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Home » Culture and Criticism

The N Cookie AA: FAQ

Submitted by on August 5, 2014 – 6:30 AM137 Comments

ncookieaa

“HOW’S THIS WORK?”
Y’all nominated many many cookies for us to consider. We narrowed the contenders down to six (6) flights of roughly twenty (20) each, alphabetized the list, then ran it through a randomizer.

From the first round, five (5) cookies will proceed from each flight to a semifinal of thirty (30).

From the semis, five (5) flights of six (6) each, one (1) cookie will proceed from each flight to a final of five (5).

From the final, one cookie to rule them all. (And cause vociferous objections in the comments.)

CURRENTLY
Behold: your final!

PREVIOUSLY
First-round voting concluded with much grumbling all around. Then the semis separated the wheat (biscuit) from the chaff.

*****

Keckler and I have threatened repeatedly to get the N Cookie AA rolling, but every time we started to make a master list of all the cookies we might consider, we just got completely overwhelmed and defeated. The chocolate-chip section alone! Since the last time we seriously considered moving ahead with the N Cookie AA, Pepperidge Farm has added an entire dessert-cookie LINE to their already massive arsenal…and they just won’t effin’ stop with the Milanos! I think there’s a vodka-tonic one now.

But: it’s now or never. We will declare a top cookie even if it kills us. And from the looks of the Keebler website, it’s probably going to, so: crumbituri te salutamos, eh what?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: nominate your favorite cookies right here in the comments thread. BUT WAIT. You should know a few things first.

  • Please nominate COMMERCIALLY AVAILABLE cookies. Not varieties, not recipes. Brands. So, “Walker’s Shortbread,” yes; just “shortbread” no. You’re free to vent about that in the comments, but it is the only way we can see to prevent the list from algae-blooming into the tens of thousands of entries, and here’s your semi-annual friendly reminder that we don’t get paid for this, so: 1) we don’t get paid for this, except in fun, and 2) national brands only please.
  • I can think of a couple of exceptions — fortune cookies, for one — but they’re rare. If you’re not sure, ask, or nom it just in case-ies and we’ll nix it later.
  • Nominees should be universally understood as a cookie. If you can find a rum ball at your local grocery, that’s great (…sincerely, it is; also please to provide a map), but cake-poppy hybrids are probably not going to get through.
  • Do your best to read the whole comment thread before posting your nominees. It’s fine to repeat/”nth” previous mentions, of course, but “I CAN’T BELIEVE NOBODY SAID THIN MINTS”…you see what I’m saying. Hee.
  • Nominate as many cookies as you’d like, within reason (i.e., 15 is fine, but maybe not 50). You can always comment again if you go shopping later in the day and realize you forgot Stella d’Oro Breakfast Treats or something.
  • This is neither exact nor science. The actual voting/selection will probably work a lot like Cinemarch Madness did — all bajillion nominees randomized, followed by “flights” of voting, and if all the Milani end up in one draw, so be it — but we won’t know until we have a better grasp of the nominees, and…
  • …as of this writing, the nominations will close on June 2.

We welcome your comments, questions, suggestions, offers of help writing the match-ups so we aren’t all sifting (so to speak) through these cookies until the CHELSEA Clinton presidency, etc. Tell a friend, foe, or snacky child, and let’s get listing!

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137 Comments »

  • Sandman says:

    I’ve never tried stroopwaffels, and now I must. Thirding (at least) the LU Petit Écolier; try the extra-dark chocolate if you can find them. Also Voortman’s windmill/speculaas cookies are addictive. As are Mallomars!

    And I cannot stop laughing at DensityDuck’s invocation of Bolt Vanderhuge and the Oreo slide.

  • Meri says:

    Chewy Chips Ahoy
    Nutter Butters
    Nabisco Ginger Snaps
    Girl Scout cookies- Tagalongs, Samoas, and Think Mints.

