The Nause-AA: Round of 64, Flight Hurl
Today’s write-ups by Keckler. To vote, scroll down; to see the bracket, click here. We’ll leave these open a few days, so tell a friend (or queasy enemy).
Remember: This time, you’re voting for the food or taste you like the least. Against, not for, Survivor-style.
1 zucchini vs. 16 avocado
(PSSST! Bunting really hates zucchini, y’all!) To be fair, zucchini was high up on my Stephanie’s Most Hated list until a few years ago. I actually didn’t mind it raw, speared, and digging up dip, but I hated it cooked. UNTIL we got a grill. Then I had those spears grilled and topped with shavings of Parmigiano-Reggiano, and we also learned how to grill, oil, and salt long, thin zucchini strips so they don’t mush up and are pretty tasty. (I also have a genius raw-salad recipe I’ll share if zukes sticks it out; Bunting has promised to try it and record her reactions. [“My mother did find a way to get me to eat it without maximum drama, finally; it involved a cheese/zuke ratio of something like four to one, but it worked. I’ll eat it raw, but any cooked format that makes it gooshy is no go.” — SDB]) I do recall a time I hated avocado — because, let’s face it, it’s kind of a weird fruit — but I believe the zucchini haters will hate on through to the other side.
1 zucchini vs. 16 avocado
- zucchini (73%, 615 Votes)
- avocado (27%, 224 Votes)
Total Voters: 839
Loading ...8 Brussels sprouts vs. 9 green peppers
One of my greatest loves against one of my greatest hates! Actually, I can tolerate raw green peppers at times (but never cooked!), but it’s only occasionally, and I don’t seek it out. Beloved Brussels sprouts are like a stray cat: they just need to be treated right to be sweet and wonderful. They’re not trying to be bitter and punishing, they just want to be loved! Green peppers, however…I don’t know what your excuse is for grossness, but it’s just not on. Brussels sprouts are the misunderstood brassica of the vegetable kingdom, so they’ll push forward.
8 Brussels sprouts vs. 9 green peppers
- Brussels sprouts (51%, 443 Votes)
- green peppers (49%, 428 Votes)
Total Voters: 871
Loading ...5 string beans vs. 12 broccoli
In the middle of his SNL “chopping broccoli” sketch, Dana Carvey heaves a “hwaugh!” that ably illustrates how a lot of people feel about the Lilliputian tree. Just like Brussels sprouts, broccoli was one of my Great Overcomes in my quest to de-pickify myself. And just like Brussels sprouts, you gotta roast that shit! String beans, however, need to stay the hell out of my kitchen. [“And off my teeth. What’s with that infernal squeaking they do?” — SDB] They just taste so bland and how I imagine the color green would taste (and not in an earthy, crunchy, hybrid-engine clean-happy-world way, either), just green and nothing and bleh. That’s it! String beans taste like bleh, so you can count on them bean there for the next round. (I know, I know: I’m fired.)
5 string beans vs. 12 broccoli
- string beans (67%, 541 Votes)
- broccoli (33%, 262 Votes)
Total Voters: 803
Loading ...4 kale vs. 13 succotash
Suck-o-tash! It is a tash of SUCK! I don’t know what a tash is, right at this moment, but I’m willing to coin it as “big nappy purse that contains a wet mass of narsty veggies.” To be fair, the bag of frozen succotash I grew up eating and hating is probably now called “mixed vegetables,” but this is what made it up: lima beans, cubed carrots, corn, short cuts of green beans, and peas. The only thing I liked was the corn, and it was SCARCE. Traditionally, succotash is a Native American dish comprised of corn (maize) and lima beans with the option of some red peppers thrown in (hoarf). Meanwhile, kale, which is the newest food that will make you immortal, is incredibly bitter, and so rough and hearty you can actually feel it toilet-brushing your insides as it goes down. (All the way down.) (And out.) BUT I’m trying to love kale. Not in the oven, though. I’ve had and liked the kale chips I’ve made, but I’m lazy. Instead, I eat it raw after it’s soaked in really garlicky-lemony vinaigrette for at least 30 minutes to soften it up. (Even then, it’s still pretty toilet-brushy.) As much as kale is preaching, most are not the choir. It’ll kale succotash and keep on being grosser to the next round.
