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Regina: Hey, you know that guy with the…face? The rat face? From that movie?
Sarah: Jan-Michael Vincent?
Regina: No, no — that guy. The blond rat-faced guy?
Sarah: Big tall blond rat-faced guy, or little scrawny blond rat-faced …

Regina: What’s the most pathetic thing you ever did?
Sarah: That question is waaaaaay too broad, dude. I mean, you’ve got pathetic things you do for guys, pathetic things you do WITH guys, pathetic ways you’ve …

Sarah: Mflt.
Couch Baron: Oh, uh…hello?
Sarah: Hpll nn jfft mr spcffft.
Couch Baron: I…think I might have the wrong number.
Sarah: NNMRRRFFFF!
Couch Baron: …Sarah?
Sarah: Mmm hmm.
Couch Baron: Uh…are you…okay?
Sarah: Mmm…hmm!
Couch Baron: Okay, so…the hell?
Sarah: Frrrk, sfff hrrk kfffrrpp …

I am tired
The car comes for me at 5:45 AM. I stayed up all night, but everything is done — the cats went to the kennel, the clothes came out of the dryer, the legs …

Sarah: So how’s the packing going?
Couch Baron: Ugh. I just threw away twenty garbage bags of stuff.
Sarah: I didn’t know you had twenty garbage bags of stuff, much less to throw away.
Couch Baron: Neither did …

Corona #1
It’s the end of a long week, it’s hot, I just put on deodorant and my armpits have chosen to take that as a challenge, and these goddamn Old Navy cuffed capris don’t have …

Regina: Standard, garden-variety “normal and nice.”
Sarah: But not gooey, starry-eyed “normal and nice.”
Regina: No. Just “normal and nice.”
Sarah: And not the “he always seemed so normal and nice until the SWAT team broke down his …

In college, Ernie and I often used to communicate using Talking Heads songs, partly because that’s all we listened to besides Cypress Hill and the Smiths, partly because it functioned as a secret code that …

Regina: Let’s say you could do anything you wanted.
Sarah: Oh, yes — let’s.
Regina: No, really. Let’s say you could do whatever you wanted and get away with it.
Sarah: Okay. Hee.
Regina: What?
Sarah: Oh, just thinking about …

Last night, Q and I settled down on the couch with a couple of big sandwiches, a bag of chips, a bottle of wine, and the premiere of Degrassi: The Next Generation. I’d had the …