The N Candy AA: Non-Chocolate’s Revenge
Welcome back to the N Candy AA, sweet teeth! Keckler and I have put together a new bracket of non-chocolate treats for you to reminisce about, wonder at, and vote on.
And let me tell you, we had a really hard time with it. We kept forgetting certain candies; we agonized about merging others into one entry; we sat on Google, trying to confirm that still others even existed. As it turns out, making a list of candies is easy, but getting it to fit into a 64-slot bracket — with even numbers of “nostalgia” and “regular” candies on each side — is not. You can see the delicious results right here.
We did our best, but if you need to mourn an oversight or gnash your teeth over a ranking, do it right here. We may put together a consolation tourney; no promises, though.
Voting will kick off shortly. Any questions, let us know!
Tags: food Keckler N Candy AA
I will have to do a LOT of research for this!
How on God’s green earth did Good ‘n Plenty get seeded #2? Nasty, horrible little faux-licorice things. You can tell by looking at me that I rarely reject anything sweet, but the first and only time I ever tried those, I had to spit them out. Gak.
COW TALES COW TALES COW TALES COW TALES COW TALES!!! Sorry, my inner six-year-old just wigged out. My sister and I used to get those from our grandparents when we were wee things. Then the local convenience store chain started selling them and I started freebasing them. I love Swedish Fish, but my vote goes to Cow Tales.
Haribo everything is badass. The bears are the easiest for me to find, but my favorite is the gummy cola bottles. I confess to occasionally chomping through a bag while actually drinking a Coke.
@MH Reese’s pieces are have peanut butter in them instead of chocolate. And they are delish!
Thanks for the Cow Tales info-now I totally want some.
Also, I will stand up for Circus Peanuts!
At my Jewish day school (K-6), we dressed up for Purim, not Halloween, and the older kids usually picked a theme for their whole grade to dress up as. In either 5th or 6th grade, we chose “mobsters and gun molls.” I wore a tight black dress and an amazing red hat with a fishnet veil that my mother had in her closet for still-unknown reasons and got to read from Megillat Esther in front of the entire school in said getup. The boys wore striped pants and snorted Pixy Stix. Too much Scarface exposure, even then.
(Our teachers were horrified, as I recall, in case you were wondering.)
@ K.: I like circus peanuts, but I imagine they are going down to jujubes in the first round. I don’t like jujubes, but I suspect I’ll be in the minority on that match up. Either LifeSavers or Mentos will take the next round, so the circus peanuts will be gone pretty quick.
One of my very early trick-or-treating memories is bringing home some unwrapped Circus Peanuts in my pail of loot. These were immediately confiscated by my safety-concious mother, who told me they were dirty and not to eat them.
To this day I have never attempted to eat a circus peanut, and I’m old enough to be confiscating a grandkid’s candy! I was so young and impressionable that circus peanuts became non-foods to me, no more tempting to eat than styrofoam cups.
…which sounds like no loss. Based on the commentary here, I’d wager that the styrofoam cup tastes better anyway.
Zotz! Dark horse for sure, but so, so yummy. And I am apparently the only person who enjoys a circus peanut, sigh.
I am that rarest of the rare among candy freaks: I love the circus peanuts! Mainly because there’s nothing remotely peanutty in the taste, I prefer my peanuts spread properly, with strawberry jam, in a PBJ sammich. I also enjoy Peeps in all their colors and shapes, and right now I’m binging on the candy corns and the mellocreme pumpkins. In fact, I like candy corn so much that just last week I knit myself a candy corn hat: yellow edge, orange most of the toque, little white tip at the top.
I know I’m not the only person who eats circus peanuts, someone else has gotta be buying and eating all the _other_ bags in the grocery store.
@Megan in Seattle
Come to the East Coast, we have the stellar candy!!
Caramel Cremes may beat out Reese’s Pieces. If they do, I see them for the win!
Thanks Sars!
As per @elsewise, MAPLE CANDY FOR THE WIN! (even though I know it’s going to get thrashed.) Seriously, every Easter when we’re at the sugar bush for our Sunday brunch, I buy a dozen large pieces and slowly eat them over the next month (ok, fine – quickly over about a week). I’m on a sugar high for days. My husband just shakes his head. Last year I was so excited I took a picture and tweeted it.
If I had to choose otherwise, I would probably pick Sour Patch Kids (which I lump together with my all-time favourite, Cherry Blasters). Nothing quite like the numb feeling your mouth gets after mowing down a bag of those suckers.
This is going to be a contentious battle – I never realized that people’s taste in non-chocolate candy could be so different!
(Which is the polite way of saying “The HELL Lemonheads are a 10-seed!” When I was a kid, I ate so many in a sitting that I burned off my taste buds. Several times.)
I believe members of my family are the only consumers of Circus Peanuts. My mother, aunt, sister, and I have been known to open a bag and snarf the whole thing. My brother-in-law, on the other hand, has to leave the room when the bag is opened, he can’t even bear the smell.
@K: I buy that mix, too, it’s my favorite fall candy. Around here, it’s called “Autumn Mix.” I save the pumpkins for last, they’re the best.
