TN Read-Along #12: Gunn’s Golden Rules Discussion Thread
I know it’s not Tim’s way to dish bitchy dirt — except that 1) he has an obligation to dish it because he obviously has access to the best and most comprehensive Project Runway dirt there is, and 2) he’s done it before. Not bitchily, because it’s Tim, but if you’ve watched the show long enough and you know the rhythms of Tim’s speech well enough, you know what he’s saying, DANIEL VOSOVIC. (NB: No doubt Daniel V. has grown up and pulled it together in the meantime, but when Mo Ryan’s interview first ran…scandal!)
So, I wanted the book to have a bit more of that — more behind-the-scenes intel on, say, Wendy Pepper, or the sometimes mysterious workings of the judging. But Tim is such a sweetheart, even on the page, that I ended up not minding. He and his co-author, Ada Calhoun, did a great job capturing the way he speaks and his particular emphases; I could hear him in my ear as I read. (Tim on Crocs: “I can’t imagine a more aesthetically offensive item of footwear than Crocs. That little strap! I shudder.”)
Tim also puts things so elegantly that I dog-eared or notated a bunch of pages. “If you can’t be gracious, don’t spend time together” is one mot I underlined (just after a fairly revealing anecdote about Martha and Alexis Stewart). Here’s another:
Some people think of dressing up or being polite as a burden. They think having to wear a tie or use the right fork or send a thank-you card is a kind of shackle. To these people I say: Getting out of bed is a shackle. If you feel that way, stay in it! Invest in a hospital gurney and wheel yourself around on it when you need to go out.
Dear Sir: Thank YOU. Love, Sarah.
All in all, I really enjoyed it; it was like getting to meet him. It took no time at all to read, and I did glean some good gossip about Paul Lynde.
What did you guys think? How does it compare to his other, more fashion-based book? Did you want more gossip about Santino or Christian? Will you save your copy or sell it on Half.com?
Tags: Ada Calhoun Alexis Stewart books Christian Siriano Congratulations: You're That Guy Daniel Vosovic Martha Stewart Mo Ryan Paul Lynde Project Runway Santino Rice The TN Read-Along Tim Gunn Wendy Pepper
I was okay with the amount of gossip, since I was having so much fun with his biography and his philosophy. I also liked the logistical side of the behind-the-scenes stuff.
Plus, since I’m not good at following fashion advice, I didn’t finish this one feeling a little unworthy about my failure to be stunning. This was more inspirational to me. Gunn is just so admirable and upstanding, but not in a way that irritates me. (I don’t sound like a very nice person, eh?)
Haven’t read Tim’s other books but I hands down love this one. Let me count the ways:
Tim’s niece calling him Uncle Nag!
His stance on Crocs (Satan’s footwear)looking like hooves.
Hand writing thank you and condolence notes. Yes! I write letters on a regular basis, even to those I email.
Helicopter parents in academia–Gads, I spent 12 years dodging those when I taught.
Why he doesn’t criticize what can’t be changed.
I’m actually fine with the lack of name dropping (although his description of Martha Stewart’s ability to disappear at fund raisers was hysterical). I enjoyed reading the background that supports his trademark phrases and I’m firmly on Team Gunn about manners. I love having the door held for me and I’m willing to hold it for others.
Funnily enough, I came away from the read thinking of the Bill and Ted philosophy of “be excellent to one another.” If I were still in academia I’d whip out a scholarly paper comparing and contrasting Gunn’s golden rules with Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventures. But I’m not, so maybe a blog post.
I actually borrowed the book from the library but I’m going to buy a copy.
That picture makes it looks like they are either about to rob a bank in some super high-tech way or they are about to try to stop people from breaking into a bank in some super high-tech way.
Super high-tech for all!
Anyway.
I think this book is best for people who have watched more Project Runway than I have, but that’s something I figured would be the case going into it. As it is, it’s well managed enough, and there’s sufficient amount of context given, that even people who have never seen an episode (I’m not in that category, either) would most likely be able to follow along in a way that would be actually meaningful for them.
General observations (may not be in order since I don’t have the book right in front of me):
1. Holy crap, that Julia kid.
2. $14,000 for a dress?! (This may or may not matter, but fourteen large would, for example, just about take care of my student loan debt.)
