Bonded Pairs
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a lonely girl in possession of a library card must be in want of a twin. The child who spends a lot of time in books also spends a lot of time thinking about the lost or secret twin she must have – “must have” meaning surely has, but “must have” in the sense of “needs,” also – that mirror child who loves her, IS her, holds her hand always.
Every story is trying to do one of two things: reflect the world; or perfect the world. Sometimes it’s trying to do both; either way it’s trying to impose order on a chaotic and isolating world, like we learned in freshman English. The Sweet Valley High Wakefields, the Parent Trap kids, Luke and Leia, even generations of Doublemint twins used literal reflections, mirror images, in the service of their perfections. The twins of these tales complete patterns, explain evil, right wrongs, give permission to fight and scheme and paint your room brown.
All pairs do this to a degree: tell us where to look, create frameworks. Sun and moon, salt and pepper, before and after, thunder and lightning, Juniors and Seniors…Mantle and Maris. Say the word “Mantle” and it suggests half a dozen things, the name “Maris” a smaller group, but the two of them together is only one thing, in one time, known and precise. Pairs organize the memory, so that even when one half is gone, the remaining half suggests its mate, locates you in time.
There is a pair of cardinals living in an old-growth tree near my house, named by me for St. Louis Cardinals as I’ve done for years, and to hear Mrs. Dean’s song is to know Dizzy will appear on our feeder seconds later. The world is so often not that way; we don’t know what’s coming or if it’s going to make any sense. Sometimes the other half is foreboding, the other shoe dropping, another think coming. Mostly it’s just stuff breaking or getting lost. Mostly we live with mismatched sets, boot heels glued back on off-plumb, the serving spoon that got et by the disposal and won’t play nice in the drawer anymore, and we just make do, until “the new one” or “the crooked one” is just “the other one.” Until it belongs.
Until we figure out how to insure the heart, this is what we do. We will never figure that out, it can’t be done, but believing in secret twins, or that what might make us whole is waiting on the road ahead, makes it seem possible – that a hand waits to hold ours. And sometimes we’re left, but sometimes we’re right, walking through a crime scene with a new friend on his birthday.
Happy birthday, Don.
Tags: September 11th
Happy Birthday, Don. Sars, thank you for holding this place for gathering and remembering, every year.
It just occurred to me that I’ve been coming to join you all here on this day for over half of my life. Longer than my daughter has been alive, longer than I’ve been married.
Thank you, Sars, for keeping this place for us, and Happy Birthday to Don.
Happy Birthday Don.
Happy birthday, Don. Thanks always, Sars.
Thank you Sarah. Happy birthday, Don.
this is the smallest and most ephemeral internet community I have. thank you, Sars, as always. happy birthday, Don – I hope you’re out there having a great birthday in spite of it all.
Thank you Sarah, and happy birthday Don.
Back for my yearly visit, once again hoping against hope that Don has been found. Well, since he hasn’t I hope he has a wonderful birthday and I thank you for sharing that story so many years ago. <3
Some years I check when I first wake up, other years I make myself wait until I am through working so I can just sit and have this lovely few minutes.
No matter when I check though, I think about the terror of that day, even though I am clear across the US. I think about Don and Sarah and the friends who make this pilgrimage year after year. It’s probably my longest tradition as well.
Thank you as always, Sarah and Happy Birthday Don.
I nearly forgot this year, little mention of the anniversary here in the UK, but remembered just now before sleep. Thank you Sars. And happy birthday Don
Thank you, Sarah, for remembering and thinking and sharing with us.
Happy, birthday, Don.
Thank you, Sars. Happy birthday, Don.
Thank you, Sara and community, for coming back here every year to commemorate this day. I’m sure all of our lives have changed drastically in 23 years and it’s lovely that this is still part of us.
Happy Birthday, Don.
Thanks Sars for the reflection, insight, and the place to share both.
The recent loss of two old friends from illnesses that resulted from being in New York on that terrible day have opened the wound again.
I wish everyone peace and good health on this anniversary.
Happy Birthday Don!
Happy Birthday, Don.
Thank you for this touchstone, and for the way you use your gift to make space to reflect and be in community. When I come back every year, I marvel at how this virtual thread weaves us together over space and time. Everyone here, and everyone else. That’s what coming here does for me, and it’s a big beautiful thing to come out of such a huge awful thing. I am grateful.
Glad you are all still here ?
Happy birthday, Don ?
23 years later. I had a doctor’s appointment today in the building next door to Trinity Church. I saw the traffic and the people and the strollers and just marveled. Happy to see all of you here every year. Thank you, Sars, and happiest of birthdays to Don.
