Support Local Biz: November 29, 2008
I worked with John Grady a few years ago when he played Captain Patterson in the FGM. You can catch him in the upcoming Ian McShane project Kings, and in a short called Doga that played at Tropfest this year.
I’ve also been following Ramit’s personal-finance tips for the last few weeks — “following” as in “reading with interest,” not as in “doing all of them” (although one of them led me to catch a major problem with my cell-phone service and saved me some major money). One of his tips, NoChristmasGiftsThisYear.com, got me thinking, because the fact is, I don’t need anything, and the things you could say I “need,” either I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone to buy me because of the price (it’s time for a new computer, I’d like a better bike, etc.), or I’d rather just buy for myself so I can control the specs (computer; bike), so if someone approached me with that idea, I wouldn’t mind.
The holiday-gift social contract is so fraught as it is — what do you buy for a couple when you’re really “more friends with” one spouse; how do you match the ugly pricey gewgaw your mother-in-law got you when you make 11K a year in grad school and didn’t like said gewgaw anyway; how impersonal/cheap can you get with your business contacts; the list goes on and on, and in this economy, the resentment level is ratcheted up several notches because, on top of the emotional gift anxiety, you’ve got the dread of the January bills…and if the economy hasn’t touched you up as badly as some, you worry about overspending for people who can’t return the favor and may feel awkward about it even though you don’t care. As Gen once aptly put it, “I know it’s the thought that counts, I just have…too many thoughts.”
Lisa’s had a few entries of late on homemade gifts and how we view them, the Black Friday tradition, and so on, and I thought I’d open the floor — has anything changed for you guys this year vis-a-vis holiday shopping? Any dead weight get booted off your gift list? Any deal-making going on between siblings to the tune of “just get me X thing, here’s the URL, do not spend any more than that”? Have you instituted a spending cap, total or per person?
This time last year, we vented about the post office; feel free to visit that entry and open a vein. This year, let’s talk about holiday budgeting stress.
I’ll start. A couple of people did get trimmed off the gift list; we do have some intra-family “let’s pool our resources and get Y this big Z” dealing going on; my holiday-card list is going to see major downsizing (this is a time issue, primarily, and if I can’t get an in-focus picture of the Hobe in novelty antlers in the next two days, it may not happen at all this year); a few people will get handwritten coupons for activities, not because I don’t want to spend on them but because I would rather spend time with them.
December looms: how you doin’?
Tags: Black Friday friends Gen happy hellidays John Grady local biz Mr. Stupidhead retail sites Tropfest
I cut out everyone except immediate family a few years ago and not without a little push back. I wrote (what I thought) was a heartfelt letter explaining the real value of this holiday and wouldn’t y’all like to spend less time in the mall so let’s just skip it and go out for a beer instead. Hosts of holiday parties receive cookies and/or a bottle of wine.
Most people said “thank you!” and “Yeah, I could totally use a beer. See you at the bar.”
Oddly, the very religious friends I have were the only ones who got pissy about it. Not mean. Just snide comments like “Well, since Lynne canceled Christmas, I guess we’re not getting together for dinner.”
Interesting social experiment. I’ll never convince my mom or sister-in-law to cancel gift giving but I have reduced my gift list to four people.
I don’t usually wind up going too into debt over the holidays. My family is Jewish & has a $50-per-person spend limit on all Chanukah gifts, though combining with a sibling to up the overall gift value is allowed, or merging with birthday presents for the 3 of us December babies (sucks, by I’m not 9 anymore, so…). My parents have air miles credit cards but rarely travel, so they usually give us an IOU for a round trip flight on their points, within reason, of course. There all also no kiddles in the family, so there are no insane expenditures to spoil them.
With my friends, after several years doing secret santa, the exclusions (can’t buy for one’s own spouse or sibling) were driving us bazoo, so we decided that we wouldn’t do adult gifts. There’s a limit of $25/kid, though with 9 kids among the group (me with none), it adds up. Even with the no-adults rule, my friends usually give me a bottle of wine, pound of coffee beans or a bookstore GC because I’ve bought something for their kids & don’t have one to get stuff back.