4 kale vs. 13 succotash
- succotash (63%, 532 Votes)
- kale (37%, 317 Votes)
Total Voters: 849
Loading ...6 melon vs. 11 peas
Melon bugs me. It’s out there for me to like it with the sweetness and being a non-banana fruit, but they all totally miss for me. I hate the flavor of cantaloupe and its slippery-slimy texture, and watermelon is SO wishy-washy! Is it water? Is it melon? CHOOSE A FREAKING SIDE! Honeydew is a honeydon’t, and for some ungodly reason the name “Crenshaw” makes me think of a cranium burst open. Also, it’s impossible to know when they’re ripe — I can thump and thump but I don’t know to what end — and do you know how easy it is to get deadly food poisoning from a melon rind? You’re supposed to wash the cursed things with BLEACH! But peas for me are like green beans. They’re meh. The only way I truly like them is during the few spring days when Evvia makes fresh ones up with super-special feta, lemon juice, dill, olive oil, scallions, and cilantro. It says a lot about Evvia that I don’t like dill, cilantro, or peas, but I adore that dish. I think more people like melon than we’re predicting. Peas will come out as more hated.
6 melon vs. 11 peas
- peas (51%, 431 Votes)
- melon (49%, 412 Votes)
Total Voters: 843
Loading ...3 chard vs. 14 olives
This is tough. People who hate olives REALLY HATE OLIVES, whereas chard is often something people don’t bother trying. Like, they know they dislike other veggies or greens, so they just don’t go there. But olives get SUCH a huge reaction from people. Tannic and tough as bad chard can be, I think olives will push through here. [“I’ll take that bet, because the ‘you can’t spell “olive” without “love”‘ people are just as passionate.” — SDB]
3 chard vs. 14 olives
- chard (56%, 482 Votes)
- olives (44%, 374 Votes)
Total Voters: 856
Loading ...7 asparagus vs. 10 spinach
I really want to like asparagus, I do. I even had a passionate, long-term affair with it not that long ago, but then I started ducking out of dates and avoiding its long, green gaze at the grocery store and farmers’ markets. I enthused along with everyone else when spring and the purple spears rolled around, but in my heart I knew I was living a lie. The other night, I had it over for dinner and I finally had to come clean and admit that I just don’t enjoy it overmuch. I don’t hate it and I will always respect it, but the love has gone out of the relationship. Spinach and I are friendlier — distant, but friendlier. I like it raw in salads and barely sautéed with lemon juice and garlic. Asparagus will move on to the next round.
7 asparagus vs. 10 spinach
- asparagus (56%, 430 Votes)
- spinach (44%, 341 Votes)
Total Voters: 770
Loading ...2 celery vs. 15 lima beans
I think we were smoking crack with these rankings. Is celery REALLY that hated? I had no idea. Personally, I do love its innocuousness, and strings really don’t happen anymore, so tell me: what’s up, folks? Why all the celery hate? Lima beans, however, are so famously foul, they were one of the final nails in the coffin of Alexander’s “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” day. I think lima beans will advance, and celery will crunch into obscurity.
2 celery vs. 15 lima beans
- lima beans (68%, 595 Votes)
- celery (32%, 279 Votes)
Total Voters: 874
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Tags: barfing Dana Carvey food Keckler The Nause-AA
When you say “string beans” are you talking about green or yellow? Because those are vastly different, in my opinion. I’ll eat them both, but I like yellow beans much more.
Lots of these today were choices that I had a hard time with – because I like both of the foods listed. However.
Celery v. Lima Bean?
Hate them both. A lot. And I voted Celery this time, because it’s EVERYWHERE. At least I can avoid the random lima, but celery is in: soup, potato salad, ANY non-leafy salad, comes with wings perforce, and tastes . . . wretched.
I have a lovely recipe for string beans that involves poaching them for two hours with a can of tomatoes, cut up onion, water, and lemon juice. They come out soft and lovely, perfect for serving with moussaka, and none of the dreaded squeak!
I cannot believe how long it took me to realize I don’t hate veggies per se, I just hate big hunks of RAW veggie. Cooked peppers diced up? Yay. Giant hunks of raw pepper? NAY.
Same goes for things like lettuce, even. I’ve always felt most lettuces tasted bitter (with exceptions like Bibb and butter lettuce) and then in college when I had a taco bowl with lettuce, boom, no bitterness! The lettuce wasn’t cooked at all, just slightly warm from being in the taco bowl, but that was enough to remove the bitter taste.
I really, REALLY hate green olives, but my love for black olives knows no bounds. Also the only food I’ve ever killed and eaten myself. (Long story.)
Spinach vs asapargus is a tough one for me. Prepared the right way (grilled asaparagus, raw or in a dip for spinach) I love them both. Prepared the wrong way (boiled) they are both unspeakably vile. I went with spinach since my mom never served asaparagus growing up, but every couple of weeks she’d make spinach from a can. (HEWORGH!)
