The Vine, Anniversary Edition: April 22, 2010
Hi Sars,
I’m hoping that the infamous TN reader knowledge can help me out here. I’m looking for long johns that aren’t “squeezy” in the waistband. I both dislike the feeling, and wear an insulin pump on my stomach, so I need something that won’t irritate it.
Ideally, I’d like to find some silk-type long johns with a waistband that is more like a pajama-style pant, wide and the same tightness as the top of the pant. It seems that most brands make a narrow elastic that is many inches tighter than the top of the pant.
If anybody knows about a brand or particular style that is like this, I’d love to hear about it!
Damned New England winters!
*****
After way, way, WAY too long in grad school, I am finally about to start my first “real” job. I’m set with pretty grown-up clothes and just got a nice makeover from a friend who’s a makeup artist, but I’ve got two problems I was hoping for some help with.
1) Waterproof mascara: My eyes appear to leak some sort of boric acid during the day that destroys the waterproofing in most mascaras. This means that however nice my eyes look at the start of the day, by about midday I’ve got smeared black under them. Sometimes this makes for an awesome smokey-eye look; most of the time I just look like I don’t quite understand how makeup works.
Makeup Artist friend recommended L’Oreal Voluminous Waterproof, but while it did make my lashes look great, it had no power against my eye water. I’ve tried the normal drugstore brands and am wondering if one of the more expensive ones will work better, but I don’t want to drop the money without a good rec.
2) Giant rats’ nests in my hair: I’ve got long hair that I like to wear down. When I do this in the winter, I inevitably end up with a large rats’ nest at the back, apparently due to the hair rubbing against my sweater/scarf/coat/anything at all. It’s pretty noticeable and quite annoying to deal with.
Wearing my hair up to avoid it isn’t an option because of my horrible vanity (I don’t like how it looks up) and because my hair also has magic powers: it can hold a rubber-band kink for hours after said rubber band has been removed.
Is there some product for my hair I could use to avoid this? Or should I be producting my clothes, static-guarding the hell out of them?
Any tips would be appreciated!
I was going for the “absentminded professor” look, not the “sad dumped chick who got back too late from the ’80s dance at the club” look
Dear Absent,
We talked about waterproof mascaras a few years ago. See if you find anything workable in that list.
You don’t seem to want to do this, but I’d recommend just cutting your hair shorter for the winter months, and letting it grow out for summer, when static is less of an issue. You could also try using a little light hand lotion on the ends to cut down on flyaways and tangles; my hair isn’t long, but it’s fine, and that helps me in hat weather.
But if you don’t want to cut it and you won’t put it up…there may not be a lot you can do.
Hi Sars!
Long-time reader, first-time question-asker, blah blah blah.
I’ve been trying to find a copy of a holiday children’s book that used to be my mother’s, so it was probably published in the 1960s. The story revolved around a young girl, age 7 or 8, who lived in the woods with her family. I want to say that she was the youngest of several children, mostly boys.
The book went into detail about how the family prepared for Christmas. Most notably I remember the girl shelling almonds with her friend, and then having her father walk the two of the girls back to her friend’s house at night. The end of the story has the girl hiding in a bedroom while the family prepares her present for her, which ends up being a huge homemade dollhouse that the whole family made.
I think the book was set in the 1800s or so, since there was no mention of modern conveniences. It definitely wasn’t Little House in the Big Woods!
I’ve tried the Google, but the references are too vague to find anything. I really thought I’d find the book when I moved out of my parents’ house a couple of months ago and searched the sea of young adult books in their basement, but no such luck. I’m really hoping a reader can point me in the right direction!
How awesome are BSC books twenty years later?
*****
Hi, I’ve recently started working as a copy editor (the only copy editor) at an alt-weekly. After a few days of “Wow, I certainly never had to consider the question of whether something goes tits up or tits-up back at the daily,” I’ve started compiling a little spreadsheet stylebook of the stuff that pops up fairly often in alt-weekly writing but is a bit too lowbrow, obscure or whatever to be covered by AP or Garner.