Otherwise, making stuff works – luckily, I’m a crafter-type person. I got laid off in April, and while I’ve been freelancing since August, I’m still being a pennypincher. I’m currently crocheting a cashmere scarf for my mum; while the yarn was pricey once upon a time, it’s out of my yarn stash, so no current out of pocket expense. I do jewellery, and and have done rings in the past for friends’ birthdays; this year, I raided my materials stash & made earrings – current outlay: $0. My soon-to-be 93-year-old grandmother will also receive earrings for her birthday (she adores earrings & I’ve already made her 2 pairs, which she wears constantly); again, $0 out of pocket. 2 friends who bought houses this year got wine cork wreaths for housewarming presents; another will receive one at Christmas – outlay: $15 in hot glue sticks & $10 in wreath frames; everyone’s been saving corks for me for a year, so I have tons & they cost me zilch. Other friends, co-workers, my hairstylist (trust me, important person) will get a baked goods box, re-using boxes or ones from the dollar store, with cards from the past-years leftovers box.
Many people are not creative or don’t bake – or if they are, just don’t have the time or energy to deal with it after 9-5 and kid-wrangling – and love getting homemade shortbread or cupcakes or a specially knit hat. They also appreciate the time you’ve taken because they know from not having the time to do it themselves how much effort you put into it for them personally, which counts just as much as, if not more than, seeing the “right” store box under the wrapping paper.
JaJe and I are struggling with the Christmas gifts subject this year because we have the wedding to pay for in February.
I would love to make stuff for everybody on my list, but I always find what I’m pinched for during the holidays is time and energy more than anything…and this year there’s the added bonus that I’m having a baby at the end of January, which leaves me feeling like I could cheerfully spend the month asleep in bed. So: I shop, as thoughtfully as I can, for immediate family only, and work my way doggedly through a couple of craft projects that I will hopefully complete on time.
It occurred to me that I should add the flip side: for many years, I was the only one in the family who could afford to give presents (or who gave them regardless of being able to afford them), so my sibs totally understand about Not Having Money. I also know that they are very very VERY short on storage space for the Stuff in their lives, and that it is not a kindness to spend money on something that will take up room that they don’t happen to have to spare; they’d rather have the space than a mathom, endlessly circling before it ends up at Goodwill. Plus, when I visit, I cook – and they love my cooking! Heh. I guess I give the kind of gift you can carry with you, after all.
For those doing a secret santa (or an everyone draws a name out of a hat type thing)… you might enjoy using elfster to make it easier. Participants can make wish lists, do not need/want lists, ask questions anonymously, etc. I’ve used it and love it.
http://www.elfster.com
My husband and I decided to focusing on paying off our credit cards for Christmas this year, instead of buying each other gifts. We’re doing homemade stuff for his grandparents, and my mom made us a promise to our spending on my family kind of low. I love buying presents, so it’s hard to cut back, but I think a debt-free (or close to it) New Year will be the best gift of all.
@Jan: I love your Dad. I had the same feeling for years: I would watch people spend money they couldn’t afford on things other people didn’t want; it was a total loss to the two people involved, and made money only for the stores and the gas station. It would make more sense to buy what you want/need for yourself, and just get together to enjoy each other’s company! Which is my plan, now.
@Ann: this is the only reason I wish I DID have money – I’d love to get my brother to the chiropracter. *snf* good family! My SIL gives me the one gift I want each year: a calendar with my nephew on it/in it, so I have a year-by-year as he grows! (Totally made buying him those angel wings a Good Investment, too!)
@Kristen: I hate those flipping gift cards. People mean well, but I’ve had a couple that tanked because I wasn’t in a position to use them. I would rather have cash, honestly – if I need to pay my electric bill with the cash, it’s still a Merry Christmas for me! I don’t want to get tied into a store I would otherwise never use. See: money wasted, above. I think some folks may buy gift cards because they think people will believe the givers don’t care if they just give money. No one is obligated to give anyone a gift; that said, sometimes cash DOES mean “I was thinking of you, and I know what you really needed.”
@Cayenne: I promise you, and all other December babies, that I NEVER merge birthdays and Christmas (or any other holidays). I always felt that the message in that was uncomfortably close to “your birthday is not special to me in its own right.” I may not be Christmas gifting, but I’m still birthday gifting, even in December.
Confession: I will actually buy things for my sibs and other gift listees during the year. I see, I want, I give … I figure that actually is in the spirit of Christmas, anyway, isn’t it? To give from the heart? And this way I don’t leave anyone feeling obligated to give me something at a time when maybe they can’t afford to, either.
