I read the Vine every day, and you seem to dispense much of the same advice I would. You and I think along the same lines. (I tend to believe that is a good thing.) Here is where the problem lies. I have a situation, and am stumped as to how to handle it. Here goes:

My best friend is a beautiful, thin, smart woman. She has a wonderful child, a close (yet petty) family, a good job, a car, a half-decent apartment, lots of friends, yadda yadda yadda. She gets lots of attention, and she really does have a lot to be thankful for. But, for as long as I’ve known her, if you ask her how she is, or how her day was, you ALWAYS get a negative response. I’ve actually kept track, and she has been unfailing in this ritual since a few months ago; I could get depressed just listening to her lament about how terrible life is. (But I don’t, I just nod and say “yep” at all the right spots.) She makes mountains out of molehills, and if someone else had a bad day, you know her next words will be “oh, that’s NOTHING…here’s what happened to me…” She exaggerates to no end, constantly. In short, she has got a full-blown case of Cry Wolfia. I’ve watched TV shows with her, documentaries and things, and said, “Gee, it’s a good thing we never had to go through that/live like that/get raped, beaten ,mutilated, insert crime of choice like that, huh?” time and time again, and she still won’t take a hint.

Oh, and just so you know, being direct with her would earn me walking papers. She is volatile if she thinks she is being criticized. She would banish me, and I would cease to exist in her world, and as much as this habit annoys the bejesus out of me, I wouldn’t want to lose her (or, more importantly, her kid).

I’m fully aware that people need to vent, to bitch, to let out steam, et cetera, but this is just getting tiring. Is there some subtle way, (a book, perhaps) that I can pass along to her to make her realize she needs to lighten up? Any ideas?

Thanks for giving me grins and giggles so often.

Jeanne

My boyfriend (of two years) and I just broke up two days ago. We had been friends for six years prior to the relationship, and no matter how the relationship panned out, I believe it served to strengthen our friendship.

There were a lot of aspects of the relationship that I was not a big fan of. He could sometimes be overly critical of parts of my character that he already knew about before we coupled — I am cynical, I smoke, I like to eat and not obsess over it. I am rarely a big fan of group activities, and I have a very small circle of close friends that I love dearly, and don’t feel that I need to be a friend-to-the-world, and play nice with people that bore or irritate me.

However. We have so much in common in so many ways, which is why we were such close friends in the first place. He made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe, we enjoy a lot of the same stuff, we have a similar perspective on what we want out of life, et cetera.

Anyway. For a while, I had felt that due to our fundamental differences, we were probably destined to eventually go our separate ways, because the only other option was marriage, which we talked about all the time. I think he started to feel the same way too (I can be kinda difficult to get along with sometimes, and I can really be a bitch without even meaning to), so now we’re broken up and miserable.

I guess my question is, are my feelings of wanting to run to his house and breathlessly weep, “It was all a mistake, we can make it work!” normal? Should they be kept totally under wraps and sublimated with cigarettes, or do they speak to the fact that this break-up really was a mistake, and we should perhaps try counseling to see if there is another chance for us?

I apologize for the length…I’m at work, and my choices were either spill my guts to you in email, or weep in the bathroom like the persecuted seventh-grader I continue to be.

Thanks so much,
confused and lonely