OK, Smarties and Sweet Tarts are not the same. I would crawl a mile over broken glass for a Sweet Tart.
Wouldn’t eat a Peep but gosh there are so many fun things to do with them! Microwaving, sling shotting, re-gifting (my sister and I traded the same pack of Peeps for 6 years until she lost them when she moved), recreation of Bible Stories, Lord of the Peeps!
Oooh, you know what they don’t make anymore? Tart ‘n’ Tiny’s. Those things were awesome.
I’m still virulently anti-Peeps, and I will start an anti-Peep party if I have to!!
PEZFTW.
@Nanc in Ashland: re Peep microwaving- I was introduced this Easter to “Peep Jousting,” in which two Peeps with toothpicks poked into them are faced off in a microwave. First Peep to explode (hopefully as a result of the joust of the other Peep) loses. It is so much more fun than actually EATING Peeps, for my money. Plus they come out melty and gooey, which is a state in which I can almost enjoy them.
The rest of the bracket is like the struggle my 6-year-old self had every time in the candy aisle at the gas station to which my brother and I would occasionally bicycle. What to choose??
Choward’s Violets – so revolting and at the same time, such an amazing throwback to my childhood. My Dad always had packs of those around, it was pretty much the only candy we were allowed to eat (those and Necco wafers – cripes I had a puritan upbringing). I know they don’t stand a snowball’s chance going up against Starburst (which, …really? Violets might have had a shot against sesame candy, but going up against Starburst is just demoralizing), however I am really glad to see them listed.
@Shannon: Were you also subjected to the odiously sugar-free Velamint? The chocolate-mint version promised much, but delivered only the taste of insole.
Another great thing about Peeps is the dioramas that have been put together with them.I think it was for a contest at the Washington Post but there may be others. At least one photo showed up on Lolcats: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/03/18/funny-pictures-peep-show/ Sorry, I don’t have any clue how to make that link easier. Be a cat-Play with your food!
Based on the sheer number of us who think we’re the only circus peanut consumers, I think it might actually do well this round.
@Bunting: Velamints! Rorf. I will always, always associate those horrid things with my godmother’s handbags and getting carsick.
You’re going to make me choose between Skittles and Bit O’ Honey? AND between PayDay and Dots? That’s eeeeeeevil.
Also sorry not to see orange slices represented. LOVE orange slices. (And yes, they are different from the fruit slices.) But I understand. I guess. It would made me sad to see them get beaten up by a bunch of Kraft caramels, anyway. heh.
I actually know one person who likes circus peanuts. I took a bite of one once when she was eating them, just to make sure I hate them, and ew. There aren’t many types of candy I won’t eat, but circus peanuts are definitely on the list along with Smarties (but not Sweet Tarts!) and grape Skittles.
I have to think of an awesome Necco wafer campaign … or maple candy … Oh yum. Much more fun than the chocolate bracket!
@Sars – VELAMINTS OMG. Growing up, we had a Friday-night dance thingy at the Methodist Church for kids in grades 7-10 called “The Belfry” and Velamints were one of the only things on sale as snacks. I think there was popcorn as the alternative. Oh, Velamints. 1987 was such a good year. :)
Oh lord, Velomints. My perpetually dieting mother ALWAYS had those damned things and would try to pawn them off as candy to me. I just had a total flashback. This was the same woman who would make diet “Jello” with Knox Blox and diet saccharine Shasta (even the root beer), and try to tell me that it was the same thing. No wonder I’ve had so much therapy.
What I really miss are Dynamints. The grape/orange/cherry three-color mix was great. TicTacs are a pale substitute, no matter how many new fruit flavors they roll out.
Sars – do you have a link somewhere to all the NC___AA’s you’ve had? Cereal, Chocolate, Candy, Cheese, and maybe more? I was thinking it might be nice to look back at all of them and reminisce, but they’re hard to find.
Velamints are candy? To me they are breath mints. Okay, on a technical level, breath mints are candy, but breath mints are utilitarian while candy is fun. Not that this distinction excuses chocolate-mint Velamints from tasting like insoles (hew) as Sars said.
Next up: N Candy AA, the Breath Mint Bracket? Altoids would win that one in a walk.
You could start here — https://tomatonation.com/culture-and-criticism/the-n-candy-aa/ — but using the search bar at the top right should help too.
Oh my god, DYNAMINTS! I freaking LOVED those. Totally forgot they existed, too. And you’re right, they were much better than Tic-Tacs.
@Tina
This would be my maple candy campaign: “It’s nature’s candy! (And unlike fruit, it’s ACTUALLY candy!)”
I’m not personally the biggest fan, but I’m surprised not to see Tootsie rolls, midges and pops didn’t make the cut. They are all classics and not terrible. In fact, the Tootsie Pop is better than not terrible, it’s actually pretty great. Especially the raspberry ones! Whatever it is I think I see/ Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me!
It just occurred to me that probably Tootsie products fall under the chocolate category? Even tho’ I never found them especially chocolatey – they were just Brown flavored in my 7 year old head.