After several years of grousing about the pointlessness of gift-exchanging between my many siblings and their respective spouses, I finally prevailed (so…thanks, crappy economy, I guess?) and this year, in lieu of buying each other stuff, we are all adopting kids off the “Giving Tree” at our church. Imagining that instead of more stuff for people who don’t need stuff, little kids are getting what they need and want from Sanat has made me smile every single day since I declared “Not This Year!” in early November when the conversation came up.
@Lynne
I’m sorry, if I got a letter explaining to me the real value of Christmas and telling me I shouldn’t be spending time shopping because it was a waste, I might be a little sarcastic too. I would however, completely understand anyone telling me they couldn’t afford/ didn’t have time/ just didn’t want to exchange presents.
Perhaps your religious friends felt they understood the meaning of the holiday just fine, whether they want to exchange gifts or not.
I’m planning to make presents for the usual round of friends that I gift. There will be supply costs, but provided that I don’t majorly mess things up, the costs won’t be particularly high (need to make another practice item of gift idea #1, first try wasn’t so hot and start on gift idea #2 before I run out of runway, though).
For the extended family, I actually bought their gifts while on overseas vacation this past spring, so I just have to break those items out of the closet and wrap. Bingo! That leaves items for immediate family (which is only 3 people).
On ramit’s list of Ways to Save, I can attest to the wonderfulness of online eyeglass buying. My previous pair set me back $400. My recent online pair cost under $50. Including shipping. And are way nicer than the ‘spensive ones. I am therefore inspired to check my vision more frequently than I would be otherwise.
We have asked the adults in our family to donate to charity the past few years. Our son has been diagnosed with a degenerative hip disorder and he’s being treated at Shriner’s at no cost to our family. The least I can do is direct some cash their direction. It’s taken my Mom a long time to wrap her noodle around the idea that I could gain pleasure from a charitable donation but she has finally come around.
We will be giving senior pictures of our daughter to all the family. We had the pictures taken this summer. All I need to do is pop them in inexpensive (but nice looking) frames I picked up at Ross. None of the frames cost more than $4.
As far as my friends are concerned we decided a couple of years ago to spend time together over the holidays instead of buy presents. We all bring appetizers and beverage of choice and spend the night playing cards. It’s great fun and costs a fraction of what we used to do. We would all rather have the time together laughing and memory making.
Years ago, my sister and I and my husband and his sister came to a no-gifts pact. We live across the country from them, so we just make a point of having a nice night out when we get back home and chalk that up to Christmas. As for nieces and nephews, we also all decided that our kids have way too many toys already, so all the kids just get books from their aunts/uncles/cousins.
Back when we were living in Arkansas, a neighbor told me that each of her kids get three presents a piece. “Because the Baby Jesus only got three presents” (gold, frankensence & myrrh). What a GREAT idea! So now, my kids get three things from us and one big thing from Santa (a bike, a dollhouse, etc.). It keeps the spending under control and the present opening doesn’t take seventeen hours.
@Vardaman Bundren – we do that every year, too. It’s nowhere near as fun trying to figure out what to get that relative who has everything as it is buying Spider-Man pajamas for a four-year-old kid who otherwise wouldn’t be getting anything for Christmas.
I’m a minimalist and always have been, and laid down the law a few years ago that any non-perishable gifts would be re-gifted to charity. My family has followed my lead. We all like it. It’s good. We do, throughout the year, pick up gifts for one another when we come across something appropriate.
@D — thank you for the Elfster link! I think I may be able to convince my husband’s sibs and their spouses to go for that this year, since the name-swapping logistics would be much simplified.
The past couple of years, I’ve given Donors Choose to the fam. I can pool the money I would have spent on everyone individually and fund something in its entirety, or close to it. We had been on the “buy me a donation to something you care about” train for a while, but the Donors Choose just brought the concept together. The nieces still get something little and fun, because shopping for teens and pre-teens kind of rocks.
I’ve been taking sewing classes recently, so everyone in my family is getting something handmade along with a little extra fun thing.
