Sarah: So how’s the packing going?
Couch Baron: Ugh. I just threw away twenty garbage bags of stuff.
Sarah: I didn’t know you had twenty garbage bags of stuff, much less to throw away.
Couch Baron: Neither did …

Last Wednesday, my uncle had a heart attack — and not the mild soft-focus slo-mo Bayer commercial kind where everyone’s standing around wearing chambray shirts and looking tragic and well-coiffed in the driveway as the …

I feel like a child, still, often — what I eat, what makes me laugh, the way I live, as though adulthood is merely an unsupervised and occasionally disagreeable slumber party. Crossing the continent, spending …

The time eventually comes each year — usually in early October, but it varies, depending on the weather — for me to gather up all of my sandals and slides and summery shoes and put …

1. Chips and dip. Ketchup-flavored chips — that’s the genius of socialism at work, right there. Why don’t we have these in the US? Why does the Frito-Lay Corporation persist in futzing around with flavors …

It’s nearly two weeks now since the 11th. It doesn’t seem like that long; the size of that day makes it feel much closer. At the same time, though, it seems like much longer ago, …

It’s not a good day today. The weather is vintage August in New York — going outside feels like a cross between draping myself in a wet blanket fresh from an autoclave and taking that …

In about a month, I will relocate to Toronto for the season. I’ve scored a sweet sublet complete with DSL and a parking space, and I can’t wait to blow out of Manhattan with my …

“We just have to get to June.”
“June.”
“Juuuuune.”
“Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuune.”
“How long has May been going on for, now?”
“Two years? Three years?”
“Longer. I think Chevy Chase still had a talk show when May started.”
“I think you’re right.”
“It’s bad.”
“Well, it’s …

You could say, “Oh, come on, now,” to the rain as you and Gustave walk to Penn Station. Then you could comment that your hair already looks like a terrifying cross between Willow’s on Buffy …