The Vine: April 26, 2001
Hi Sars,
I have some advice for Amanda S. — try checking out a Unitarian church (Unitarian Universalist in the USA). Okay, this sounds like I’m an evangelical asshole, but bear with me a moment. Unitarianism is a kind of choose-your-own-adventure religion — and one popular service that most of their churches offer is a really broad religious education for children. Kids in UU churches learn about all different world religions, and about respecting nature and each other. No religious dogma, no pressure. It’s about the only church I’ve ever seen where kids really enjoy coming to church without having been brainwashed since birth. Bottom line — you can tell your mom the kids are in Sunday school, and your kids get a look at spirituality with the attitude that they are free to choose or not choose how they express themselves. Yeehaw.
Brooke
Dear Brooke,
Excellent suggestion. And if there’s not a Unitarian church near Amanda, she might also look for an interdenominational church; the church I grew up in had a Baptist charter, but also a UCC charter, and the congregation featured lapsed Catholics, bored Presbyterians, lazy Episcopalians, former Jews, you name it. It’s a bit more relaxed, in other words, and very accepting of different traditions.
Not that this has anything to do with the issue, but I’ve found that the Unitarians also have the best rummage sales. So, there’s that.
Hey Sarah,
Okay, here’s my deal. I’ve been hanging out with this guy all week. We’ve been doing a carnival event at my school. We partied together all week and had a really great time together. I was getting definite vibes from him, and I’m sure I was giving back the same thing. The problem is that we left off with the whole situation up in the air. I haven’t seen him since Thursday and I’m wondering if I should call him.
I know, I know, I’m supposed to subscribe to that whole independent and confident school of thought, but I’m in agony about this. All of my friends think I should call him, and I really want to, but I’m really nervous about it, even though I shouldn’t be because he’s a really nice guy. Help me out here. Do guys still get really freaked out when girls call them, or should I just wait for the bump-into?
Agonizing In Montreal
Dear Agonizing,
I don’t think there are too many guys left that freak simply because it’s a girl that’s doing the calling. Go ahead and pick up the phone.
Believe me when I tell you that I feel your pain intimately. You walk past the phone a few times. You sit down next to it. You go, “No no no, I’M A TOOL,” and stomp away from it. You go do some dishes or something and then you call your best friend and go, “Help, I’m completely dorking out, what do I do, eeeeeeeeee” and s/he calms your shit down and reassures you that it’s his problem if he freaks because you called, it’s your thing, do what you want to do, he can’t tell you who to sock it to, and you feel better and filled with the power of your own ability to call and not care, and you’re like, “I’m gonna call him, I’m gonna do it right now, YEAH I AM,” and your best friend’s like, “YEAH you are, call me back when you called,” and you hang up, and then you sit in front of the phone again for about twenty minutes, hyperventilating and rehearsing your line, and then you shoot a prayer up through the ceiling that he won’t be home because you don’t have anything past “hi, can I speak to [boy] please?” and then you grab your stones and dial while making faces at yourself and smoking seven cigarettes at once.
Everyone does it — boys too. Everyone wigs and doesn’t know what to do — boys too. But if he’s psyched about you, he’ll be psyched that you called. If he’s not psyched about you, well, you’ll shake it off, but there’s no harm in finding out. And take it from a girl who nearly lost a foot in a bump-into — they blow up on you every time.
Tags: boys (and girls) kids
