Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: March 18, 2004
March 18, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
My problem involves family and money, which makes it sticky as hell. And if only it were family wanting money from me. That I’d know how to handle.
My dad is 60. All my life …

The Vine: March 17, 2004
March 17, 2004 · No Comment

Sars,
What the hell is it with the pronunciation of the word “negotiation” with a
“SEE” instead of
a “SHEE”? Am I nuts, or is this needlessly pretentious? One of my most
earthy pals
has taken, in the past year …

The Vine: March 16, 2004
March 16, 2004 · No Comment

Hooray! I finally have a Vine-worthy question, I think.
I just read your answer to Worried Cat Mom, and I have a related question,
since I might be in somewhat of a similar position next summer. I’m …

The Famous Ghost Monologues, No. 19: Roman Steighton Charles
March 15, 2004 · No Comment

I used to be quite a handsome fellow, if you’ll forgive me for saying so, I had the sharpest part in town, the girls liked that about me — and I kept my fingernails tidy, …

The Vine: March 12, 2004
March 12, 2004 · No Comment

Hi Sars.
I have a response to the question about pet “lemon
laws.” Just yesterday The People’s Court (yes, I watch
too much TV) had a case about these laws. In the state
the litigants were from, breeders have …

Chao Campfire
March 12, 2004 · No Comment

You have the beginnings of a cold, and after pressurizing and depressurizing twice in the air, you’ve gone deaf in one ear, and when you get off the plane, you almost hit your head on …

The Vine: March 11, 2004
March 11, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
So, here’s the deal. I know you’re not a lawyer, but I thought you might have some information since you have so much experience with cats.
My boyfriend Joe and I had been considering getting …

The Vine: March 10, 2004
March 10, 2004 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
No big serious problem here, but as a fellow cat-mom, I thought you
might be able to answer a question for me. We’ve had four female cats for
nearly ten years, and have just recently adopted …

The Vine: March 3, 2004
March 3, 2004 · No Comment

Oh wise Sars,
Hi, love the site, and I think your advice generally rocks, so here goes. I have a problem that I don’t quite know how to deal with. You see, there was this guy. …

The Vine: March 2, 2004
March 2, 2004 · No Comment

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! I have a problem worthy of Sars’s
attention!
In a nutshell, we have two neurotic cats, both indoor/outdoor and much
calmer for it. We’re in a pretty quiet neighborhood, with the
exception of neighborbullybitchcatfromhell, …