I hooked up with this guy last week. He’s a good friend, and let’s say for the sake of this letter, there’s a very good chance said hooking up will occur again.

The problem was…he was kind of bad. Not Worst I’ve Ever Had Ever bad. But, like, one notch above that. Barely. And, yes, he was drunk (so was I) and yes, he’s young (we’re both in our early twenties) but that kind of seems like no excuse for the badness. I tried correcting him mid-hookup on certain things, which he was pretty receptive about, until five minutes later when he would forget and revert to the bad. And I know everyone likes something a little different, but this wasn’t different. Just…bad.

I know, I keep saying that. And why would I ever want to go back? Well, I don’t know. It seems like perhaps there’s potential. And we have good chemistry and blah blah blah “I might even like him, but I’m not sure”-cakes. And maybe no one has corrected the badness before. But, my question is, how do I correct the bad behavior without hurting him and damaging his ego? ‘Cause there’s a difference between showing him what I like and starting over from scratch, which is something he might need.

Help?

Not Like That, Like This

I’m a 20-something-year-old woman who has only ever dated men in the past. I’ve realized in the last year or so that I would like to start dating women as well. I have just started divulging this to various people, so it’s still sort of new for me. So far, I haven’t met any women who I’m interested in dating. But I do feel strongly for a female friend of mine who I’ve been friends with for years now.

In the earlier years of our friendship, of course, I never thought of her as anything but a friend, but, since I’ve finally understood and accepted that I’m sexually attracted to women, I’ve realized that I’m quite attracted to her and would love to date her. And, as it would happen, she’s bisexual as well. So, so far, no problem. But right now she’s in a long-term, long-distance relationship (with a guy), and it seems like, despite certain problems with being long-distance right now (which are probably inevitable in any long-distance relationship), the two of them are probably going to end up together for the long haul — at least that seems to be the way she’s thinking about it. And of course, that’s good for them, and I’m happy for her, and so forth.

But what I’m wondering is, is there any point whatsoever in telling my friend about my feelings for her? I have told her I’m interested in dating women, and we’ve talked about that a bit. And I feel like there’s this sort of sexual tension between us that we’re perhaps not acknowledging (but, on the other hand, that may all be in my head, I don’t know how she feels about me beyond friendship). I sometimes feel like it would be more honest to tell her what’s really going through my head when I see her — and what is friendship if not about honesty. Also, sometimes I wonder if I will look back later and wish I had said something, because, just suppose she might be interested enough in me, maybe she would consider a “seeing other people” type of arrangement with the current long-distance boyfriend to try it out — although I must say I think this would be highly unlikely because I do think they are quite committed to each other at this point, or are trying to be, and I admit it’s certainly a selfish thought in the first place. But it preys on my mind sometimes, that if she knew how I felt, would it make a difference to her current relationship? And all that.

More to the point, though, what possible good would it do to be honest with her — I mean, it seems like a situation where honesty would not be the most productive strategy, don’t you think? I think there’s a decent chance we could muddle through it semi-gracefully. But it would certainly be awkward, and more importantly, I feel it would be an imposition on her, put her in an awkward situation I don’t want to put her in at all, might make her angry, and could very likely make things strange and uncomfortable between us indefinitely, could possibly ruin our friendship, and that would be terrible.

So, my conclusion is to take the safest route: not to say anything, and just be the friend I’ve always been, and be supportive of her in her current relationship even at the same time that I’m kind of wincing inside each time I hear her talk about it. In the end, I should want what’s best for her, I know, and this relationship she’s in seems good for her in a lot of ways. I guess there’s always the chance it won’t work out with them and then maybe I’ll have a chance to confess to her, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s just life…and that’s okay, too.

Let me know if you think my thinking is okay on this…and thanks!

Perpetually in love with the wrong person

I am a third-year student at a small religiously-affiliated college located in a notoriously religious area. As a mass communications major, I am required to spend a semester working for the college TV station. One of my duties is to work as a crew member on one of the original programs. We were given a list of the six programs and asked to rank our preferences; even so, I was assigned to the program I ranked last.

