Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Rain Of Terror
August 11, 2003 · No Comment

I understand that nobody who lives in a legitimately hot part of the world is going to want to hear my weather-related tale of woe, so all the readers who do live in legitimately hot …

The Vine: August 8, 2003
August 8, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
For the longest time I’ve been itching to start my own web journal — yours being my all-time favorite (along with Squishy, The Redhead Papers, Pound, and some others) — but I have some …

The Vine: August 7, 2003
August 7, 2003 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
The letter about “free rein” struck a chord with me. I frequently twitch when I hear or read folks twisting a saying because of phonetic similarities. Some I’ve noted recently:
“Shoe-in” vs. “shoo-in”
“Mute point” vs. …

The Vine: August 6, 2003
August 6, 2003 · No Comment

So, I was reading The Vine, and about halfway through the letter from T’s Mama I thought to myself, “If Sars doesn’t let this girl have it, I will never read this column again.” Fortunately, …

The Vine: August 5, 2003
August 5, 2003 · No Comment

Hey Sars —
Randomness, I know, but would you happen to know what being afraid of socks is called? How about feet?
I know fear of spiders is arachnophobia, but other than that, I’m stumped on phobias.
Wondering
Dear …

To And Fro
August 4, 2003 · No Comment

Sarah: Hello?
Couch Baron: Hey there! How’s the hair?
Sarah: It’s…it’s not good. It’s just not good at all.
Couch Baron: Uh oh. What happened?
Sarah: I walked in…I got shampooed…I sat down in the chair…and then everyone learned …

The Vine: August 1, 2003
August 1, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I know that you get tons of letters, and the chance that you’ll respond is slim, but I think I need to at least say this to someone more than anything else. I am …

The Vine: July 31, 2003
July 31, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
No depressed or annoying people in this rant, but there do happen to be two depressed or annoying and/or just plain weird cats and one slightly annoyed roommate at the heart of my question.
The …

The Vine: July 30, 2003
July 30, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
What is a Twinkie? What? I’ve never known, and I’ve become more confused than I was before after looking at the Planet Twinkie website. People dress them up? Is it a bread roll? Is …

The Famous Ghost Monologues, No. 9: Peter Paul Buglione
July 29, 2003 · No Comment

You got to understand, to my sister, everything had to be a big thing. Everything. The weather. Her clothes. Ordering dinner. Should she get the soup, with the veal it’s too much food maybe, do …