I like your opinions. They’re often really funny. Just thought I should say that. And I’ve read some of your Vine advice, and you may not be degree’d, but you make sense. So I thought I’d ask away. (That is, if you don’t mind…)

Anyways…I have a slight problem with one of my (thought he was my best) friends. You see, he really liked this girl and she really liked him. I was friends with both of them. After the semester came to a close, she came up to me crying, saying that she was so heartbroken because he didn’t seem to return her affection. Although I had to break his confidence in order to do so, I assured her that she shouldn’t just give up, because I KNEW that he felt something for her, too. She cried a bit more, and I tried cracking a few jokes and stuff, trying to make her smile. She finally agreed that maybe she was just overreacting and could at least do friends, until he figured out what kind of relationship he wanted.

I went home that day, and saw him online the next. He sent me a (to me) completely out-of-nowhere “F**K YOU” and then blocked me. Wouldn’t answer the phone, wouldn’t talk to me at all. When I finally WAS able to get a hold of him, he said that she had told him that I had said he was gay and that’s why he didn’t like her. Then he said that she told him that she didn’t even want friends if she couldn’t have a bf/gf relationship with him. Well, he turned and blamed it all on me, and proceeded to cut all ties to the friendship.

I’m kind of at a loss right now. He was one of my very best friends; we hung out all the time. The hard part for me is that I’m in the Caribbean on an exchange, and he’s back at school. He’s been trashing all my emails and avoiding all my calls.

Is there any way that I can get him to understand that I was working in his interests, too, because I would never try to come between someone and their friends? How can I get his friendship back? I’ve tried to say I’m sorry, but that doesn’t seem to be working. What is there that I can do to solve this problem? Am I doomed to live without him as a friend now, since I apparently screwed everything up by trying to help him out?

Pretty please help me!

Lost A Best Friend

My girlfriend of one year broke up with me this December. We had been best friends for two years before we started dating, and at least good friends for over three years before that, so she threw out a six-year relationship over the fact that I was more thoughtful to her and treated her better than she treated me, that she was too young to have such a serious relationship (though she had had one all through high school before we were together), that she wanted to go out and do whatever she wanted whenever and not answer to anyone (after all, that’s why she moved out of her parents’ house, but me acting like a third parent had ruined that), and other selfish reasons. Most everyone thought it was just some weird case of cold feet, because we had always been planning on getting married (had the kids’ names picked out and everything), and that she was just getting freaked out because we are both nearing graduation from college when we were planning on getting formally engaged. There was never any “I don’t love you anymore” mentioned, just a pathetic “I don’t feel the right way about you because you make me feel so guilty for not being as good to you as you are to me.”

We stayed together through Christmas and New Year’s and tried to remain friends even though we both knew it wouldn’t work. After New Year’s, we agreed that we wouldn’t see each other as much, but that we would still talk and we did have one class together. Long story short, I had to drop the class because I could no longer be in the same room with her, because she turned into a selfish and spoiled little brat in her quest for doing whatever she pleases and told me that if I couldn’t get over it then tough luck, hit the road, because she didn’t need me hanging around to bring her down while she was having fun.

So we quit speaking entirely from January until this week, when I discover we have a class together this quarter. On the first night, she came in and sat with me, asking if she was allowed to speak to me first. I am still very much in love with her, and no one has been able to get her to say that she isn’t in love with me anymore and that’s why we aren’t together. So we made polite chit-chat until class started. Leaving, she asked if I wanted a ride to my car (I had parked kind of far from the building our class was in), and I told her maybe that wasn’t a good idea and that maybe I should drop this class too. She wanted to know why, so I told her that it was because I was still in love with her, and she slipped into her old predictable mode of looking at the ground and not making eye contact and saying things like “well, stop saying things like that, I don’t want to hear it, just be my friend.” I informed her that my feelings for her haven’t changed, and will not either, and that she knew just as well as I did that we were meant to be together, but she couldn’t say anything other than “I don’t want to hear it right now.” Still no “I don’t love you anymore” or anything like that. The last thing she had to say on the subject was, “I know you are blaming this on a lot of things, but I really just don’t want someone around me all the time right now.”

We made some more polite chit-chat on the way to my car, just catching up and stuff, and she asked me to please stay in the class so that we could at least see each other some. I am going to keep the class, because even though I am still angry, seeing her has made me happier than anything else these past few months, and also because I really can’t afford to drop another class this close to graduation.

Now, after all of that, the advice I am asking for is: how should I handle this situation? I really want to break out and scream at her all the things I’ve wanted to tell her over the past three months, but I know that wouldn’t accomplish anything other than driving her away, but I also don’t want to sit passively by her and pretend everything is okay. I still believe in my heart that we are definitely meant to be together, and I know for a fact that I am in love with her just as much now as I have ever been. I am also 99.9 percent sure that her behavior is really just out of straight immaturity and selfishness (which also seems to be the consensus of everyone who knows her). So, put in that situation, what would you do? Let her have it, or be thankful that you have that time with her and try your best to not let it get to you?

Thank you,
Silently Fuming