  • Zipper says:

    +1 for Archway Frosted Lemon cookies
    Girl Scout Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies
    Trader Joe’s Toasted Coconut Cookie thins
    Keebler Fudge Shop Deluxe Grahams (if we’re counting grahams)

  • Jen H says:

    Double Stuf Oreos (their sp, not mine!)
    GS Thin Mints
    GS Shortbread
    Mother’s Circus Animals
    PF Double Chocolate Milano (yes, more is more with me)

  • seedlessgrape says:

    Almost forgot the Bahlsen cookies:

    Bahlsen Hit
    Bahlsen Waffeletten
    Bahlsen Ohne Gleichen

  • TC says:

    Generic Vanilla Sandwich cookies (somehow, the more off-brand the better!)
    PF Double Chocolate Milanos
    Mother’s Frosted Animal Cookies
    Mother’s Frosted Oatmeal
    Fig Newtons
    Double Stuf Oreos (I prefer that ratio of cookie to creme)
    Nabisco Ginger Snaps

    Nth-ing: GS Thin Mints

  • janbrady says:

    Nthing:
    Samoas
    Keebler Fudge Stripes
    Berger’s (have a feeling they’re regional, though)
    Pepperidge Farm Chessmen
    Apple Newtons (I do remember Blueberry—and maybe Raspberry?—but the Apple were always MY jam!)

  • JenAK says:

    +1 Walker’s Shortbread cookies
    +1 Archway molasses cookies
    +1 Chewy Chips Ahoy
    +1 Nilla wafers
    +1 Pepperidge Farms Double-chocolate, Orange, and Dark Chocolate Milanos
    +1 Pepperidge Farm Pirouette rolled wafers
    Nabisco whole wheat Newtons

    I’m thinking a taste test is in my near future.

  • Cij says:

    I want a showdown between Hydrox and Oreos.

    Seriously. My family has been known to get verbally abusive over which one is better, so it’s time to throw it to the populace to decide.

  • Lori says:

    Bordeaux, PF’s dark horse: the beautiful simple crunch of caramelized sugar in a thin wafer. You can’t beat it!

    Coconut Chips Ahoy, which I don’t think Nabisco makes anymore (sob)

    Nilla Wafers

    I just know I’ll be found in a fetal ball in the cookie aisle, clutching all Sweet Sixteen finalists to my swollen belly…

  • Kim says:

    Everybody’s said everything I’d cut a bizzotch for already, so now I’m just having random cookie reflections:

    –We called the frosted animal cookies “Amoeba Cookies,” since any indication of their zoological classification was obscured by the frosting so that they were just amorphous pink-and-white sprinkle-blobs.
    –I’ve never had a TimTamm, but I once read a piece of erotica featuring one, and haven’t been able to unthink that ever since.

  • fizzchick says:

    So many cookies, though I think I’m just nth-ing all of these…
    +1 GS Thin Mints
    +1 Samoas – Apparently you’ve got all East coast readership, as no one’s using the far inferior “Caramel Delites”.
    +1 Biscoff
    +1 TJs triple ginger
    +1 Walker’s Shortbread
    +1 stroopwafels (the TJs version is small enough to be dangerous)
    +1 TJs Peppermint JoJos

    I’m oddly partial to Piroulines, though I don’t think they’re a great cookie in the absolute sense. I think because they were what my grandmother bought when she was being fancy.

    Also, you all know about freezing thin mints, right? If you buy a box from every troop you pass it’s not such a sacrifice to put one or two in the freezer, and frozen thin mints on a hot summer’s day… Nom.

    P.S. If you really want chocolate overload of the self-baked variety, the CIA Mudslide cookie recipe starts with 13 oz of baking chocolate and goes on from there… our family version makes a half batch and adds whole cranberries for sweet-tart ooeygooey goodness.

  • Patches says:

    Matt’s Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

  • Sharon says:

    Mallomars

  • Fafolguy says:

    +1 to Nutter Butters, Tag Alongs, and Do-Si-Dos

  • MizShrew says:

    Wait, commercially available pumpkin white chocolate cookies are a real thing? Must find a Kroger’s immediately! (thanks Natalie!) Ditto Ginger lemon creme cookies… why did I not know of these earlier? This is going to be a really dangerous round of voting, I fear.

    My nominations, excluding those that have a gazillion votes already:

    Newman’s Own Ginger-O’s
    G.S. Lemonades

  • Tarn says:

    I don’t think Apple Newtons exist anymore, do they? Those were yummy. Little apple pies and I could pretend that they were healthy.

    I feel like Nutter Butters are underrepresented here. Amazing in coffee. Not saying they don’t stand on their own too, but trust me, dip them in coffee.

    Don’t remember the name, but the awesome NCAA rules posted above reminded me of these crazy s’mores cookies that my mom brought home once in the mid 80s. You put them in the microwave, and the flat “marshmallow” inside puffed up to the size of an actual big marshmallow. I thought they were rad at the time but they could not have been good for me in any way, shape or form. They probably stunted my growth or stilted my ability to develop healthy relationships as an adult or something.