I’m picturing a sepia photograph with you in a pith helmet, hoisting a giant olive aloft while the president of the local Olive Wranglers Association showily holds up his tape measure.
Celery is losing? What??? Lima beans hardly show their faces anywhere, yet some people put celery in EVERYTHING! Either proudly on display as big bold chunks or hidden in tiny, microscopic pieces. I can still taste it and feel it’s icky texture. Come on now, people! The stringy, crunchy nastiness that is celery must move on! If not, I will have to ride the olive wave, because that is another food that people add for no reason to otherwise perfectly reasonable dishes. Oh, wait…. olives are losing, too. Ugh….
Le Sueur peas were one of my favorite foods as a child, and I still keep them in my pantry. Sorry, ferretrick!
This flight contains a lot of foods that I love. My inner dialogue reading down the list was, “Oh, these are good, can’t believe so many people don’t like those, what’s wrong with – OH, F YOU, CELERY!” But mostly because I’d mildly allergic to celery.
The flight that pitted raw oysters against hot cereal was hard to vote on because both of those items look and smell like they belong in a Kleenex, and I can barely be in the same room with them.
Peas v. melon is my Sophie’s choice. Peas are just the worst vegetable: they smell delicious when raw but then you eat them and they’re mushy and stinky just blech, feet! Apparently, I happily ate them as a baby: my parents would order me a bowl of peas at restaurants and that would keep me content for a good hour. Somewhere around grade school, I refused to eat them and would only do so under protest by swallowing them whole like pills. That grossed my Mom out so much she let me stop eating them.
Melon, on the other hand, is filler fruit. No one has ever said, “I wish there was more melon in this fruit salad!” And don’t even get me started on melon on breakfast plates with the dirty rind left on. (I will make an exception for a slice of perfectly-ripe, sun-warmed watermelon but even that only lasts about 3 weeks out of the year).
Totally random and was maybe already mentioned somewhere, but Keckler, did you know that “keck” is slang for “vomit?” See http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=keck.
(I know this because my sister went to grade school with a boy whose last name was Keck, and I remember her delight at discovering this alternate meaning and making him aware of it.)
Oh, and the other thing about peppers – moreso for red peppers, but it happens for the others as well – is that restaurants often don’t include them in the menu listing for a dish, so unless I get all picky-eater “are there peppers in this?” ahead of time, I’m unpleasantly surprised when my meal arrives, and then what?
Note to chefs: peppers are not GARNISH, dudes (with apologies to parsley-haters).
GREEN PEPPERS MUST DIE.
I want to like asparagus, but… asparagus pee is a thing. And ever since I had my kid, my sense of smell has been off-the-charts sensitive! Asparagus pee could END WARS, friends. It’s that bad.
I’m totally mystified by the melon hate. There is nothing more refreshing on a hot beach than cubes or slices of watermelon. The other melons are ok too and they’re advancing against a VEGETABLE?
I attribute some of these results to Keckler being a great writer and really really convincing.
I had to abstain from most of these because of my love of most green vegetables. I do hate melon though, mainly because it makes up 80-90% of every single fruit cup I’ve ever gotten. Blech.
@clover I DID NOT KNOW THAT! But it’s totally awesome. The name “Keckler” is a long-running family joke about being white trash.
@Jen S 1.0 But I LOOOOOVE Air Supply!
Fun fact about asparagus pee: we all do it but we don’t all have the genetic components to smell it. So those of you who think your pee doesn’t stink? It does. You just can’t smell it.
How is celery so far behind?!! Yes, lima beans = gross but like adam807 said – how often do you have to vigilantly read ingredient lists to see if they are trying to sneak a lima bean in your food? Never! Celery meanwhile lurks everywhere — in soups, sandwiches, salads, and veggie platters ruining everything it touches! And don’t even get me started on celery seeds! Gack! Down with celery! Down with the Great Ruin-er!
I looooove lima beans. My )southern) grandmother calls them butter beans. I almost only ever eat them at her house, and they are delicious. Even as a kid who refused pretty much all veggies, I loved limas. In my opinion, the only problem with succotash is that it dilutes perfectly good limas with lesser veggies. Now I want lima beans. (Also, oddly enough, celery, which I normally don’t really have an opinion on.)
Asparagus is delicious, but asparagus pee is so foul it sometimes keeps me from eating the asparagus itself. If asparagus doesn’t advance on those grounds alone, there is something wrong with the world.