However, there’s nothing I really need. Adding to the problem is that my sisters are short of cash these days but will still insist on giving everyone gifts. I’m going to try to get them on the handmade bandwagon. One of my sisters is a graphic designer, so I’m going to ask her to create a logo for the website I hope to start. My other sister has a huge music collection and I’m going to request a bunch of mix CDs. Problem solved! Now, if I could just convince my parents…
@LDA
I made it sound a lot more condescending than it actually was. My message was pretty basic. We’re buying each other gifts as a gesture of friendship, peace and goodwill but it forces us all to spend more time circling the mall parking lot, becoming increasingly frustrated. Let’s let ourselves off the hook, already. I love you but I don’t need a scented candle and neither do you. Let’s just visit each other.
Sarah, what do you think of Ramit overall? Some of his advice is good, but some of it seemed like it only applies to people who are rich (or have jobs that will eventually make them rich). I found it more depressing and discouraging and stopped reading, but that may well be because I simply do not have that entreprenurial spirit that some folks have.
My extended family tackled the gift-giving problem years ago when there were something like a dozen adults and a dozen grandkids combined to buy for. We started doing a name-draw/exchange thing (one for the kids, with something like a $20 limit, and one for the adults, with a $35 limit). It’s worked pretty well so far – anyone who can’t afford to participate just opts out, everyone else creates a list of stuff they want or need to give to their “secret santa.” Not every family likes taking the guesswork out of gift giving, but mine always has.
Once we got older, my immediate family started doing this as well, buying gifts for the kids (only four right now, and three are siblings, so no exchange possibe, there) and doing an exchange for the adults. This year, though, my brother-in-law is losing his job and my sister is due with their fourth kid on December 25th. Insanely, she still says they’ll be able to participate, but I feel awful even considering it. I’ve already suggested we lower the limit, but it still feels weird asking anyone from her family to buy me a gift. Especially when my husband and I just hit the stores for Black Friday and did our part to … um … stimulate the economy. We mostly bought gifts for each other, or stuff we’d been wanting for a while, but I still feel like a jackass spending on what I want when so many people I know are flat broke or worse.
@Jackie – my sister only does three presents to her kids too! I also thought it was a great idea, but am not particularly religious, so I’m not sure how to integrate that with the whole “Baby Jesus only got three gifts” thing.
@Jenn – and that’s the beauty part! You still get to shop, and wrap, and all the ritual trappings if you like that sort of thing, but you get to shop for kid’s stuff, which is WAY more fun! And since you have a list, with sizes and everything, there’s almost NO anxiety or decision-angst – it’s all right there! Joy!
After years of fuming over bad Christmas presents I had no use for but couldn’t give away for fear of hurting the giver’s feelings, I decided that I’d stick to giving food gifts to friends and family for Christmas. After all, food will never stick around collecting dust, it gets eaten. Right? Apart from some ex-colleagues who kept gingerbread I gave them for TWO YEARS, its worked out quite well. I pretty much only buy gifts for secret santas or for people who I know really want or need a certain item. Everyone else will get home-made biscotti and bookmarks/cards this year.
@Clare — I don’t know about his advice outside of this one 30-days thing, but what does strike me at times is the implicit assumption that everyone reading already has the vocabulary that he does as far as personal finance goes, and not everyone does. There’s assumed access to linked accounts, IRAs, that kind of thing, which is all well and good, but many many people lack even basic knowledge of personal finance, like how to go about getting a Roth IRA, what it does, how it differs from a traditional IRA, and so on, so in a lot of ways he’s preaching to the choir, because he assumes his audience knows/knows about this stuff.
But knowing about IRAs and actually tightening your belt so you can make the maximum contribution this year are two different things, and while Ramit is giving actual tips and hints, like the eyeglasses thing, a lot of it is about generally raising reader awareness of where money goes, when, how much, and how they can stop up some leaks in that regard.
Some of his readers’ comments, though…it’s like the people who would write into Hints from Heloise about obsessively saving sweater pills for 12 years, to save on the $1.59 cotton batting would have cost to stuff a pillow. They just take it to this compulsive level where it’s not even about saving money anymore (and often the reader tips save you, like, 12 cents, which is not enough to make a genuine difference in anything unless you buy a lot of penny candy). It’s definitely a good idea to spend a week now and then writing down every single thing you buy and figuring out where you can eliminate unnecessary costs, but if you’ve refused to go out to dinner for a year and you DON’T have a house payment? That’s starting to look pathological to me.
Thrift is great but you have to live your life. Time is worth something too, and if you spend all of yours running probability algorithms on mattress pricing, I’m not sure you’re really gaining anything.