I’m trying to patch the holes with information from various places that I think are reputable on a certain topic (like grabbing GLAAD’s guide on how to refer to transgender people when the AP is pretty lacking), but seriously, there is nowhere reputable that is specifically like, “Use ‘cum’ when referring to ejaculate and ‘come’ as a verb meaning ‘to climax.'”
I’ve been trying to track down a stylebook from one of the mainstream porn mags, and I vaguely remember that you had mentioned working as a proofreader at Penthouse. Don’t suppose you (or the readers!) have a copy of their style sheet handy or would be able to point me at some other definitive guide to dirty words?
I could just write it myself, or perhaps stop being such a freak about needing a reference for everything, but yeah, I’m feeling a little “started two weeks ago” to be dictating style points for the whole paper off the top of my head and I’d also rather not be running around asking nitpicky, jizz-related questions all the time.
Oh, and my Philly teacher friend says thanks to you and Tomato Nation for the projector!
Emily
Dear Emily,
If I recall correctly, Penthouse just used “come” for everything, noun and verb; I think there was a style “manual,” but it was one Xeroxed sheet. Again, this is a while ago now, so they may have had something more formal and I just don’t remember, or didn’t get one.
Anyone have access to something like this? It seems like territory Dan Savage might have covered at some point, if one of you can furnish a link.
Hi, Sars —
This is probably a more appropriate question for a qualified medical professional than an Ask the Readers letter, but I’m health-insurance-free at the moment, so I’m hoping y’all can help me out a little.
My problem is this: whenever I lie down, I get a stuffy nose. Either my left or right nostril seals up completely. This has happened since about as far back as I can remember. I’ve ruled out allergies, because it happens even if I’m on a bare floor, or in the yard outside. I barely ever smoke, I’m not prone to sinus infections or anything, and I’m told that I don’t snore.
It’s not that big of a deal; it’s just annoying, and makes it more difficult for me to fall asleep. Do you or your readers have this problem, or any idea what causes it? Or at least a good way to alleviate a stuffy nose? Neti pots and saline spray do nothing for me. The hardcore Afrin stuff works pretty well, but you can’t use that for more than two or three nights in a row.
Continually Congested
Tags: Ask The Readers grammar health and beauty popcult
@NE Winters, I second the Cuddle Duds recommendation. The waists are not tight. And on the microfiber ones they are particularly comfy. The layered type (cottony on the inside, silky on the outside) work very well with dress slacks and knits and the microfiber are a bit warmer and work well under jeans, twills, and khakis.
Dan Savage is in fact very definite about always spelling the word “come,” despite attempts at “correction” from readers. He points out that the other spelling is impossible to inflect as a verb (what is the spelling corresponding to “came”?) and the whole business is needless anyway: the language is full of words that keep their spelling when used with vastly different meanings. (If two different kinds of “arrival” are indeed so vastly different.)
Re: mascara: Have you tried putting mascara on your top lashes only?
Re: rat’s nest hair: I don’t know if you’ve discussed your tangle problem with a hairdresser or not, but it seems like something they could troubleshoot, either by changing the alignment of your hair, or with a different conditioning routine or a leave-in or something.
Someone else mentioned No More Tangles. I’ve found Mane and Tail detangler to be even better http://is.gd/bE6WJ Apparently it was originally designed for horses (who are rather large and strong and don’t understand the concept of suffering for beauty), so it makes the tangles come out super easily with no pulling at all.
No advice for anyone, but a thank-you to Snarkmeister. I was baffled wondering what kind of mascara some of the commentors were referring to – sitting here thinking, “Wait, ALL the mascara I’ve ever seen comes in a tube. What other kind of mascara is there?” Thanks for clearing that up!