3. I do not truthfully have an opinion on Martha Stewart one way or the other, but every time he talked about her I ended up laughing. NO DIET COKE EVER
4. I honestly didn’t know who to be more aghast at, Anna Wintour or André Leon Talley. Isn’t being carried down five flights of stairs and into your car, as an entirely ambulatory individual, less dignified than riding in an elevator with mere mortals? For that matter, wouldn’t sending in the lawyers have just emphasized the story more? (Moot point, but.) Perhaps this is why I don’t work for Vogue.
5. … Other than the fact that I’m wearing sweat pants and a hoodie, and it’s almost 5PM. … Tim Gunn, please don’t hurt me. In my own sort-of defense, I work from home. … Okay, okay, I’ll go put on real pants. Also, he’s not wrong. Also, I envision people actually getting the gurneys and having races. GURNEY TOURNEY!
6. “ETHEL MERTZ IS HERE?!”
In summation, Tim Gunn, this book, and his previous book on style are all delightful. (Atlhough, like a few other people, I’m kind of mad that the Kindle version was around the price of the paperback. I defeated them by taking the book out of the library instead, but I will probably find a used copy at some point.) I appreciated that he took the time to encourage people to get the help they need for mental health issues, and I know he’s done a lot of activism for LGBT acceptance (among other things).
Also, while I enjoyed him referring to the color of the ugly lamp as “unexpected,” I kind of want to know what that color was.
I adored it and want to write him a thank you note. I think I will, once I find his address.
I am going to save my copy (it’s autographed by Tim and says, “Make It Work xox”)
One point where I was a bit taken aback was when, in the middle of all of his advice about being gracious and polite, he shit-talked some gift that friends gave him, saying how ugly and out of place it was and how could they THINK of giving him such an awful present. Even though he didn’t name them, that was surprisingly rude, I thought; who publicly trashes a gift from a friend?
I’ve never watched PR, so I was actually glad there wasn’t more gossip since I couldn’t have followed it. But I ADORED his takedown of that snotbrat who hadn’t gone to The Cloisters because he “doesn’t want anything to do with religion.” Gah! As Tim said, perfectly, I didn’t ask you to CONVERT. It’s stupid to cut yourself off artistically and aesthetically from one of the major influences on humanity, for sweet jiggety fuck’s sake.
I also love how he’s so perlite that he won’t confirm or deny the whole “J. Edgar was fond of flounces” thing, even though it’s pretty well confirmed at this point. But the idea of Vivian Vance… and J. Edgar…nooooo. NO. Maybe?
I was torn from time to time; I think Tim is the best part of PR and probably an awesome person. But he didn’t always come out that way from his own anecdotes. There was the “ugly gift” story mentioned above, and another where he felt that a houseguest was rude so he… threw down his napkin, yelled at her in front of everyone, and stormed out of the room? Or when an acquaintance criticized his boyfriend so he sneered at the acquaintance and then broke up with the boyfriend anyway. Or having his assistant just hang up on someone he disliked, who was trying to send him a gift.
There’s probably more to all of these stories, but they’re kind of tossed out without any real insight to how Tim felt about his own behavior. I’m sure he probably *does* have more self-awareness than comes across in those examples, but he didn’t have the time or the inclination to delve any deeper before moving on to the next story about a celeb behaving badly.
I feel like he was trying to tiptoe the edge between being a very private person, and providing personal anecdotes to back up his golden rules. We’re left with odd snippets that don’t really tell us what Tim is all about.
Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the book overall. I just wish there were more to it. It’s not really a memoir, and as an advice book it falls a little short because the central theme is “be nice” and after that what more is there to really say? As Sarah said, Tim’s distinctive voice really comes through in the writing, so I just pretended I was having coffee with Tim, chatting about whatever popped into his head.
I read this book a while ago, from the library, and I’ve forgotten a lot of it. But one thing that stuck with me was that he mentioned several times that most people gravitate toward clothing a size too big for them.
I know that I’m guilty of this, myself… but the thing is, the clothes that look perfect on me when I’m standing up look awful and turn uncomfortable the minute I sit down, pulling and bunching. And I spend 95% of my professional life sitting, unfortunately. Wearing the next size sort of ameliorates that effect.
I’d love to hear Tim’s take on how to deal with that. I’d love to see a PR challenge where the models had to sit while wearing the designs (I imagine them scooting down the runway in task chairs).
I read this mostly on a bus back and forth from DC to NYC this weekend, and it was perfect travel reading.
