Hello again, gentle readers.Please accept my heartfelt apologies for leaving you without recourse to caustic complaint for so long — but I have returned, just as fond of the sound of my own voice, and …

I don’t care how desperately Time needs to drive up newsstand sales — no dearth of actual news, no market-research addled kowtowing to their bottom line can excuse the cover of their July 21 issue.In …

PRELUDE
When I moved to New York, my father offered me two pieces of advice — don’t leave the cap off the toothpaste because the roaches will hop on your Crest, and don’t register to vote …

Clearly, the penal code has some problems that it needs to work through. Take, just as an example, the recent hardware store shoplifting case.Some highly-evolved guy nicked a number of items from his local True …

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store.I don’t like to go to the grocery store, for several reasons.First, most ofthe other shoppers assume that nobody else in the store has anything better to do than …

Well, you probably missed it.It didn’t appear in your Dayrunner’s list of bank holidays.Hallmark neglected to promote it.And while you may have inadvertently celebrated, you probably didn’t mean to.That’s right, folks.I mean National Masturbation Day.
According …

Return with me now to those thrilling days of yesteryear, when mere mention of the word “boner” could send Young Sarah into a paroxysm of hysterical giggling.In fact, nearly any mention of the male penis …

This week has progressed fairly uneventfully.I would have to say, aside from heat and humidity so thick that the miracle of evolution has begun in the primordial soup of my towel rack, that this week …

Last Sunday, after a high-octane brunch which derived its only nutritional value from the ketchup on my homefries, I snagged a Times and holed up in my apartment to celebrate the fact that Big Brother …

Close your eyes.Inhale fully…okay, now exhale.Continue to breathe deeply and evenly as you form a picture in your mind of a giant carpeted junior high homeroom where everyone has a cell phone.Welcome to the 1997 …