  • Nicole says:

    Seconding:
    Dare Maple Leaf Cream Cookies/TJ’s Maple Leaf Cream Cookies
    The Little Schoolboy/Le Petit Ecolier
    Hob Nobs!
    Trader Joe’s Peppermint Joe Joe’s Sandwich Cookies

    And sweet fancy Moses, how did I not know about Trader Joe’s Milk Chocolate Salted Caramel Butter Cookies?

    And Cougar Mountain Baking Company are sort of regional buuuut you can order them online, so technically I can nominate their Chewy Molasses-Ginger cookies. They’re spicy & perfect.

  • WordMaven says:

    MacVitie’s Digestive Biscuits
    Cadbury’s Chocolate Digestive Biscuits

  • Erin in SLC says:

    Late to the game here, but:

    Upvoting Newman-Os Ginger. Did you know they make a killer pie crust? They do.

    Upvoting Biscoff, “as known from in-flight distribution.”

    Adding Raspberry Newtons. Never could abide the Fig ones, and I saw little point to the Apple variety, but I could eat a steady stream of Raspberry until it killed me, and I would die smiling.

  • Rachel says:

    Christie’s Pirate (peanut butter)
    Dare Maple Cream
    McVitie’s chocolate HobNobs!

  • Rachel says:

    Matt’s Real Chocolate Chip Cookies
    Back to Nature Peanut Butter Cremes

  • Andrea says:

    Fig Newtons
    Trader Joe’s Ginger Snaps

  • drsue says:

    I reiterate the nominations for
    Girt Scout Trefoils
    and Chips Ahoy although i like the Reduced Fat ones.

    I did scroll through through the other posts and didn’t see Keebler Fudge Shop Deluxe Grahams. If you weren’t sure if graham crackers were a cookie, these definitely are and are totally addictive.

  • Toni says:

    These are all obvious contenders, but just to add my vote:

    Oreos
    Fig Newtons – Strawberry is the best, but I’ll accept the classic
    Biscoff
    Chips Ahoy!
    Lorna Doones

    I bake most of my cookies, but when I decide to purchase a bag, it’s one of the above.

  • Toni says:

    I also think that Graham Crackers should be included. They’re a “cracker” in the same way a tomato is a “vegetable” in other words, not at all.

  • Robin in Philly says:

    Wow, I can’t believe I missed this thread. I also can’t believe that, after searching three pages of comments, there is NO LOVE for the amaretti cookie! I believe Lazzaroni is the best-known brand for Amaretti di Saronno, or at least (IMO) the best. Even as a kid, I loved the ritual of unwrapping those little paper covers and getting the first whiff of amaretto…

    Ahem. Also, good on everyone who nominated Jaffa Cakes & Mallomars.

  • Kois says:

    Thin Mints and Frozen Thin Mints should both be in the bracket as separate entries. They will meet in the final. Frozen Thin Mints will win.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    @Kois, that may merit at least a side tourney. (See also: the graham-cracker sandwiches my grandmother used to make. Yes, on bread. No, I don’t know.)

  • Tisharp says:

    I second the frozen thin mint thing. Because, yeah, room temp thin mints are far more inferior than frozen ones.

  • Susan says:

    Archway Frosted Lemon. Reminds me of my grandma.

  • Sandman says:

    I just realized (I was, er, doing research for the bracket) that Peek Freans is making Digestives thinner! Outrage.

  • Anna says:

    Hydrox! The original oreo-type cookie before Oreos came along.

  • Plaidsneakers says:

    Nabisco Devil’s food cookies, eventually they got co-opted into the Snackwell fat free craze, but occasionally I still see the original around.

  • S says:

    FYI, I’m pretty sure the Christie’s peanut butter oatmeal sandwich cookies are the same thing as the American Girl Scout Peanut Butter Patties. Can anyone confirm?

    My other choices?
    Mallow Puffs (they’re under a zillion different brand names).
    Danish Butter Cookies

  • Meem says:

    Anna’s Ginger Thins
    McVities Penguins
    Jammie Dodgers

  • Halo says:

    Sunshine’s Hydrox (kicks the ass of Oreos, and are coming back this fall! Woot!)
    Archway Raspberry Filled
    Fourthing Biscoff. My beloved NW Airlines (RIP) served me my first one, and I’m glad Delta kept them on.
    Re the pepparkakor rec above: my fave brand is Göteborgkex. I will instead nominate Annas Pepparkakor because it’s readily available in US grocery stores.
    Bahlsen Hit sandwich cookies with chocolate cream