. I also get frustrated with whiny protagonists. When I met my husband, he, son of librarian, hadn’t had a library card in his adult life. When I moved out here and got mine, we got him one. He thanks me. It wasn’t that he wasn’t “a reader”; he’d just forgotten the pleasure of cuddling up with a book on a stormy day or reading in bed together while our eyes droop. Nowadays, we pass books back and forth, and our bookshelves are exploding. It’s funny to see “his” books — cops, British actors and comics, plays, Gilber & Sullivan, Mark Twain, and civil war nonfiction — next to mine — artsy books, craft books, Agatha Christie, speech pathology textbooks, Harry Potter, and children’s fiction.
@Luna: I’m with you on the sci-fi/fantasy. I don’t know where all this hate is coming from, but I feel it’s being directed at the entire sci-fi/fantasy realm when the real culprits are all those damn Star Wars books. My favorite things about Asimov, Bradbury, and Vonnegut are their observations of human nature and attempts to showcase how people would behave in circumstances that are strange to us. It’s not the only genre on my shelves, but it is one of my favorites, and I’d hate to be considered Undatable because of it.
As far as dating, the boyfriend I despised most was the one who read nothing but a religious historical fiction series (seriously, Christian-boy picked it up not five minutes after groping me in the car). Our relationship problems didn’t really have anything to do with books, but had plenty to do with him being a pretentious, mysogynistic, hypocrite asshole with fists.
My husband read almost nothing but class-assigned books and plays when we first started dating, and even during our first two years of marriage. I was The Reader, and he was The Gamer, which, although frustrating at times, meant that I had all the bookshelf space to myself. Those roles haven’t changed much, but he never minded that I read for fun, and I was even able to get him interested in fantasy. I’d say going from I Don’t Read to I Enjoy Fantasy Novels is an improvement, even if the authors are hacks. I kind of like him, so I think I’ll keep him around despite the Christopher Paolini collection. He keeps me around despite all the Meg Cabot, so I guess we’re even.