@Clare: you might find that you like http://getrichslowly.org/blog/. It has things in that po’ folks like me can actually use. I don’t know if you’re as fiscally challenged as I am, but it seems to me to have things that are more applicable to ordinary lives. It also has some really good advice if you’re hoping to stop being fiscally challenged.
@Rbelle–we aren’t particularly religious either, but are trying to instill a small amount of “Jesus is the reason for the season” into the kids. Just so they understand Christmas is supposed to be about more than candy and Santa and PRESENTS. Also, trying to avoid the experience of my SIL, whose daughter announced “Baby Jesus? I don’t know her” one year when great-grandma took her to church. Cringe :)
@Sarah – WORD on the compulsive saving techniques being more of a hassle than they are worth. Clipping coupons for stuff you use anyway and taking advantage of double coupon days at the grocery store? Definitely worth it. Wasting a days’ worth of gas so you don’t have to pay $5 in sales tax by going across state lines? Not so much.
@Lynne- that’s exactly the sentiment one of my coworkers expressed a few years ago. She and I both have itinerant jobs in education, so we go to multiple schools. With multiple teams to work with, and multiple secretaries who really do help us all out. She came right out and said it a few years ago, “I know you like me, and you know I like you, so just wish me a Merry Christmas and I’ll wish you one, and that’s all I need.” LOVE it. I wish I could get my parents and sibs on board, especially this year when dh has taken a 20% pay cut and the kids’ expenses keep going up and up. But I just do what *I* can, let them do what they can and want, and call it a day.
FYI, a couple of times, I’ve received (and made) photos albums from friends. Small ones, but photos of you and your friend/family and other friends/family that are accompanied by some text. It doesn’t have to be in novel form nor full blown scrapbooking action. Just a couple sentences either remembering something fun from that day, an inside joke, or making up some fun caption or “what were we doing here again” or what-not if you don’t remember what the picture is. You don’t even have to buy an album. Get some card stock, some pens and some photo corners or photo stickies. This can be photos from the past year or some photos dug up from junior high (if they’re originals, you can scan them at the kisoks at Wal-Mart, etc). If your family/friends think such a thing is a sucky gift…well then…they get a soy candle or something.
I’m doing a lot more deal finding this year. Also, even though it’s too late for this year, we finally convinced my husband’s family to draw names for next year – so that will whittle the gift buying on that side down from 10 adults to 2 (we’re still buying for all 12 kids).
I could make presents for some people, but I didn’t start early enough and spending the whole month feverishly crocheting is not my idea of a good time. I will be giving some of my photographs as gifts, so I guess that falls into the “handmade” category.
@Anne-Cara: I’m not sure what your budget is, but there are options for men’s engagement gifts. An engraved watch or other jewelry? A special piece of art? A significant book? Try to find something of a permanent and sentimental nature that your fella would like. Alternately, you could plan a romantic event (although I suppose you don’t want to compete with the proposal itself).
In general, my gang and I started cutting back on gift giving years ago, so it’s not much of a change this year. We’ll just exchange some token gifts and lots of love.
@ Sarah D. Bunting and @ Bella Donna — Thanks for the feedback. I am familiar with Get Rich Slowly, and I do think it’s a good site. I’m pretty good at living within my means, but my means are modest to begin with. And it’s just sort of depressing when pretty much every financial advice site/blog/article begins with, “First, max out your Roth IRA! Then, with what’s left over…” I likely could save $6K in a year, but even I know that dumping such a huge portion of my savings into an untouchable retirement account is probably a bad idea.
It’s entirely possible that I have trouble seeing the big picture and I’m rationalizing, but I just get really discouraged at ever feeling financial secure. I have no credit card debt to speak of, but getting out under the weight of undergrad student loans is not fun. I’ll pay it off in June 2013 (when I’ll be 32), but a lot of other big goals (travel, home ownership, hookers and blow, helper monkey, etc) are backburnered until then. I think there’s a picture of me in the dictionary next to “vanishing middle class.”
@ Lynne
That does sound much better. I’ve had a few recent conversations that went more like ” Giving gifts is so shallow and materialistic, lets stop doing that and then I can buy myself this bunch of DVD’s I want” which…….doesn’t work for me.
For the non-Christians, I was always taught this was the season of giving- and there are of course many ways to give.
