Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: July 31, 2003
July 31, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
No depressed or annoying people in this rant, but there do happen to be two depressed or annoying and/or just plain weird cats and one slightly annoyed roommate at the heart of my question.
The …

The Vine: July 30, 2003
July 30, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
What is a Twinkie? What? I’ve never known, and I’ve become more confused than I was before after looking at the Planet Twinkie website. People dress them up? Is it a bread roll? Is …

The Famous Ghost Monologues, No. 9: Peter Paul Buglione
July 29, 2003 · No Comment

You got to understand, to my sister, everything had to be a big thing. Everything. The weather. Her clothes. Ordering dinner. Should she get the soup, with the veal it’s too much food maybe, do …

The Vine: July 25, 2003
July 25, 2003 · No Comment

Sars,
I can’t turn down a dare, especially when it’s a grammar dare.
I had a feeling the difference between “pleonasm” and “tautology” had to do with pleonasms being phrases, while tautologies appear to be clauses. I …

The Vine: July 24, 2003
July 24, 2003 · No Comment

“A ‘tautology’ is a redundancy, not a logical lapse.”
Could you explain that more? I’ve always gotten by with the mathematical definition that a tautology is a statement that is always true. For example, “Sars will …

The Vine: July 23, 2003
July 23, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
In response to Curious and Unaffianced’s question about what happens to the ring when an engagement’s broken, I wanted to share my experience. My fiancé, Terrance, was engaged to another woman several years ago; …

The Vine: July 22, 2003
July 22, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Love the site, you rock, et cetera. I have a load of problems I probably should be writing to you about, but I digress. I’m just writing in response to Mrs. Sweetie’s letter. I …

The Famous Ghost Monologues, No. 8: Carol Ann “Ginger” Alford
July 22, 2003 · No Comment

I miss driving. If I could do one thing again, that’s what I’d do — I’d drive. No place in particular, just around like I used to do, up over Glacier Hill and down into …

Chippies On My Tail
July 20, 2003 · No Comment

Welcome to The CHiPs Drinking Game, which I have compiled for the simple reason that, if Tempus and I have to suffer, so do you. And besides, if you’re up at four in the morning …

The Vine: July 18, 2003
July 18, 2003 · No Comment

I really feel for the writer who dislikes the constant use of endearments from strangers. As a nurse I have to admit it is a plague within the profession and I hate it too. I …