Dear Absent,
I don’t know your life, and maybe your eyes water like a fountain, but based on your letter I suspect that you have the same problem with waterproof mascaras that I do: namely, that your skin is oily, and the oil acts as a remover on the mascara, causing it to smudge like crazy. I found mascara virtually impossible to wear until I quit wearing the waterproof ones. I really like Neutrogena Healthy Volume Mascara, and it comes off easily with whatever you normally wash your face with. It doesn’t make your lashes get all gross and clumpy, and it never seems to dissolve in your skin oils and smear all over your face. My eyes also water some due to allergies, and I’ve never had any problems with it running – if you blot water away lightly with a tissue, smudging is very minimal. It’s cheap, and like magic.
Wait, wait, I totally put the wrong name for the mascara. The one I use is Neutrogena’s Weightless Volume Mascara. Honestly, I couldn’t tell you the difference between that and Healthy Volume Mascara if you put a gun to my head, but I wanted to set the record straight.
My favorite no-tangly hair product EVER is John Frieda Spotlight.
Not Frizz Ease… Spotlight. It’s hard to find, but works like nobody’s business for stopping snarls before they start, and calming that haze of fluffy flyaways that make me look like a fourth grader just after recess. Follow the directions for applying to wet hair and your problems might be over. (You can use it on dry hair too, but the real magic happens when you put it on wet hair.) The small tubes do go a long way, and I’ve never found other glosser/serum/smoother that works as well.
You *might* get lucky and find it in a local drugstore, but Amazon does have it. Occasionally it comes bundled as a free sample with Sheer Blonde shampoo, so you might score some that way also.
@Absent
I understand completely about the continually watering eyes. And my suggestion is not so much for mascara but for your eyes themselves. My optometrist tells me that my eyes water so much because they don’t produce enough of or the right sort of eye-protecting mucus. So they water all the time in order to clear out impurities. I recommend buying some individual-pack eye drops like BionTears. They are essentially eye lube (heh heh). They will stop the watering dramatically if you put them in every morning.
I am 47 years old, and have had the same problem with mascara my whole life. I have fine eyelashes, and have always envied people who could wear mascara and maket their lashes look so nice. I went without, or looked like a raccoon after a few hours.
I even had them dyed once.
Then……someone with the same problem recommended Cover Girl Exact eyelights. And she was right! I wear mascara almost every day now, and never have a problem.
I have both the waterproof and regular, both work fine, but I think I would get the waterproof, just to be on the safe side.
@NE Winter – You should maybe check out a military surplus store, if you have one nearby. They have, what I like to call, “waffle pants.” I use them snowboarding and they’re so comfortable and warm. If you find one and tell them waffle ants, they’ll probably know what you’re talking about. That’s what my military friend called them when he ave them to me. They fit a bit big int he crotch but I think they have some shaped for women too.
Hi all,
Thanks for all the suggestions! The REI ones look the best so far, and I’ll check them out for next winter, since there are a couple within an hour of me. Much appreciated!
:) LynzM
Congested: I had the deviated everything inside my head and the surgery saved me. Unfortunately, my surgeon had to have quintuple bypass surgery right before I was originally scheduled, so I had to wait an extra 7 months. Extra pillows to elevate my head, saline spray, antihistamines before bed, and either an Alba’s or Vicks inhaler on the bedside kept me alive in the interim. A little Vicks under the nose on bad nights also worked. Good luck.
And by “Alba’s” I mean Olba’s.
Abscent: when my hair was down to my butt I would just work it up in a pony tail, then tie it in a knot without the rubber band, then wrap the extra around until I could tuck the ends under into the middle. It would stay for hours.
Absent – I have the same problem, caused by greasy eyelids (lovely!) and very runny eyes. After lots of experimentation, I’ve started using Mascara Fix by Clarins. It’s clear waxy stuff that you put on like mascara over your mascara – no mascara is going anywhere once you’ve got that stuff on. Also, for general eye makeup Benefit’s She-lac might work. I don’t use it myself and have heard mixed reports but it’s worth a go.
