Photo: UA

The Poppy-Fields Movie Couch Of Fame is kicking it old-school this time around with a nominee from reader Jan: The Magnificent Seven.

I’ve never seen this one either (I KNOW), so Jan will now take the floor. Jan?

Hi Sars,

I fear I may be showing my age here, but I’d like to nominate The Magnificent Seven for PFM. I cannot pass up an opportunity to see this film on TV, despite owning two versions of it on DVD.

Eli Wallach has got to be one of the best Western villians anywhere.

It has all of the classic Western bits and characters and I think it does justice to Kurosawa’s original. Add to that the catchy music, and you’ve got the perfect escape on a cold, rainy weekend afternoon.

I hope you’ll consider this nomination.

• lengthy? 128 minutes
• familiar/frequent? at least annually
• classic/award-winner? Classic remake of The Seven Samurai, nominated for an Oscar (music).
• “Greetings, Professor Falken” (big payoff/long-shot victory a la WarGames)? Bad Guy’s final quote: “You came back — for a place like this. Why? A man like you. Why?”
• “Wanna have a catch?” (Pavlovian tear-jerk)? Probably not, maybe the last scene with Charles Bronson.
• quote-fest? “If God didn’t want them sheared, he would not have made them sheep.” “Generosity…that was my first mistake.” “We deal in lead, friend.” “Now how do you like that. I want him buried, you want him buried and if he could sit up and talk, he’d second the motion. Now that’s as unanimous as you can get.” “Nobody throws me my own guns and says run. Nobody.”
• caper-ish or -adjacent camaraderie? Seven down-on-their-luck gunfighters join together to protect a small Mexican village from marauders…bonding ensues and the young hotshot learns a valuable lesson and finds love.
• “forget you, melon farmer” (you own it, but will still watch bowdlerized TV verzh) [yep; see above — Ed.]

Thank you for your kind attention,
Jan

Thanks, Jan. This one gets semi-regular play on IFC and the like and is a conventional classic, scoring what sounds like a solid 7. The real question is, is Jan the only one who gets sucked into this one on a weekend afternoon? Or does it get a cushion?

Readers: Discuss; let’s see if it gets in.

Jan: Congrats, you’re the proud owner of a shirt from the TN store; thanks so much for submitting.

Update: Its adherents are few but convincing; it’s in there.

The Poppy-Fields Movie Couch Of Fame is here. To nominate your own PFM, email bunting at tomatonation dot com with a rundown of the criteria and your argument for why it deserves a cushion. If I use your entry, free loot shall be thine.

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