Olives are gross, but I can’t not eat at least one whenever they’re in front of me. I don’t know why, and I wish I could stop. I wish I could.
How are olives losing? Against chard? Chard sauteed with thin slices of garlic, olive oil, a little lemon juice and red pepper flakes, maybe some butter melty on top? Anyone?
My late, much missed childhood dog was always convinced she would like the next olive she tried, and would beg for them at the table. Give her one and: munch PLEH. sniff. sniffy sniff lick? munch PLEH GACK whiiiiiine. rinse, repeat. My reaction has never been much different, except they don’t end up on the floor. Usually.
I am encouraged by so many other melon haters. I thought I was weird for that one.
Peas = puke for me, so imagine my delight when at a fairly formal city council event I bit into a what I thought was a lovely asparagus roll only to get a mouthful of mushy pea spread on white bread and rolled up. And there were no napkins for discreet spitting out, shudder.
Had to sit out the melon/peas, green beans/broccoli, and asparagus/spinach, because there is nothing ick whatever about any of them and in fact, I have to list them all on my favorites list.
What can I say? I grew up with gardeners and good cooks, in the middle of a prime truck farm belt. However, the chard, the sprouts, and the kale (Little known fact: Kale is a salad bar decoration, NOT a food.)can rot in the compost heap.
Do you remember the Calvin & Hobbes strip where C’s mom tries to get him to eat stuffed peppers by telling him they’re actualy cooked Monkey Heads? I think she was inadvertently telling the truth.
Heh. My goddaughters still call stuffed peppers “Monkey Brains”.
I can’t believe how close so many of these battles are. C’mon Melon and Brussel Sprouts!!!
I had to abstain from several votes because I liked both candidates so much, but I have a question for the olive-haters. When you say you hate olives, are you talking about black olives that come from a can? Because those are disgusting, but kalamata olives are one of my favorite things in the world. Just wondered if you hated all olives or if you never got past those oversalted, cut up pieces of tire rubber in a can that pass for olives.
Are string beans different from green beans? Because I’m surprised how many people hate them. And what’s with the squeaking people keep mentioning; is it the frozen ones that do that? Because frozen green beans are disgusting little water-logged abominations, but a fresh green bean is a perfect summer food. Slightly sweet, slightly grassy, with that perfect crunch. We grew these at home when I was young and I’d eat them straight off the plant, they were so good. Broccoli is fine and I eat plenty of it, but there’s really no comparison.
I don’t mind most of the things on this list (except for peas-oh, ye gods, the smell! And that appalling color!), but my husband is the world’s pickiest eater. Green peppers are at the top of his list and until we met and I started cooking for him, I never noticed how that flavor permeates everything it touches. And I love celery, but the last timeI had some, I licked my lips and they were coated in this weird bitter, tangy film. I am scared to eat the rest of the stalk now…
Speaking for the olive-hating nation, I keep wanting to think “oh, I like olive oil, and foods that I hated as a kid are really good now, and you just don’t like them because your parents don’t like them, your tastes are more sophisticated now…” and I try them again. And I still hate them. Cheap canned black olives, green olives, and the fancy-schmancy olives from the olive cart at the grocery store: they all taste like bitter briny evil. I will admit that I can choke them down if chopped finely into a salad, and maybe I won’t go to extreme lengths to remove them from a pizza, but just popping a whole olive into my mouth? HATE. And this whole idea of stuffing blue cheese into olives? BEYOND WRONG. It takes everything that is wrong about the olive, and fills it with something that smells like feet.
Wow, I only voted in 1 round this time. But it was a MAJOR HAAATE – the most foul green peppers!! Not only are they the most vile tasting things on earth but if I mistakenly eat some (hork), I get the green pepper burps so I can enjoy the flavor on repeat all evening. Evil, nasty things.
…We are totally doing a Barf Sounds bracket after this. And a Hated-Food Similes bracket as well. There will be prizes.
You guys who hate Brussels sprouts have clearly never had them stir-fried. If they are steamed or boiled, yeah, ew. But in a wok with some garlic and soy sauce and sugar so they caramelize? Noms.
That’s the tough thing about voting on veggies, they are almost like different foods if you prepare them differently. I love roasted broccoli but WILL NOT eat raw broccoli. No way.
There are some TOUGH ones in this round!
My biggest thing with vegetables is that I hate almost all raw vegetables and like almost all cooked vegetables (or can at least deal with them). Carrots are the exception. I love carrots any way you give them to me.
