“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.
From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.
Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.
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Aaaaaaaaaaand without further ado: Robert/Roberta. (It was already here, actually; don’t forget, the search function actually…functions now, so if you’re looking for older content, try that first. Top right-hand side.)
I’ve (re-)discovered a few things over the course of the recent Days Of Rage. Some of them are great!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a lonely girl in possession of a library card must be in want of a twin. The child who spends a lot of time in books also spends …
@La BellaDonna: I think I found the Vine you’re looking for. I searched for “coon cat” instead of bobcat, and came up with this: https://tomatonation.com/?p=1417
Also, I forgot how hilarious Sars’ greeting to Vegan martyr was after she signed herself “give hugs to Hobey and Little Joe.” Sars: “Dear Too Late, I Just Toasted Them Both In A Pita.” Ha!
Wait, here’s another Vine with a Maine coon cat: https://tomatonation.com/?p=1115
I’d forgotten the part where Tuna Vegan donated all her holiday money to an animal shelter in penance. Oy. I mean, she’s obviously sincerely distraught, but you’d think she’d broken the entire concept of veganism the way she’s carrying on. “That one girl ate one bite of tuna by mistake, so I guess we’re done here.”
I got all excited and clicked both the links, but neither of those letters were it.
As I recall, these two people (roommates or sisters, can’t remember which) had taken in this stray kitten, and it was just growing and growing beyond all normal housecat proportions. Not just getting fat, but BIG. And it was apparently stalking other cats, dogs, and kids in the neighborhood!
I don’t think the letter writer actually used the word bobcat, but Sars might have in her answer. If this rings any bells for anybody, please pretty please post the link!
BLEAGGHH. See, even if I were a vegan, I’d still be more grossed out by the combination of tomato sauce and tuna fish than by the whole moral-implication thing. Or did I misunderstand her description?
Jen S, I found what appears to be a follow-up to the “Did I accidentally adopt a bobcat?” letter here, but as far as I can tell the original hasn’t been brought over from the previous site yet.
Ohhhh, Martyr Vegan. I know so many great vegetarians and vegans, and none of them would ever react like this. Honestly, if it’s going to freak you out that badly to find out that you inadvertently ate a few bites of fish, then you need to treat it like a peanut allergy and bring your own food. My favorite part of that response is the “unless what you really like is drawing attention to yourself” statement, because it’s so brutally obvious that what she really likes is drawing attention to herself. It’s written all over the letter that she feels like what she’s really lost is the ability to tell people, “I haven’t had a bite of fish or meat or dairy in [x] years.”
First, I’d like to thank the folks who were kind enough to go searching for the Missing Bobcat. However, big and feisty as they are, Maine Coon Cats and bobcats are not the same thing. As you will discover, if you go merrily to your local Human Society for a Maine Coon Cat and come home with a bobcat!
In order to help avoid that, I’d like to point out that, generally, the Maine Coon Cat has a big fluffy coat, whereas the bobcat – not so much with the “fluffy;” and the Maine Coon Cat usually has a big, fluffy tail, whereas the bobcat – not so much in the way of “tail.”
Now I’m starting to wonder why more people don’t have bobcats … OTO, maybe they do, they’re just not writing to Sars about it.
Still hoping the original “bobcat” letter turns up!
Maybe this one is the cat one you’re thinking of? the writer refers to her cat as “psycho kitty” so it sounds like it might be on the right track. https://tomatonation.com/?p=1087
@kate: I don’t think that’s the bobcat-psycho kitty. For one, that cat was adopted from a shelter – not brought in off of the street; they’d have noticed that this doesn’t look anything like a normal cat and sent it on to a zoo or a group that does rewilding (at least, I think that’s the term).
Reading that over again, though, I can understand (to a degree) why she’d want to keep the cat and fix whatever’s gone wrong…but on the other hand, she’s terrified of having her friends near the cat, she’s terrified of having her friends’ kids near the cat, and she’s just plain afraid of the cat period. And I don’t think it was helping any.
I wouldn’t’ve suggested putting the cat down, but your suggestion to find a no-kill shelter or a group that works with “problem” cats was a good one, Sars; some problems just take more effort or skill than can be brought to bear on them – and in that case, you get help. Or give the cat up to someone who *can* deal with the problem, and then wait for the wounds to heal up before getting a new cat.