I had a very good reason to rank that particular show last. The Host is the campus’s most notorious homophobe, and I am a lesbian who serves as the secretary for the college’s gay-straight alliance. A friend of mine who worked with The Host told me that he said, “Homosexuals should be rounded up and burned.” I did not want to be in a situation that would require cooperating with someone who advocates mass genocide against myself and my friends. Also, last semester The Host was involved an a campaign of harassment designed to drive a bisexual friend of mine out of his dorm room. Not only was I assigned to this show, but a rather flamboyantly gay friend of mine (who is the GSA’s vice president) works on the show as well.

The nature of TV production demands that all crew members watch and listen to every word that is said on the show. The show itself is a Crossfire-inspired political debate forum that leads off with an eight-minute “rant” by The Host. Past rants have included slams against Democrats, the federal government, and followers of all non-Christian religions. The Host allows little to no opposition to be expressed on air. Because The Director is heinously incompetent, most show segments have to be retaped four or five times, and my job also requires me to read and follow along with the show’s script. In other words, I am forced to listen to patently offensive diatribes against my religion and my sexual orientation in order to receive credit for the assignment.

I originally tried to get out of working on this particular show, but my gay friend implored me to stay and support him. I don’t want to leave the show because I want to demonstrate my own commmitment to tolerance and also because I don’t want The Host to have the satisfaction of driving me out. I’ve asked The Host to tackle homosexual issues on the show and he refused for personal reasons, namely that he feels that professors (especially the openly gay one for whom he works as a TA) would grade him down if he offended them. I explained the whole situation to the professor in charge of the TV station, and he agreed to talk to The Producers and also told me not to give up until I get what I want. I emailed The Host today and politely asked again for him to consider doing a show on Marriage Protection Week, and I informed him that not only I would keep making these requests until they are met, but I have the full support of the department in doing so. He turned me down once again and said that the discussion is closed.

I know The Host is entitled to freedom of speech, belief, and expression. However, I feel that if he was making overtly racist or anti-Semitic remarks, he would have been off the air in a heartbeat. Should I just quiet down and accept the fact that, in order to gain credit for TV production, I have to sit and listen to offensive and insulting remarks about my beliefs and lifestyle? Or should I keep fighting with The Host and The Director until I get the chance to express my opposing views?

Sign me,
Unhappy Homo from the Heartland

P.S. I should mention that I attend a school of less than 1800 and I sit behind The Host in one of my classes. I also work at the same establishment he does, but in a different department. The Host is quite popular and is a member of a number of campus organizations that the GSA has to work with. I don’t want him to be so angry with me after this that it affects the rest of the GSA.

Now, I know you’re a cat person, but I was wondering if you’d be able to help me out with a dog question. My dog (Buddy) was always my puppy -– I spoil him rotten, and am always the one to give him all the attention he wants. After I left for basic training, the first time I was able to get home was two months later. Since then I’ve been home sporadically at best. Well, actually it’s been twice, both this weekend and last.

Whenever I arrive at home, Buddy goes absolutely wild, running all over the place and jumping up on me and “talking,” all the things that excited dogs do. When I leave, however, it’s a different story. It’s almost as if he knows that I’m not going to be home for a while. As I walk out my door he will just sit on the stairs, watching me leave with this forlorn expression on his face, almost as if he’s thinking, “When is she going to come home again?” My mom says that he’s fairly mopey when I’m not there, and he spends a lot of time in my room. When I left this afternoon, Mom told me that when she walked into the house, he was in there just lying on my floor.

Now, my question is, is this normal? Is my puppy being a normal dog? I suppose I should mention here that he is five, and we’ve had him since he was eight weeks old. Should I be concerned about Buddy’s behavior when I’m not around, and if so, is there anything I can do so that he doesn’t miss me as much when I’m gone? Thank you so much!

Too Far and Away?

My twin and I are having a quick discussion about a cover letter she’s sending out, and she asked me if she should put “I will look forward to hearing from you” at the end of her letter, and I said she should just put “I look forward to hearing from you.”

Which is the correct form?

Doesn’t want to look like a schmuck…