Sars, you are one of the funniest people I know and you give really awesome advice but I gotta say something about that whole “talking at the baseball game” thing. I totally agree that games are noisy, the crowds are noisy, et friggin’ cetera but there ARE limits. Last month I was at a hockey game with my fiancé. I knew it would be loud and it was. No biggie. Except for the couple right behind us, who chattered through the whole game about the most inconsequential stuff imaginable, in the most piercing tones imaginable. And instead of sitting back in their seats, they had to lean forward, meaning their mouths were, oh, six inches from our ears. We could barely hear the announcer over them! Unfortunately, if I’d spoken up, their reaction would most likely have been along the same lines as Scrub’s. Some people simply have no idea how loudly they’re talking. Oy!

Dear Lisa,

Well, you could have asked them, very politely and self-deprecatingly, to sit back a bit because you felt crowded.

The issue here is what a lawyer would call “reasonable expectation.” When I attend sporting events, I have a reasonable expectation of what I will encounter there: a professional team engaged in their sport; large numbers of people from all walks of life; scuzzy bathrooms; long waits to get out of the parking lot; et cetera et cetera. When I venture into a venue containing tens of thousands of other people, it is not reasonable for me to expect that they will all respect my personal space, or that they will all agree with me on what comprises “good manners,” or that they will all wipe off the seat in the ladies’. Yes, it annoys me when people step on my heels in the concession line or flagrantly haven’t worn deodorant, but it’s reasonable for me to expect these things to happen at Yankee Stadium, because fifty thousand other people showed up. The odds dictate that at least a few of those people will get on my nerves.

I went to a game on Friday night too, and behind us we had a murderer’s row of jokers who kept calling everyone who walked by wearing a Mets hat a “fag.” Did it make me cringe? Sure. Did I turn around and ask them to tone it down with the homophobic language? No. Why? Because it’s within the boundaries of reasonable expectation that guys at Yankee Stadium will say shit like that…just as it’s within the boundaries of reasonable expectation that friends who go to a game together will chat during the game. In Manny/Scrub’s case, the guy didn’t want Manny to stop using bad language; he wanted Manny to stop talking entirely. Did Manny annoy him? Probably. Does that mean that Manny has to stop talking? No. Why? Because listening to a conversation that you have nothing to do with is not outside the bounds of reasonable expectation AT YANKEE FUCKING STADIUM.

Sometimes, you just have to suck it up.

Sarah,

Dear Amanda,

Tell your mother that, while you value her opinion, you’ve decided to postpone a decision about raising your son in any one faith until he gets a bit older. If she argues, tell her what you just told me — you don’t have any love lost for organized religion, you don’t know that it’s the right choice for your child, and while you wouldn’t prevent him from seeking out a spiritual “thing” on his own, you don’t want to pigeonhole him yet.

My parents didn’t go to church from when they got married until my mother got pregnant with my brother, at which point she thought that perhaps it couldn’t hurt to browse around the local churches and find one that might suit our family. She figured that we’d benefit from “religious instruction,” and if we didn’t care for it when we’d gotten older, we could stop going.

I’m not trying to sell you on going to church, mind you. He’s your child, and you should do what you think is best. But if you don’t want to bring him to church, don’t, and if you change your mind later, that’s fine too. Bottom line: just tell your mother you haven’t come to a decision about it yet.

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