But brussel sprouts and green peppers can both die, as can celery and lima beans. I mourn the string beans/broccoli, though, because I love them both (cooked, hate them both raw).
I seem to be opposite of the melon crowd here, though, because I adore cantaloupe. But I hate watermelon. It’s watery bleh. Honeydews are finicky… if you manage to find a really good one, it’s REALLY good. But I think they’re the hardest melon to pick and I’ve had a lot of nasty honeydew. Ick. But I also like peas. *sigh*
Olives can die. Diiiiiie.
I loathe raw celery, but I like it to flavour things when it’s cooked. Especially good with chicken. I don’t get the melon-hate. I live on melons for at least half the year, but I’m lucky enough to get them very fresh from the local market.
I found the match-up I cannot vote in: asparagus vs spinach. My beloved, misunderstood, favourite vegetables, never made me choose between you again!
Whenever I have a wax craving, I bust out the lima beans. Srsly, I’m convinced they aren’t even food. Except for chalk-eaters and the like. [shudder]
Another brief entry from the Did I Just Gross You Out More file: “Le Sueur” is a family name in France. But “la sueur” is French for “sweat.”
Why olive oil is so inoffensive and olives so deeesgusting is a mystery to be pondered.
Indeed, it is a conundrum beyond my powers.
“Chip boogers”
“Cabbage marinated in earwax”
“It’s as if Satan farted in a poorly ventilated nail salon.”
I can’t stop laughing! Well done, all.
Love melon and peas (and am actually thinking here about whether there is a way to combine them?). Love asparagus and spinach (both both raw and cooked).
I think zucchini should be considered part of squash. And I don’t really like it except battered and deep fried with blue cheese dressing (the way they used to do it at Hoolihans). Yeah. Way to mess up a supposedly healthy thing. But if it’s unpalatable, how healthy is it?
Sars, I was really delighted when my gastro said I wasn’t allowed to have green peppers (bad for GERD sufferers). He pointed out that green peppers are UNRIPE peppers, which is why they are so hard to digest. Red peppers? Ripened green peppers. Yellow and orange peppers? Other varieties of ripened green pepper. Don’t eat the underripe veggies!
As for the squeaky green beans, I’m so glad that it isn’t just me. I’d never heard anyone else say that and I’d had people look at me oddly when I mentioned it. But I admit that haricot vert (the think frenchified green beans) sauteed in butter and olive oil with garlic and shallots can make me brave the potential squeaking.
I love avocado, by itself or as guacamole (but minus the onions) and I love all kinds of melons. I think it’s a hispanic thing. I live in the desert. Melons are cool, sweet, goodness that we also make into juice on a hot day in summer.
Already stated my hatred for olives. Did not know that so many people hated green peppers, and now that I think about it I realize I hate them too. I NEVER buy the green ones, only the yellow and orange. Wait…are we talking about bell peppers? Because that’s what I’m talking about.
@Melissa, obviously I can only speak for myself about levels of olive-hate. I can stand a few black olives on my pizza or in a pasta salad (though I wouldn’t put them there intentionally). But kalamata olives – along with all the other large things at the Mediterranean bar — are like pickled prunes to me, and green olives with red pimiento inside are made of barf.
I’ve never really liked green peppers, mostly because their intense bitterness leaks into every other part of any dish they touch.
When we first got a microwave when I was a kid, my mom and I went nuts for awhile with the Lean Cuisine-type dinners…until I started to realize that they all tasted alike – like freezer-burned green peppers. I think those dinners all include green pepper to try to cover up the taste of the other freezer-burned foods in the tray. But that’s just covering up one horrible taste with another horribler taste.
Holy slimy olives of Satan, those had better win. Those pizza-ruining, nacho-ruining, OMELETTE-RUINING flyspecks of pestilence! Bah.
This round was especially tough since I like all these foods… except for asparagus, who is simply unforgivable for what it does to my pee. (Or, the fact that I can smell it, as someone pointed out earlier.)
@elsewise: I thought I’d imagined reading that factoid!! I am apparently in the “smeller” faction, but most of my family looked at me funny when I commented on how fast … erm … asparagus “works.” (And they think I’m weird. Yeesh.)
LizzieKath, I am with you on the OMELETTE-RUINING olives(why people, why), and I would like to add LASAGNA-RUINING. My mother-in-law puts black olives in lasagna. Why ruin a perfectly good lasagna with your nasty olive chunks? Is this a thing? I have never understood this.
Peppers are filler. Throw them into any dish and you can say it’s healthy because there are vegetables in it. Peppers are the baby’s breath of vegetables.