So I’m involved in a situation that confuses the heck out of me and I thought it’d be infinitely helpful to get the insight of someone not currently experiencing the throes of adolescence. I’m female and cannot for the life of me figure out the relationship I have with one of my guy friends. I suppose some background would be helpful. We’ve known each other for a few years, and while we’ve admitted to having crushes on each other when we first met and we made out once at a party a year ago, there never has been any talk of “going out” or anything like that. In general he’s a very affectionate guy, giving out the hug-and-kiss-on-forehead combo like candy to all the girls he’s friends with (although I would swear that sometimes the hugs I get last longer than anyone else’s). He claims he’s dating someone who goes to a different school, but I’ve never seen her and he won’t tell me what school she attends.

The bulk of our interaction occurs in his car when he gives rides home several times a week — sometimes with other people, but he usually drops me off last so we usually are alone for at least a few minutes. In general I hate typical teenage melodrama, but these car rides are hectic. Sometimes we joke around and act normal, sometimes we scream at each other the whole way (I’ve even dumped a water bottle on him in anger), sometimes we don’t say anything, sometimes we hold hands, sometimes he doesn’t look at me the entire way. The last two times I’ve ridden with him, he’s grabbed my breasts. The first time I protested, albeit not very convincingly because I was laughing, and he didn’t stop, and the second time he did it right before I got out of the car and I just rolled my eyes.

None of my friends understand why I still ride with him after that, and frankly I don’t either. Every day I get out of the car going, “The hell is wrong with me?” I feel like I should be outraged, but I really don’t mind the groping. I feel like I should avoid him at all costs, but when I try to, I really miss him. Every time he does something idiotic and I write him off as a bad person, he suprises me by saying something sensitive and nice, and then lets me down again the next day. I don’t know if I hate him or love him or both. So, basically, what the hell IS wrong with me? What’s wrong with him? Should I really quit hanging around him because I think what he does is wrong, or just go with my gut because it doesn’t feel wrong? Any help at all would be very much appreciated.

Thanks,
Typical Troubled Teen

I just stumbled onto Tomato Nation a few weeks ago. Where have you been all my life? If I’m not chuckling along with your exploits (a la “Road Trip”), I’m pumping a fist in the air in agreement while shouting “hell yeah!” (a la “Kulturreich”).

Okay, this involves my future career. Maybe you can help. I’m a student at a state university, I graduate in a year, and I still have no idea what to do once that happens. I have no desire to enter the real world, so graduate school is being seriously considered. However, I’m also considering law school (don’t shudder like that). The problem is that I fear that if accepted into law school, once I leave I will succumb to the temptation to practice some type of truly evil law, such as wrongful death or divorce law. I don’t want to become an ambulance chaser, but I’m well aware that the types of law I want to practice (civil liberties, child protection, gay rights) don’t exactly bring in the big bucks. Thus, I worry that after completing law school I’ll be swayed by the big money that gets waved in law graduates’ faces, and sell myself out.

Which brings us to graduate school. Do I really want to spend another couple of years earning a master’s degree in French, just to be making roughly the same amount as a McDonald’s crew chief, all the while having to kiss copious amounts of professorial ass so that I can get into a good Ph.D program?

I know that it seems that money is playing too large a role in this decision, but I have financed my own education from the start with hefty Stafford loans each year. I whimper when I think of the monthly payment that will be due in a few years.

Have you had friends who have wrestled with this dilemma? Any advice, smarmy or not, is much appreciated. The clock is ticking, and I have to make a decision soon. I’ve never been this confused in my life.

Sincerely,
D.J.