Oh, hello, dear readers. Another Monday has arrived, and you have come once again to read an essay . . . or perhaps you’ve dropped by first thing on Tuesday morning, after you settled down …

I need a haircut again. As always, I’ve put off getting the haircut for several weeks longer than I should have, and my split ends have transformed my head into a fuzzy bell. The cycle …

In my socks, I stand five feet ten inches. Well, really only five feet nine-and-three-quarters inches, but my driver’s license says five-ten, and I’ve learned not to argue with the New Jersey DMV, especially since …

I have a question to pose to the readership, and if anyone out there can answer this question, I’d really appreciate it. I’d like to know what I have to suck to get five minutes …

Thank god the holidays have ended. I like the holidays, but I’d had enough. I’d had enough shopping, I’d had enough eggnog, I’d had enough Y2Krisis “news,” I’d had enough “Deck The Halls” and “Auld …

I finally got my act together and sent out my last grad-school application over the weekend. After grappling with these things for several weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that admissions offices design their applications …

It happens on a different day every year, but every year there comes a day when I stand at a crosswalk, hunched against the wind, shivering, my nose not merely running but sprinting on pace …

My friend Fur and I sit in neighboring cubicles at work, and while we type, we carry on a desultory conversation back and forth over the cubicle partition. Today, we had a few new topics …

7:20 am. Alarm goes off. Surface from a very pleasant dream to hear the words “thank you, Jesus, for this cloudy Monday morning” (radio tuner is set to an FM Christian-witness station, the better to …

Last week, I took an online intelligence test – a big mistake, and one you’d better believe I won’t make again. Not only did I waste forty-five minutes answering incomprehensible questions involving sequential order and …