Sarah;

Months ago I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend. Since then, we have spent many an evening (as part of a group) at our favorite pub, talking or singing drunken Irish folk songs with the band. He is engaging, adorable, intelligent and funny. I really had no idea just how much of an impression he made on me until two weeks ago.

My partner in crime was totally twisted by closing, and after I poured her into a cab, I saved “Conor” some cab fare by dropping him off at home. He asked me in for some tea, and I begged off, since it was late and we both had work in a matter of hours. He wouldn’t hear of it, so in I went. Things progressed, and he schmoozed me right upstairs. All the while, he talked about how wonderful I was, how he wanted us to get away for the weekend (this was Friday morning), and insisted we exchange numbers and email addresses.

The thing is, when I said I couldn’t go away with him on the spur of the moment and probably couldn’t see him until Sunday night back at the pub, he seemed let down. I was too, but I had previous engagements. A few hours later, I called his work from mine and we chatted about how tired we were…blah, blah, blah. Nothing serious. He didn’t come to the pub Sunday, and hasn’t called since, even when I popped my head into his office the next Tuesday to propose getting together after work that night. Last Thursday he was also a no-show. Last Sunday I had this molehill built into a mountain, and couldn’t bring myself to enter the pub and possibly have to face him.

Is anything jumping out at you here? I have to say, much like Plain Jane, I’m not conventionally attractive, but I think I have a good personality and a healthy sense of humour. I’m not Industrial Accident Ugly or anything, either.

Am I simply a victim of Take Home Whoever’s There At Closing Time? I’ve NEVER done this before, didn’t intend to that night, and don’t take what I did lightly. Please know that regardless of anything physical, I value the friendship we had and miss his presence in my life. After my one attempt at communication, I’m scared to try again because when he looks at me, I fear all he sees is a Skank.

I don’t like the thoughts this incident is playing in my head, like some bad movie I can’t shut off.

Any thoughts? Thanks for listening.

Erin Go Braless

Dear Erin,

From what you’ve told me, Conor is either 1) wigging or 2) embarrassed. If he’s wigging, it’s because he doesn’t want the relationship to go beyond friendship at the moment, and he’s dreading having to tell you that. If he’s embarrassed, it’s because he made a big play for you by suggesting the weekend trip and he feels like he got shut down.

Frankly, I’d go with “embarrassed” on this one. He’d probably waited in the high weeds for this opportunity, and now he feels like he blew it. Wait for him to turn up at the pub again, and if a week goes by and he’s still lying low, get him on the phone (or, better still, drop by his place) and tell him you have a feeling the two of you need to talk. Explain to him how much his friendship means to you, and that you don’t want to lose it, and that he needs to tell you what’s up with him. He might want to take the friendship to the next level; he might resolutely not want to do that. Either way, he’s got to let you know.

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