As to this, though: “Chain mail? CHAIN MAIL? You actually still want to sleep with this asswad? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?”
Heh. Up until you implied chain mail armour, I figured it was chain mail letters. Because, y’know, weirder things have been put up for sale on E-Bay (plus, Ren Faire Douche buying chain mail letters when he doesn’t even have a job just makes him even more of a douche, to my mind.)
Kate, thanks for the alert. Again, I’m thinking not, because Sars doesn’t reference “bobcat,” and again, there’s that whole “poofy tail” that the owner mentions. It’s a poofy tail, not a poofy stub, so I’m thinking …. not yet!
So we’re still looking for that bobcat, folks.
I just remembered a good “YOU are the jerk” letter. It’s the woman who’s annoyed because her friend has turned into a real wet blanket — ever since **her husband died** and the woman wants to know how to get rid of this irritant. I remember the letter included the phrase “inappropriately intense” and Sarah’s response included the phrase “she’s lonely, dude” but I don’t think it’s been transferred yet.
Colleen, that answer is definitely on the right track, as far as I can remember: so as soon as Gravy appears in the archives, we’ll know for sure. Whither art thou, lonely bobcat?
I also seem to recall Sar’s advice (excellent as always) was along the lines of “take this mystery beast to the vet right away and get this figured out, because if Little Timmy goes missing and they find your pet washing its whiskers next to a gnawed, bloodstained Frisbee, there’s gonna be hell to pay.”
Obviously not the bobcat in that last link, but I wonder what ultimately happened. My tiny, evil kitten was exactly like that.
Constantly attacking any movement under the covers with extreme prejudice? Check. Bouncing off the walls and pouncing on anything that came near her, all teeth and claws, on a daily basis? Check. The time she successfully climbed straight up my legs and torso trying to attack the bra I was putting on? The pain, THE PAIN!
But she grew out of it and never seriously hurt me. Still feisty, but not nearly as insane.
I’ll be starting on Vines of October past this evening; any juicy ones, I’ll let you guys know.
Oh, how I’ve missed The Vine! I’ve recently moved far away from family drama and become a stay-at-home mom, and while I’ve enjoyed the lack of actual drama in my life, I still love to get a little vicarious drama from Vine petitioners.
While I do like the advice in the ATR columns (I even asked a question myself once, and now I have exponentially less trouble sweeping my stupid tile house!), I love reading other questions. Sars, I understand your unwillingness to do four Vines a day each day (Where did you ever find the time and the emotional energy??), I’d still love to see you answer maybe a letter a week.
@Magoozen: This is a little late, but I found the one about the guy fucking his crazy ex: https://tomatonation.com/?p=966
Robert/a, Jack…aw, I missed all these crazy sons of bitches. :)
Can we have like, an “awesome answers” category of Vine? Or is there one already?
Another crazy-ex special; this one is the one where the ex makes her kid prank-call the guy. https://tomatonation.com/?p=2186
Oooh! Oooh! Is there any chance the post-2004-election vine will be up soon? The one where you let fly on the “civil unions are fine, but don’t call it marriage, but I’m totally not a bigot” guy?
Not sure when I’ll get to November Vines, but here’s an oldie but goody in which a reader tells me I have no right to judge him/her for believing the Bible’s take on homosexuality is wrong: https://tomatonation.com/?p=2158
I’m loving all the links to old Vines, there are quite a few I’d never read before! Including the martyr vegan one.
There are ways to go to someone’s house and be gracious yet not eat things you don’t eat without being an enormous jackass. I mean, a laminated instruction card for the MIL??? Seriously??? Wow. And she mentions bringing her own dinner to eat, but not cooking some things that complement the dinner and that everyone else can enjoy as side dishes… Dear LW from three years ago: All you are doing by trying to get your MIL to cook vegan stuff is being a huge bitch and making more work for her when she’s already preparing a bunch of shit. Maybe come over early and help cook? Without being a bitch? Sheesh.
She’s not interested in fitting in with the family while observing her personal dietary morals, she’s interested in standing out, and it bit her in the ass.
Probably no one’s checking this thread anymore, but it looks like the naively adopted puma made it back into the archives.
Colleen, yep, that’s the one! I guess the erstwhile Reginald was a puma or some such, but cat related, anyway. Here’s hoping we learn his ultimate fate from “Gravy.”