Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Get Rich Quick
September 23, 2002 · No Comment

Regina: You know what we need to do?
Sarah: Ohhh, do I ever. Have you got a week?
Regina: No, seriously. You know Nerd-B-Gon spray?
Sarah: That used to advertise in the back of Mad Magazine?
Regina: Next to …

The Vine: September 20, 2002
September 20, 2002 · No Comment

Hey Sars —
I’m getting married in a couple of months. My fiancé and I have been
together for five years, we’re happy together, all is well. We’re both certain
that we’re ready to get married, and are …

The Vine: September 17, 2002
September 17, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Need a little cat-related advice and so am asking a dumb
question. I’ve been reading through your old TN columns and I
recently came across the one in which you rant about not
being able to find …

101 Ways To Pass The Time When You Have A Cold
September 16, 2002 · 2 Comments

1. Stand in front of the bathroom mirror and perform the voice-over for a Discovery Channel documentary on spelunking. “While stalactites often take millennia to form, this fine specimen — composed entirely of snot — …

The Vine: September 13, 2002
September 13, 2002 · No Comment

Another thought for “Online and in public?” — having a public online journal means accepting the possibility of
anybody reading it.There’s no such thing as security out of
politeness, and security through obscurity (i.e. not telling people) …

The Vine: September 12, 2002
September 12, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I’m pretty sure this is going to be one of many letters, but I just wanted to add to what you told Bag in PA.Get out.Please, get out now.Adults do not hit other adults …

The Vine: September 10, 2002
September 10, 2002 · No Comment

I just wanted to add my two cents to the emails you’ll no doubt receive
about Loyal Friend’s dilemma. When we were 24, my spouse and I faced a
similar situation when his (much older) sister asked …

The Vine: September 6, 2002
September 6, 2002 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
Re: your response to Sharpening The Butcher Knife: I have an
almost-nine-year-old boy, and children of this age can be difficult.I
thought your response was right on; I completely agree that Rosemary doesn’t
seem to take the …

The Vine: September 5, 2002
September 5, 2002 · No Comment

Hey there, Sars —
Like any clichéd advice query, it starts with a break-up. My boyfriend of
four years recently decided that our relationship was not what he wanted.
Very sad and crappy for me, but it’s his …

The Vine: September 4, 2002
September 4, 2002 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
Add me to the countless people who felt the just had to fire up Outlook to respond to your advice to NNV. I actually agree with you whole-heartedly, but I had to add this: …