Gary Larson once drew a panel for his cartoon The Far Side in which a kid huddled underneath his bedclothes with a snorkel-esque apparatus attached to his face; the apparatus had a tube that snaked …

A few days ago, a local TV newscast ran a story on the reaction of Italian Americans to Spike Lee’s latest “joint,” Summer Of Sam. According to the news piece, the film features as its …

Every once in a while, when my friends and I have a refreshing hops-based beverage in hand, the topic of conversation turns to what we would do if we won the lottery. It probably goes …

I recently finished reading a biography of Elvis. When I put the book down, I felt really sad about what happened to him, and not only did I not understand how all of his so-called …

Why? Why do I do this to myself? Every year I gnash my teeth at all the Oscars hype, and every year I vow to rent a movie instead of watching the Fashion Disaster Ego …

Last night, I went to see Todd Solondz’s new film Happiness. When it ended, I strode purposefully out of the theater and down the stairs to the ladies’ room, locked myself into a stall, and …

One evening last fall, the Disco Biscuit and I walked out the front door of my building to find the entire block bathed in the glare of klieg lights. Other residents of the building stood …

I don’t go to church anymore, except on Christmas, and I only go then because I like to listen to the Christmas carols, and I also like making snide comments to my father and brother …

I can’t wait until the Academy Awards. More precisely, I can’t wait until the Academy Awards end. If I have to see one more “news” item on who plans to wear what designer’s dress to …

Last week, I caught a cold. Despite my prickly exterior, I have a basically generous nature, so I passed my upper respiratory infection along to the Disco Biscuit. When Friday night arrived, we both had …