@Absent – I have the same tangle problem but can’t use oils or thick conditioners bc i have oily hair. So I use a a thick conditioner ONLY on that little spot at the nape of my neck. The tangles still start, but the are super easy to comb out, even with my fingers.
@NE Winters: If you’re willing to go mail-order, check out WinterSilks:
http://tinyurl.com/yef3wd6
The waist isn’t elastic at all, just extra-stretchy silk and super comfy. Bonus: the legs are cut slim enough that I frequently wear longjohns under the skirt/boots combo instead of tights. Toasty warm.
Well, crap, @sherrylynn, that’s unfortunate news. I’ll have to stock up on Breathe-Right strips and 8-hour adhesive heating pads before the end of the year. Oh, and sunscreen! They’ve even been reimbursing sunscreen up till now! Stupid laws, with their complicatedness and their not calling me up to check that that was okay before signing.
@NEwinters: depending on how you’re layering the long johns, this could be an option – knit dance tights. I wore them snowboarding after I stopped dancing and they’re very warm, soft and don’t have a traditional waist. This is one style: http://tinyurl.com/yhsb5pl
Absent,
Other than all the excellent ideas from the others, I also have this same problem (once I actually had to cut out a chunk of hair) and the two solutions I haven’t seen yet are these:
1. if you don’t like ponytails, you could try braiding your hair. It’s confined and much less likely to form the rat’s nest.
2. if possible, avoid wearing wool. At least for me, when I wear fleece or heavy cotton sweaters, the knots don’t happen or are much much less severe.
Congested, I work for an ENT who does exactly this type of surgery. I would guess you have turbinate hypertrophy, possibly exacerbated by other problems. The fact that Afrin works for you means that the decongestant is shrinking the turbinates. Breathe Right strips are used to compensate for internal nasal valve collapse. Often, patients have both problems along with a deviated septum but if you can breathe just fine through one side or the other but not both at any one time, then it sounds more like your turbinates. Try to find either a facial plastic and reconstructive surgeon (go to AAFPRS.org) or a sinus and rhinology surgeon (this doesn’t have its own board like FPRS so make sure you go to someone who is fellowship-trained in rhinology). Both are sub-specialties of ENT, and I have seen my doctor (an FPRS) do lots and lots of revision functional nasal surgeries–even of those performed by general ENTs, so I really recommend a specialist. Good luck!
Cheap and non-invasive things for congestion:
I find that running a warm-steam vaporizer or a cool-mist humidifier (warm in winter, cool in summer, both of them found very cheap at Target) and remaining well-hydrated helps keep the gunk in my nasal passages loose and draining – and good hydration is great for your general health and singing voice, too, if that’s relevant.
When there’s so much gunk, due to colds, etc., that the drainage itself is the problem (woo, choking on phlegm! Or should I say, wooglllrg-snork, choking on phlegm!), then I have to sleep on my back, and out come the extra pillows. I need to make a ramp with them, starting under my shoulders, to keep my neck and spine from complaining.
…and because sleeping on my back on my brokedown ancient mattress hurts my lower back, I’ve been bed-shopping, and found that IKEA makes “bed bases” with raisable heads and knees and such. Not so cheap compared to drinking a lot of water, but I’m guessing they’re the cheapest commercial option for that kind of thing.
For Absent-minded professor – if you can’t find a mascara that works (I don’t have that problem so have no guidance that way – sorry!), you might consider getting your eyelashes dyed. I used to do that when I lived in a really hot & humid place & it’s great – and it lasts for a few weeks!
@NE winters – have you tried any by Smartwool? I love them, and the waistband is nice and comfy. They’re pricey, but the quality is excellent and they’re SO warm! Definitely worth it!
Emily: I don’t have any suggestions, other than that it might be worth writing to Dan Savage. I’m a copy editor at a regular daily, and because my editor once got mad at us for using the word “ballsy,” I’m sort of jealous of your problem.
I hate. hate. HATE when people use “cum” instead of “come.” It’s a metaphor, not an unrelated word.