Happy birthday Don. And hello again to all of us who come to this little corner of the internet and light a candle in remembrance every year.
Happy Birthday, Don.
This was a weirder day than I expected, with debate memes juxtaposed against the memorial services. I felt more comfortable, somehow, once I wandered over here. I appreciate your willingness to go back over that day publicly and to process all of the complicated feelings that come with it. Thanks, Sars.
It’s been so long now that it’s hard to believe I was an adult then – but of course I wasn’t, not really, just 22, still feeling like neither my body nor my life fit me properly and not knowing what to do to fix it. Thank you for being here for us to come back to every year. It means so much.
Happy Birthday, Don. Thank you for helping my friend.
Thank you, Sarah, for your words and your existence.
Hey, everyone. Nice you see you here again.
Happy Birthday Don.
My silent promise to be here with you all, remains steadfast. Thanks, Sars. Happy birthday, Don.
Thanks for this, Sars.
Happy Birthday, Don.
Thank you, Sarah. Happy Birthday, Don. We didn’t match, but we were a pair. In that way, we matched perfectly.
This is my ritual, every year – good to see you all again. I wish you all the best. Thank you Sars, and happy birthday, Don.
Thank you for your words on this day.
For the first time in twenty-three years this is my one and only “stop” on this anniversary. Nothing has faded in my mind, but watching the ceremony, rewatching the images — something I have done for over two decades — seems unnecessary for me now. The only place I want to visit is here and find comfort in your words.
Happy Birthday, Don.
Happy birthday Don.
Thank you Sarah.
Every year.
Every year this site gives me solace. Checking in from the Midwest. Good to see you, friends. Happy birthday, Don
Hey, Sars!
You likely don’t remember me, but we smoked many cigarettes together at the TARCons at MSG back in the day. Thanks, TWoP for introducing us!
I don’t smoke anymore, but I do think of you every year on this day, and I share this with my socials every year. Eventually, I just know it, we’ll find Don.
You are a beautiful storyteller, and I hope that one of these days, our paths cross again.
You are a touchstone for so many of us. Thank you.
Happy Birthday, Don, wherever you are.
Happy Birthday Don, and thank you again Sarah.
I hope so too @Bluelena (did you know TWoP, or Mighty Big TV as it was known at first, turns **25** on 9/21?).
Happy Birthday, Don. And thank you for a yearly missive, decades on; a soft spot on a weird day.
Happy birthday, Don.
Thanks for holding this ritual for so many of us, Sars. I’m grateful.
Happy Birthday, Don.
Shout out to all of us coming here every year. It means something. Thanks, Sars
I thought to myself suddenly, I wonder if Sars will post again today, and here you are. Happy birthday Don, and thank you Sars for being a very unusual part of how I mark the day.
I am back to bike commuting (like I was in 2001) after many years of working from home, and the 9/11-style perfect weather we’ve had here in Boston for the past few weeks has been un-nerving. I’m much more aware this year than I had been for a while.
Much love to you all, hope the years have been kind to you.
It really has been 9/11 weather, hasn’t it — for a *while*. Disconcerting.
Late but not forgotten, happy birthday Don. Thanks, Sars, for creating space to remember.
Happy birthday, Don
Thank you for holding a space for us all. Happy birthday Don, and hope the years have been good to you.
So important to see your words on this anniversary. I miss your writing and insight.
Happy birthday to Don out in the world.
I woke up on 9/11/24 and planed to pop in here to wish Don a Happy Birthday.
Because cats, I was interrupted, and my senior brain erased my plan.
Suddenly it’s the 13th and I realize that I never made it over here to silently touch base with a group of people I’ve never met.
Hello Sars
Happy belated birthday, Don
Hi all you veterans of Tomato Nation
A day late this year but eternally grateful for this moment of remembrance. Thank you, Sarah. Happy belated Don.
Thank you, family, for gathering here each year. I haven’t commented and came back to do so because each one of yours is like a little hug. I’ve grown up reading TN (I’m 40 now!) and each year since that year have been coming here to remember.
“Back again to visit and remember, and suddenly realize it’s been a generation that we’ve been doing this.”
That hit me right in the feelz, Janice <3
Thank you, Sars. And happy birthday, Don <3
Hi everyone – love and hugs!!
I could not get here from there yesterday, but this place was in my thoughts all day.
Thank you, Sars, for keeping the candle lit. I’m so glad we have you.
Happy Birthday, Don
Thank you Sars, every year.
Happy birthday Don.
Two days late but thank you all the same, Sarah. And happy birthday, Don.