I don’t wish to offend him by offering to show him the proper way to do laundry or offer helpful hints on letting one’s bedroom air out occasionally. His group of friends have had discussions as to how to properly broach this with him, even consulting the last woman he lived with who kept him at a tolerable stench level, as to how to bring this up on a tactful level. Any input you or your readership may have on this situation would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise we may pull a ring and run, leaving a basket of toiletries and instructions.

He’s part of the reason Jersey smells

I am 21 years old and I’ve never kissed anyone. Now, I’ve been propositioned by
a few acquaintances and approached by strangers at parties, so I guess I’m not
hideous, but I’m just not into that sort of thing…I’d like a little
affection, please, not just “play.” Is that too much to ask?

Nearly all my friends are sexually active, and those few that aren’t at least
have or have had boyfriends/girlfriends. It makes me extremely uncomfortable
to be around them when they talk about their experiences and give each other
advice. I feel left out, embarrassed, maybe even like people look down on me.
Do people look down on others with no experience? My friends say they don’t
but, well. They’re my friends, of course they’re going to say that.

I guess my question is — is this normal? Do I just have bad luck? Are there
other people out there like me? Or is there something wrong with me — not,
like, seriously wrong with me, but maybe I give out the wrong vibe or maybe my
standards are too high? I have kind of a reputation as unemotional and
independent, and I know I have difficulty being vulnerable around people,
especially the opposite sex. But I feel like everybody has some sort of
emotional issue and really, statistically, by now it should’ve clicked with
someone.

So, what do you think? Should I just have more patience? Should I change the
way I interact with guys? The next time a stranger hits on me at a party,
should I just go with it? Should I seek professional help?

Thanks,
Still Dreaming Of That First Kiss

I apologize in advance that this is yet another variation on “the end of the
friendship” letters. “Rebecca” and I have been working for the same company
for nearly three years now and were close friends for the first two years,
spending a lot of social time out of work together. It’s a pretty social
firm and I’ve met a lot good friends while working here. During the fall
last year, Rebecca and I started to see each other outside work less
frequently. Rebecca was often busy when I suggested getting together, and I
knew she had a big deadline coming up and understood that this would be
cutting into her spare time. After that project was over, however, my social
emails and invitations to get together outside work went unanswered. At
work, everything was superficially fine and all work-related emails were
answered immediately — just no response to gossipy emails or social
invitations.

At the time, I was quite hurt but recognized that sometimes people just move
on. I tried once more before Christmas, yet again with no response, and
figured it was up to Rebecca now and that I’d maintain a normal working
relationship but would let her initiate any social contact. Other mutual
friends had also noticed that Rebecca wasn’t as social as she had been in
the past, and we put it down to work pressure and the understandable desire
to spend non-work time hanging out with non-work friends.

Sars, I had thought this was a pretty straightforward case of the waxing and
waning of a friendship. Recently, though, Rebecca complained to a mutual
friend that she had been feeling left out of our social events. Personally,
after no response to social invitations for months I’d stopped inviting her
to things. I felt guilty, so got in touch with a “hey how’s it going, hope
to see you at mutual friend’s party” email — no response, no Rebecca at the
party. We were close friends once upon a time, so I feel sad to hear that
she’s feeling left out. But surely she realizes that when you don’t reply or
don’t turn up and don’t initiate social contact, people will take that as a
message that you don’t want to hang out with them anymore?

A complicating factor is that another friend with whom Rebecca and I both
worked at the firm, and who had moved to another city a couple of years ago,
will be moving back soon and moving in with me. She and Rebecca have
maintained long-distance contact and are still friends. I have become used
to just being polite and cheerful with Rebecca at work, even though it fellt
awkward and superficial at first, given that this woman and I had once been
so close. I’m not sure what to do when she comes over to hang out with my
new roommate, pretend we’re still friends or just make sure I’m out of the
house? It all feels so awkward because she’s never explained to me why she
just stopped returning my calls, although to be fair, I never asked, I just
took the hint.

I felt rejected every time I tried to initiate contact with no response, so
I figure I should just continue to accept that my friendship with Rebecca is
over and resolve to just see what happens when our mutual friend moves in
with me. Is this what you’d do, or would you try to get in touch with
Rebecca one more time to ask her straight out what’s wrong and see if it’s
possible to sort things out? Or is there some other obvious solution here
that I’m missing?

Thanks so much, Sars!

Taking the hint