The Ikea Visual Pronunciation Guide
If you’ve ever visited an Ikea, you know that one of the rituals of the trip — along with the sweet reward of meatballs after a deflating hour of comparing countertops, and the despair with which you greet the packet of wooden dowels found after you “finished” “building” that highboy — is the repetition of the product names for your own amusement.You may think it is just you who takes such consonant, stentorian pleasure in snapping off “Dacke” and “Udden” — that nobody else would admit to it, anyway, because it’s childish and disrespectful to Scandinavian culture.
It is not just you.It is everyone.The next time you shop at Ikea, pause for a moment.Listen.It is happening all around you.Couples, siblings, long-time roommates, wandering through the cavernous warehouse, using chewy-named bookcases as a form of bat sonar for locating one another.
“Stenstorp!””…Förhöja!””Stenstorp!””…Förhöja!””Stenstorp!””…Förhöja!””Stenstorp!””…Förhöja!”
(“Marco!””…Polo!”)
Or perhaps, because of the many children running around, it is substituted for more severe language.
“Fläng, where’s the rod that goes with this?”
“This Järpen pencil keeps breaking.”
“That little Trollsta just cut in front of us.”
“They’re out of DVD shelving?Ben-nooooooooooooooooo!”
If you do not participate in this behavior — if you have not struck a General Sherman pose beside the candle display and bellowed to your companions, several rooms over, “Tindraaaaaaaaaaaaa!” — perhaps it’s because you feel unsure; shy.The Buntings can help.On our visit to the new Red Hook Ikea, we compiled a brief visual overview of various Ikea-nunciations; consulting it will, we can only hope, instill in you a feeling of security…of confidence.Of…Flärke.Please enjoy the Ikea Visual Pronunciation Guide, starring Mr. Stupidhead, Gen, and yours truly.
Tags: city living Gen home 'n' garden Ikea local biz meatballs Mr. Stupidhead photo essay retail
Ellen, I may be crude, but I can’t imaging a FARK doing anything but selling like crazy. Like a crazy Swedish chef drunk on lingonberry wine, rampaging around and yelling BORK BORK BORK at all and sundry!
I’m in Seattle, land of IKEA, and I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t own at least a couple pieces of the Great North Company’s output. It’s like an unofficial mandate or something. A word of warning, though–no matter how tempting the deal is, do NOT purchase the floor model unless you a) pick it up first and determine it’s heaviness/awkwardness, and b) have an adequately sized vehicle. Otherwise, you will end up like my friends Andrew, Elizabeth, and their computer center–frustrated, hot, terrified, cashed out of favors from all their acquaintances, and exhaustedly realizing after finally maneuvering said beast from store floor to car to bunjee-d trip home on the freeway to three flights of stairs to tiny doorway and triumphant installation in the corner of the dining room, that you have put it in upside down.
Just get the box and assemble at home. You’ll be glad you did.
(And on a shallow note, rockin’ that blonde, Sars!)
@Jenno: Hejhej! I feel you on the pronunciation snob opportunities (since my only other opportunity is correcting people that’s it’s Björn BOR-ee – and the bilar fix. Mums mums, Bilar och Daim!
Lord I love Ikea! Och nej, det är inte en svensk K-mart. I don’t see Americans spending the whole day at K-mart the way Swedes do at Ikea.
@Rebecca: Thanks for the KOMPLEMENT – ahem, that is, compliment – of taking my little fniss (new favourite word!) at least a bit seriously. I shouldn’t snark, as I love IKEA, too. But mostly I love that I’m not the only one who hears the names echoing in my head whenever I go there.
Förhöja!!!
Haa, how very appropriate. I JUST was at IKEA (Elizabeth) on Monday. And we bought a Förhöja(!!). Now there is a lot of “Hey honey… guess what…….. Förhöja!!!” Along with anything stored on/in it. “Where’s the [kitchen item]?” “in the… FÖRHÖJA!”
You shouldn’t feel bad about that to begin with. That sort of thing is why I come here. Heh.
Okay, that makes no sense. The quote disappeared. Should be:
And now I feel a little better about naming a recently acquired potted herb “Elvis Parsley.”
You shouldn’t feel bad about that to begin with. That sort of thing is why I come here. Heh.
Before I moved up here to Alaska, I made one last joyous trip to Ikea for a cheap dining table and a very nice futon/couch for my guest room. I miss my Swedish friend so much. I can’t wait until they start shipping up here.
Molly, I love that you did that! (And now I want to go back to Scandinavia.)
I have nothing to add to the discussion of hilarious IKEA names except that I was just recently in Sweden (in the region where Ingvar Kamprad grew up) and it was really, really nice.
I am also intrigued that there’s a place where I can go to get my bilar fix here in America. We had Swedish au pairs when I was growing up and those little marshmallowy cars taste like my childhood.
@Margaret in CO: Oh, THANK you! It’s fabulous, and I totally need to have that Midgard serpent encircling my couch! What a thing to wake up to in the middle of the night … heh.
I will have to see if I can get the nice IKEA folks to send it to me, because I set foot … ONCE … in an actual store. It’s, um, not happening again. I ignored all the “one way out, through the entire store” layout, in my zeal to depart.
@autiger – hey, I grew up in Alaska! It could almost be its own country. Don’t hate it for its Ikea-less state, and please go hiking for me. I now live in OKC, and…let’s just say there is no hiking, and leave it at that.
I love my POANGGGGGGGGG. But mostly I just love saying “Poang” and vibrating the “ng” for a long time. Whenever I see the demo where they press down on the Poang with a fake butt, I go “They’re Poanging the Poangggg!”
I can’t remember any of the other names of my furniture, though. Despite living only a few miles from the nearest Ikea, I haven’t been back since I got all my apartment crap. Shocking, I know. Maybe I should!
Anybody remember the old IKEA commercials where the premise was that the IKEA salespeople couldn’t pronounce the word “sale” because IKEA’s prices were so reasonable they had no need for sales? “IKEA is having a sool! A seel? A seuuurrl?? Anyway, it’s a real humdinger!” I was at my friend D’s for 4th of July and I admired a bowl or something. “IKEA!” she says. “It’s a real humdinger!” And we laughed like loons.
More on topic, I bought a cork board one time at IKEA. His name is…CHRIS. How very mundane! My desk, however, is from the GALANT series :)