@Clare: I don’t know if it gives you any comfort or not, but I waved bye-bye to the middle class a long, long time ago. I am officially a member of the paycheck-to-paycheck class, no frills included. It took me close to 20 years to pay off a pretty tiny student loan, and my next goal is to get out from the credit card load (thanks, expensive meds!). After that, my financial plan is work-until-I-die. I’m a notch or two above saving sweater pills to stuff pillows – but only a notch or two. I read get-rich-slowly mostly in hopes of getting-less-poor-eventually; the other sites might as well be written in Urdu for all my understanding of them.
I’m doin’ for crap. I have spent the last year unemployed, and haven’t even gotten a nibble. Massive resumes and cover letters sent. No interviews. Not even a “Fuck you for wasting our time” letter. Many eyes on said resumes and cover letters with the results being, “I have no idea why you’re being passed over. They’re good.”
No presents for anyone this year. No way to even get home to be with family. Unemployment running out. May have to get rid of my cats. Worst. Year. Ever.
That being said, at least I’m still alive, still healthy, and we have a new President. I also have one thing that doesn’t cost any money: Hope.
My husband and I have folks over for dinner on Sundays– it’s a motley crew of friends that share cooking and eating together. We’ve been doing this for six years now, and I started writing a cookbook each year that gets emailed to the Sunday Dinner crew. It includes recipes we’ve made over the course of the year, pictures of guests, and my own snarky approach to writing. :) Even folks who don’t attend, like coworkers, or people in other cities, enjoy using the recipes and reading the stories that go with them. This seems to be a tradition that encourages fun times with friends, and doesn’t cost a whole lot.
Since my mom has retired– read “bored to tears”– and my sister just gifted her with her first granddaughter, I picked out baby patterns and fabric for us to sew together over the next year.
Siblings will be receiving practical gifts that they’ll definitely get some use out of, like Omaha Steaks deliveries or non-expiring gift cards to well-loved local restaurants.
Wait . . . I’m definitely sensing a giving theme of food over here. Oh, well. Everybody’s got to eat. (And poop, but I think I’ll skip getting everyone toilet paper until the economy gets really desperate.)
@Claire: I love that ‘hookers and blow’ made it on your list of big goals!! :) I gotta start thinking bigger!
My parents are notoriously bad at letting me know exactly what they want for Christmas. Mom let me know this year, but Dad didn’t, so unless he speaks up soon, it’ll be some baked goods or cooking during the holidays. Mom liked a sweater I’d knit and wants one for herself, and has graciously offered to pay for the yarn, so that’s my present for her. My brother has asked for cash, although given past events that’s not happening.
Otherwise, I’m not really expecting presents from anyone, except for the secret Santa thing I’m doing, and that has a limit of $25 including shipping. You’d be reeeeal surprised how much cool stuff there is out there, though.
There are times when I feel bitter and cranky about having grown up with a tiny, broke, miserly family, particularly a mom who always acted like spending more than $10 in one go on anything non-essential was akin to having teeth pulled (and actual essentials never escaped the enforced frugality, either – for most of my childhood, the ONLY food we could eat was whatever had been on sale the cheapest at the store…mmm, Western Family brand mac ‘n’ creepy-orange-“cheese”-powder).
However, during the holidays? It’s awesome. Thank God I wasn’t raised in a family full of dozens of distant cousins all expecting $50+ gifts, and, as someone who grew up not expecting gifts, I’ve in turn come to make a lot of quirky, arty friends who don’t expect gifts, either, and would rather have something I made or take an IOU to go out for a drink or two or just hang out. The stories I always hear around Christmas about store tramplings and people going into massive credit card debt because they spent so much on gifts are so foreign to me that they might as well be about space aliens.
Then again, I don’t have children… I can say first-hand that children whose parents refuse to buy them every hot plastic doll and gadget advertised relentlessly on TV do not in fact grow up to be parent-hating sociopaths, but I can’t imagine that it’s easy for parents to completely turn their backs on a screaming chorus of “I WANT I WANT I WANT.” I like that “baby Jesus only got three presents, so you should, too” idea, though, and I’m not even religious.
@SKIP: that TOTALLY sucks. Is there no one you can even hit up for feline assistance? It’s totally wrong that you have to face giving up your feline friends when the rest of your life is sucktastic.