I really enjoyed it, but I was mildly uncomfortable with a few of the personal anecdotes. Overall, though, such a delightful breath of fresh air. I think he struck a great tone in explaining why he feels the way he does about manners and etiquette, rather than just piling on about how awful people can be to/about each other.
I really liked the picture he painted of his relationship with his niece, and to me it played as a counterbalance to the relationship between Martha and Alexis.
I also only got in to Project Runway around Season 3, so I had no idea it wasn’t beloved from the beginning.
I do wonder what his mother thought of her appearance in the book, though.
I do truly enjoy Tim Gunn, but I didn’t totally love this book. There were several great moments, such as the one Sars quoted above, and of course DIE CROCS DIE. Ahem. But I felt myself wishing he had a stricter editor or something else to keep the book from feeling so. . .loose. The rules framework was interesting, maybe it needed to be emphasized more? I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but I feel like the book was pretty good, and could have been really good instead.
any one have any thoughts on Tim’s intense introversion? I read another book on introversion vs extraversion and kept thinking of it when Tim was talking about his dining room table that has only had himself and the crossword puzzle at it.
I just wanted to give him a hug, tell him I’m proud of him for doing what he needs for his personal health and give him a copy of that book. (which would then end up in the gift closet and I would be sad)
Loved it! Y’all have covered most of it.
I really did find the little bits of personal information about him to be facinating.
And count me as another person who effin’ loves the photo you have at the top of this post.
Tim, Michael, and Nina look like high-fashion super heroes.
“They stomp out Crocs, tear apart shoddy seams, and end muffin top wherever they go! HIGH FASHION HEROS, AWAAAAAAAYYYY!”
I liked it, but agree with Driver B that it sort of meandered around. He kept going off on tangents and it took awhile to come back to his point.
I haven’t read many celebrity autobiographies so I didn’t mind the lack of gossip. This is very diffent life than Russell Brand’s or Janice Dickinson’s.
More PR stuff would have been nice, but being who he is and still being employed by the show, it was probably wise to limit himself.
There were a few page numbers I noted but then I returned the book to the library without actually making my notes. I remember liking his philosophy on kids. People are often telling me that I’m so good with kids and should have some and I always want to tell them that parenting is so much more than enjoying nieces and nephews.
I really enjoyed the book. I do have to say that I didn’t mind so much the points where he kind of trips up on his own manners rules. It sort of comes back to the idea that none of us are perfect, even he trips up trying to live by his own rules. Maybe I just really wanted to like him and find justification, which I do, but at the same time he’s willing to admit his mistakes honestly enough that I’m willing to go with it on that.
I also love the story about Martha disappearing from charity evens right before the money pitch begins. I may have to tuck that one away myself. I also love the mental picture of Diane von Furstenburg walking into a diner and demanding a hot dog.
I have to say I also think the timing of this book coming along was pretty perfect for me. I’ve been in a bit of an identity crisis and feeling very out of sorts and a bit like a failure and his personal stories about making it through life and having success come a bit later than most really helped me make sense of a lot of things. It was really good advice given at the perfect moment. Basically just a good reminder that there are other people out there who have gone through the same thing and are doing just fine.
@ Beth C: I’m in the same sort of a place, and had the same sort of reaction.
I found the book endearing–I’m in the “his flaws make him more likable” camp. His advice was spot-on without being hurtful, which isn’t an easy balance to strike. I do feel badly for him that he’s not out to his mom, but every family has its own story, and he seems comfortable with the way that’s all playing out, so….
I do think he must be an awesome uncle. I know my kids’ gay uncles will be just as fabulous as they grow up!
I agree on the looseness of the book and thought it was because I read it on a Kindle. I want to look at a hard copy of the book to have a better sense of the structure.
I really did enjoy it. It was a good easy read, I found the personal stories very engaging and enjoyed the gossip. There is a Kindle single for $1.99 on Amazon that is a short piece by Timm Gunn about his family. I had read that previously and it seems to be the basis for the personal stories in this book as most of them are in this book.
It is interesting that he has no problem gossiping about people at the same time has a “if you can’t say anything nice…” philosophy. But for me to comment further on this would really be the pot calling the kettle black although his gossip is much more interesting than mine.
Also one fact came through crystal clear: Tim Gunn does not like Anna Wintour at all.