The NC Double Scrooge: Entertainment Division
Submitted by Sarah D. Bunting on December 10, 2010 – 11:43 AM101 Comments
“How many people do you think Keckler and Bunting offended with this poll? Show us with your hands.”
Today’s poll focuses on all manner of media disappointments: Christmas movies you’ve never really gotten, songs you can’t escape from, the abomination that is fruitcake “fruit,” and what happens when people come to church tipsy.
You won’t see specific songs or Christmas specials here, but fear not, our Grinchy friends. Each of those categories gets its very own poll, and Bunting for one hopes that someone throws the Little Drummer Boy a crunchy beating.
Questions? Skim this. And yes, we will consider write-in votes for “the ‘Philadelphians booing Santa‘ story.”
NC Double Scrooge, Entertainment Division: Please Pick The Three (3) WORST
- The alleged "War On Christmas" annually fabricated by conservatives (19%, 747 Votes)
- Christmas commercials, especially 1) jewelry; 2) red-ribboned cars; 3) Folgers' incestuous "brother comes home" spots; 4) "I can't seem to forget yooooou -- your Windsong stays on my miiiind" (16%, 623 Votes)
- Inescapable Christmas music everywhere -- the deli, the mall, every restaurant and Starbucks, the salon, on hold (13%, 524 Votes)
- Sexxxxy Santas, elves, reindeer, and any other attempt to stripperize the holidays (9%, 363 Votes)
- Articles harassing you about keeping holiday weight off before the holidays even start (8%, 316 Votes)
- Fruitcake, home of the most disgusting fake fruit on earth (4%, 157 Votes)
- Advent calendars that contain shitty chocolate that tastes like the cardboard they're wrapped in (TRADER JOE'S!) (3%, 122 Votes)
- Christmas specials and movies that haven't aged well/are overrated (3%, 108 Votes)
- Exhausted Festivus references (2%, 94 Votes)
- Politically correct children's "winter" pageants (2%, 90 Votes)
- Very Special Holiday Episodes (2%, 89 Votes)
- The holiday weight itself (2%, 87 Votes)
- Explaining your religious practices (or lack of same) ten billion times (2%, 87 Votes)
- Sucky Christmas cookies -- seriously, people, it's not that hard (2%, 75 Votes)
- Gross holiday foods you're supposed to like -- figgy pudding, Christmas pudding, fruitcake -- and the food-mag articles telling you it's time to start liking them, complete with recipes (2%, 73 Votes)
- Garrison Keillor thinking he can sing every damn carol in the -- wait, no, just Garrison Keillor (2%, 61 Votes)
- If Jim Morrison were alive today, he'd hang a Christmas ornament on it and get arrested all over again, NOT THAT ANYONE CARES SHUT UP JIM MORRISON (1%, 48 Votes)
- Holiday candy -- candy canes, ribbon candy, gelt -- and its omnipresence (1%, 47 Votes)
- Gingerbread-flavored everything (1%, 37 Votes)
- Advent calendars that fail to contain chocolate (1%, 35 Votes)
- California OUTLAWING the silver-ball things so you can't even TRY to break your family's teeth (1%, 35 Votes)
- Those little silver-ball things on Christmas cookies that break your teeth (1%, 26 Votes)
- "Creative" children's Christmas pageants -- just stick to the script, folks, it's not hard to find; look on any motel-room side table (1%, 24 Votes)
- The midnight service itself (we've got stockings to stuff; move the shit up to 10:30) (0%, 18 Votes)
- The Nutcracker (...hew) (0%, 16 Votes)
- Keckler and Bunting are as WASPy as actual wasps who live in a hive, so can we please get a ruling on the one true spelling of Chanukah? (0%, 16 Votes)
- Glurg (0%, 15 Votes)
- Caroling parties -- it's cold out, and nobody cares that you went to Juilliard (0%, 15 Votes)
- Amateur-eggnog fail (0%, 10 Votes)
- When baby Jesus screams his head off during the midnight service (0%, 9 Votes)
- Those assholes in the pew behind you who change the lyrics to Christmas hymns and then can't stop laughing at "Hark the Hare-Lipped Angels Sing" (also pronounced "Buntings") (we're jerks) (0%, 8 Votes)
- If you don't know what you're doing, don't attempt the Christmas goose (or at least deactivate the smoke alarms first) (0%, 1 Votes)
Total Voters: 1,350
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Tags: Keckler NC Double Scrooge shut up Jim Morrison winter-holiday agita
I missed the voting on this one. However, i’d liek to leave my write-in for all HALLMARK, LIFETIME, and ABC Family specials. I’d rather rip my eyeballs out than watch another one of those movies. Thanks!